A/N: AH, WHAT AMAZING REVIEWS. I AM SO HAPPY.

Kah Aluada: I am SO happy to hear from you again, and so soon! I can't believe you've gotten so far in this story after finishing the first not that long ago. Thank you so, so very much for the kind words. I can't tell you how excited I was to see your review pop up. I understand your insecurities about writing in another language [I feel the same], but it makes it even more meaningful for me that you do because of the effort you've put in. And despite whatever insecurities you have, it was really beautifully written. Seriously - I was very moved and humbled that anyone could feel so strongly about my writing. I really can't properly express how gratifying it is to hear that you've become so invested in the characters and their growth. So thank you again and again for reading and going on this adventure with me! I hope you stay with me as we move on!

Also, I definitely have a soft spot for Barty too and had considered making his relationship with Rowan a little, uh, more adult haha. That damn David Tennant's Doctor is just too charismatic for his own good.

BeastlyBeauty: Holy crap, I can't thank you enough! I'm incredibly, ridiculously honored to be your first review, and I'm so glad that you've enjoyed the story this far. I'd considered writing some heavier scenes with Barty, but I could never find the right timing :/ Even so, I'm happy you like Rowan and my interpretation of the canon characters so much. I'm also SUPER PSYCHED that you gave Rowan x Remus ship names! I practically squealed when I read that haha. It's like they're a real thing and not some figment of my imagination. I'm sorry to say that there probably won't be any babies in the near future, but if/when there are, there most certainly will be a girl. It seems appropriate for Remus somehow, no?

Also, I love that song! It's in the trailer for the new Assassin's Creed, which is one of my favorite video games haha. I think it's awesome that you're associating songs with the story. I don't know if I can think of one that encapsulates the entire story off the top of my head, but I certainly relate specific music to individuals chapters or relationships.

missalex3030: Thank you so much! I know you know how much I love writing those chapters, so I'm really glad you're still enjoying them! And yeah, I'm really excited about Sirius and Peter's roles in the upcoming chapters and just about everything finally wrapping up with them in general. I hope work hasn't been too crazy recently! ^^

SMGF1: Aww I just feel bad for Peter nowadays, but yeah, he's pretty pathetic. As for Remus and Rowan, I'll leave up to you to interpret haha. It'll become pretty clear soon anyway. Thanks for the great review, as always!

REVIEW MEEEEE!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 60: Of Survivor's Melancholy

Rowan sat alone in the small London cafe that she frequented with Mina. It was a Muggle institution, but the two women appreciated it for its privacy. The Wizarding community was simply too small. One was bound to run into a familiar face while out in Diagon Alley or the like, so sometimes it was simply good for the spirit to just sink one's self into the depths of the Muggle world. This cafe, in particular, was off the beaten trail on a tiny street uninhabited by traffic, only familiar to the natives. Their tea wasn't the best, but it was good enough, and they always had chocolate croissants.

Two weeks had passed now since the mission at Dolohov Manor, and the chill of September was beginning to really set in. As she and her colleagues had discussed, they had gone ahead with their usual monthly experiment after procuring a brutal, medieval looking cage for Isaac. Rowan despised the idea of placing her benefactor in such a primitive device, but he had insisted that it was no bother to him. Fortunately, the experiment had gone according to plan without any real need for the cage, and Isaac had simply been able to sleep through the night. Rowan allowed herself to feel a bit of relief for the first time since losing Fabian. Perhaps they could really finish this without him.

Rowan hadn't seen Mina or Sirius since that chaotic Order meeting post-mission. While she had spent some time at the Potters' flat with James, Lily, and Harry since then, it seemed that the other couple was avoiding nearly everyone. The three had been hurt - Lily especially - but Rowan tried to rationalize that this was a confusing time for all of them, and they all had different methods of mourning. A quiet voice at the back of her head whispered that this wasn't how Sirius often coped - she knew James was thinking the same - but she pushed it away. Thinking like that wouldn't do her any good.

So swallowing her pride, Rowan had reached out to the two of them, inviting them out for tea casually. She'd half-expected to not receive any answer at all, so she'd been particularly pleased when Mina had responded with a yes - they should meet up in their usual place on Saturday.

Rowan sat nervously in her chair, hands fiddling with her teacup. She hadn't felt this anxious about being around Mina since they were perhaps 12 during her awkward pubescent years. She focused all of her energy on her cup, stirring it with a slow, controlled finger over the golden liquid. She tried to convince herself that if she concentrated on this menial task, she could keep her eyes off of the door.

"Having fun there?"

Rowan squeaked, hand jerking. With it, her tea splashed clumsily into the saucer. Rowan sputtered and steadied the cup before glancing up to see Mina looking down at her half-exasperated, half-amused. The small expression was so familiar. Rowan let out a large sigh of relief. She'd never been so happy to see Mina look at her that way.

"Sorry," she choked out. She cleared her throat, pushing down the sudden surge of emotion. It wouldn't do to get flustered right now.

Mina chuckled softly as she sat down, shrugging off her jacket. As she settled in the chair across from her, Rowan noted that Sirius was absent. She also noted the heavy circles beneath the brunette's eyes. The recent events had obviously not just been weighing heavily on her.

"Where's Sirius?" Rowan asked.

Mina's mouth twitched into that hard line that was becoming more and more familiar, and Rowan knew that Sirius was still bitter about what had transpired at Dolohov Manor. Rowan nodded in understanding before Mina even spoke.

"I'm sure you can guess," Mina answered tiredly. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment, seemingly out of habit. She shifted awkwardly for a moment before continuing. "He's still not convinced about... you know."

Rowan nodded, mouth taut in a grimace. She assessed her friend again.

"How are things?" she asked quietly, eyes melting with concern as she took in the dullness of Mina's hair, the lack of spark in her usually sharp features.

Mina let out a quiet breath, slowly. Rowan could see her fighting the instinct to sigh, as if it weren't appropriate or deserved. "To be expected," she said simply. She assessed her tea - Rowan had ordered it for her before she'd arrived. Holding the cup delicately, her fingers twitched slightly over the rim. "Busy at the office."

Rowan nodded. "I'm sure," she said sympathetically. "But how are things with you?"

Mina's mouth twitched upward into a sort of sheepish smile. "Tired," she mumbled. She seemed to turn a thought over in her head. "Very tired," she admitted. Her shoulders seemed to slump a bit, as if the air in her chest had released with the quiet admission. "I don't know. Floundering, I guess."

Rowan nodded again. "You want to talk about it?" she asked carefully. Mina had never been the most vocal about her emotions, but it was worth a shot, right? If her friend was to ever need a confidant, now was probably the time.

Mina stared dully into her cup, fingers clutching it hard. Rowan could nearly see them trembling with strain. Then her lip went, and with it - Rowan nearly gaped - her resolve. She could nearly see her barriers visibly coming down.

"I'm a right mess, Rowan," she whispered. "Moody's still in hospital, and the department is in disarray. Kingsley is doing his best to lead us - and he's doing well - but I just can't seem to hold it together. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like everything I do goes wrong. I even burned tea yesterday. How does anyone burn tea?"

Rowan watched her friend dissolve quietly in front of her. Her eyes glistened, but the tears didn't fall. Even at her lowest, Rowan was amazed at how composed Mina remained. She wasn't sure if she should praise her or slap her for being so hardheaded.

"I just don't know what to do," she continued quietly. Her lip trembled erratically suddenly, as a thought bubbled in her mind. Rowan could see her eyes crinkle with frustration as it floated around her mind. Finally, she seemed determined to voice it, perhaps out of sheer desperation to see it released. "It's all my fault."

Rowan blinked. "What is?"

Mina's lips trembled again, eyebrows furrowing. "All of it - the mission, the Prewetts, Moody... If I had been more prepared, if I'd foreseen all of this-" She stopped, choking slightly on her tears, which had finally spilled. She wiped them away furiously and stared back down into her tea, mouth twisting angrily.

Rowan gaped dumbly at Mina. "You can't be serious," she breathed. "Mina, there's no way you could have known this would happen. You did everything you could've done to prepare us for this mission. There's no way you could've foreseen this. How could you?"

Mina's mouth twisted even more. Her eyes clenched shut, as if trying to keep Rowan's reasoning out. "I know," she choked. Her head bowed with shame. "I know, but... Why? Why did this have to happen?" she whispered. "My first command, and it all went to shit. And now Molly and Arthur... and Moody... his leg - it's completely gone. I... I can't even face him."

Rowan's stomach churned. Rowan had never been good with tears, but seeing Mina - cool, composed Mina - so broken was nauseating. It seemed inherently wrong. But she thought of Moody and realized that Mina's relationship with the old Auror was much like hers and Belby's. Her throat tightened as her late master came to mind. If Belby had been injured during an experiment seemingly because of her decisions, she would have been in the same state. She'd been a wreck when he'd died - hadn't that also been indirectly because of her too? She pushed the thought away quickly. This wasn't about her.

"I know that telling you this won't help much, but I can promise you that this wasn't your fault," she whispered. She wanted to reach out to her but was scared the brunette might shatter if she did. "And I can promise that Moody doesn't think so either. Whatever happened - it's no one's fault but whoever betrayed us," she said bitterly. She bristled at the thought. "You did everything you were supposed to do. No one blames you, so you shouldn't either."

Mina's head remained bowed, her hair swaying lightly. Rowan looked down at her own cup for propriety's sake. It wasn't right to keep staring at her when she needed a private moment. She stole a quick glance around them and was silently grateful that they were the only patrons present. The girl at the counter was reading a Muggle magazine, apparently bored and unaware of their private exchange.

"Yeah."

Rowan looked back carefully to see Mina's head raised, eyes staring into her cup again. Her eyes were red, but they were dry. Her gaze was unfocused, tired, but the strain in her neck and shoulders was a little less.

"Yeah," she echoed quietly. She sighed quietly, closing her eyes once again. When they opened, they refocused and then looked up, meeting Rowan's gaze. Her lips twitched upward into a quiet smile. Rowan smiled back, and they shared a quiet moment. Rowan took a sip of her tea before sputtering. Mina raised an eyebrow. Rowan smiled sheepishly.

"It's cold," she mumbled. Mina let out a quiet laugh, and Rowan savored the sound. Mina took a sip of her own and winced.

"Freezing," she agreed. Rowan glanced over to the teenager at the counter - she was still distracted by her magazine - and then pulled out her wand with a mischievous grin.

"Calorus," she whispered, pointing at their cups. Steam began to rise from the tea. Mina took hold of hers, picking the cup up between praying palms. She took a sip and grinned broadly.

"Much better," she said. Rowan grinned back. They were both far from okay - they'd probably be that way for a while - but at least they could have this moment together. She was filled with a warmth that had nothing to do with the reheated tea.

"So how are you doing?" Mina asked.

Rowan's smile faltered. She looked down at the cup between her hands for a moment. Mina had just confided her worries to her - shouldn't she do the same?

"I don't know," she admitted quietly. Traces of her smile remained on her lips as she gazed down her cup. "I'm okay, I guess. I'm better. Work is going well."

Mina eyed her warily. "But...?" she continued. Rowan's lips quirked upward again in confirmation. "Remus?" she asked carefully.

Rowan's gaze darkened momentarily, but enough for Mina to catch. Her expression darkened as well.

"What did that prat do now?" she practically growled.

Rowan shrugged, suddenly very tired. "Nothing. Maybe it's my fault. I'm not sure," she said. "I haven't seen him in a week, to be honest."

Mina's eyebrows furrowed. "What?" she asked incredulously.

Rowan shrugged again. "I haven't seen him in a week," she repeated. "We rowed." Mina stared hard at her, indicating that she should continue. Rowan nearly sighed.

"There's a new head for his department at the I.C.E. now that Fabian's gone," she explained quietly. "Dempsey Greengrass."

Mina's face melted into a scowl at the mere name. Rowan nodded, grimacing.

"Yeah," she continued. "Well, he obviously knows what Remus is now. He gave him the option to resign instead of getting sacked - I guess he doesn't want to cause a scandal right after taking over the department. I-" She stopped and frowned. "I got angry," she said simply.

Mina's eyebrows furrowed again angrily. "Well, yes," she retorted plainly, "as you should be."

Rowan sighed. "That's what I said, but he... I don't know... He just kind of gave up, like he didn't see the point in fighting it. He kind of just walked out. I haven't seen him since," she explained dumbly.

Mina stared hard at her, as if sorting the words out in her head like a puzzle. "And that's it?" she finally asked. Rowan shrugged again. Mina's mouth tightened. "He just walked out." She gawped at Rowan, who couldn't meet her gaze. She felt a strange wave of shame wash over her, though she didn't know why.

"Have you tried to talk to him?"

Rowan shook her head. "No," she muttered. "He obviously doesn't want to talk to me. If he did, he'd seek me out - not like he doesn't have my key or anything."

Mina's mouth twisted angrily. Rowan could see the fire in her eyes again, though she couldn't be glad for it in this case. She could see her fighting the anger down.

"It's okay," Rowan said appeasingly. She smiled softly. "He needs some time to sort this out. He'll come find me when he's ready."

Mina's nostrils flared indignantly, but she swallowed her protests, staring huffily into her cup. Rowan smiled fondly at her - though her anger was often too quick, Rowan could always count on her to voice the anger and resentment she couldn't.

"You should go see James and Lily," she chided gently.

Mina's grimaced guiltily. "I know," she admitted. "It's just... difficult, you know? I just don't know who to trust anymore."

Rowan nodded. "Yeah, but we know for sure it wasn't them. And they understand - you don't need to give them any explanations. I'm sure they'd just be pleased to see you. Sirius, too."

Mina stared into her cup before nodding slowly. Her expression softened as she thought of the good, kind Potters. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I'll go see them this weekend." She looked up at Rowan stiffly. "Come with me?" she asked tinily.

Rowan grinned. "Pussy," she teased. Mina glared.

"Bitch."

Remus sat in the Potters' kitchen with Lily. James was at work, and though Lily had been easing back into her job at St. Mungo's, Remus had caught her on her day off. He wasn't sure why he'd come - he hadn't even told James - but there was something comforting about the redhead's presence. He nearly smiled - something motherly.

Harry was in his cradle sleeping, and Lily looked to be savoring the momentary reprieve. The two sat quietly, sipping their tea and enjoying the silence.

"So what's happened?" Lily finally asked.

Remus looked up from his cup with some confusion to see Lily gazing steadily at him. He frowned, but before he could say anything, she interrupted.

"Don't tell me nothing because I know it's not nothing. You only have that expression when something is wrong," she said. Her gaze softened slightly. "Did something happen with Winnie?"

Remus grimaced and shook his head. "No," he said. Then he thought it over for a moment. "Yes. I don't know. Sort of."

Lily frowned, and Remus sighed. How was it that this woman always pulled his problems out so thoroughly?

"I-" he started. Shame washed over him. He hadn't admitted it out loud since he and Rowan had fought. He felt even more shame as he thought of his girlfriend. It had been over a week since he'd walked out of her flat. He suddenly missed her terribly. "I lost my job," he said quietly. His ears burned.

Lily's face contorted with shock. "What?" she breathed. "What happened? How?" she followed up quickly.

Remus shook his head sadly. "There's a new head to replace Fabian - Dempsey Greengrass."

Lily's face took on a series of emotions - confusion, then understanding, and finally anger. Her eyes flashed indignantly. "Did he threaten you?" she hissed.

Remus shook his head. "No. Sort of," he answered. "He gave me the option to resign, which I've already done. I have another week there before I'm out of a job."

Lily's entire body seemed to tremble. "I- you-" she sputtered. Her anger seemed to grab hold of her tongue, rendering her unable to speak properly. Her face burned as red as her hair. Remus grimaced.

"He can't do that!" she finally roared. Her fist pounded the table, rattling the teacups. Remus grabbed his quickly to settle it, but Lily hardly noticed. "He can't! There has to be some kind of law against this! It's pure bigotry!"

Remus' grimace deepened. "There isn't. I'd know," he said bitterly. "Besides, it's already done. I've already sorted out my research for my replacement. The next week is really just a formality at this point."

But Lily continued to seethe. She bristled visibly, glaring into her cup. Remus watched her warily. She was more physically angry than Rowan had been, but it was still nothing compared to the dark-haired girl's outrage. He almost winced. She was probably deeply hurt. After all, he'd walked out on her again after promising that he'd never repeat his past mistakes.

But really, was he the only one who wasn't angry? Should he be angry? Yes, obviously he should, but every time he thought of it, he just felt tired. He was so tired. He was tired of living through his calendar, of ugly scars, of lying to himself and the people around him. Nothing during his 22 years on this earth had changed for people with his affliction. Sure, Rowan was close to finding a treatment, but it was no cure, and it was no change in legislation. Even if she did publish her treatment, would it change the way his people were treated?

"Rowan got angry too, didn't she?" Lily asked knowingly.

Remus looked up to see her gazing at him sadly now. His mouth tightened. He nodded. Lily stared hard at him.

"And?"

Remus blinked. "And what?"

Lily scowled. "And what did you do?"

Remus shrank back into his chair. "I walked out," he mumbled ashamedly.

Lily groaned. "You're a right idiot sometimes - did you know?"

"I know," Remus said quietly. "I just... I don't know what to say to her now. I don't know how to..." He trailed off and stared listlessly up at the ceiling, arms hanging limply at his sides. His mouth twisted sadly. Lily's gaze softened.

"I don't know what to tell you, but you should talk to her, you know?" she chided gently. "I realize that there's much more to what you're going through than any of us can understand, but I think if anyone can come close, it's her."

Remus shook his head sadly. "I know all of that," he said quietly, "but this is exactly why I left her to begin with. I've lost my job. Who knows when I'll find another? How can I expect her to support me while I'm unemployed? She's already got enough to worry about, and it's not like she has an income right now either. Just because she can support the both of us doesn't mean that she should. How can I ask her to do all of that?" His shoulders slumped despairingly. "There's no way I can-" he trailed.

There it was. There was no way he could ask her to marry him now.

Lily gazed at him sadly, knowingly. Remus wanted to bury his face with shame. He knew she could see it all over his expression.

"Remus, now isn't the time for pride," she said quietly. "No matter how cruel and unfair it all is, you're going to encounter prejudice like this again and again. If Rowan is willing to face it with you - to fight it with you - shouldn't you accept it?"

"I-" he started. He didn't know how to answer. "I don't know."

He stared down into his tea. It was a golden amber, like the color of Rowan's eyes. He gazed despairingly into it.

This life of shutting doors and frightened faces - shouldn't he accept it?

Should Rowan?

He shook himself and looked up at the woman across the table. The green of her eyes seemed a little less vivid than usual. There were some new lines at the corner of her mouth. He frowned.

"You haven't been sleeping," he noted.

Lily shot him a look and grimaced. "That obvious, huh?" she said sheepishly. She sighed, leaning onto her elbows on the table. Her hair had been tied back, seemingly out of fatigue rather than choice. He noted that her jumper hung on her frame a little more loosely than usual. The frown deepened.

"Did something happen?" he asked concernedly.

Lily smiled tiredly. "Hmm... I don't know if I'd say that something happened. Maybe more like something might happen. I don't know," she said cryptically. "It's nothing to worry yourself over now though. When we're ready to tell you, we will."

This didn't assuage Remus' concerns, but before he could protest, a soft cry was heard from down the hall. Lily stood slowly with a sigh.

"Looks like grown-up time is over, huh?" she joked tiredly. "I'll be back in a minute. He probably just needs a change." And with that, she pattered out of the kitchen to take care of Harry, leaving Remus with perhaps more questions than he had had answered.