Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
Edward's POV
"Hello?" I said, answering a call from Carlisle.
It's not often we get calls from my house but I had recognised the number and I could sense something bad about this already.
"Edward? It's Carlisle. I think it's best if you come over" he advised.
I was right; this already sounded rather serious. If only I could read minds over the phone then I wouldn't even need to ask the following question.
"What is it?" I asked concerned.
I heard him sigh down the phone, probably deciding whether or not to tell me now. I didn't see the harm in it because I was going to find out when I get there anyway.
"Edward I...I know...about Jasper" he revealed.
I was shocked but I wasn't sure if I was happy or not. I have waited so long for somebody else to find out Jasper's secret without me having to betray him but yet again, Carlisle knows how serious this secret is and how much damage Jasper has caused himself just because I hadn't told anybody soon enough. Jasper had gotten a whole lot worse.
"I'll be there in ten" I stated and then hung up without saying goodbye.
"What is it?" Bella questioned as she noticed my expression.
"I have to go. You stay here with Renesmee" I instructed before running out of the house without further question.
One day; I had been away from the house for one day and Jasper had already managed to hurt himself again. Well either that or he admitted the truth which I highly doubt. But they were supposed to be keeping tabs on him. Carlisle said that he would make sure that he was being watched by at least one person and hunting with two just in case he tried to do anything stupid again. Maybe Alice saw it. Or maybe he thought he was alone so he bit himself only to find out that there was somebody there after all.
As soon as I reached my first Cullen house, I ran straight in to find Carlisle who was already waiting for me in his study.
"Where is Jasper?" I asked as soon as I opened the door.
"With Alice" he replied calmly.
Despite the tone of his voice, he was concerned for Jasper. He wondered if he got to her without any further injuries. Yes, he definitely knew about the self harm.
"Jasper had told me that he had been doing this ever since he left Maria, so I assume that you knew about this ever since Alice and Jasper joined out family. That's 64 years Edward" he stated.
I knew he was disappointed in me; especially because I could have prevented Jasper from getting so bad, even if that meant him losing all the trust that he had in me. Who am I kidding? He doesn't trust me at all; not anyone. He was even waiting for the moment that I reveal his secret.
"I know. I just didn't want to hurt him mentally. We have all tried so hard just to earn his trust but it was me he had been relying on most because I was the only one that knew this" I explained.
"And I'm sorry for you to be put in such a difficult position. Edward, do you...Know the reason why he feel the need to inflict such pain?" He questioned.
Yes. Yes I did and if I went through the same thing he had, I would have probably ended up the same; shy, skittish, a self hater, untrusting. It was torture just to hear it from him so the fact that this had actually happened to him just made me feel sick towards his former coven. How could have he lived like that? I was just glad that he had befriended the right person. I knew how important Peter was to him and I even heard how he spent a lot of his time protecting him from the harm of Maria. If it wasn't for Jasper, he wouldn't have even got out of there. Then again, neither would have Jasper. So they actually kept each other both alive.
"I do but..."
"I know; you don't want to share it. It's understandable but I really need some idea" Carlisle pleaded.
He was right. Jasper would never tell Carlisle anything about his past. It was all down to me and if Carlisle didn't know the main reason why he was feeling so troubled, then he couldn't help him.
"It's obvious that Jasper was brought up differently to us. His behaviour proved it but...we all thought it was the newborns. Well, it wasn't. He doesn't even fear them. He fears her" I stated.
"Maria" Carlisle whispered.
I nodded to confirm it. Jasper was always ashamed to admit his fear of her because she was a female but it was definitely there. I didn't need his gift to figure that out.
"I don't want to give you the details but...she hurt him. It's how she kept him under control. That's why his behaviour is always too perfect here. He still holds that fear that you would turn into her"
Carlisle had always suspected that she was the reason why Jasper feared him. Jasper tried so hard to avoid disappointing Carlisle and by doing so he refused to admit the burning pain he was going through at school or how he felt scared to death when the Denali's visited. He just thought that if he gave any reason for Carlisle to be disappointed in him or if he was to display any weakness, then he would get hurt just like Maria did to him.
"I have just been waiting for that time where he would finally feel part of the family. I need him to trust us" Carlisle sighed.
"Yeah well, Maria ruined that for us. The thing is we thought we knew his past when we heard his story but...that was only half of it. Jasper started off as second in command but...things happened. Maria came across somebody stronger, somebody with a gift that seemed much useful to her than Jasper's. After that she found another use for him but...that's something I'd rather not share. It's best to wait for him to open up" I explained.
It wasn't only because I didn't want to reveal too much about Jasper to him but it was also because I don't think I could even manage putting what she did to him into words. There were so many things she had done, each of them destroying him piece by piece. But it was easy to pick out the one that was, by far, the worst; the one that affected his relationship with Alice without her even realising it.
"So...Maria was abusive towards him?" Carlisle questioned.
I nodded at him. Carlisle thought that he was just putting it simple but in truth, he was actually sugar coating it. It was a whole lot worse than just being 'abusive'.
Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice
"Jasper's back" I informed.
And going by the words in his mind, it was clear that he knew I was here. Was there really any point in hiding his mind from me now? Or was he just generally thinking about her.
He's going to be angry at me.
"And he's panicking at the thought of facing you" I revealed to him.
I heard the thoughts of Alice and Rosalie next. Rosalie didn't have a clue what was going on but was worried for Jasper none the less but Alice...she knew. She knew too! I heard Jasper as he climbed through his bedroom window which is something he does a lot and it wasn't long until Alice followed.
"May I be excused? I might be able to convince him to see you again" I explained.
At Carlisle's nod, I walked out of his study and headed to Alice and Jasper's room. Alice, too, might be able to convince him but I was the one that knew the truth of his past. If I was to mention it to him and explain that it would be easiest to tell Carlisle, then he might actually do it; especially because this could stop all of his suffering. Jasper needed to do what was best for him.
"Edward...just be careful" Alice whispered as she left Jasper in his room.
She was going to give us some space since she knew that I was going to try and help him. I nodded at her and I got a grateful smile in return. I walked into the room as I was hit with sudden depression and stress. Jasper was sitting on the bed with his knees brought up to his chest a he glared at the wall in front of him.
"Hey Jazz" I said softly.
Go away
He thought clearly. So he wasn't in a talking mood. Or did he just not want the others hearing in?
"What happened?" I asked.
I don't know. Is he mad? I got angry but I shouldn't have disobeyed him. He's my coven leader; I was supposed to listen to him.
Hearing this wasn't new. Similar things always slipped through his mind when he accidentally lost control, feeding from a human. No matter how many times Carlisle had proved him wrong, it always scared him at the possibilities of being right.
"He's worried about you. Can't you sense that?"
I don't know what I can sense anymore. This is all too overwhelming. I just thought that was coming from Alice.
I tend to feel the same when I'm in new places. I hear so many voices but have no idea who they are coming from but because Forks was such a small town, it got easier since I knew what topics each person tended to think about. It was the same with this family. If I heard something about shopping it was Alice, strength and sex was Emmett, cars and sex was Rosalie, family, patients and even Jasper lately, was Carlisle, family was mainly Esme and then there was my wife who I couldn't read at all.
"Well, everybody is worried about you. Besides, I'm sure you can't sense any anger" I assured.
I messed up, Edward.
"No you didn't. This was god saying that this has gone too far. He's the one fixing this for you" I suggested.
You're joking right? God? We're vampires, Edward. What the hell has god got to do with anything? I didn't even realise you were religious.
"I'm not; but that doesn't mean that I can't believe in him. Don't you?" I questioned.
I used to when I was human but if god was real, he wouldn't have done this to me. I would have died in war, not being bitten by some supernatural creature that I have become.
"But maybe he realised that the perfect person for you had not yet been born; that he had to keep you in existence so that you could meet her" I suggested.
Exactly; if god was real, he wouldn't have sacrificed the life of one of his angels just to give her to somebody like me and suffer with me for the rest of eternity.
Although it was just a voice I could hear, I could hear the amount of spite in it. He really did hate himself for coming across Alice. It really annoyed me that negative emotions came to Jasper crystal clear but for some reason, it was so difficult for him to sense the emotion of love. Did he really not realise how happy Alice was when he was around?
"Jasper, no matter what I say, you're just going to find a reason to shake it off so I'm just going to say this. Carlisle has spent the past three hours worried sick about you. I don't care if you believe it or not but it's true. He has spent over 60 years doing his best to make you feel part of the family but no matter what he does, you still view him as nothing more than another coven leader waiting to strike you; just like her. You always feel ashamed for letting Maria do what she did but you don't feel that way towards Carlisle even though he has put in so much effort and not getting what he wants in return. You want to find something that would make him happy? Be his son; not some sort of outcast member of a coven you didn't want to be a part of. Let him help you because that's what he wants and what you need"
And with that, I left Jasper in his room alone, not giving myself time to read his thoughts. If he wanted to stop his pain and suffering, it was up to him to make the right choice. He has spent too long making the wrong decision but it was about time that it all changed.
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