I am back with another chapter. I couldn't connect to the internet for a while so I decided to write a chapter for every one of my stories so when I get the internet back (today) I would have 4 different updates so for those who are reading all four, I hope I surprised you
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight
Edward's POV
We were getting there.
Carlisle knows the basics of what has been going on and now he is suspecting the truth of the most evil thing that Maria had been doing to him. One of the things I hated about reading minds was hearing the thoughts when any of the couples were doing their 'business' within hearing distance of me. Mostly it was Emmett and Rosalie but although it is very rare, the mind I hate to hear the most during this lustful time was Jasper's.
Whenever they did actually have sex or at least do something sexual, they mostly either waited until I was out hunting or now I have my own place, I am there or they would do it out in the forest but there have been the occasional times when I have been within hearing distance and the thoughts running through Jasper's mind terrifies both me and him.
One minute it's about Alice, her beauty and thinking sexually about her and the next, it's about Maria and the way she tortured him into having sex with her. There had been this one time where I had wondered if Jasper had deserved Alice at all because of the way he thought of her like that. It was like he was waiting for her to force herself onto him but it never happened. I shrugged that thought off though because after everything that Maria had done to Jasper, it was obviously going to affect him badly. Alice would just need to wait for him to heal to stop thinking like that but in order to do that, he would need Carlisle to help him out.
Carlisle was the nearest to the possible help he could get. If Jasper was human, he would probably see some sort of counselor and be put on medication too but being a vampire made things difficult. It wasn't often that you would come across a vampire that would need 'help' but Jasper happens to be one of those rare ones.
I wonder if Peter's okay. We have seen him a few times and he appeared normal but then again, so did Jasper. It was Jasper's mind that gave me the information. Like Jasper, Peter had an animalistic side of him so it was difficult to get a good read on him since his mind is on Charlotte or Jasper. This gave me enough information that he wasn't treated as bad as Jasper had because he didn't think for the slightest second that Charlotte would turn on him whereas Jasper has the occasional moments where he thinks that it's a possibility that Alice could hurt him.
Carlisle had been considering whether or not to bring Peter and Charlotte to see Jasper and to help us help him. It would either make things better or worse. By worse, I mean bring Jasper's memories flashing back. Every time they visit Jasper, he has constant mood swings. One moment he could be glad they are here and spends time with them; specifically Peter and the next, a flashback could hit him without them even realising it and he would be in depression for the rest of the night.
Since Jasper is now worse than ever, Peter and Charlotte visiting might affect him badly and Carlisle, nor I didn't want to risk that but then again, Peter knows things that nobody else does. He saw what only I could hear and when I say saw, I mean it. I felt sick to my stomach when I had heard from Jasper's flashback that Peter was forced to watch Maria mark him as hers. I felt sick enough knowing that she did it at all. It was perfectly understandable how it made things difficult for Alice and I'm just glad that she remained patient before having a sexual relationship with Jasper.
Carlisle was still undecided whether or not to contact Jasper's brother in war but at the moment, he was relying on trust. Maria had also affected the relationship between Jasper and Carlisle due to the fact that Maria had been the leader of the coven and that's how Jasper views Carlisle; a leader rather than a father and yet again, part of that annoyed me. Jasper had witnessed Carlisle being nothing but a harmless father figure for over 60 years yet Jasper still remained on his best behaviour in fear that Carlisle would punish him.
That wasn't all that annoyed me though. During his time in the south, Maria had set newborns onto him; letting them scar his skin and today he still feels that Carlisle might, just might, set Emmett and I onto him to scar him some more. He doesn't think it as much as he used to but it still crosses his mind. At least he knows that Carlisle wouldn't punish him sexually like his previous coven leader had.
The hunt with Jasper, Carlisle and I had been….okay. Jasper held back on a lot of the answers he gave Carlisle and as soon as our father questioned about his sexual relationship with Alice that had been affected by Maria, Jasper had gone quiet. That was when Carlisle started to figure out the truth. The truth about how dark Maria could be. He won't even look Carlisle in the eye now. But then again, I got that response every time I heard another tortured flashback from him.
The last time I had seen Jasper was when Rosalie had taken him back into the forest demanding that he needed to hunt since he didn't actually kill when Carlisle and I had taken him out not long before to 'talk'. Whenever Rosalie told Jasper to do something, Jasper would do it but although she would be the sort of person to take advantage of it because she can be spiteful, she doesn't with Jasper. She only tells him to do things for his own good. Perhaps if she tells him to stop biting himself, it's possible that he might miraculously stop.
I don't think it quite works like that though. What would work is if Rosalie told him to spill everything because he really would tell her everything, including the details. It had something to do with fear but he didn't fear her the way he feared everybody else. The thing is, Jasper has his reason for being afraid of everyone in the family which all reflected back to Maria.
As said before, he's scared of Carlisle because he is viewed as the leader just like Maria, he is afraid of Emmett because of his appearance just like a newborn, he fears Alice because of the sexual side just like with Maria, he's even afraid of Esme because of the gentle personality, just the way Maria had started.
But the reason why the fear of Rosalie was different to the others was because it was both strongest and the faintest. Rosalie reminds Jasper of Maria the most. It was her bitchy attitude, her confidence to get her own way and how controlling she was (especially to the one who looked most like a newborn). It didn't scare Jasper away though. If anything, it actually drew him to her. It had something to do with Maria being his creator. He would never go back to Maria so instead, he would remain near the one who appears to be a stunt double. The blond haired version. The thing is, vampires create a special bond with their creator but because Maria had damaged Jasper so badly, she ruined that therefore he was looking for another to replace that bond and that 'other' vampire happened to be Rosalie because of all the similarities she shares with Maria but of course, Rosalie would never hurt Jasper the way his creator did; in fact, Rosalie wouldn't hurt Jasper at all. She loves him like a real sister would.
Like Jasper, Rosalie was the other vampire that didn't view her own coven as a family. She went along with it, yes, but she didn't actually view Alice as a sister or me as a brother but with Jasper, it was different. She really felt a bond with him but Jasper's gift was so focused on the negative emotions that he usually failed to notice this.
He fails to notice anything good about his life.
Rosalie's POV
I watched as Jasper dragged away the dead elk with his teeth as his eyes calculated how far I was from him. It was nothing to worry about. This was just Jasper in his usual hunting mode. He had made his kill and now he is going to drink it from a safe distance but those who will attempt to steal his meal, he will not hesitate to attack and possibly kill them.
Understanding Jasper's behaviour during hunting, Carlisle had warned us to not approach Jasper when he is feeding. Because Carlisle had brought us up to act human, we never had a cautious behaviour when hunting but Jasper was a true vampire and he would always have that part of him. Hunting wasn't the only animalistic thing he did but it was probably the most dangerous if approached. Even Alice had to keep a distance. That's also why it was a dangerous task to pull Jasper away from the strong smell of blood because the second he goes into hunting mode, you will not want to get in his way; especially because he is the most experienced one out of all of us.
Once he was satisfied with the distance between us, Jasper began to drain the elk from the throat but occasionally stopped to growl at the sound of a bird or squirrel moving in the trees. Well one thing was for sure; whether it was hunting Jasper or normal Jasper, the smallest sound would alert him causing him to either flinch or growl; it depends what mood he is in and who he is around.
As soon as he had finished drinking, he watched me for a few minutes. I had no idea why but it was just a thing Jasper did. He always looked at people strangely and it sure scared the humans. Sometimes the look means 'I'm thirsty and I might just kill you soon', sometimes it was 'why do I feel lust coming from you every time you eye up my mate?' That was probably the times he purposely made his look scary just to keep the males off Alice but that strange look meant other things too. He even did it when he was focusing on changing people's emotions but the way he was looking at me now was him testing my emotions and he would keep looking at me like that until he has me figured out.
Soon enough, he just backed off and relaxed. I jumped down from the tree that I was in and walked towards Jasper but I remained wary just in case he wasn't fully out of his hunting mode. He didn't look like he was about to attack and wasn't even tense so I assumed that he was good.
I sat down beside him while he appeared to be licking the fresh blood off his teeth. His ears twitched at the sound of yet another squirrel in the tree and let out a small growl. He was probably use to doing that in the southern wars. Every time he heard a noise, he would growl as a warning to not attack. If they knew Jasper well, they wouldn't even try it unless they wanted to kill themselves.
"How are you holding up?" I asked him.
His face turned to me yet again but it wasn't the typical pained look that he usually held; it was more of a plain expression so I couldn't really tell how he felt but then again, Jasper was good at hiding things from us as we have recently experienced.
From the moment he had joined our family, we knew that he would be hard work. Not in the 'Emmett kind of way' since he, too, can be described as that from school teachers. He has graduated from school many times yet Emmett still pretends that he is an idiot. I don't understand why he likes the title of 'the idiot Cullen' but then again, I'm proud of my title of 'the bitch Cullen' or 'spiteful' as Edward and Carlisle like to put it more appropriately.
Jasper's title was given straight away from school students. Every new school we attend, we hear people talking about us but when it reaches the topic about Jasper, they specifically talked about his pained look and why he looked that way. Some even came to the conclusion about being an abused child which was why he was later adopted. It's almost as if they had Edward's gift.
Anyway, that how he gained the title of 'the pained Cullen'. His facial expression is so damn obvious because the burn in his throat craving for human blood, depression and the pain from keeping in all of his negative emotions pile up into one big problem which could knock a human out if they felt what Jasper did.
Before we even discovered Jasper's suicidal side, we knew how delicate he was. He was just so sensitive with words and emotions. It was very easy to hurt his feeling yet so difficult to make him feel better. All in all, he's really complicated but that didn't stop me from trying.
Unlike anybody else, I respect him though I don't show it. I like to know that I can help him but ever since the whole 'trying to burn himself alive' thing, I haven't really had a chance to make him feel better. It was mainly because Carlisle, Alice and Edward have smothered him. Carlisle wanted answers, Alice wanted to make him feel better and Edward just liked being an asshole and made things more difficult for Jasper whether he realised it or not. I'm sure that Jasper has even attempted to avoid me but with me that's impossible; nobody hides from me.
"Please don't tell me that your intention to take me hunting was the same reason as Carlisle's" he pleaded.
Well he had me there. It wasn't fully the reason; I mean, Carlisle took him out to get more information out of him but I didn't need information. I already knew it. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. I simply wanted him to know that I understand and that he does have somebody else to talk to because he sure as hell wasn't going to talk to Edward because Jasper hated him as much as I do.
"You don't need to tell me anything new. I just want to talk to you about the stuff I already know" I admitted.
He nodded at that, relieved that he didn't need to open up to me about everything. I didn't want to do that to Jasper. I knew that if I told him to tell me everything he would literally tell me the whole lot but to be honest, I don't think I could handle knowing the details of what really happened to my brother. The things that I was already sure of had sickened me enough and with a past like my own, I know what sick meant. What Jasper had gone through was a lot worse and I hated that he spent several decades going through all of that whereas my pain lasted a single night.
"Well I guess that sounds better than what Carlisle has in mind for me" he said in a monotone. "Okay then, what do you want to talk about first?" He asked nervously.
I smiled at him which he soon returned. It had been a while since I last saw a grin from his face.
"I want to know why you did it; that night" I reminded him.
The smile had faded but he remained thoughtful. He wasn't hiding his emotions like I thought he would.
"I don't know. That night, I wasn't me. I didn't even realise what I had done until Edward stopped me but for some reason, I still didn't regret it" Jasper admitted.
I put my hand on his lower arm in support. "I'm so glad we didn't lose you, Jasper. I have no idea what it would be like without you" I replied sadly.
To be honest, until we can find a way to heal him, he is already lost; lost in memories, lost in war and lost in pain but he wasn't lost with us; not yet.
"I'm glad too. They would probably end up all blaming each other" he mumbled.
It was true. Alice would blame herself for not seeing the vision any sooner, Edward would blame himself for not getting there any sooner, Emmett would probably blame himself for just standing there watching him for too long and Carlisle would blame himself for not seeing the signs any sooner. Actually, take that back because he is already blaming himself for that. Both Esme and I can't come up with any reason but we still feel as if we were to blame too.
"What about your arms? I saw the fresh scars the other day when I found you in the woods with Alice. Am I correct in assuming that it's your way in dealing with pain?" I questioned him.
He smiled at that but it wasn't the usual smile; it was a sad one.
"You sure are good at this, aren't you?" He noted.
It only confirmed my suspicions about the bites being self-inflicted. I sighed sadly at him.
"Don't do it again, Jazz. Promise me" I begged.
He let out a waves of different emotion which appeared to be appreciation, respect and admiration.
"I can't promise anything but I am glad that you care enough to ask and for that, I'll do my best to please you. I don't like disappointing people" he replied.
I already knew that he hated disappointment because he already does his best to avoid it; in fact, he avoids it so much that he ends up pushing himself too far.
"I know. And I'm happy that you're willing to try" I told him.
He gave me yet another appreciated smile. I had seen him smile more in the last ten minutes than I had in the whole month. If he keeps it up, it might even beat the amount of times he has smiled this year. What I am saying is that Jasper doesn't smile. It's very rare for him to do so but he should definitely do it more often because it makes him look cute. It makes people see the side that Alice sees since the main times he smiles was when he was alone with Alice.
"Can I ask you one more thing? It's just I'm really curious whether it's true or not. I mean, the way you act around everyone, including Alice make me suspect it even more. So if I ask you this question, I would really appreciate the truth and if the answer is yes, I want you to remember that I know how you feel" I told him.
He looked a little nervous as he tried to prepare for whatever question I was going to throw at him. If he was going to be honest to anyone about this subject, it would be me and yet again, it had something to do with my past. I was unsure about how to put the question but like I usually do, I just came straight out with it.
"Did Maria ever rape you?" I asked gently.
He stiffened at the question and clenched then unclenched his jaw. He was now showing obvious signs of anxiety but he was trying to fight against it. He looked away and closed his eyes while taking an unnecessary deep breath. That was actually one of the fewest human things he does. Despite not needing to breathe, we still find it easier to relax when taking a breath.
When he looked back at me, his face was more pained than I had ever seen it before; like I had figured out his biggest, darkest secret. Was this it? Was this the biggest reason to why Jasper acts the way he does?
Without hesitation, I put my hand around his shoulder and pulled him closer to me. He leaned his head on my shoulder, accepting my comfort.
"It's alright Jasper. Everything will be alright. She can't hurt you anymore" I whispered to him.
I am sure that if he was human, he would have had tears falling from his eyes and I might have been too. His reaction to my question confirmed that it was in fact true. He just wasn't ready to verbally admit it. What really made me feel so emotional about this was because I had been through the same thing once and it only took that one time to make me feel damaged but Jasper was with Maria much longer than he has been with us so I don't believe for a second that this had only happened to him once.
I stopped myself thinking any further on the subject, knowing that Jasper was more sensitive to negative emotions than he was to the positive ones. Instead, I focused on how we were going to make this better. I couldn't let my brother suffer like this any longer.
Wow, this is the longest chapter that I have ever written so far. Be happy!
You guys should know that the second half of the chapter which was in Rosalie's POV was an idea from 'Maria5798' so most of the credit should go to her. She's the reason this chapter is longer than usual.
Would you guys like a chapter of the first time Alice and Jasper made love so that you can see how difficult Jasper was finding it and how gentle Alice had to be? And which POV would be better? Alice or Jasper's?
Reviews will be great!