Hello my fanfiction friends. This chapter is a little different. It's not one of Jasper's flashbacks but it's not part of the present story either. This is what happened many years before. In my last chapter, I had asked if you would like me to write about Jasper and Alice's first time of making love which some of you wanted to read. It's not too detailed because my aim off this is to help you understand Jasper's behaviour after what Maria had done to him sexually and how gentle and patient Alice had to be. There are two different parts of his which is their first 'attempt' and then their 'first time'. The first half is longer than I had expected so the second will be in the next chapter.

Jasper's POV- 1 year and a half after meeting Alice.

We had been spending the day wondering in the mountains, relaxing after spending the past few months in search of the Cullen's. I wasn't exactly keen on meeting the mysterious vegetarian family but it wasn't anything personal. I just didn't like the idea of being close to other vampires. Alice was an exception. I have no idea what made me follow her but I just felt drawn to this angel. And she had even waited years just for my arrival although I have no idea why. I wasn't anything special; especially with a past like mine. But despite all that, I had chosen the selfish option of staying close to her; troubling her though I haven't a clue how she could be so patient with me.

I could feel how she felt about me and I, too, can return it but I had a difficulty expressing it. I felt comfortable to kiss her but cuddling was something I couldn't handle. My past is to blame for that as the thought of newborns managing to get their arms around me in order to kill me always comes to mind. I hate how the thoughts of newborns objective to kill me come back to me every time such a delicate angel does something new. It wasn't fair on her yet I can't stop thinking of her being like the others.

I even had my suspicions of Alice trying to act nice and caring the way Maria had before she turned on me but at the moment, she is still just full of love.

"It's so beautiful up here, Jazz" Alice commented.

We were sitting at the edge of the mountain, gazing at the stars like any normal romantic couple would do. I may not be normal but it was something that Alice wanted to do in order to feel more human since she couldn't remember her life as one.

"It is" I agreed.

Alice was sitting by my side with her head leaning against my shoulder and a hand linked with mine. She occasionally put a hand on my chest which helped me feel relaxed. Some of her touches helps me feel relaxed but other touches made me panic. I kissed her on the temple making Alice turn her head so that she could kiss me.

I smiled at the touch of her lips on mine and kissed her back. She gently put her hand through my hair and I was proud of myself for not tensing at that. I used to because her hand was so close to my neck but we worked on it together and now I don't mind it. I think I trust her enough to not want to kill me.

"I love you so much" Alice whispered.

I radiated the emotions I felt towards her so that she knew I loved her too as we continued to kiss again. Her tongue started to find her way into my mouth as I accepted it. Her free hand began to roam my body whereas mine rested on her back. It was something to do with anxiety. This was my first true relationship with a girl therefore I had relied on Alice to make the first move but this was, too, her first since she doesn't remember her previous life. But the thing is, she seems to hold the confidence that I don't have. She was always willing to try new things but went slowly because she knew how hard I was finding this.

Alice soon put a hand on my chest and pushed my back onto the ground before climbing on top of me. This was something that I should definitely work on. The thought of a vampire on top of me reminded me of two things; the newborns trying to kill me and Maria trying to….own me. But this was Alice; gentle Alice. I have to remind myself that.

"It's okay, baby. It's alright" Alice whispered as she put a hand on my cheek.

She had noticed or even felt my tense body. She didn't remove herself because if she did, I would never improve. I just have to face this and remember that Alice isn't Maria. If I told her to stop, she would. I forcefully nodded at her to let her know that I was okay so that she could carry on doing whatever she had in mind.

Once she knew I was calm enough, she pressed her lips against mine again. My hands return to her back, pulling her closer to me. I just had that urge to have her so close to my skin. Our kisses grew deeper as Alice's hand moved down from my chest to my torso.

Alice. This is Alice. This is not Maria. She does not want to hurt me.

As long as I keep reminding myself this, I will be okay. I cannot let Alice down; I knew what she wanted but it wasn't the same intention as Maria. No, Alice wanted to do this to express her love for me whereas Maria did this to hurt and humiliate me; proving how weak I was.

Stop; I can't think about Maria. Not now. Not while I was having this moment with Alice.

Alice's hand reached the waist band of my trousers which was when I tensed up again and held an unneeded breathe. Alice noticed but her hand didn't move away, neither did it get any lower. She just waited for me to calm down. I guess it was a method she used with me; going slow and steady.

"Is this okay?" She asked quietly.

Like I said, Alice wouldn't do anything that I didn't want her to do.

"Yeah, just….just give me a minute" I stuttered.

Alice! Not Maria! Stop thinking that this is Maria! She doesn't deserve to be thought of this way.

I clenched my jaw before unclenching it and nodded at her; letting her go on. She kissed me gently again, in a way to tell me that it's okay. She then removed herself off me so that she could undo my belt buckle. I kissed her needlessly as she did this in order to take my mind off the anxiety. I did want this! I will not let Maria ruin what I wanted from this angel.

Once my belt buckle was loose, Alice's hand slowly worked its way down my boxers until she reached my length and began to stroke me gently. I was already hard in her hand as I moaned in her mouth. Unlike Maria, Alice was gentle and kept an eye on how I was holding up. I knew that she would stop once I start panicking but right now, I was doing fine.

The kisses became more desperate as Alice started to speed up. My grip on her shirt tightened with both pleasure and anxiety. Holding onto Alice usually helped with that. Alice moved her kisses further down to my neck.

Alice. Not Maria. Not a newborn. She will not bite you. She will not try to rip your head off. It's just Alice.

She stopped pumping me as she began to unbutton my shirt; her lips still kissing my neck. Alice had seen my scars before after a lot, and I mean a lot of coaxing. She had surprised me when I hadn't felt disgust from her. All that I could feel was sadness. She said that she hated what had been done to me although she doesn't know the truth behind the scars.

It was because she had seen them before why I was allowing her to view them again as she took my shirt off. I still feared that she would change her mind and realise how disgusting my body really was but she didn't even take any notice of them.

"Jazz, do you wanna try?" She asked gently.

Unlike Maria, Alice was actually waiting for my permission. I felt rather pathetic to be honest. In the real world, it's the guy that's patient with the girl, it's the guy that has to be gentle with the girl and it's the guy who has to ask for the girls permission. Maria did this to me but I was still the one to blame. I shouldn't be this weak.

I had to prove myself to her. I had to show Alice that I was strong enough to do this. I forcefully nodded my head again.

"No, Jazz. I want to hear you say it. I don't want to force you" Alice whispered sadly.

Just hearing that she didn't want to force me mad me realise how much of an angel she was. She was nothing like Maria; nothing like her.

"If we don't try, it's never gonna happen. I need to try" I spoke nervously to her.

She put her forehead against mine and looked at me deep in the eyes and sighed.

"We'll try but the second you want to stop, promise me that you will say it" she begged.

Part of me worried that she knew what Maria had done to me. She just acted like I was vulnerable in sexual situations and made sure that I was okay with everything she tried. Perhaps it was the mate instincts kicking in.

"I will" I assured.

After that, I began to kiss her again but I had to tear my lips away when she removed her shirt but my lips only returned back to hers. Once her shorts were removed, she climbed on top of me and began to kiss me more deeply again. I had to reassure myself again that this was only Alice on top of me. Why did I have to be such a nervous wreck?

"How do you want to do this?" She asked, gently.

"Em…I don't…however you want" I stuttered, anxiously.

I have learnt that it was always best to give the females what they wanted. I didn't want to feel like I was controlling her.

"Jazz, show me what would be most comfortable for you" she begged.

She really didn't like me when I was nervous did she? She was worried about me. The truth was, the only way I way familiar with was with both of my arms being held back by newborns as Maria climbed on top of me and did what she wanted until she got bored. I wasn't familiar with way to have sexual intercourse without feeling the torture and force behind it.

"I don't know" I mumbled.

"Well would you rather you be on top?" She questioned me.

See, this was the problem. I guess sex was more often with the guy on top but I didn't like the feeling of control yet if I was the one at the bottom, I was vulnerable. But not with Alice. I can't think like that with her.

"I want to try it this way" I mumbled to her.

She lifted my chin up with her finger to kiss me on the lips again.

"If this doesn't work, there's always a next time" she said quietly.

"I know" I replied before kissing her again.

She pulled back to pay attention to my hard length again. She gave it a few more pumps before placing herself on top of it. I lifted my back off the ground so that I could still kiss while I was inside her.

Both of her hands were tangled in my hair as mine were on her back as she moved her body up and down. I kept taking unnecessary breaths to keep my anxiety levels down. I may be a vampire but the nerves still affected me greatly. My eyes were closed as our tongues battled for dominance.

My gift told me that she was happy and full with lust and I was too. I was rather proud of myself that I had made it this far but as soon as I opened my eyes again, I saw her face.

Her face. Not Alice, but her. The monster that ruined me.

"Stop! Stop, stop, please stop" I panicked.

At that, Alice broke apart from me as I clenched my eyes shut and then opened them again. Why had I seen Maria's face? How could I have been so sick to even view her face on Alice?

"Jazz, baby are you okay?" She asked, worried.

I hated it when she worried about me; I didn't deserve it. She cuddled up close to me, letting my head fall on her shoulder. One of the methods to help my comfort was Alice's scent. I preferred it when my nose was right by her neck because that's where the smell was strongest.

"I'm sorry" I whispered to her.

"Jazz, don't apologise. It's okay" she told me, gently. "Do you want to take some fresh air?"

Alice knew what I wanted when I wanted it and most of it was air. It was specifically in times like this when I felt like I had failed Alice. I nodded at her and she released me from her comforting grip so that I could gather my clothes. I dressed myself as quickly as possible before giving Alice one more kiss on the neck before running off, further back into the mountains.

I was angry with myself. I was disgusted with myself. I couldn't believe that I saw Alice as Maria as we were in the middle of what was supposed to be called 'making love'. This was all so wrong. I shouldn't have thought like that. Alice is too nice to be thought like Maria. I, on the other hand, had no right to think of such an innocent girl like that. What made her want me? Seriously? What is there about me that made me special?

Once I was far enough away from Alice, my jaw clenched over my arm; striking pain into my skin. I had stopped doing this when I found Alice but I truly couldn't handle the fact that I had ruined Alice's time with me. I knew that she wanted to so badly yet she was so patient.

Too patient.

"I'm sorry, Alice" I whispered to myself.

Question for you guys…

In the next chapter, would you like to see it in the present before I go back into the past or would you like the second part next?

The second part is Alice and Jasper's first successful attempt but you also get to choose whose point of view that is in too.

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