This chapter will keep flicking back to the past and present but it's like Jasper describing the things that have happened to him to Carlisle but Carlisle won't here it as detailed as you will read it. Italics will be the past btw.

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight

Jasper's POV

"Get up now, major" I heard Maria shout as I lie helplessly on the battleground. It wasn't often when I was taken by surprise but some newborns are underestimated. I had managed to take the newborns out but after they had placed several bites on my shoulder, I struggled to get up but ended up being dragged away by Elias. He wasn't as gentle as Peter was. Peter cared about me and my injuries but Elias and Maria only cared about numbers. If I stay alive, they could increase the amount of newborns in our army.

I held back a whimper as he violently sucked the venom out of my wound to decrease the amount of pain so that I was fit enough to continue to fight. I couldn't show my weakness since it was a very dangerous move. I had to stay strong; it was what Maria had taught me to do.

Once I was sure Elias had finished, I pushed him away and ran towards the fighting newborns again; saving some of them in the process. I tried to ignore the pain that was still in my shoulder. We kept attacking until they were down to three newborns who all tried to surrender. Elias and Peter took out one each and the other tried to run but with Maria's nod, I chased it out of the battleground, pushed him into the mud and snapped his neck.

I growled at the sound of the noise coming from behind me and turned around to prepare for an attack but Maria had pinned me before I had the chance to jump.

"Cool it, Major" she hissed.

I panicked, knowing that she could kill me right now if she wanted to. I lifted my head and licked her neck in surrender so that she would let me go. She climbed off me so I got off the ground and stood by Peter.

"Round up the newborns; both of you" Maria ordered Peter and I.

I focused on calming the newborns so that they wouldn't attempt to attack us as we approached them. Once we got them all together, we headed to the barn so they could rest and take it in turns to feed.

Xoxoxooxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxo

Elias had taken a few of the newborns out to hunt in one area while Peter took a few to hunt in the opposite direction. There were still a few more here that didn't need to hunt but I stayed close to Maria to make sure that they wouldn't turn on us. Some have done so in the past and I was left to dispose of them. I knew that Maria could take care of herself but I still felt the need to protect her.

She was sitting cross legged against the barn as she waited for the others to return and my chin was resting on her knee as I kept a close eye on the newborns in front of us. Some were play fighting whereas others just watched with the occasional growls if they got too close. Maria's hand was stroking my hair which caused me to purr lightly. It was very rare to catch Maria in a good mood but it was usually when we weren't being bothered by newborns and when Elias wasn't here. Elias's dislike towards me encouraged Maria's hate towards me too but deep down, she loved me in a twisted way; I could feel it.

My ears twitched and head rose when I heard footsteps heading towards the barn. My purring stopped and my growling started as they walked in. Elias had returned with four newborns. Maria pulled me back to stop me growling at Elias but the sudden touch had startled me which caused me to hiss at her. Elias smirked, knowing what was to come. I backed up into the wall which wasn't good because now I was cornered.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"Sorry isn't good enough, Major" she spat. "Come here"

I had seen this with other newborns to keep them in good behaviour but I always did my best to make sure it didn't happen to me but I couldn't help it anymore. The longer that I am in this war, the more that it destroys me physically and mentally. I was becoming weak. When Maria noticed my hesitation, she turned around to the newborns.

"Restrain him" she demanded.

Peter, who had just returned, backed up since he didn't want to be a part of this. If Maria had noticed that, he would have got himself killed. Nobody disobeys the leader of a coven. A few others obeyed immediately and ran towards me. I threw one back into another and then growled at the others; radiating fear. Elias suddenly intervened and blinded me; giving the others a chance to run again.

One had grabbed my wrists and another pushed me onto the ground. I felt a sudden sharp pain enter my wrist and I failed to hold back a whimper this time. My vision returned. Maria pulled the newborn on top of me off and replaced his position. Her teeth were bared at my neck which made me feel extremely vulnerable.

"You will not hiss at me again. You will not hesitate when I tell you to do something and you will not struggle whenever I bring out a punishment, understand?" Maria demanded for an answer.

"Yes ma'am" I whispered.

She buried her teeth into my neck deeply and I did all that I could not to struggle or fight back although it was in my instincts to do so. It would only make things worse. Once she was satisfied that she had made her point, she told the newborns to release my arms so that she could pull me closer to her and began to lick my wrists to remove the venom. She wouldn't do the same with my neck though because bites from her showed dominance. It reminded me that she created me and that I belonged to her.

"You have to understand, I am doing this for your own good" Maria whispered into my ear.

"I believed her. It's why I let her do whatever she wanted. I truly believed that it was just her way in keeping me safe. Technically it did; it kept me strong and cautious" I explained to Carlisle.

"It may have kept you strong at the time but the effect it had on you had consequences" Carlisle noted.

I knew that he was right. At the time I was strong and scary but now I'm weak and scared. I could have probably been better off dead but I had to avoid thinking like that for Alice's sake.

"So that was the first time she had inflicted pain upon you?" He asked.

"Yes sir, but that was only the beginning of it" I admitted.

Rosalie put her hand on my back for support, knowing how difficult it is for me to reveal my darkest secrets; especially to Carlisle. Part of me feared that I would be giving him ideas of how to carry out punishments on me but if he wanted to do that, he would have already done that, right? I felt terrible for thinking like that but there was always a possibility that I was correct about him.

"Jasper, was I right to imply that Maria didn't just punish you physically but sexually too?" Carlisle questioned.

I tensed up and Rosalie tried to relax me by rubbing my back. I didn't want to think about it. It would bring back so many memories and it had already affected my life with Alice.

"Jasper, it's alright" Rosalie whispered.

I looked up at her and noticed her reassuring smile. I turned my head to Carlisle but left my eyes on the carpet.

"You were right to imply that, sir" I mumbled. Carlisle nodded.

"Would you mind sharing that with me?" He asked gently.

I wasn't surprised when I found myself being restrained again. I had killed one of the newborns after we got into a fight but Maria wasn't happy that we were now down a newborn. Elias had now been with us for three years and it has been nothing but hell. During that time, I had gained twice as many scars by Maria. It was clear that she preferred him to me but she still treated me with delicacy after a punishment but the pain I went through just wasn't worth it.

As usual, a newborn was tugging on my left wrist with his teeth while my other one was being chewed on by another newborn but that wasn't what I was worried about. Maria had climbed on top of me, loosened my belt buckle and removed it before sliding her hand down my trousers to touch me.

She held my length tightly as she pumped me but as I struggled to get out of her grasp, she bit me deep down my throat. I stiffened, hating how close her teeth were to my throat but let her continue doing what she wanted. It was the only thing that kept me alive now. She slid the trousers off me after releasing her grip on my length but when she was ready, she inserted me into her.

The newborn on the right was still gnawing on my arm like a dog with a bone but they weren't needed to restrain me anymore because I had given up fighting. She created me so I was hers. She wanted high numbers of newborns and I had disrespected that. If she didn't punish me the way she does, I would have probably been out of control. It's just the way things had to be.

The way she was dominating me wasn't what I hated most though; it was the humiliation. If Maria felt in the mood for sex, she would make me do it with her but if she was doing it as a form of punishment, she would let the others watch. Before Elias had joined us, she didn't do it because she didn't want to display my weakness so that I was more likely to keep them in control but now she had him, she wanted to show them not to fear me so that when she told them to, they would attack me.

When she finally got off me, she dragged me into the barn and lay me into the corner.

"Don't move, major" she whispered before she ran off.

I was lying there feeling vulnerable and weak until Maria came back an hour later with a dead human being in her arms. She dropped it by me but as appealing as the smell of blood was, I turned my head away.

"Drink, major" Maria ordered.

I just ignored her and closed my eyes. I just wanted to disappear. Maria rolled her eyes and moved closer to me. She lifted my head onto her legs and brought the human's wrist to my mouth.

"Drink it, major. You need to strengthen up" she whispered.

When I still refused to open my mouth, Maria bit into the vein of the human to release the blood. My eyes went pitch black and I allowed her to feed it to me as she lowered the wrist to my mouth again and my teeth sunk in as if it was magnetic to the blood.

"That's it, major" she whispered gently as she stroked my hair. "You know I didn't want to do that but I couldn't let you get away with what you did" she explained.

I believed her. She loved me. There was no reason she would lie to me.

"I still don't believe what she did was wrong" I admitted.

Rosalie turned her head to me, shocked. "Are you kidding? Jasper, she practically tortured you" Rosalie said.

"It was her job to. She's my creator. She had to keep me in control" I explained quietly, looking back down at the carpet.

"No, she had no right. Does Carlisle torture us to keep us in control?" She asked rhetorically.

I stepped back, nearer to the door. I hated it when I made people angry; especially Rosalie. Rose was the worst.

"Rosalie" Carlisle warned.

Rosalie sighed and closed her mouth, noticing my position.

"Sorry" I whispered.

I never liked disappointing them or giving them a reason to be mad at me but I always found a way of doing just that.

"What for?" Carlisle asked.

"For not being strong enough to fight back. For believing every word she said" I whispered.

"Jasper, there was nothing you could have done to stop this. She manipulated you, made you believe that everything she did was your fault but you have to understand that it's not true. Is that why you hurt yourself? Because you believe it's all your fault?" Carlisle questioned.

There were too many reasons to count to why I hurt myself but I guess that's one of them. I just shrugged at him, hoping that the conversation would be over soon.

"I know that Maria made the other's hurt you physically but did she ever make the others hurt you sexually?" He asked carefully.

…

I'm gonna leave this one up to you. I want to hear your ideas.

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