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Peter's POV
I relaxed as Jasper's body remained close to mine. I was purring as he was currently licking and sucking at my shoulder to get the venom out. It was something we used to always do to each other whenever one of us got injured. During the time with Maria, it was mostly me that was tending to his wounds after Maria set newborns onto him. I also wanted to suck the venom out of the bites on his neck every time Maria had forced herself on him and marked him as hers but it was forbidden. The bites on his neck were a dominant feature and if I had sucked the venom out of the dominant bites, I would appear as a challenge over Jasper's dominance which would only lead to death for me. So as long as the bites weren't caused by Maria during 'sex', I could aid his wounds. Maria even helped him heal to trick him into thinking that she cared but it was all a lie.
As soon as I had left the south with Jasper, that's when I started to get scars. I knew he couldn't help it because Maria had terrorized him. He was either depressed or completely out of it. He would get flashbacks and begin to think that Charlotte and I were his enemies so I always had to tackle him and keep him restrained until he returned to us. I always did my best to avoid hurting him but sometimes, he was so far gone that it was the only way to pull him out of it.
Perhaps that's why he was hurting himself. Pain was the only thing that was keeping him in reality. When Jasper was done with my shoulder, he started to purr with me. He nuzzled his nose into my neck as he tried to relax. Being relaxed was something I hadn't seen often in Jasper.
When it was just Jasper, Charlotte and I, Jasper's depression had gotten so bad that he ended up begging me to kill him and it wasn't just once either. He had tried to use his gift against me; trying to make me angry enough to rip his head off but I had to fight against it. I didn't want to hurt my brother. That was why I had been so unsure about letting him go when he wanted to leave us. I had thought the worst; that he planned to go to the Volturi or go back to Maria to get himself killed but he made me proud because the next time I saw him, he was happy and he found his mate.
That's when I stopped worrying.
I regret it. I could have prevented him from getting so bad.
But then again, I played a part of it in the first place.
Maria had made me do things to him; things that made me question myself. Questions like was I really saving him by doing this? The first time she had made me rape him, I was convinced that it was the better option but even today, I am debating it. If I hadn't done it, she would have killed the both of us and if she did, Charlotte would have been killed too and Alice would have been at loss.
Jasper had been very distant with me after that incident; remaining close to Maria which was a very stupid thing to do since she was the source of his problems. Even after he forgave me, he got skittish around me and that was when I began to realize that I was appearing as a dominant figure to him and I hated it.
What was even worse was that it didn't stop there. Maria noticed the difference in Jasper so she began to do similar methods of torture. There had been this one time that I had been restrained by a group of newborns and Maria had loosened my belt and pulled out my member and the next thing I knew, she was forcing Jasper to suck me off.
As soon as Jasper realized that I was becoming Maria's victim, too, he had returned to my side and we started to get close to each other again. We both knew that this wasn't our fault, it was all her.
Unfortunately he had returned to Maria the day I had attacked him. As harsh as it sounds, I still don't regret doing it. Maria had ordered Jasper to kill Charlotte and he was going to do it but I couldn't let him. He would have to kill me before he kills her. Although I had hurt him, I had told Charlotte to run somewhere from Jasper so that I could aid him. He had pushed me away when I tried to lick his wounds and then ran off.
The second day he had returned but only to tell me to leave with Charlotte. Even after I had hurt him, he was still trying to keep me safe. I would never understand what I did to deserve it but I will be forever thankful.
"Jasper?"
"Hmmm" he replied.
"I'm still unsure about what you did that day. Why did you let us go? We could have stayed with you; I could have kept you safe" I pointed out.
Jasper moved his head back to look at me in the eyes.
"Because she was going to kill me and when that time came, she would have no other reason to keep you alive. I didn't want you to get hurt, Peter" he whispered.
I had always considered the idea of running away with Jasper but I guess I was always too afraid to do so. If I had gotten caught, Maria would have killed us both. I also knew that Jasper wouldn't have agreed to it because he was too attached to Maria for some crazy reason and before I had met Charlotte, I had no intention in leaving on my own. I couldn't leave Jasper vulnerable like that. That's why I had returned a few years later to get him out of there.
I nodded at him and then his head returned to its previous position; leaning against me. I'm glad that joining the Cullen's hadn't taken this behavior out of Jasper because I missed it. He was the only other vampire that I could cuddle up to and feel safe around as well as Charlotte and I knew that Jasper felt the same too but with Alice also. He seems a little more comfortable around the Cullen's compared to the first time I had met his family. He had seemed so tense and I didn't notice him leave Alice's side. It's because he had improved his behavior with his surroundings which is why I believe these flashbacks will go away if he tried. The more he trusts, the better he will cope but it's easier said than done when you were the victim of torture.
Jasper's POV
On the following day, Carlisle had insisted that I start my 'counselling' sessions. It sounded crazy, right? A vampire doing something that only messed up humans do. Congratulation Jasper! You are the first ever messed up vampire. I was very unsure about this but although Carlisle had claimed that maybe the flashback had been a good thing, I was still feeling nervous about hurting somebody again.
Carlisle was the one who was at risk of getting injured this time. It was just him and me. Nobody was there to restrain me. Carlisle said that being on my own would be for the best when having these sessions because it would make me feel more comfortable opening up but I was more worried about attacking him. Why was he so confident in me? Did he not realize how dangerous this could be if I start to forget where I am again?
"Jasper, we are first going to talk about where we had left off when we had last been talking. Do you remember?" Carlisle asked.
I nodded stiffly. It was the last thing I remembered before I had my last flashback. Carlisle's question had triggered a memory and not a good one either.
"I had asked you if Maria had made any of the newborns hurt you sexually and that's when it had happened. I never got the answer, Jasper" he stated.
I may have not given him the answer but he already knew it. I closed my eyes and sighed as I tried to calm myself. It was the best was to avoid me slipping into another memory though I doubt talking about it helps.
"Sometimes she let them. If I ever did anything bad, she would leave me helpless and unprotected. Ever since she had Elias, she kept me starved from blood unless we had an upcoming battle" I explained quietly.
"Did Elias ever hurt you?" Carlisle asked gently.
"It was his fault. Maria liked me. I knew she did but ever since he showed up, that's when things got really bad" I said.
They all thought that Maria was the enemy but I don't. Her punishments had been discipline and she always gave me what I deserved. She had protected me and had let me keep Peter alive after I had begged her too. Elias was the enemy.
"I hate to say it, Jasper but I don't think that's entirely true. Elias's gift meant that Maria had no use for you anymore. She was using you for your gift and after she found a vampire with a stronger gift, she kept you and used you for your body" Carlisle said.
"No. No! That's not true" I argued.
I wouldn't believe it. She had made me fearful and fear is what had kept me alive. It made me cautious.
"Elias didn't manipulate Maria, Maria manipulated you. You know this Jas, deep down, you do. You just don't want to believe it"
I fell silent and looked away. I believed it because I liked the thought of having somebody love me and back then, nobody did. She was just so caring and protective back then. She even protected me when I was starved of blood as long as I behaved. If I did anything wrong, then she would leave me on my own but I deserved it. I disobeyed the leader.
"Why don't you use punishments whenever we disobey you?" I whispered.
I felt sympathy and sadness come from Carlisle. Something I felt often from him whenever he learnt something new about me and I hated it.
"Because I don't believe it's the right way to resolve things. Hurting another doesn't resolve anything and it would only encourage you to fear me. I don't want you to fear me, Jasper. I have been spending the past 60 years trying to stop you from feeling that way" he explained.
I didn't understand. A coven leader must be feared. He needed to look like a threat. He is just becoming an easy target for a vampire who plans to lead a coven. If I had wanted to, I could kill him and become the leader of the coven but of course I wouldn't do that. Despite being too soft on us, Carlisle didn't deserve any of this.
"I don't fear you" I mumbled.
I guess I used to. I mean, it wasn't easy being around a coven leader after getting abused by my previous one. I was almost certain that all this nice and welcoming behavior was just an act but I had been in this coven for over 60 years and he hadn't laid a single finger on me; no bite, no attack, no abuse, nothing that showed his dominance over me. This wasn't all an act, he was generally a soft person. Not a dominant coven leader but a father figure.
"Well then that's a start" Carlisle stated, proudly.
The second half of the conversation will take place in the next chapter. Please tell me what you think.
Also check out m new story 'a fighting chance'! It takes place a little after this story.
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