This is the first part of Karma's diary entry after the wedding. The next chapter will wrap it up, and then there will be some new interactions between Karma and Amy. Thank you guys so much for the wonderful reviews! They make me extremely happy :) Love you guys!

Part Two, Chapter 4

I'm not sure how I ended up back here. The past year and a half, I really thought I was better. I made myself think that I was moving on from Amy. By the time freshman year started, I truly did not believe I had feelings for her anymore. Until now.

I was pining over Liam Booker so consistently that by sophomore year I actually convinced myself I wanted to date him. I was proud of myself for reaching that level, and I figured I should start figuring out ways to get popular to win him over. Now, Amy had never heard anything about my obsession with Liam Booker until the day he talked to us. My attraction to him was so delicate and fragile that I was afraid it could be destroyed from outside sources. I hadn't even said a word to him until recently because I was afraid he would say something wrong and ruin everything I worked for. But by this point, I was confident I had cemented my attraction to him.

When he finally talked to us, I ran away. I was scared. Scared that everything I worked for would get ripped away from me before I could even blink. Amy told me he invited us to Shane's party. She said she would go, but only if I really wanted to. So we went.

Bumping into Liam and spilling beer all over him was far from how I wanted to make my first impression. But he was sweet, he helped me clean up and sat with me on the couch. I felt relieved. We chatted, and some drunk girl came and sat on his lap. Of course, I was disgusted by this, but I pushed all rationality away and focused on the prize. That's when he said it. "It's handy having a lesbian around to explain these things to me." How did he know? How could he have possibly picked up on that? "Erm.. what?" was all I could choke out before Amy grabbed me by the wrist and told me we were going home to watch House Hunters.

Turns out, Shane Harvey thought both me and Amy were lesbians, and in a relationship with each other. We didn't really have a chance to stop him from outting us to the whole school, even though there was no "us". The whole party cheered for us, they wanted to elect us homecoming queens. Not really giving it much thought, I decided faking being lesbians with Amy would help me get Liam Booker. I couldn't date him if me and Amy were together, but I could have sex with him. If I could sleep with Liam Booker, surely my feelings for Amy were forever in the past.

Then came the homecoming assembly. I never expected to do anything more than hold Amy's hand in public. I figured as long as we didn't get too intimate, nothing would trigger my feelings for her. I would have everything under control. I keep thinking back to that moment. If Amy and I had been a little quieter in the locker room, Lauren wouldn't have heard our conversation. She wouldn't have told the whole school we were faking it, and Amy would have never had to do what she did. She did something that I thought she would never do again. She kissed me.

The kiss lasted far longer than it needed to. Far longer than any of our previous kisses. It wasn't as intense as the other kisses, though. I wouldn't let myself feel the intensity. I clenched my stomach the entire time, not giving myself to her. This was an act, after all. Still, holy shit, she was a hell of a kisser.

We both pulled away and looked into each other's eyes. I swear, I saw something in that moment, something I ignored. Something I shouldn't have ignored. But I ignored it, I couldn't let myself gain a false sense of hope.

Then came homecoming. I was in the back of Liam's car, ready to finally erase every feeling I've ever had for Amy. If he would have just kept his douchebag mouth shut, I would have gotten it over with early. He had to say he wanted to sleep with me because I'm a lesbian. I couldn't do it. I was disgusted. My reasons for sleeping with him weren't anything above shallow either, but this was my first time, and if I was going to make it work with Liam, I wanted to make him fall in love with me.

I made my way back inside to find Amy, only to discover her mom was covering the story about the two homecoming queens. My stomach dropped. I dragged Amy into a situation where she would have to face her homophobic mother about faking being a lesbian. I saw her talking to her before she came over to me. I tried to stall. I tried to make up every excuse in the book, but that's when Amy stood beside me and put her arm around my shoulder. "I'm right here, mother," were the next words that came out of her mouth. I was shocked. Proud. Confused. Nothing was making sense. I figured it had to due with her need to be rebellious. She always was good at pissing off her mom. Nevertheless, I was proud of her. That was my best friend. The love of my life, whether or not I would admit it to myself. We spent the rest of the night together. It could have been a really nice night, but all I talked about was Liam Booker.

I'd felt closer to her than ever before after she came out to her mom, whether or not it was real. I don't know what came over me that one day we were sitting on the blanket. She was being so adorable, so supportive of me, just like she always is. I wanted to kiss her. I figured I could get away with it if I made up an excuse, like taking a picture for Instagram. I had gotten pretty good at lying to myself at that point, so lying to other people had become second nature. I crawled over to her and gave her a kiss that was a little more heated than I expected. I took the picture and pulled away before I felt too much. I couldn't kiss her anymore, it was too much.

By the end of the day, we were fighting. I didn't know what she was so upset about at the time, but now I know. She was jealous of Liam. I don't know how I was so oblivious when I was in the same situation less than two years ago. But I was. I keep thinking back to that moment. Maybe, just maybe, if I had paid more attention, if I would have allowed myself to feel, to hope, maybe Amy and I would be together right now. There seemed to be a lot of those moments, where if one thing had gone slightly differently, everything would have changed. I guess it just wasn't our destiny.

I meant it when I said I was in physical pain from not talking to Amy. I hadn't eaten, I couldn't sleep that night, my life felt like a huge joke. If I couldn't even be her friend, then what was this all for? I was mad at Liam for something about him sleeping with the skwerkle lady. It was a stupid thing to be mad about. I was reaching. I didn't really care, I was mostly resentful that I wasn't as attracted to him as originally planned. By the end of the day, however, Amy hadn't been responding to my texts, and I was desperate to get her off my mind. I found Liam in the art room and I kissed him. I kissed him hard and deep and tried taking his shirt off, wanting this wound that Amy had left for so long to be healed forever. But he pulled away. I was distraught, angry, upset. I went home and called Amy a thousand more times. I needed someone. I needed her. I was about to go to sleep before I tried calling her one last time, being met by a "Karma? Hey."

"Amy.. I didn't think you would answer. I missed you," I said, trying to hold back tears.

"I missed you too Karma. Look, do you think you could come over tonight? I have something I really need to tell you, and if I don't do it now, I don't think I ever will."

I wondered what it was that she couldn't tell me over the phone. "Yeah, of course, let me just get some clothes on, I'll be over in ten minutes."

That's when it started pouring rain. It seemed like everything in the entire universe had been working against us. If I would have gone over to her house that night, she would have told me she loved me. She wouldn't have waited until the wedding. I wish I would have known that. I would have ran to her house through the pouring rain that night. But for some reason, I thought she was being overdramatic and it could wait until morning. I ignored the major detail that Amy was never overdramatic. So, I sent her a text.

Karma: Can I come over tomorrow morning? My parents are asleep and can't give me a ride, and I don't want to get soaked.

Amy: Sure.. Probably for the best. See u tomorrow.

Probably for the best. It wasn't.