wonder where your heart came from
chapter 02: a stare caught right
Han Solo doesn't hear from his son often. He understands why; makes do with the regular comms and sporadic holos from Chewie instead and tries whenever the opportunity arises to make amends for all the times he wasn't the father his son needed growing up. It's not nearly enough but it's what he can offer at this late stage. On the occasions when they speak, Leia tells him he's spoiling Ben. He simply raises an eyebrow at that and she rolls her eyes.
Things have gotten better for them, a little bit, since he'd brought Ben back from Luke.
It's still hard for him to think of it in terms of saving Ben from Luke.
He knows what it was—knows what happened that night at Luke's temple—but still can't wrap his mind around it. He's just infinitely glad—enough to accept even Leia's quiet assertions that he'd somehow used the Force to feel Ben's distress—that he'd been there for once. Leia had most certainly known when it happened. Han had strangely felt off for days before making up his mind to visit.
Now, he remembers the frantic comm he'd gotten, Leia screaming at him to 'go to Ben, right now!' and her relieved surprise that he'd already been on his way. He'd dropped his ship out of lightspeed directly into Arda's atmosphere. He and Chewie had found Ben stumbling out of the ruins of his hut, tears in his eyes and lightsaber dangling from one hand loose with shock. Han hasn't been great to his family but he never again wants to see his wife or his son look like they did that night.
He pushes those thoughts out of his mind with a quick shake of his head and opens up the comm line. Ben's familiar scowl greets him.
"Old man."
"Don't you 'old man' me. Bala Tik wants your head and Prana's not happy. If your mother hears about the bounty—"
"I've got the Falcon," Ben interrupts, his smug satisfaction palpable even in grainy blue.
A brief, stunned silence before the questions immediately begin to pour out: "What? How? Where was it? Was it Ducain, that moofmilker?"
"Chew and I found it just off Jakku," Ben supplies. "I told you to double check the scrap heaps."
"Jakku? That junkyard?"
With a shrug, Ben leans back into whatever chair he's sitting on, toes of his boots appearing at the edge of the holo projection, arms crossed behind his head in a careless pose Han recognizes from his own youth. The little shit.
"Get your feet off my console," Han scolds automatically. Ben's only response is to recross his ankles so that more of his sole is in Han's face. He gives his foot a little shake for emphasis.
"Technically," Ben says and there's a wide, wicked grin splitting his face that little Ben used to wear to while terrorizing 3PO, Chewie, Luke, and even (most of all) Han himself with whatever new trick he'd recently concocted. "Technically, since I found it, it's my console."
"You don't even—"
"Hey, how much long—Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt."
The voice that breaks into their exchange is soft and curious and decidedly female. Han's pauses mid-word to watch as Ben's whole body stiffens before his son lurches to sit up. Ben turns his head to the right to look at whoever has spoken. The sharp bob of his son's Adam's apple is clearly visible as is the little tick of muscle in his jaw but, to Han's endless amazement, there aren't any of the typical Ben emotions visible.
"It's just my dad," he says a bit reluctantly, fingers waving restlessly toward Han's holographic image.
"Your dad?" The lilt of her voice is kind of sweet, Han thinks, and her accent reminds him of Obi-Wan. He's intensely curious to see what she looks like although he doubts Ben will bother to make introductions. She hasn't even flickered into the edges of their transmission. And Ben hasn't ever introduced anyone to him and Leia. Thus far, Han has believed that Ben just hasn't let go of that part of his Jedi training. Chewie certainly hadn't mentioned anybody special hanging around. "That's the Han Solo?"
At that Han laughs out loud. Since when has he been 'the' anything? This girl says his name like he's a celebrity on the holonet. The reminder of his presence snaps Ben's head back around immediately. He glowers at his father's smiling image.
"Yeah, that's the old man," he says. "Sorry to disappoint."
"Hey!" Han protests.
As expected, Ben doesn't offer to make any introductions. He simply turns back to face Han and is all business in the blink of an eye.
"I'm headed to Takodana," Ben announces and his face is guarded, all emotion withdrawn from his expression in a way that puts Han on edge. "We've found BB-8—Poe's droid—and it says it's carrying a message for Mom. It says—"
Ben stops and swallows hard; eyes flicking over to where Han thinks this mystery girl is standing, then steels himself to continue. What he says explains all the effort needed immediately:
"It says it's carrying a map to Skywalker." It impressive some of the things Han never realized Ben had inherited from Leia. This poker-face he wears can only have come from the woman who, being captured amidst a fleet of fleeing rebel ships, looked Darth Vader straight in the face and lied.
With a telling nonchalance Ben adds, "Can you get it on a clean ship? We need to scrub the Falcon before it can go anywhere else."
Shit.
Han knew the Resistance was looking for Luke. The First Order was gaining ground across the system and Snoke was doing something that had Leia on edge. Their only hope was the Jedi and the last Jedi left was Luke.
But Leia hadn't meant to involve Ben at all. It was why she's asked Han to find anything to keep them away from D'Qar for as long as he could. Ben's little Rathtar adventure had been a happy coincidence. Except that it had landed him right in the middle of everything.
Shit.
"I'll meet you there," Han says immediately. "I'll take the droid."
Ben nods, everything about him still closed off and distant. "We're less than a parsec out. I'll—"
"What about Finn?" the girl interrupts again—finally.
It's fascinating to watch the way the muscle just beneath Ben's left eye jumps; the way all of his attention shifts like the Death Star turning all at once to focus on a single point. Han wonders if his son even knows what that looks like from the outside. A little displeased frown creases Ben's brow and it's like looking into a mirror thirty-something years ago. Then Ben opens his mouth and reminds the world that he has none of his father's smoothness and all of his uncle's conspicuous jealousy and youthful petulance.
"What about him? Big Deal can take care of himself."
Ben crosses his arms, jaw and shoulders tensing stubbornly, face turned away from both Han and his companion. Then, finally, the girl appears within range of the holo.
She's a small, skinny, scrap of a thing dressed like a desert rat if ever Han has seen one. Her clothes are the light layers favored on sandy planets and everything about the way she holds herself screams of toughness. Still, she's younger than he expected as she gets in his son's space and argues that he should at least help this Finn character get back to the Resistance too. Han takes the time being ignored to study her pixie face and rates her as quite pretty under the all the dirt and staunch utilitarianism.
Unsurprisingly, it doesn't take Ben long to give in and Han can't even fault the kid because he'd have done the same for a pretty face and feisty attitude way back when. Ben agrees to help this Finn figure something out when they land before remembering his father is still in holo-limbo.
"We're entering Takodana's atmosphere," Ben advises. "We'll meet you in the castle."
He glances up at the girl standing at his shoulder then jerks his chin in the Han's direction, asking, "Shut that off will you?"
Han waits for the commline to go dead because, if no one bothered to make too many unnecessary changes on the Falcon, she'll have to lean closer in order to turn it off and he'll be able see her more clearly for a few moments. Leia will have questions, of course, and he'll need to be able to answer them.
The girl doesn't move. She seems rooted, eyes wide as she stares out of the ship at something on the horizon. Her hand falls softly to grip the back of Ben's pilot seat as, oblivious, the younger Solo tinkers with the Falcon's controls. When Ben leans back so that his shoulder brushes her fingers, she slips into the co-pilot's seat and half of her disappears from Han's artificially narrowed field of vision.
"I didn't know there was this much green in the whole galaxy," she whispers still awed by the lush forests of Takodana.
There's a note of innocence in her voice that plucks at Han's heart as he realizes this girl has probably never been offworld. Ben's eyes dart over to her again and linger with an intensity that would be awkward if the girl were to notice.
It doesn't matter whether Ben knows what it looks like from the outside—it's obvious the kid doesn't understand what the hell is happening on the inside either. When Ben finally drags his gaze away, he meets his father's eyes, reaches over and shuts the commlink off without a word.
Maz knows the moment Ben Solo sets foot in her castle. She's lived for over a millennia and there have been few with a presence in the Force quite like the young Solo's. It's a testament to the strength of it that she can still feel him, even now, just from the breadth of the void he creates around him. While she has never been comfortable with the feeling of what he's done to himself, it's as distinct as he'd felt the first time his little feet had scampered across the worn stones underfoot.
He'd been a gorgeous little human child, all bouncing black curls, eyes big enough in his head to rival Maz's, and a wide bright smile radiating hero's worship for the father who didn't know half enough to be a proper parent. Now he's grown into his features, handsomer even than his father had been and built broad, tall and lean like he's trying to rival a Wookiee, but there's no innocence left in him. He's been touched by darkness too intimately, too deeply, and it's heartbreaking to see what it's wrought. A boy as incandescent as Ben Solo had once been shouldn't be the empty space of a man that he has become.
For all that he looks like Han, he has to be treated very differently so Maz, instead of screaming his name across the room like she's apt to do, slips up behind him instead. He has company this time but it's not his usual chaperone—she'll have to find Chewbacca some time later. She takes a moment to observe his companions without their notice.
First, there's the droid—small, round, orange and white, and sticking around Ben's legs like a needy pet. There's been buzz about the First Order looking for a droid and it would a surprise to absolutely no one—or at least not to Maz—that Leia Organa and Han Solo's son would end up tangled in that web. A quick glance around the room divulges at least one informant each for both the Resistance and the First Order lounging deceptively at various points. This is probably going to get messy.
The second companion—a young man, dark skinned and skittish—asks a question that has Ben, in profile, raising a half-mocking eyebrow and retorting, "Did you just call me 'Solo'?"
The other man verbally backpedals, visibly intimidated despite Ben's relaxed posture, thereby giving away some amount trained perception of threats no matter how veiled. Although Ben's size is intimidating, he's good at pretending he isn't dangerous. Either Han taught him or it runs in the Jedi blood but it's one thing that works in their favor given their usual business.
"Listen, Big Deal," Ben murmurs and there's definitely a note of derision there regardless of the quiet tone. "We're going to handle this droid situation then we'll figure something out for you. You've got options here. I suggest you thank her for getting you this far before she figures out the truth."
With that, Ben shoulders past Big Deal to fall back into step with droid. He glances to his right where the third companion stands, looking around curiously but with enough common sense not to blatantly stare like it's her first time in a cantina. Maz is almost taken aback by the girl, her presence in the Force a warmth unkindled but full of potential. She's very young, but too old by far to be a padawan—if those were even to exist still—and Ben Solo hasn't been a Jedi in years.
When Maz takes a few steps forward toward Ben, she finds herself in a strange twilight of the Force—there's the girl's warmth on one side and the gaping void that is Ben Solo on the other. It's what's happening where their edges meet that is the most interesting. Whoever this girl is, she almost seems to be bleeding into the space around Ben.
Maz clears her throat.
"Young Solo."
His father would have tripped from startling so hard but the son keeps his feet—barely. He spins on his heel to face her and the effort it takes him not to scowl at her is amusing. At least he hasn't forgotten his manners even if it's been quite a while since his last visit.
"Maz," he drawls. And before she can ask adds, "Your boyfriend's fixing the Falcon. He'll be in when he's done."
"I've missed that Wookiee. But you're not here to be social. Come, sit," she directs them all to a table in the back and waves over some food, "Explain."
They settle in, his companions busy examining the culinary offerings while he takes the seat across from her and eats nothing. He's leaner than he was the last time he visited—paler too—and his eyes are as dead as the Force feels around him.
"The droid needs to get to my mother," he says. His hands are playing with the glass in front of him, eyes flickering over the food. "The Old Man is on the way here to collect it."
"Why not take it to her yourself?" she asks shrewdly.
Ben stills, fingers freezing in place on the rim of the glass, eyes settling on the girl's hand as she plucks a decorated fruit off one of the plates and lifts it to her face. He keeps his gaze intent on her as she takes her first bite and, for the first time in too long, the blank veil over his eyes ripples as the girl's face morphs through a series of reactions to what Maz assumes is new cuisine. Then, the girl—Rey from Nowhere, she'd said—turns to meet Ben's eyes.
Rey's smile turns brittle across her lips but there's no animosity, only confusion. Without looking away, Ben takes a deep breath fit for a man drowning. Rey's eyelids flutter. Whatever changes for Ben is evident only in the tiny shifts in his posture. Finally, he looks back at Maz and answers: "It's about Skywalker."
"Ah," Maz measures her next words carefully, marvelling that this young man of all the men she's known in her long life causes her to tread the most carefully with her words. "You've been avoiding that for a long time, Ben."
Even with all the care she takes, he withdraws.
"I'd rather not," he says. She would pursue it but a hand lands heavy on Ben's shoulder interrupting them.
"Hey Maz," Han greets. He looks down at the top of his son's head. "Ben."
Ben doesn't bother to turn around, just mumbles, "Dad."
To Ben's right Rey lights up. Finn, to Ben's left, looks up curiously. Han surveys the table from his vantage point behind Ben and the resemblance between father and son is on stark display.
"So these are our fugitives," Han says eyeing first BB-8, then Finn, then Rey.
Ben makes short introductions. It appears the Solos have already discussed a plan. Han turns to Maz to ask for help chartering a new ship. Maz wants to decline simply because she can tell that, even if his father isn't Force sensitive enough to see it, Ben Solo is deteriorating. She can be freer with the father, at least.
"Han, this," she gestures to Ben, "can't go on. You've both been running away from this for too long."
Hand tightening on his son's shoulder, Han replies, "It is what it is, Maz. The Resistance needs Luke."
"Please," Finn interjects, "we came here for your help."
"You can't escape this fight. Neither of you," Maz insists.
"What fight?" Rey asks.
"The only fight: against the dark side. Through the ages, I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us." She gives both Solos a significant look as her speech concludes hoping to have impressed even a little bit of her concern into their stubborn heads.
Surprisingly, it's Finn who erupts: "There is no fight against the First Order! Not one we can win. Look around. There's no chance we haven't been recognized already. I bet you the First Order is on their way right—"
Huh, she hadn't seen this one coming. She knew something was off but this is interesting. Moving in for a closer look, Maz all but crawls over the table. She adjusts her goggles, switching rapidly between lenses to get to the truth of this scared young man. Peering at him, she ignores his befuddled verbal flailing and concludes that it would be lovely if he were braver.
"If you live long enough you see the same eyes in different people," she tells the table. "I'm looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run."
That puts some steel in him.
"You don't know a thing about me," he retorts. "Where I'm from; what I've seen."
Maz thinks she has a pretty good idea but doesn't fight him. He's used most of his courage up already and he's gotten caught up in something much bigger than any living thing in the galaxy.
"You don't know the First Order like I do," he admits. "They'll slaughter us. We all need to run."
He's just a child. Glancing from Ben's frown to Rey's stunned face, Maz realizes all over again that they're all just children. She retreats, settles back into her seat and points at two pirates sitting at a corner window past Finn's shoulder. They're decent, for pirates. They won't sell him off or kill him if he works hard and they'll honour their word.
"You see those two? They'll trade work for transportation to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear," she offers.
The young man looks behind him, considers, and rises from his seat.
"Finn!" Rey objects in disbelief.
He turns back around and makes a desperate appeal to her, "Come with me."
Between them, Ben Solo tenses.
"What about BB-8?" Rey counters. "We're not done yet. We have to get him back to your base."
He struggle but, in the end, Finn's flight instinct wins and he whispers, "I can't."
Before he moves away, he turns back to Ben and offers the weapon he's been carrying since they entered. Ben waves it away with a simple, "Keep it."
Less than half a second after Finn leaves, Rey jolts up to follow him. Han slots himself into the boy's vacated seat and Maz leans back to study the younger Solo.
"So," she asks, "who's the girl?"
Ben's eyes are following the two who have walked toward the pirates, his jaw muscles clenched tight.
"No one." His tone of disregard is an almost laughable counterpoint to the intensity of his stare. "Just a scavenger from Jakku."
Over by the pirates, Finn and Rey share a hug and part ways. Maz and Han exchange a look as Ben bites his bottom lip. Then he frowns and looks around wildly.
"Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Han asks.
Ben doesn't answer. He get to his feet, chair scraping on the stones with the speed at which he rises, and he starts in the direction of Rey. Maz sees the girl moving tentatively toward the stairs leading down to her storage rooms. Ben's long stride eats up the distance and then he disappears down the dark stairwell behind Rey.
Maz turns back to face an equally surprised Han. How very, very interesting.