This is the second part of Karma's diary entry after the wedding. It's a painful one, but I can promise you there is Karmy endgame. Why else would we be here? The next chapter will have lots of interactions between Karma and Amy. Thank you guys so much for all of the wonderful reviews! They make me extremely happy :)

Love you guys!

Part Two, Chapter 5

I went over to Amy's house early the next morning. She was folding her clothes and I snuck up behind her. "Karma, jeez. Stop doing that," she said, a startled look on her face. I told her we were having girls weekend, and I shut my phone off. I didn't want to deal with Liam. If he wouldn't even sleep with me, what good was he? I told Amy that Liam and I had broken up, just because constantly talking about him was irritating her to no end. To be honest, I wasn't sure what was going on exactly, but for now, I didn't care. I just wanted to be with Amy. I could figure out everything after this weekend, but for now, I needed her. She could always make me feel better. She always made me feel like I mattered.

The weekend was nice. We drove to Dallas with Lauren and played my favorite game, twenty questions. She never understood why I liked that game so much, but I liked it because it reminded me of how well we knew each other. We'd always win by the 3rd answer at the latest. Playing twenty questions confirmed the fact that Amy was mine and I was hers, even in the platonic sense. That massage in the car, however, not so platonic. Even Lauren picked up on it, "you two can stop acting like lesbians, I know the truth." Obviously not much of the truth. We didn't care. We were having a moment, and she couldn't take that away from us.

Amy wasn't having an easy time with Lauren. When she found out her mom picked her to be her maid of honor over Amy, the rest of the weekend went downhill fast. It wasn't girls weekend anymore, it was "get revenge on that bitch Lauren" weekend. I tried to tell her it wasn't important, but Amy has always struggled with a short temper. Before I knew it, there was croaky-cake-whatever flying everywhere. I felt more upset than anything that this was getting to Amy this bad. I could see her hurting. I wanted more than anything to take it away.

That's when my feelings started creeping back more quickly than I had hoped. She was in the bathroom, cleaning herself up from the disaster that had just happened, and I was sitting on her bed. I shut my eyes, and convinced myself for as long as I could that I wanted Liam Booker. Nothing else mattered. Liam Booker. Liam Booker. Liam Booker. She came out of the bathroom, a sad look in her eyes, the look that said "I really fucked up this time." I hated that look. I just wanted to kiss away the pain. No. Liam Booker. I tried to comfort Amy by telling her how she would be the maid of honor at my wedding. It was so painful imagining a scenario in which Amy was not the one I married, but I did it, because she needed me to be a friend. I was somewhat zoning out the entire conversation, trying to convince myself that I missed Liam. I was zoning out when she had said, "maybe we should marry each other," and by the time I realized what she had said, she was already talking again. "My mom would love that." Oh. It was a joke. Of course it was. At least I thought it was at the time.

My head was starting to ache, I was ready to go home. I was ready to get her out of my mind. She was hugging me when she said the words, "You're dying to talk about Liam, aren't you." Subconsciously, I wasn't, but I convinced myself I was. I began talking excitedly about him, hoping to convince her too.

I spent my walk home thinking about Liam, and when I saw him standing outside of my house, I was starting to believe I had superpowers. "Your phone was off," he said. I was surprised he wanted anything to do with me, I just assumed he wasn't attracted to me. He told me he wasn't comfortable sneaking around behind Amy's back, and I grimaced at the irony. I couldn't lose him. I was too close to what I wanted. "We could have a threesome," blurted out of my mouth before I could even think about it.

"A threesome?!" Amy asked, obviously shocked and probably disgusted that I had even suggested it to Liam. She was justifiably reluctant at first, but something must have changed her mind, because she said yes. I was extremely confused to why she said yes, but I wasn't going to question it. We shopped for lingerie, and I told her we should practice. This wasn't the first time I had asked Amy to practice with me for a boy, but it was the first time that I legitimately wanted to practice. I didn't want to mess up. I just wanted to sleep with Liam. It was a longshot, but it was all I had left.

She came over to practice, and I heard her talking to someone on the phone while I put on my trenchcoat. I couldn't make out what she was saying. I wish I had questioned her on it. She had been acting weird the entire day. I went into her room, and we began the rehearsal. I took off her trenchcoat and I was both disappointed and relieved that she had gone for something so modest. Of course, she still looked way hotter than anyone should ever look in a wife beater and boxer shorts, but that's beside the point. I didn't want to kiss her. Well, I wanted to kiss her. I always wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't kiss her. I wanted the actual kiss at the threesome to be our last kiss. I didn't want to conjure up any unnecessary feelings before then. I put my hand over her mouth and made kissy noises, and when I was done, she looked extremely confused and disgruntled. Kind of a "what the actual fuck was that, Karma?" look that Amy sported so often.

I passive-aggressively told her that she wouldn't be staying for the threesome, incase there was any confusion. As much as I had fantasized about having my first time with Amy, it would only make things more confusing. She agreed, saying she would fake food poisoning to get out. A part of me felt disappointed that she had an excuse ready, but I was just glad this whole ordeal would be over soon.

What Amy pulled at the threesome was completely uncalled for. It left me spinning through a loop until she confessed at the wedding and it all made sense. I could not understand it at the time. It made no sense why she seemed so intent with staying, why she prepared so much for a threesome that I thought meant nothing to her. The only reason I could wrap my mind around was she wanted Liam, and even that seemed farfetched. Amy had always been unpredictable, but even I wasn't expecting this.

She took off her trenchcoat so confidently and left me standing there with my mouth wide open. I couldn't help but stare, but even straight girls and gay boys would. Her body is a work of art, and she knows it. She walked over to me, taking off my trenchcoat and staring into me. I felt myself letting my guard down. We kissed, and it was by far the best kiss we've ever shared. It was passionate. It felt mutual. When we pulled apart, I looked into her eyes, and I saw her. I really saw her. Maybe for the first time. "Whoa," I said, shaking my head, not understanding the full capacity of what just happened. "I know," she said, a look on her face that I've never seen before.

I had forgotten Liam was there at this point, but I was suddenly reminded when he grabbed Amy and kissed her. Oh, what the fuck was all that went through my mind. My head was spinning. My feelings had returned tenfold for Amy after that kiss, the thought of kissing Liam after that was anything but pleasant, and now Liam and Amy were kissing. Okay, time to call it a night. I told them I couldn't do this with very obvious pain in my eyes that I'm sure they picked up on. Amy called me seven times that night, leaving very concerned voicemails each time.

*beep* Karma, please pick up, are you okay? What happened? We're worried about you. I'm worried about you.

*beep* I'm sorry, just pick up, I need to know you're okay.

*beep* Was this because Liam kissed me? I didn't expect he would. I didn't want him to.

*beep* I'm really worried, I just want to know you made it home safe. It's not fair to not respond. I have the right to know if you're okay or not.

*beep* Okay, you're obviously not okay, I didn't mean okay okay. If you don't want to talk, that's fine, just let me know you didn't get kidnapped on your way home.

*beep* Please…

*beep* I texted your mom. She told me you're safe in your room. I'll leave you alone now. Don't scare me like that. Good night, I love you.

To be fair, I had my phone off. I couldn't deal with that situation at the moment. I just needed to close myself in my room and cry.

Amy came over to my house the next morning, and after a long night of barely any sleep, I managed to dissociate myself from the situation as much as possible. Of course, she wanted to talk about it. "Was it because of our kiss?" she asked. I hesitated, wondering if it would be better to tell her everything in that moment. To tell her how I've been on and off in love with her for the past 2 and a half years, but it's been mostly on, and even when it was off it was on, and I wanted to kiss her and hold her and spend the rest of my life with her. "No," was the only thing that came out of my mouth. I told her we needed to end our fake relationship. It was getting too out of control. I never wanted a situation like the threesome to happen ever again.

She didn't seem very eager to end our fake relationship, but I ignored her and broke out the "celebrity break up" binder. Our whole "break up" was a huge mess. It was pushing Liam away, which I didn't want. I still had my eyes on the prize. Then, I saw the picture of Liam and Amy supposedly holding onto each other in the courtyard. It made sense then. She did want Liam, that's why she stayed at the threesome. That's why she didn't want to break up, she wanted to stay popular so Liam wouldn't leave. Of course, this all sounds ridiculous now that I know the truth, but this was my mindset no more than two weeks ago.

Then Amy and I fought. Again. We seemed to be fighting a lot lately. I didn't want to deal with this. "Come on Amy, let's not fight," but she was pissed. She was hurt, angry, upset, every negative feeling in the book. I felt horrible. I did this to her. I had to make it up to her. I had to open up and dig from the heart, even if my heart would say something really stupid that it couldn't take back.

I went on the morning announcements to try to clear things up. It seemed to work, because Amy found me while I was still apologizing. She hugged me and I felt all the electricity I used to feel. I was falling for her again, and if I didn't do something soon, there would be no turning back. I'd have to tell her the truth.

After our dramatic get-back-together moment for the whole school to see, they were cheering for us to kiss. Amy really did look especially beautiful that day. She had this way about her, she was even more confident than usual. It was like she had everything figured out, I envied that. Not to mention her denim button down and scarf combo. I truly believe there is nobody on this planet who can look that sexy while still fully clothed. "Guess we should give the crowd what they want," Amy said with an adorable smirk. I was melting. She leaned in and I gave her a peck on the lips, nothing too intense. I was already falling fast, I didn't want to speed things along even more. "I think we should still break up," I told her. I kissed her on the cheek and got up before I could see her reaction. I held back the tears as I made my way to the art room.

I regret this moment and the chain of events that follow it more than anything on earth. I don't want to get too into detail. I don't want to remember this. I slept with Liam. It was cheesy and romantic. It was how every girl would want their first time to be. I tried to make myself want it, but I couldn't. Sleeping with Liam didn't make my feelings for Amy disappear, it only destroyed my option of telling her how I felt. "Hey, I love you, but I also slept with Liam Booker, the boy you can't stand!" It didn't have a nice ring to it.

Liam and I had been sneaking into the art room for the next week. I didn't sleep with him again, though. I couldn't. The thought of doing anything more than kissing him repulsed me, but I pretended I liked him. If I pretended long enough, maybe it would come true. Eventually. I was subconsciously relieved when today came and I wouldn't have to see him. Of course, he ended up crashing it, and I was forced to endure yet another day of pretending I was in love with him. He was kissing me when mine and Amy's song came on. Straight Up, by Paula Abdul. At this point, I couldn't even pretend to be interested in Liam anymore. I pushed him aside and told him this was our song, and I left to find Amy. Dancing with her, performing our routine that we had choreographed one late night just for an occasion like this, was pure magic. I don't think I had ever been more in love with her than when she picked me up and twirled me around. We fell to the ground and looked into each other's eyes and laughed. It was innocent. It was beautiful. It was us. I started to consider the fact that my not-so-platonic feelings were mutual. I made a deal with the universe. If Amy would give me one sign tonight that she had feelings for me, I would ask her about it. I would ask her if she had feelings for me. I wasn't sure where I would go from there, but I would confirm my suspicions one way or another.

The universe delivered the sign. It wasn't an ordinary sign, it was a gigantic sign with flashing lights, screaming "This girl has feelings for you! Wake up, Ashcroft, you delusional idiot!" That sign was Amy's speech. Oh god, this was a speech everyone on earth would want the person they're in love with to make.

"Mom, Bruce, you're lucky, you've fallen in love with your best friend. The person who accepts you at your worst, the person who laughs at your stupid jokes, the person who knows you better than you know yourself."

My head started spinning as I looked at the ground. It was happening. I didn't know what to do now. I had to confront her about it. I was just so in shock that after years of pining away for this girl, this unattainable girl that has meant everything to me since the moment I laid eyes on her so many years ago, is practically confessing her love for me on stage.

"I would kill to spend the rest of my life with that person."

That was it. Definitive proof. I needed to talk to her, and I needed to talk to her fast. I waited until she went upstairs to her room. I wanted this to be private. I came upstairs a few minutes later to talk to her. I wasn't sure how I would approach how I came to the conclusion she had feelings for me. Looking back, there were so many signs. The way she looked at me like I was saying the most important thing in the entire world, how she lingered a little too long on that kiss in the quad, how she initiated the kiss at the homecoming assembly, despite not caring about being popular, the adorable smirk she developed on her face after I told her she was a great kisser, the way she was so jealous whenever I talked about Liam. That's what I would bring up. Liam. Seemed as good of an option as any. I walked into her room to see Amy pacing back and forth.

"I think I finally know why you're so jealous every time I mention-"

"Liam? You brought him here?! I saw him crawl out under the table, like a cockroach."

Well, that was clearly the wrong thing to bring up. To be fair, he shouldn't have been there, and I really wish he wasn't. This was causing so many unnecessary problems. I just wanted to ask the question.

"I didn't know he would come."

"Why didn't you tell me you two were back together?"

"Because every time I mention him you freak out… I think I finally know why."

"Trust me, you have no idea."

I choked out the sentence that had taken me almost 3 years to muster up the courage to say. "Amy, do you have feelings for me?"

"What? No.. Ew."

My heart started racing. What if I was wrong? I had to stick to my guns. "I can tell when you're lying."

"Really? Because I've been lying ever since we kissed at the homecoming assembly."

There it was. The truth that I had waited so long to hear, only one week too late. She had just confessed that she had feelings all this time, and here I was, deflowered by Liam fucking Booker. I couldn't tell her how I felt after that. She wouldn't believe me. This felt like a cruel joke. I had to handle this delicately. I would tell her I love her, just not now. But I had to start being honest. I had to tell her I slept with Liam. We could pick up the pieces later.

She went on and on about stepping off the edge, about how scary the feelings are, like I didn't already know. Of course I wanted to stop her and kiss her, and confess that I love every ounce of her with every fiber of my being, but I had to play it off for now. That's when she dropped it.

"I love you."

She started sobbing. I started crying. The next words that came out of my mouth are the words I had been telling myself for years, but this time, they were more painful to say than I ever imagined. "I love you too, Amy. More than anyone else on earth. Just not like that."

"But.. How can you know.. if you don't try?" She looked at me, and I saw hope in her eyes. She had just put herself out there and made herself more vulnerable than I ever had to her. She always was the brave one. I couldn't let this go on any longer. I had to rip off the bandaid, hoping she wouldn't walk away after these next words came out of my mouth. "I slept with Liam."

She gave me a look I have seen many times, but never directed towards me. It was the look she wore when she felt betrayed. The look she got when she felt nothing else mattered but revenge. The look I hoped to never, ever see directed towards me. I fucked up in so many ways over the past few years, it feels like I'm cursed.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Nobody knows the extent of this situation but this stupid diary. I've run out of tears to cry. I went to talk to Liam tonight after Amy's confession, ready to tell him everything, hoping for a shoulder to cry on, but he didn't want to hear it. I don't blame him. He's a douchebag, but he didn't deserve any of this. I'll talk to Amy in the morning. I can't even imagine what she's planning on doing to get back at me for everything I've done. Angry Amy is irrational Amy, and the only person who could ever calm her down was me, and well, I'm the one who hurt her.

This is going to be a long night.