Christian's POV:
I'm so nervous for tomorrow. I have to tell Ana about my dark past. She's so innocent, she could never understand. It is the right thing to do though, I can't start a relationship with someone if I am not one hundred percent honest with them. Elena has tried to call me several times this evening, but I am not in anymore to deal with that woman now. She helped me through a difficult time when I was a teenager and I am appreciative for that. She is also an excellent business partner, but that is the only relationship I wish to have with her and she wants more than that. Sleep does not come easy tonight and I have nightmares about my childhood, as always. Dreaming is supposed to be a time where you can be at peace and see your deepest desires, not horrifying images that shake you to your bone. Flynn says it's because I am trying to process what happened to me as a kid. I tried to suppress it for so long and still try to it has to manifest itself in some way. He suggests doing some more trauma work but I am a bit hesitant.
When I wake up its 9:30 and my anxiety is back in full swing about telling Ana. I spend a good 40 five minutes in the shower, going over how she is going to react I deep feelings for her. This is the first time I have felt like I can have an emotional connection with someone, I don't want my past to ruin what we could have.
Gail has made me my morning cup of coffee while I am checking my e-mails. An hour later, Ana walks into my apartment wearing a cute summer dress with a flower pattern. She looks beautiful and innocent. I try to hide the anxiety in my eyes as walk towards her.
"Good morning, Ana, you look as beautiful as ever." I say, pulling her in close and give her a kiss on the cheek. It hurts that this might be the end before the beginning.
"Good morning, Christian, it's wonderful to see you again." Her voice is angelic. I could listen to her speak all day.
"So, where would you like to eat, in the kitchen or on the balcony?"
"Well, it is a beautiful day outside but it looks fairly windy on the balcony and I forgot my jacket at home, so lets play it safe and eat inside."
"Good point, we would not want you getting sick, now would we? Follow me."
As I lead her to the kitchen, I hold her close to me because soon enough, she'll know my secret and leave me. Gail has laid out a fruit platter and has made us both omelets with cheese and ham, my personal favourite.
"What would you like to drink?"
"If you have, I would love English breakfast tea."
"Ana, I apologize, I am not a big tea drinker myself. I can have Taylor run and pick up some if you would like"
"No, Christian, that is not necessary. I'd love some juice though, whatever you have is fine."
I go to look in the fridge and there is still some fresh orange juice from yesterday. I grab two glasses and pour us both some juice.
"Thank you." She is very polite, I like that, I cannot tolerate rude people.
I sit down on the stool next to Ana, thinking about the perfect time to tell her.
"So, Christian, tell me about your family."
"Well, I was adopted as a child. My fathers name is Carrick and my mothers name is Grace. She is the most important person in my life. She saved me and I am forever grateful for that. I have an older brother, Elliot, and a younger sister, Mia, who I adore. She is about your age, I think you two would get a long very well."
"Well, it sounds like family is very important to you." She says then takes another bite of her omelet. I am happy to see that she eats well because food has been an issue for me ever since I was a child but I am not going to go there with her just yet.
"Yes, family is something that I cherish. Without them, I would be nothing. Tell me about your family, if you don't mind." I don't want to ask her the wrong questions. I know all about troubled families and how upset people can be when about talking about it.
"Well, my father died when I was very young and my mother Carla was never very stable about keeping a husband after that. In my teen years, after my mothers third marriage failed, I moved in with her second husband, Ray, who is like a father to me and has made me the woman I am today. It was just hard moving place to place just because she could not keep a husband. Stability is something I need in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother to death, but my stepfather is a real role model for me." I can tell with the rushed tone that this is a tender subject for her.
"Well, it's good you have someone important in your life to hold on to."
"So, Christian, what did you want to talk about this morning?"
"So eager, Miss. Steele. Before we talk, I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement stating that what I tell you stays between us." I hand her the NDA along with a pen. I eye her warily. She is still a wild card. I don't know if she's ever done this kind of thing before and I'm not sure how she'll respond. She appears to be unfazed.
"I am happy to sign whatever, but I understand the need for privacy and whatever you tell me signing an NDA or not, will stay between us." She says with understanding in her eyes. She signs the paper and hands it back to me.
"Would you like to sit in the living room while we talk?" I ask. With each minute, my fears of her leaving escalate.
"Wherever you are most comfortable, Christian." I extend my hand to reach hers and we walk into the living room hand in hand.
Once we are seated and comfortable, I brace myself for her reaction.
"Well, Ana, as I told you last night, I do not do flowers and chocolate. I have never been in a relationship or at least a 'normal' relationship by other people's standards." I take a deep breath trying to collect myself before my anxieties get the best of me.
"What do you mean?"
"Ana, I have Dominant and Submissive relationships. It is purely sex there is a list of rules which my submissive follow along with a contract and if either me the dominant or the submissive would break it would be the end of that relationship."
"A contract?" I notice she has looked at me the while we are talking, which is nice because she is not shying away or running for the hills, at least not yet. "Yes"
"What is in the contract?" She asks. I notice a hint of curiosity in her voice.
"Well, it was an outline of what I expected from them rules, the submissive's limits, my limits... to make sure both parties would be comfortable."
"So, it seems that this is all about control for you then?"
"Yes, you are very bright, Miss. Steele."
"Well, psychology has always been a hobby of mine ever since my emotional problems came into play. It always comforted me to read about things like this. I know a lot about needing control in your life. I guess I was right when I called you a control freak"
I can't help but feel she is hiding something.
"Well ,how do you try and have some control in your life?"
"Well ,Christian, like you and everyone else, I have my demons but I am not ready to share them with you just yet."
I can't help but feel betrayed by this, but I guess I haven't shared my full truth with her either. We did meet at our therapist office, so we both must have known we had issues.
"I understand. Hopefully, one day you can share them with me."
"I am sure that day will come eventually."
"Happy to hear that, Ana." This fills me with a huge sense of relief.
"Do you want a submissive relationship from me?"
"There is always going to be that part of me who needs that kind of relationship but spending time with you, Ana, has made me understand that there is more to relationships. I feel like I can have something real with you."
She is so easy to talk to and I am so comfortable with her.
"Christian, I can't go any further into this 'relationship' until you are certain of what you want. You need to see if you are ready to take something like this on."
"You're right, I need to be sure about this. I do not want to hinder your growth with as you said 'my baggage'. Would you still like to have dinner this Friday?"
"Sounds excellent. I just have one question, what was it about me that made you want something different?"
"It's because when I look at you, I see light not darkness. I see an innocence in you that gives me hope for me. I knew there was something special about you, Ana, the moment I laid eyes on you." She makes me feel things I have never felt before which scares me but fills me with hope.
"Well, see you on Friday."
"Looking forward to it. I will call you on Thursday with the details. Taylor will drive you back to your apartment."
When we reach the door, I am taken by surprise when she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me. I wish I could stop time in this moment. I have no anxiety and no worries. Just focusing on her and the kiss instantly fills with joy. I knew there was something different about this girl.
"Goodbye, Christian."
I do like that word 'goodbye', it makes me feel as if we are never going to see one another again. I need her in my life. This girl has made me into a new man and it's only been three days since we have met. I feel like I've hit the jackpot. I now know I can't let this girl go, I have to try to work on myself so I can be with her.