The Peanut Gallery

by Starryoak

Total Drama All Stars has rolled around, and the non contestants have to watch. They'll be betting on who's going next, who's coming back, pretty much on anything and everything. Minor shipping possible.

11. The Obsta-kill Course

"We've got Movie Sign!" The familiar recording played over the loudspeakers as everyone walked into the room. Notably, the door that B had fixed had a sign taped to it that read 'Please stop breaking our doors. It's not cheap to repair them.'

"Wow, I guess they got sick of the broken doors." Sam chuckled as the rest of them ignored the sign and walked in without giving it a second glance.

"Dakota sorry..." Dakota mumbled nervously.

"It's ok, it wasn't entirely your fault." Sam shrugged. "You put it back."

"And they didn't even have to fix it this time." Geoff said. "B did his... whatever he did and fixed it."

"..." B shrugged and gave a thumbs up.

"Why are they replacing the door anyway?" Leshawna walked in, Harold trailing behind her. "It's not like we need a door."

"Maybe they want us to know that we have no choice." Noah said. "Can't let us get the idea that we have any say in this at all."

"I'm not doing this!" Everyone froze in place as they heard Heather screaming. "You can't make me stay here!" She was suddenly shoved into the room by several interns, who looked very apologetic about the whole deal.

"You're still here?" Noah asked, smiling slightly. "I thought you and Jo were getting out of this place?"

"I am!" Heather threw herself against the door to get it to open up, but it was one way. "Dakota, smash this door for me!" She commanded the huge mutant girl, who looked very unimpressed.

"Dakota not help Heather." Dakota smirked, enjoying this a lot.

"Why not?" Heather snapped. "You could totally smash this door open in a second!"

"Dakota could smash door. Me not going to." Dakota explained, still smirking.

"Let go of me!" The same two interns who shoved Heather into the room were now struggling to hold back Jo, who was trying to escape their grasp. "I'm leaving this crappy place and there's nothing you can do about it!" She insisted, right before they tossed her in the room and shut the door before Heather or Jo could escape, a loud clicking noise heard as the door was locked.

"Jo!" Brick gasped and ran to her side, helping her up. "What happened?"

"I don't need help standing up, Brickhouse!" Jo snapped angrily. "I was trying to leave when those two redshirts jumped me and dragged me back to my room! I've been trying to get out all day!"

"...The same thing happened to me!" Heather said. "I was just minding my own business and then they drag me over here!"

"Would minding your own business be a euphemism for 'escaping through the lobby window'?" Noah asked. "Because that's what it means when Izzy says that."

"...It wouldn't be any of your business if it was." Heather looked annoyed. "I was almost out of the hotel when they caught me!"

"Ooh, that happens to Izzy all the time!" Izzy grinned, wrapping her arm around Heather's neck and affectionately noogieing her. "We're totally like escape buddies now!"

"Ugh!" Heather pushed the crazy redhead away. "We are not escape buddies!"

"...Wait a minute." Jo said. "Izzy, do you know a way off this island?"

"Of course I do, silly!" Izzy pulled a map out of her hair. "Here's the map to the secret banana temple," She pointed to what looked like the producers offices. "And here's the route that takes you into the alien's spaceship!" She pointed to a point on the map circled in red ink. "If you follow the yellow brick road you'll get there in no time!" She folded the map up into a paper frog and ate it. "Ooh, maps taste crunchy!" She grinned.

"...I'm not sure what to say to that..." Jo looked too confused for a snappy retort. "Ok... How would I get out of this room?" She rephrased her question.

"B, of course!" Izzy grinned and pulled over the massive mute with little to no effort, rummaged in his pockets without his permission. She pulled out the odd mechanical pull toy again. "Oh come on, where's your sonic screwdriver?" She pouted.

"..." B frowned at her, grabbed the pull toy from her forcefully and shook his head no.

"...Come on, seriously, where's the screwdriver?" Izzy asked, pulling more things out of B's coat, from a mechanical puppy to a wrench and a phone that looked like it was from the future. B pushed her away silently and rolled his eyes.

"Do you think Cameron will be here?" Cody asked nervously.

"Would he be any condition to be anywhere but the infirmary?" Noah countered.

"I was just asking..." Cody mumbled.

"Ugh!" Bridgette stormed into the room, slamming the door behind her, Jo and Heather both groaning angrily at this. "What?" Bridgette snapped at them, oddly annoyed.

"You just locked us in!" Heather said. "Unless Cameron makes a miracle appearance, we're all trapped in here until the episode is over!"

"I'm sorry I shut the door." Bridgette sighed. "I just-ugh!' She let out a frustrated huff. "The producers stopped answering my calls!"

"...Shocker." Jo rolled her eyes. "How many times have you nagged at them now?"

"I thought you wanted out of this show." Bridgette narrowed her eyes. "That's what I'm trying to do here!"

"Calm down, Bridge, we've got a meeting with them tomorrow, at least..." Geoff tried to calm her down, smiling.

"You're right!" Bridgette perked up. "They'll have to listen then!"

"If that gets me out of this hellhole without being inside a balloon, I'm all for it." Jo smirked.

"Well I don't buy it. When have the lawsuits against this show ever worked out in our favor?" Heather scoffed.

"Courtney won her suits to get into TDA." Beth suggested. "Her lawyers were really mean."

"Maybe that's who we need!" Bridgette smiled. "Courtney could win any argument with the producers!"

"Yeah, she's amazing." Justin said softly, swooning.

"...Duly noted." Bridgette said absentmindedly, going over the plan in her head.

"Are you sure you can't smash the door for me?" Heather looked pleadingly at Dakota.

"Heather find her own way out." Dakota shrugged. "Dakota keep Sam safe and that's it." She patted Sam's head, Sam not looking up from his GameGuy, but smiled.

"Come on you guys, lighten up!" Sierra grinned at everyone. "The show hasn't killed any contestant in its whole run, and there's no arguing with the statistics!"

"It hasn't killed anyone, sure." Noah rolled his eyes. "But then again, it sure has managed to ruin a lot of our lives." He said offhandedly. "Let's see, Lightning gets struck by his namesake and his hair turns white," He pointed at a flexing Lightning, who didn't look up from his bicep kissing. "Cameron's currently in the infirmary with a broken arm, Trent's gotten poisoned by a blowfish-"

"I said I was sorry!" Lindsay suddenly blurted out.

"... Tyler's been injured more times than I can count, Heather lost her hair," Noah continued, Heather growling at the mention of her hair loss. "Izzy and Owen got crushed by a plane, Alejandro was trapped in a robot suit for a year after being covered in lava, Scott was ripped apart by Fang and is probably suffering from some kind of PTSD, and Zeke and Dakota aren't even fully human anymore." Noah finished. "It hasn't killed us, but the alternatives aren't pretty." He concluded.

"Oh, and I'm pretty sure they've killed enough interns to fill a morgue." Jo butted in. "How does he keep hiring people if the death rates are so high?"

"How does the Starship Enterprise keep getting people to work in security?" Harold asked, snickering.

"...I wish I didn't understand that joke." Leshawna facepalmed.

"So the show has a little problem with safety..." Sierra said sheepishly. "At least Dawn gave us the sewing needles, right?"

"I would love to see them go unused." Everyone turned to find Dawn sitting in the lawn chair she had sat on during the first day.

"Well since someone-" Heather glared at Dakota. "- is being a giant mutant bitch about not smashing the door..." Everyone just slowly backed away from Heather and Dakota as she said that, clearly seeing the ensuing fight coming. "I guess we'll have to find out!"

"...I would seriously suggest taking that back right now!" Geoff called over to her from a safe distance standing behind B.

"Grr..." Dakota bared her teeth and clenched her fists, clearly trying not to punch a hole clean through Heather's head, as much as she wanted to. "Heather... Heather shut big stupid mouth or Dakota make her!" She stomped her foot, cracking the floor slightly. Sam looked not at all frightened and sighed, putting away his GameGuy into his pocket.

"Wait!" Bridgette shouted, standing between the two. "Hasn't anyone noticed that the show hasn't started?" She asked.

"...Huh, she's right!" Jo said, staring at the TV. "It always starts when the last person enters the room." She grinned. "That means I can still escape!" She laughed.

"But who's missing?" Brick asked. "I'm pretty sure everyone's present and accounted for." He said.

"Well I guess Cameron's coming." Staci said.

"That would be correct." Dawn smiled. "The interns are going to roll him in about five seconds from now." Just as she said, five seconds later, the same interns came in, rolling an embarrassed Cameron, who now just had a cast on his arm and bandages on the top of his head. Jo lunged at the door right as it slammed shut, the interns clearly terrified of her.

"Damnit!" Jo cussed, stomping her foot and frightening Cameron.

"Cameron!" Bridgette smiled happily. "You feel better?"

"Man, you were awesome! Up top!" Geoff walked up and held his hand out for a high five, which got an odd look from Cameron. "...Oh yeah." He laughed.

"I'm glad you think I was 'awesome'." Cameron said the last bit awkwardly. "And I'd high five you back, but I'm still in the bubble... And in a cast" He waved his broken arm slightly.

"...Yep, it's still the same old Bubble Brain." Jo smirked, giving up shaking the door. "You really impressed me, kid." She admitted.

"...We're both 17..." Cameron said, confused.

"Yes, but I'm like 5'8 and you're... puny." Jo looked down at him. "So you're a kid."

"That... makes sense." Cameron blushed.

"You seem calmer than when they flushed you." Eva said.

"I'm still a little sedated, so I'm kind of out of it. Ah, the wonders of anesthesia." Cameron laughed. "Chemicals really are fascinating."

"So how is the bubble treating you?" Bridgette asked.

"I never thought I'd be unhappy about being put back in my bubble." Cameron looked confused. "This feels a lot more confining than it did when I was 16..."

"You know, you could just get out of it." Jo said. "I could pop it for you."

"Oh no, no no no no no." Cameron looked horrified. "That would be disobeying my mom!"

"Have it your way." Jo shrugged. "I guess you'll need a protective bubble for what's coming."

"...What's coming?" Cameron asked nervously.

"CAMDY!" Sierra suddenly shrieked, breaking free of Dakota's grasp (who had wisely grabbed her and held her back the second Cameron rolled in).

"AGH!" Cameron screamed, backing up into the wall of the bubble and trying to be as far as physically, possible from the crazy stalker on the other side of the bubble. "What-what are you doing here?!" He squeaked.

"We're all here." Heather said, annoyed. "Why do you think you washed up here instead of some pipe in the Yukon or wherever?"

"I have no idea!" Cameron whimpered, Sierra ignoring his discomfort. "I just figured-I don't know!"

"Camdy, I was so worried about you!" Sierra was pressed up against the bubble, tying to hug it as Cameron kept as far away as he could. "You were so brave!" She cooed.

"Uh, thanks?" Cameron looked cautiously proud. "It was mostly adrenaline, but-" He stopped as he noticed she was kissing the bubble. "Are you... kissing my bubble?"

"Well this got creepy very quickly." Noah said, doing nothing, but cringing.

"Well, aren't we going to help him?" Cody asked.

"Be my guest." Noah shrugged. "I'm not doing anything."

"Ok, that's enough!" Jo suddenly said, pulling Sierra off of Cameron's bubble by her necklace. "He's already got a broken arm, he doesn't need you crushing him to death!"

"Jo, let me go!" Sierra whined. "I need to administer medical care to him!"

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen." Jo rolled her eyes. "Bubble Brain doesn't need your help to get better. In fact, I'm fairly sure that being around you makes him sicker!"

"But Jooooo-" Sierra began, but Jo reached into her pocket and pulled out a roll of duct tape and slapped it over her mouth.

"You're welcome." She dusted her hands off and smirked at Cody and Cameron, while Sierra struggled to get the duct tape off.

"Was that really necessary?" Brick asked, helping Sierra take off the duct tape.

"Thanks, Brick!" Sierra smiled at him. "I can see why Jo likes you!"

"I don't have time for this." Jo snapped, tired of arguing with Sierra. "I'm getting out of here if it's the last thing I do!"

"Uh, If I may inquire why you're so desperate to escape?" Cameron asked, confused. "I mean, the interns provide free room and board, food and TV, what reason is there to leave early?"

"Every All Stars contestant is going to be put into some freaking balloon during the final challenge, and the balloons are going to float off into space if we don't escape." Jo explained quickly. "Since the idea of being trapped in a bubble is not appealing to me, I'm leaving."

"Uh, Jo, forgive me for pointing this out, but balloons floating up pop long before they reach an altitude sufficient to suffocate you." Cameron said nervously.

"...Good point, but I'm still leaving." Jo shrugged.

"And also, how have you come across this information?" Cameron asked.

"Pixie Chick predicted it." Jo said offhandedly, inspecting the lock on the door. "Anyone have a bobby pin?" She asked.

"That's not going to work, Jo." Dawn warned her. "The interns put up chairs against the door."

"Fuck." Jo groaned. "There goes my plan."

"Um, what proof do you have that Dawn's predictions are accurate?" Cameron asked.

"She's been right about everything." Trent smiled at Dawn. "She knew Alejandro was in the robot suit, she knows who's going to be eliminated every time-"

"Not every time." Dawn corrected. "I just get flashes of the information as I watch the show."

"So you're all panicking over a prediction of the future?" Cameron looked perplexed. "That's entirely illogical."

"I guess," Trent shrugged. "But she's always right."

"What color am I thinkin-" Cameron put his finger on his chin in thought, testing Dawn, but got cut off.

"Purple." Dawn smiled, and as Cameron opened his mouth to try again. "Green." She smirked, enjoying the shocked look on his face. "And purple again." She finished.

"Ok, statistical anomaly." Cameron tried to rationalize her answers.

"Give up logic, it's not going to work." Noah looked sympathetically at him. "It's how I deal with Izzy."

"Izzy?" Cameron's eyes widened. "Oh no-" He looked up, only to see Izzy crouched on the rafters above him. She leapt down onto his bubble and balanced on it.

"Hi Cam!" Izzy giggled. "Boy, you really have a strong bubble, don't you?" She jumped off of the bubble and landed on Owen's shoulders. "I'm glad Mal didn't kill you twice!"

"Mal... MAL!" Cameron shrieked as he realized what she was talking about. "Mike, he's in trouble!" He looked pleadingly at everyone. "I don't know exactly-" He began.

"Ok, someone take Bubble Brain aside and give him a rundown of what's going on." Jo groaned. "No, not you." She glared at Sierra, who had her hand raised up high. "Someone who's not Sierra?"

"I'll explain." Bridgette sighed and walked up to Cameron. "It's a long story."

"Ok, now that we've got all of that sorted out, can we please just watch the show already?" Noah asked, annoyed.

"Last time on Total Drama," Chris began, forgetting once again to add the last bit. "We celebrated our 100th episode with a surprise guest appearance and a kidnapping, of the host-y kind."

"So you've all been watching Mike's inner thoughts?" Cameron scratched his head. "Isn't that a huge violation of his privacy?"

"I know it is." Bridgette sighed. "But it's better than not knowing what's going on."

"Also, was Mike really in Juvenile detention?" Cameron asked.

"Yes, and he-" Bridgette began, but paused. "-I mean, Mal, tried to kill you."

"What?!" Cameron squeaked. "I mean, he let me fall, but-"

"He didn't just let you fall, bro." Geoff said. "He came back with this ginormous boulder in his arms to crush you if you hadn't fallen." He held out his arms to show how big the boulder was. "Oh, and he tried to kill Zoey too." He added as an afterthought.

"Eep!" Cameron made a squeaking noise again.

"Geoff..." Bridgette looked annoyed at him.

"What?" Geoff asked defensively. "Dude deserves to know the truth!"

"But I stayed strong-Hey!" Chris insisted, just before a clip of him screaming in terror played. "Who put that there?" He asked. "Ahem." He coughed as the clips continued to play. "Alejandro found out who sabotaged the last vote," Alejandro finding the clips of Mal played, specifically the part where he broke into the votes."And made himself an insurance policy." The disc came out and Alejandro grabbed it.

"He was the one who sabotaged the votes?" Cameron asked, incredulously. "Why does he hate me so much? What did I ever do to Mike or him?"

"Mal despises Mike and wishes to destroy everything he holds dear so he can establish full control." Dawn explained. "You are his friend, therefore you are a threat."

"Bubble Brain? A threat?" Jo snorted with laughter.

"He did win last season." Brick shrugged.

"I only won because Chris left out the suitcase with the mecha suit intentionally so I would find it." Cameron twiddled his thumbs.

"Sha-what?" Lightning suddenly looked up from his bicep love-fest and glared at Cameron. "You didn't win nothing!"

"Actually I did-" Cameron began, only to have Lightning growl at him. "-Ok, I lost, I lost! Just let me keep my internal organs where they belong, inside me!" He whimpered.

"Ok, someone is SO getting fired!" Chris whined as more of his panicking was shown. "Chef is a stress eater, Mal betrayed Cam, Gwen stopped Zeke, Cam got hurt, Cam got flushed." He quickly explained as said sequence of events played onscreen.

"A bit simplistic, but he did capture the essentials of the episode." Cameron looked intrigued. "I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing inside of Mike's subconscious."

"It's not that interesting, really." Cody shrugged. "Just a big empty space with question marks floating everywhere and a giant creepy tower."

"Fascinating." Cameron smiled. "I wish I hadn't broken my writing arm, then I could have written this down..."

"That is IT!" Chris unplugged the TV screen that was showing him screaming. "Luckily, nothing gets me out of a bad mood faster than upping the 'ow factor' in a challenge." He smirked cockily at the camera.

"Again, wasn't there a time when he wasn't actively trying to kill us?" Bridgette asked.

"I don't know, he did ask me and DJ to sign organ donation forms in case we died." Trent shrugged, and when everyone looked at him funny. "For a cannibal challenge, not actual hospital work."

"What episode was that?" Bridgette asked.

"Episode 13, X-treme Torture, first aired September 20th two years ago, 8 minutes and 54 seconds in, not counting commercials." Sierra said off the top of her head, everyone gaping at her. "What? I know my stuff, ok?" She said defensively.

"...Dude, that was me jumping out of the plane and I don't even remember it that well." Trent said.

"Stick around to see who goes down on Total Drama All Stars!" Chris pointed at the camera as it panned out like it normally did. "Tell the editor to meet me at the flush of shame!" He growled, as the camera panned out to Chef sitting in the library, giggling.

"So, how do they make that opening? I don't particularly remember being trapped in a chest..." Cameron scratched his head after the opening credits aired. "And why is it shorter than I remember?"

"Oh, it's all animated to show off the cast and the new locations." Sierra grinned. "Since All Stars is set on the original island with no new competitors, the opening was shortened accordingly."

"That's fascinating, Sierra!" Cameron smiled at her, only to jump back as she met his gaze with another manic look.

"Thanks, Camody!" Sierra purred. "You know, that bubble is a really good look for you, but I think it would be better if it was a pod for two!" She giggled. "It could be our own personal room, just like the pinball game! Except instead of a pinball, it's a hermetically sealed bubble, and instead of being tossed around a giant pinball machine, we're on solid ground!" She clapped, lost in her insane fantasy. "I'm sure it would be the best place for all sorts of fun stuff!"

"Can someone please, uh, deal with her?" Cameron asked as she purred suggestively at him.

"Dakota help Cameron!" Dakota grinned and picked up Sierra, and put her down up on the rafters. "Sierra do good and maybe me let you down!" She smiled.

"I'll be good!" Sierra whined.

"Dakota, if you don't mind me asking, why are you not using proper grammar?" Cameron asked. "I didn't spend enough time with you last season, so I never got to ask."

"Dakota can't speak normal because mutant." Dakota sighed, clearly upset. "Scientists say Dakota's brain mutant now and Dakota have to get used to new brain." She twiddled her massive thumb/claws.

"Well, I guess that makes sense, but why can you sometimes use pronouns like me or I?" Cameron asked.

"Me don't know, Dakota just speak funny now and Daddy pays for speech the-" Dakota struggled to say the long word. "-th-therapy." She managed to finish.

"How could Scott dump me?" Courtney whined, the camera zooming in on the girls loser cabin. "Ugh!"

"I feel really really bad about kissing her, now." Cameron shifted uncomfortably.

"You should be!" Justin growled. "Your lips have contaminated her precious-" Justin was about to continue, but another yo-yo struck him on his forehead and knocked him out.

"Was that really necessary, Jo?" Cameron asked her.

"Trust me, it is." Jo said. "Pretty Boy over there has been bitching about his lame crush on Courtney since Scott first hit on her. If I hadn't shut him up, he'd be whining all day." She groaned.

"Well, did you have -" Brick began, but she cut him off.

"Yes, I did." Jo said, annoyed. "He's been bitching about it for like five days now, it's getting old."

"But was knocking him out really necessary?" Brick asked.

"Necessary? No." Jo smirked. "Extremely enjoyable? Yes."

"I know it's hard-" Zoey tried to comfort her, but Courtney simply paced back and forth, ignoring her.

"Kissing Cameron was an accident!" Courtney insisted.

"Oh of course, but-" Zoey put her hands on her hips, trying to console Courtney, but was still being ignored.

"He kissed me!" Courtney whined.

"Time out!" Zoey shouted, fed up with being ignored. "Sorry," She apologized for being loud.
"Just, maybe you just need to talk?" She suggested.

"Yeah, cause talking worked so well with Duncan." Leshawna rolled her eyes.

"You know, I just realized, no one's talked to Duncan since he's been put in the slammer." Geoff said. "Dude's probably all lonely by now."

"And we should care why?" Leshawna looked annoyed. "Boy got himself into that mess by acting like a jackass. Giving him attention would be positive reinforcement."

"I thought you liked Duncan." Geoff said.

"Liked." Leshawna corrected. "Yeah, I used to think he was alright, but every time I give him a chance, he goes and pulls some jackass stunt or punks Harold and I remember why I don't like him." She smiled at Harold.

"And hey, on the bright side, kissed by two guys in one day?" Zoey added, hands on her hips. "You're on fire!" She grinned, pumping her arm.

Confessional:

"She's right!" Courtney grinned. "Yay me!" She pointed at herself.

"Oh boy, looks like Zoey inflated her ego. This will be fun." Eva rolled her eyes. "As if she really needs a confidence boost."

"Thanks Zoey!" Courtney grinned at Zoey. "Do me a favor, don't mention this to Gwen." She put her hand on Zoey's arm. "I haven't exactly been easy on her with the whole 'kissing' thing." She folded her arms.

"Yeah, and that would make you a total hypocrite," Noah snarked. "And we all know that can't be true."

"Technically I did kiss her, and she had no part in it." Cameron said. "Also, her lips taste like cinnamon." He whispered, hiding his head under his hoodie and blushing beet red.

"I should be the one to taste those lips!" Justin interrupted, rubbing his head. "I should-" He began again, only for Jo to cut him off.

"Literally no one gives a shit, please shut the fuck up." Jo snapped at him, everyone gaping slightly from the profanity, but recovering quickly.

"Your secret is safe with me!" Zoey smiled.

"Thanks!" Courtney reclined on her bed. "You're a pal." She smiled serenely as knocking could be heard outside the cabin. Zoey looked outside and opened the window.

"Hey Zoey, you ok?" Mal asked, feigning worry.

"He's... He's very good at imitating Mike, isn't he?" Cameron looked paler as he was clearly terrified of Mal.

"Yeah." Cody said. "Wait till you hear his real voice, it drives Noah crazy!" He giggled.

"It does not 'drive me crazy'!" Noah looked annoyed and blushing slightly. "It's just physically impossible and that bugs me!"

"What's physically impossible about his voice?" Cameron asked.

"You'll see." Noah said.

"Huh..." Zoey sighed sadly. "I still can't believe Cam's gone..."

"Uh, me neither." Mal stuttered for a second to get the correct emotion on his face. "I miss him so much!"

Confessional:

"Ha!" Mal laughed. "Mike might miss the little brainiac, but as far as I'm concerned?" His voice still had the reverberating quality to it. "Getting rid of Cameron was like scraping gum off my shoe; a bit sticky, but ooh so satisfying."

"Eep!" Cameron shrunk back slightly. "I'm like gum to him?"

"Gum on his shoe." Harold corrected. "So probably a bit lower than that, gosh."

"Harold?" Leshawna looked scoldingly at her boyfriend.

"Yes Leshawna?" Harold smiled at her, infatuated.

"Stop scaring the poor kid." Leshawna lightly whapped him on the back of his head. "Boy's already got a crazy psycho trying to kill him, he don't need any help being frightened!"

"And Noah's right." Cameron said. "His voice is reverberating without a source. It's as if he has his own echo."

"See?" Noah looked pointedly at Cody. "Some people actually understand that what's going on is insane!"

"It's actually rather fascinating." Cameron smirked. "If I wasn't afraid that Mal would murder me, I would love to hear it in person."

"Ugh." Noah groaned.

The camera suddenly began zooming into Mal's mind as he finished that sentence, and the 'camera' panned down to Mike and Chester both walking along, Chester hunched over. "So... much... walking!" Chester whined.

"Oh my, that is fascinating." Cameron looked enthused. "The walls of his mind are covered in neural pathways! I wonder why Chester looks like Mike, though..." He put his good hand on his chin in thought.

"Dude, Chester's just another part of Mike, of course he looks like him!" Geoff laughed.

"Well, yes, but most of the time, alters have their own perceptions of how they look, so it's odd that Chester appears to be identical to Mike." Cameron explained.

"Don't bring logic into this, it's not worth it." Noah advised him.

"Perhaps the camera is recording as Mike is perceiving it, and not how his alters do..." Cameron mused. "This really is a conundrum!"

"Why'd I ever agree to go on a quest?" Chester stopped, gripping his back and shaking his fist angrily. "There better not be any of that rock and/or roll music, or-or dancing where we're going!" He griped.

"What's wrong with rock?" Trent asked. "Sure, I'm an acoustic guitar player, but rock is pretty cool."

"Vill you keep it down vith zhe babbling?" A feminine voice was heard from off 'camera', and it panned over to reveal Svetlana, chained to a large boulder and carving a sculpture of a fish out of what appeared to be butter. "He might hear you!"

"Eeeeeee!" Sierra squealed, still stuck in the rafters. "Svetlana's back! She's totally the best personality!" She clapped.

"Ugh, why ain't they running into Vito?" Anne Maria groaned. "I don't care what happens to the Russian chick, I want to see my boyfriend again!"

"I thought you two broke up." Sierra looked down at her.

"Hey, Mike might think so, but Vito's still my man!" Anne Maria grinned, although it looked a little forced. "He don't gotta listen to Mike, you know."

"Is that butter?" Noah suddenly asked, tilting his head.

"I believe so, yes." Cameron frowned.

"Why is she carving a fish out of butter?" Noah asked.

"Because butter is yummy?" Owen suggested.

"...I don't know how to rebut that question." Noah sighed, facepalming.

"Svetlana!" Mike exclaimed, walking up to him. "Uh... what are you doing?" He asked, confused.

"Mal told me 'sculpting fishies vith butter, or cease to exist." Svetlana explained.

"Ok, this is actually a question I asked the first time around, but does anyone have any idea what's up with Svetlana's eyelashes and lipstick?" Noah asked.

"I think Svetlana is a representation of repressed femininity and grace, so I would assume-" Cameron began, but Noah cut him off.

"No, I don't mean why she's a girl, I mean that when Mike becomes Svetlana, he gets longer eyelashes and lipstick." Noah explained, clearly annoyed. "There's no way for him to apply any sort of makeup, and the transition is immediate and not logical. Like how Vito's hair slicks back like he's using hair gel, with no actual applying of it."

"Noah?" Cody said.

"Yes?" Noah replied.

"I don't think that's really important." Cody admitted. "Even if it doesn't make sense, we still have bigger problems than illogical hairstyles and makeup. You know, Mal?" He pointed out.

"Well yes, but doesn't it bug any of you at all?" Noah asked everyone.

"Not really." Almost everyone shrugged and said that.

"You do have a point, Noah." Cameron smiled. "Perhaps we could endeavor to figure the mystery out together?"

"I'm not really interested in investigations." Noah rolled his eyes. "I'm just the only one around here asking questions."

"Can we stop with the nerd talk and please get on with it?" Heather complained. "I don't care about any of this!"

"Well it's time to cease his existence!" Mike put his hands on his hips. "Come with us!" He offered.

"Shhh!" Svetlana insisted, whispering. "Stop vith zhe talking! He has zhe ears everyvhere!" She pointed up, the 'camera' panning up to reveal several ear shaped clouds hanging above them.

"Ok, that could be a problem." Mike admitted, finger on his chin in thought.

"Fascinating!" Cameron gushed. "The clouds are shaped like ears, and they can listen in on the inner workings of Mike's mind... I wonder why they manifest in that form, though..." He muttered to himself.

"Bubble Brain?" Jo looked at Cameron.

"Yes, Jo?" Cameron asked.

"No one really cares." Jo snapped at him. "I know you're really interested in psychology or whatever, but no one here cares. Beside's Noah, but he's just a stickler." She rolled her eyes at Noah.

The camera panned out again, to Mal in the confessional, arms folded. "Now to deal with my biggest threat, Alejandro." Mal chuckled darkly. "Oh, he's going to pay for sabotaging my sabotage."

"Say goodbye to your boyfriend, Heather." Jo smirked.

"Alejandro can take anyone on!" Heather snapped. "Especially a weakling like Mike! He's got the physique of a pencil!"

"Hey, he's a pretty damn ripped pencil." Anne Maria countered. "He's got rock hard abs."

"I do want to remind you that Mal has beaten up Izzy, so I'm gonna err on the side of caution and say he's much stronger than he looks." Noah added.

"And he crushed my GameGuy with his bare hands." Sam said. "He totally ruined my game!"

"Oh, and Sierra's smartphone." Staci added.

"Alejandro can take him." Heather insisted weakly.

"I have to tell someone, and you're the only one I trust!" Mal looked at Zoey, faking a worried look. "I saw Alejandro refuse to help Cam, just before he fell in the mine!" He lied, hands on his hips.

"Wow, Mal is actually pretty smart, yah!" Staci gaped. "Alejandro did refuse to help him and left him to fall, so he's not even lying!"

"Yeah, except he left out the part where he tried to smash Corduroy with a boulder." Lindsay corrected. "He must be really forgetful, cause I'd definitely remember something that important." She smiled, oblivious to the odd looks she was getting.

"I still don't get why Mal tried to kill Cameron so often." Trent mused. "If he just wants to cause chaos, he could have just killed Chris... And if he really wanted to hurt Mike, he would have just let Zoey get eaten by piranhas." He scratched his head.

"Do you really really want to know?" Dawn asked him.

"Uh, yes?" Trent looked confused. "That's why I asked..."

"Mal wants to be in complete control of every aspect of Mike's life, because he believes deep down somewhere in his prime motives, he needs to protect Mike. He might hate Mike, but that is only because Mike forced upon him the memories that Mike didn't want. He wants to be in control because he believes Mike is incompetent and lets everyone take advantage of him. With himself in charge, Mal has no threats, because he has subdued all his foes. " Dawn explained, meditating. "And while letting Zoey die on that pole would have hurt Mike greatly, Mal wants to kill her with his own hands, so Mike will know that he was responsible for her death, that in the end, it was his hands were the ones that took his friends and lover's lives." She continued, and everyone gaped at her as she explained the last part, wringing her hands slightly. " And when Cameron and Zoey gone, he knows Mike will give up hope and let him take over, because he has nothing left to fight for." She finished gravely.

"...That's... that's awful!" Bridgette's eyes were wide, and she was clinging to Geoff, letting the things Dawn just said sink in.

"That's messed up." Geoff agreed, holding Bridgette close so she could hide her tears. "Like, that's... that's just so wrong." He said again.

"Eep!" Cameron whimpered again. "How do you people keep watching this?" He sat down. "It's terrifying!"

"...I don't have a sarcastic comment for this." Noah looked stunned. "That's not-it's... no." He seemed to shut down.

"Aww, cheer up, little buddy, it's gonna be ok!" Owen suddenly hugged Noah from behind. "I'm not sure how, but I'm pretty sure of it!"

"Please-put me down!" Noah choked out, and Owen released him from the death grip he called a hug. "Thank you!" He coughed.

"I-what now?" Cody struggled to speak. "I mean, what do we do?"

"What can we do?" Noah retorted. "It's not like we have some magic button to push that'll make it all better."

"Actually, that would be-" Dawn began, but stopped herself. "It's easier to not explain." She sighed, everyone ignoring her.

"Come on you guys, you're the Total Drama crew!" Sierra called down from the rafters. "We never give up!" She grinned. "When Total Drama Dirtbags threatened to replace you guys, we all came through! When the plane crashed in Jamaica, did we give up?"

"No, we didn't!" Bridgette smiled weakly. "We pulled together and saved the show!"

"And when the plane blew up," Sierra blushed slightly, remembering that it was her fault. "Did you give up on the million?" She asked Heather.

"No, I didn't! That money was mine!" Heather growled.

"Exactly!" Sierra clapped. "We always pull through! Bridgette's already meeting with the producers tomorrow, so worrying about today won't help anyone!"

"You're right, Sierra!" Cameron perked up, before pausing. "Wow, Sierra's right..."

"Can someone get me down now?" Sierra pleaded.

"Sierra promise to stay away from Cameron?" Dakota asked.

"...No promises." Sierra giggled nervously.

"Then no." Dakota looked apologetic.

"Huh!" Zoey gasped. "I knew he was a snake!" She glared. "I bet he's the one who tampered with the votes!"

"Ok, seriously?" Heather snapped. "Alejandro might have been a womanizing jerkbag that I totally hate," She insisted. "But he never tampered directly with anything! He's not stupid, he just tricked everyone into voting for who he wanted legitimately!"

"He is a snake, though." Leshawna growled.

"Well that makes it even better." Heather smirked. "You bought his ruse and got kicked off because of it."

"We do not discuss that incident." Leshawna clammed up.

"If Gwen hadn't fished Cam out of that river...oh..." Mal pretended to look worried.

"If Gwen hadn't caught me..." Cameron's eyes widened. "I still don't know how to swim!"

"...Seriously?" Jo looked slightly bemused. "You've been outside your bubble for a year and you never got around to learning how to swim?"

"My mom didn't think I was ready for all the chemicals in the water." Cameron mumbled. "Chlorine can have terrible effects on human skin."

"Yeah, if it was all chlorine." Cody laughed. "You realize that pools only have, like, 1% chlorine in them, right?" He asked.

"Actually, it varies from pool to pool, Cody." Harold corrected him. "Depending on the quality of the pool maintenance, the pool should remain hovering between 7.2 and 7.6 on the pH levels. That's the equivalent of tears!" He said excitedly. "Too low, and the pool will irritate your eyes and damage the pool liner, but too high and it will irritate skin and cloud over, gosh." He finished rambling, everyone having long since ignored him, besides Cameron, who was completely enthralled.

"Ok, now that you're done with that, I have a question." Heather said, annoyed.

"Do you want to borrow my book on pool maintenance?" Harold asked, grinning.

"Uh, no!" Heather faked gagging. "You've probably got your nerd germs on it!" She shivered. "Or worse, Leshawna's germs!"

"You want to start somethin'?" Leshawna rolled up her imaginary sleeves. "Cause I'm fine with starting somethin'!"

"No, I don't." Heather groaned. "Harold, you realize that literally no one has been listening to you? And also that no one cares about what's in the pool outside as long as it's clean?"

"Actually, I find it fascinating." Cameron smiled, only for Heather to hiss at him.

"Heather has a point." Bridgette said. "The pH of our pools aren't really that important compared to the fact that Cameron and everyone on the show are all in danger of getting murdered by a psycho!"

"I could take Mal if it came down to it." Jo scoffed.

"No you couldn't." Noah finally snapped out of his blank state. "Look, I get that you like to think you're the strongest player-"

"I am!" Jo insisted.

"-The fact is," Noah ignored her. "Mal has proven that he can take down Izzy, so he has to be pretty damn strong, considering that Izzy regularly beats Chef up, and he's like seven feet tall. Could you beat up Chef?"

"Well... Shut up." Jo snapped.

"My point exactly." Noah groaned.

"I totally blanked out there, Noah." Izzy suddenly blurted out. "Harold started going 'blah blah blah chlorine, blah blah blah pool, blah blah blah Harold germs', and I just stopped listening."

"We just can't trust that guy!" Zoey said, annoyed, not noticing Mal smirking evilly.

"Attention maggots!" Chris's voice came out over the intercom. "Last one to the beach drops and gives me fifty! Hup hup hup!" He announced quickly, Zoey walking out of the cabins as Courtney ran past.

"Ow!" Courtney suddenly fell and tripped over the porch, falling to the ground in front of Scott, who was sitting on the porch, holding dirt in his hands. "What are you doing?" She asked him angrily.

"I'm sad." Scott explained, chewing on an unknown substance. "And when I'm sad, I eat dirt." He continued, chewing on the clump of dirt in his hands.

"...Ew." Leshawna winced. "What is wrong with that boy?"

"He-" Dawn began, but Trent gave her a look. "-Oh, rhetorical question. Sorry!" She giggled slightly.

"It's ok." Trent smiled back at her. "So are we still on for that date tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yes, we are." Dawn smiled. "I want to show you something really special-"

"No one wants to know what you two will be doing." Jo snapped."Especially if it's each other." She added, smirking as everyone else got the joke, wincing.

"You'll never cheat on me, will you?" Scott asked the clump of dirt, entirely serious.

"Ugh, that is it!" Courtney stood up and clenched her fists. "Listen up, farm boy!" She yelled. "CAMERON kissed ME! And he's gone, so we're back together, end of story!" She ran off, Scott getting up and smiling.

"No!" Justin whined. "Why does she want to be with him anyway?"

"Because she likes bad boys?" Trent offered.

"Actually, I think that Scott is the most healthy relationship she's been in since the show started, yah." Staci said. "Wow, that's kind of sad..." She realized.

"Healthy relationship?" Leshawna scoffed.

"Think about it," Staci continued. "Why did Duncan and Courtney's relationship fail?"

"Because he's an idiot?" Harold asked.

"Because he cheated on her?" Bridgette added

"Because he's a jerkass?" Jo agreed.

"Well, yah, those are all good answers." Staci giggled nervously. "But at the end of the day, yah, it was the fact that Duncan didn't respect or listen to her." She explained. "He thought she was a nagging bitch and-"

"But she is." Jo countered.

"Ok, I walked right into that." Staci admitted. "But Scott listens to her, yah."

"I could listen to her!" Justin insisted.

"No, you couldn't." Dawn said. "Because you haven't." She looked fed up again. "You keep selfishly insisting that you know what's best for Courtney better than she does. If she wants to date Scott, she must be able to see past something that you can't." She looked annoyed. "If you could listen to her, you wouldn't be insisting you know better than her, when you've been so consumed with jealousy that your aura looks like someone barfed on it!" She huffed.

"What!?" Justin suddenly grabbed his mirror and began inspecting his face. "Where's my aura?"

"Ahem." Harold coughed and pulled out his dictionary. "Auras are the supposed emanation surrounding the body of a living creature, viewed by mystics, spiritualists, and some practitioners of complementary medicine as the essence of the individual, and allegedly discernible by people with special sensibilities, such as Dawn here."

"Ok, ok, so how do I apply makeup to it?" Justin asked nervously, still searching for his aura.

"You can't." Dawn said, annoyed. "Auras are complex things, and they can't even be seen or touched by most mortals. Even I can't touch them, and I can see them perfectly."

"So... no makeup can fix my hideousness?" Justin looked like he was going to cry, lip trembling.

"The solution to your problems can't be found in makeup." Dawn frowned. "The problem is you, and no amount of makeup can fix you, because the problem isn't your looks."

"When you start lecturing people, you get really scary." Bridgette cringed as Justin continued whimpering.

"I'm sorry to have frightened you." Dawn looked sad. "I simply was getting fed up with him."

Confessional:

"Can't help it, I loves me a bossy lady!" Scott grinned, throwing his hands up.

"Looks like you have something in common there!" Sierra grinned, swinging down as if she was Izzy, right next to an extremely frightened Brick.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Brick looked genuinely confused, but also blushing.

"Remember what Dawn said?" Sierra grinned, dropping to the ground. "And I quote;" She pulled out her smartphone. "She said; It's right there in your aura, between your bladder control issues and your need to be dominated!" She grinned. "And right after that Jo showed up and blew her whistle and squat thrusted at you!"

"That was totally out of context!" Jo snapped, blushing.

"Whatever you say, Jo." Sierra smirked.

"But I'm not forgiving or forgetting just yet." Scott's demeanor turned cold and he folded his arms. "Courtney might not be finished her kissing spree."

"Maybe she isn't..." Justin perked up.

"Your obsession is reaching Sierra levels of creepiness." Noah said, before pausing. "Ok, not quite that bad, but still."

"I'm right here, you know!" Sierra growled.

"I know." Noah smirked, ignoring her vicious glare.

"Are you two ever going to quit your girly catfighting?" Eva asked, rolling her eyes.

"I am not 'catfighting'." Noah looked annoyed.

"Yes, you were." Izzy jumped in.

"Was not." Noah repeated.

"Was too!" Izzy grinned.

"Was. Not." Noah insisted, blushing slightly.

"Oooh, you're blushing!" Izzy grinned. "That means I win!"

"I- "Noah was about to continue arguing, but Izzy caught him by surprise by booping him on the nose and blowing a raspberry. "-Wait, what?"

The scene cut to Chris in a military camouflage helmet and sunglasses, stern expression on his face and hands behind his back. "At ease, maggots!" He said as the camera panned out to show all the contestants panting and groaning, exhausted, Gwen walking up last. "'Bout time you got here, I was almost getting bored." He frowned. "Glad you could join us, Alejandro!" He kept up his indifferent act as Chef brought in Alejandro. "You know the deal." He said. "Last one here equals pushups there."

"That's not fair!" Heather complained. "He was exiled, of course he wouldn't make it on time!"

"He knows that." Jo shrugged. "He's just an asshole."

"Of course I'm going to be the last one, I was exiled on Boney Island!" Alejandro complained.

"What did you say last time?" Cody suddenly got a sparkle in his eyes. "It's like there's an extremely nerdy echo in here?" He asked, smirking as Heather huffed and blew a raspberry at him.

"You mean;" Chris pulled out his trusty megaphone. "I WAS EXILED ON BONEY ISLAND, SIR!" He yelled as Alejandro rolled his eyes.

Confessional:

"Chris is lucky I have a bigger problem to deal with." Alejandro folded his arms, annoyed. "Mal." He said the name with disdain, before grinning. "Good thing I have a DVD full of incriminating footage hidden in the hotel!" He smirked. "When the time is right, bam!" He put his fist in his palm. "I'll expose that phony or my name isn't Alejandro Burrosmuertos!"

"I'd like to remind everyone that Burrosmuertos means dead donkeys." Harold snickered.

"Shut up, geekwad." Heather snapped at him.

"What, you don't want to be called Heather Dead Donkey some day?" Leshawna snickered as well. "It does fit you pretty well, you've gotta admit!"

"I-I hate all of you!" Heather made a sputtering angry noise. "And I will never marry that idiotic hunk, never!" She insisted. "And if I did, he'd change his name!"

"What's your last name again?" Noah asked. "Something really ironic, like goody-two-shoes, or something..."

"Angel." Sierra smiled. "Heather Angel, height is 5'6, weight is-" She was about to recite the full stats, but Heather grabbed one of Jo's yo-yo's out of her sweatshirt pocket and chucked it at her smartphone, knocking it out of her hands. "-Well jeez, overreaction much?" Sierra looked annoyed.

"Yeah, you're the skinniest white girl I've seen out of all the skinny white girls I've ever seen." Leshawna said.

"Actually, technically, she's Polynesian." Sierra interjected before Heather could retort.

"...How did you-" Heather gaped.

"I know everyone's family history!" Sierra clapped. "Did you know Mike's mom remarried after Mike was eight? And that Anne Maria is actually Italian-Canadian?" She said, Anne Maria shrugging indifferently. "Oh, and that Noah's actually Indian?" When no one responded, she sighed. "I thought it was interesting..."

"I think everyone knew that, genius." Noah said. "It's not like I made a big secret of it."

"Wow, so have you ever been to one of those bow-wows?" Lindsay asked, genuinely interested.

"I would answer sarcastically but I know you'd take me seriously." Noah said, annoyed. "Indian. Not Native American." He stressed.

"But aren't those the same thing?" Lindsay tilted her head.

"...I'm impressed that you knew that they're both terms for the same thing, honestly." Noah smiled, more sarcastically than real. "Indian. Bollywood." He struggled to think of something that would get through to Lindsay. "The country where the girls wear pretty dots on their foreheads." He sighed as Lindsay nodded.

"Why didn't you just say so, silly?" Lindsay giggled, but Noah said nothing.

"Hahaha..." Chris's voice came over the loudspeaker, Alejandro looking annoyed. "Tell them what your last name means, heheheh!" He challenged, Alejandro grunting.

"It's a very respected name where I come from." Alejandro insisted. "Very respected."

"Yeah, I'm sure Spain really thinks highly of the title Dead Jackass." Jo snickered.

"There is no way that calling someone a dead donkey is ever a compliment." Eva agreed.

"-And 50!" The camera cut to the final push up that Alejandro had to complete. "Didn't break a sweat." He dusted his hands off.

"Awww, I wanted to see him do pushups..." Katie whined, Sadie nodding.

"Listen up, worms." Chris commanded. "Chef's boot-camp challenge in season one was tough, but this is season five, things are about to get a whole lot more hurty."

"Actually, compared to most of the ROTI, World Tour and this seasons challenges, the original season was by far the safest and easiest of the series." Sierra pulled out her smartphone. "Out of twenty-six challenges, only six were of serious risk to the contestants health and safety, compared to ROTI's line up, out of thirteen challenges, eleven of them could have killed the competitors, and the other two still ended up with serious risk factors."

"Remind me why we're not dead yet?" Cody asked. "I mean, I got mauled by a bear-"

"-But that was not part of the challenge itself." Sierra interrupted him. "And you looked so cute in that full body cast, you know?" She purred, Cody and Cameron both inching away from her.

"Wait a second..." Noah looked like something had dawned on him. "Ok, Cody was voted out in episode nine for being unable to compete due to injuries." He said.

"Yeah, and?" Cody asked, looking embarrassed.

"When and why was Cameron eliminated?" Noah asked.

"Episode nine... for being unable to compete... due to injuries..." Cody said, faltering as he realized what Noah was saying.

"And who is deluding themselves into believing Cameron is you?" Noah silently jerked his head towards Sierra.

"...That is freaky." Cody shivered. "What's even up with that?"

"I don't know..." Cameron looked genuinely perplexed. "It is implausible that the exact same circumstances voted both of us off in the same way and in the same episode. Yet both of us were injured completely by accident." He mused. "There's no obvious way that it could have been rigged." He began pacing around in his bubble, rolling it around in circles. "Ezekiel is essentially a wild animal, and even if he wasn't, he despises Chris and would never help him, so it can't be that my injuries were set up in advance." Cameron continued rambling. "But if my injuries weren't rigged, then it would have had to be Cody's, but as that came before my elimination and even before I auditioned, it wouldn't have been possible for them to have set it up with the knowledge that the same circumstances would befall me, which means that it is simultaneously impossible for it to have been set up, but equally so that it wasn't!" His eyes widened as he stopped rolling around, looking slightly nauseous. "Is the room supposed to be spinning?" He asked, rubbing his head with his good arm.

"I stopped listening when you started pacing around the room." Jo shrugged. "I just heard 'blah blah blah impossible blah blah blah rigged yadda yadda equally improbable yadda yadda elimination." She imitated Cameron's musings, earning giggles from the rest of the room.

"But doesn't this raise an interesting question?" Cameron asked. "The fact of the matter is-"

"The fact of the matter is that no one cares about that." Jo said firmly.

"But Jo, this is a conundrum!" Cameron insisted.

"Look, kid." Noah said, frowning at Cameron. "Let me tell you something I've figured out by his point; nothing on this show makes sense." He stated. "Think about everything that's happened since the show started. Let's see, there's the fact that we've actually interacted and met a Sasquatch, which are supposed to be urban legends..." He started counting on his fingers. "We've seen aliens, we've seen prehistoric geese living in the middle of a lake in Ontario, where no one has noticed them despite being right next to civilization, Cody and Tyler have both flown using only wax and feather wings, despite the fact that humans just don't have the proper bone structure for flight, especially considering how small the wings were." He continued, clearly getting more annoyed with each thing he listed. "We've seen a bra hold up a bus full of teenagers, one of them being Owen, without snapping," He pointed at his friend. "And does anyone remember the time that Izzy punched Chef with three fists during their fight in Egypt?" He pointed at Izzy, who blew a raspberry

"Izzy isn't going to be giving up that secret any time soon!" Izzy hollered.

"We've fallen out of a plane that was up 30,000 feet in the sky without freezing or suffocating, Owen and Izzy have both been crushed by a plane, but weren't injured enough to keep them from competing, even though logically the two of you should have been bloody smears on the beach." Noah continued, looking frustrated.

"Ooh, I want to be a bloody smear!" Izzy grinned, Noah ignoring her.

"We've seen Izzy get completely covered in glowing radioactive goo, yet not suffer any ill effects," Noah narrowed his eyes. "Which is odd, because Dakota only spent an hour in that mine and yet she was permanently mutated. So how did Izzy survive that without a mutation?" He asked.

"...How do you know there weren't any mutations?" Izzy grinned mischievously.

"I am looking at you." Noah groaned. "You are standing right in front of me and I can see that you're not mutated in any way."

"...Do you want to see my mutations?" Izzy asked, grinning, she began untying her sarong eagerly, Owen perking up happily.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Noah covered his eyes. "No one wants to see that!"

"...Spoilsport." Izzy reluctantly retied her skirt.

"Noah, you are completely and totally one hundred percent correct." Bridgette said, cringing slightly at Izzy.

"Thank you-" He began.

"But don't you think it's just easier to not think about that?" Bridgette asked. "If everything doesn't make sense, then what point is there in trying to fight it?"

"But-ugh..." Noah was about to protest, but he gave a defeated groan. "Just play the damn show already and get on with it."

"With the Chris McLean Obsta-kill Course!...Patent pending." Chris announced, adding the last bit as an afterthought as he pointed off camera, the view switching to show off the course.

"Ok, you've got to admit that that was a clever pun." Brick shrugged as Jo begrudgingly nodded in agreement.

"To win this full on race challenge and avoid getting flushed, first you'll have to conquer the fun tires!" The camera panned over a yard full of tires, each end topped with a flag.

"I could do that in my sleep!" Jo scoffed.

"Just wait, I'm sure he's put sharks inside the tires or something." Eva growled.

"You know, I wonder who's going to be eliminated... I mean, it could be anyone. " Staci pondered. "Anyone got an idea?" She asked.

"I could-" Dawn began, but Staci cut her off.

"That takes all the fun out of guessing, yah." Staci said. "Rule one, no one can ask Dawn." Staci said. "That's not fair to everyone."

"What are we even guessing for?" Eva asked.

"I don't know, I just thought maybe it would be fun, you know?" Staci shrugged.

"Uh..." Sadie looked stumped. "It could be anyone!" She threw up her hands. "I mean, now that Mal can rig the votes any time he likes, it's not like anyone else could win!"

"Oh my gosh Sadie, you're right!" Katie gaped. "He could even vote off Zoey!..." She paused. "We vote Zoey!" They both said at the same time.

"You two make a good point, but I'm gonna guess Scott." Beth frowned. "He's got a lot of enemies, you know?"

"I say Courtney goes." Anne Maria looked annoyed. "She's a real bitch."

"I hope it's Alejandro." Heather said offhandedly, before freezing up as she realized what she said. "Not because I want him around or anything, but, you know, I don't want him to win the million?" She laughed nervously as she fanned her face. "It's getting really hot in here, what's up with that?" She asked, laughing nervously. "Does anyone else think it's getting hot in here?"

"Nope, just you, huhuhuh..." Sam chuckled, not even looking up from his GameGuy. "Powerup activate!" He pumped his fist. "Go Gadget Guy, go!" He grinned.

"Shut up, Geekwad, no one asked you!" Heather snapped.

"Does Heather want a big hole where Heather's head used to be?" Dakota growled.

"I can't understand a word you just said." Heather snickered.

"Dakota make it easier; Heather shut up or Dakota will make sure Heather never walk again!" Dakota hissed angrily, clenching her fists and showing off her sharp teeth.

"I-I'll shut up now." Heather clearly got the message and shrunk back, apparently only just now realizing how much stronger Dakota was than her.

"Get past them, and you'll make it to the rope slope!" Chris announced, the camera panning up to a steep wooden incline that had several ropes on it, one appeared to be a wire that crackled with the electricity running through it."Some ropes are less reliable than others, so chose wisely!" He advised. "But not TOO wisely, that will spoil the fun, for me."

"Ten bucks says Scott takes the wire rope." Jo smirked, not throwing down any money, just saying her thoughts out loud.

"Next, the snapping bars!" Chris announced, the camera cutting to a jungle gym style ladder crossing over a small pond.

"Why are they called that?" Zoey asked, sounding extremely worried.

"Oh, you'll see!" Chris said ominously as the camera quickly panned over to an empty field. "Then it's on to a pleasant run through the 'duck and cover'."

"Somehow I'm much more terrified when Chris doesn't explain the challenges." Bridgette groaned.

"Come out of THAT alive, and you're in for a real treat!" Chris grinned.

"Pfft, piece of cake." Scott scoffed.

"Oh god, now he's done it." Jo smirked.

"Isn't this like the second time he's made the challenge harder by making fun of Chris?" Sam asked. "You'd think the dude would figure out the trend-OH COME ON!" He interrupted himself as a dying sound byte could be heard from his GameGuy as its batteries ran out. "Anyone have two double A batteries?" He asked frantically.

"Dude, it's not the end of the world, it's just a video game." Geoff laughed.

"It's not the end of your world, sure." Sam snapped, uncharacteristically peeved.

"I've got batteries." Sierra tossed over the batteries, and Sam caught them without even looking up from his GameGuy. "That is still impressive." She gaped.

"Years of practice." Sam shrugged, starting up his game again.

"Oooh, in that case-" Chris began, Scott catching on immediately, gripping his head.

"No!" Scott groaned.

"Everyone has to wear a heavy pack for the whole challenge." Chris grinned as Chef tossed the backpacks onto the ground, everyone groaning in annoyance. "Abandon your pack and you'll face a brutal penalty." Chris explained. "Seriously, this is gonna be awesome!" He chuckled.

The camera cut to Alejandro picking one of the packs, only to focus in on Zoey and Gwen. "He let Cam fall?" Gwen gaped at Alejandro. "Wow, that's harsh, even by Alejandro's standards." She said.

"Yeah, Mike and I are planning to vote him off as payback." Zoey explained.

"And once again I must say that your boyfriend is screwed." Jo smirked.

"Count me in." Gwen said happily.

"Awesome!" Zoey smiled. "Now we just have to survive this challenge!" She put her hand on Gwen's shoulder. "At least it's not underground, right?" She and Gwen both laughed as the camera zoomed back to Alejandro's perspective, Courtney glaring suspiciously at the two nearby, narrowing her eyes and gasping.

Confessional:

"Zoey better not be forming an alliance with Gwen!" Courtney whined. "Or telling her about me kissing Scott and Cameron... Or both!? Gah!" She folded her arms. "Why didn't I take that lip reading course?" She groaned .

"I would have assumed she did." Noah shrugged. "She's paranoid enough to think that was necessary."

"Better watch your step, pal." Mal walked up to Alejandro, hands on his hips and voice in its normal deep effect. "Or is it Al?"

"Get away from him you idiot!" Heather whimpered, biting her nails, clearly terrified for him.

"Quite a warning coming from the guy who tampered with the votes." Alejandro kept his cool and folded his arms.

"Why isn't he running away?" Heather asked. "He's seen the videos, right?"

"Remember, that CD of Mal's greatest hits had nothing on it about any of the times he tried to kill the others, just that he was breaking peoples stuff, yah, so he doesn't know anything about how Mal is anything more than a jerk who breaks peoples stuff." Staci explained.

"This probably isn't the best time to ask why you care so much about him, right?" Cody was hiding a smirk.

"Ugh!" Heather screamed in frustration.

"So what?" Mal looked completely unimpressed, his arms folded as well. "Who's going to believe you, the most manipulative player in Total Drama history?"

"Ahem." Heather coughed angrily. "I was way more manipulative than he was!" She snapped.

"She's right!" Sierra grinned. "Out of all the contestants, Heather has been directly responsible for twenty eliminations, compared to Alejandro's fifteen." She rattled off, not even having to look at her phone. "So really Mal is totally incorrect." She paused. "Scary, but incorrect."

"You know what's scaring me?" Noah asked, not waiting for a response. "That you knew that without even looking."

"Oh yeah, I have the elimination tables memorized!" Sierra grinned.

"True, I'm not known for being trustworthy..." Alejandro admitted. "But that is why I've procured a DVD full of footage of you at your shiftiest." He grinned and grabbed onto Mal's shirt, lifting him up. For some reason, this neither shocked nor frightened Mal, who kept a neutral expression on his face.

"At his shiftiest?" Bridgette looked annoyed. "That DVD is full of the nicest things Mal has done."

"I can't look." Dawn covered her eyes and hid behind Trent.

"What do you mean you can't look?" Heather snapped at the little pixie girl, but she said nothing.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that threatening the psycho who beat Izzy in under a minute is going to end very badly for Alejandro." Noah said.

"He doesn't even looked scared or anything!" Beth said.

"Of course he's not." Noah said. "He's crazy."

"Your hours here are numbered, pal." Alejandro said, grinning maliciously as he pulled Mal up to his face. "Or should I say, Mal." As Alejandro said that, Mal narrowed his eyes, fed up with Alejandro, he grabbed Alejandro's wrist and a sickening crack could be heard as he broke it. Alejandro whimpered in pain as he lowered himself into a submissive position, kneeling on the ground as if he was bowing, Mal still holding his wrist.

"...Damn." Jo gaped, everyone either stunned into silence or wincing in sympathy as they heard the sound of Alejandro's broken wrist.

"Dude, how does a hundred pound weakling break a guy's wrist!" Geoff asked. "Alejandro's like, way bigger than him!"

"Didn't you guys hear me when I told you Mal's criminal record?" Sierra said, pulling out her phone and accessing her file on Mike. "He had seventeen cases of proven physical assault and seven cases of broken bones. Mal's been doing this to bigger and tougher guys at least twenty-four times, and factoring in the thirty-two unproven accusations of assault, and assuming that some of the kids didn't report it out of fear, he's probably done this over a hundred times!"

"Ok, I hate Alejandro more than anybody, but this is just incredibly screwed up." Noah said. "This is the second time Mal's broken someone's bones, and frankly, I doubt it will be the last."

"What the fuck is wrong with Mike?" Heather shrieked, startling everyone.

"It''s not Mike that broke your boyfriends wris-" Jo began.

"Alejandro is not my boyfriend!" Heather yelled. "And I don't care what stupid names Mike wants to call himself, he tried to kill Alejandro!"

"Mike did not break Alejandro's wrist and he never will." Dawn suddenly spoke up. "He is not Mal and while Mal is a part of him that he hid away-"

"What does that even mean?" Heather snapped. "You keep saying stuff about how Mal was Mike's protector or something insane like that, but then you say something about how he wants to kill Zoey with his own hands just to let him know it was his fault, and now he's a part of Mike?! Pick a side and stick with it! Either Mal hates Mike or Mal wants to save him!"

"It's not nearly that simple, Heather-" Dawn began, but Heather gave her another look.

"I know it's not that simple! Nothing about Mike is simple! He's got five people inside his head, one of which apparently wants to murder him!" Heather groaned in frustration, tugging on her hair.

"Can we please just watch the show?" Noah groaned. "Go look up MPD or something, that should help you figure out what's going on."

"Wait, you know what's going on?" Cody looked incredulous.

"I learned to read when I was still in diapers and I've studied psychology textbooks since I was five, what gave you the idea that I wouldn't know what was wrong with Mike?" Noah looked almost insulted at the insinuation that he didn't know everything.

"But you've been asking questions about Mal this entire time-" Cody looked confused.

"I've been asking questions like 'how is his voice doubled over' and 'how come when he's Svetlana he gets lipstick without putting any on', not 'how does one come to have DID, or MPD'."

"So how does that happen?" Cody looked genuinely interested.

"...You can borrow my textbook after the show." Noah paused for a second before he answered.

"Why not just tell me?" Cody asked.

"There are people in this room that don't need to know, especially the blabbermouths." Noah jerked his head towards Sierra and Katie and Sadie. "Mike's got enough problems without everyone bugging him about it."

"Wait!" Alejandro begged him, but Mal said nothing, simply watching as Alejandro groveled. "My people have a saying!" He whimpered as Mal refused to loosen his grip. "Burrosmuertos no hablan!" He said.

"Dead donkeys don't talk?" Mal asked, keeping the same indifferent expression on his face.

"Heheheheheh!" Chris's mocking laughter played over the speakers. "Alejandro Dead Donkey!" He laughed.

"It's more poetic in Spanish, but-agh!" Alejandro tried to keep talking, but Mal suddenly crushed Alejandro's hand even harder, another crunching noise was heard.

"Jesus, he's already broken his wrist, what the hell is he doing that for?" Jo cringed.

"Sick, twisted personal amusement?" Eva offered.

"My point is, your secret is safe with me." Alejandro whimpered, his voice breaking slightly as he clearly was in pain.

Confessional:

"I must stop this monster!" Alejandro said, rubbing his swollen red wrist. "No one ruins my symmetry and gets away with it."

The camera cut back to Alejandro and Mal, Zoey walking up. "What are you guys doing?" She asked.

"Oh, ahhahahah..." Mal suddenly turned around. "Alejandro tripped and I was just helping him up!" He lied. "You should really be more careful." He dragged Alejandro up, smirking evilly.

"OH COME ON!" Eva yelled. "What kind of brain-dead idiot would buy that?"

"Zoey realized something was wrong in episode seven." Dawn said. "She's in denial and has been letting her love of Mike cloud over her doubts."

"She's still a moron." Eva grumbled.

"On your marks," Chris announced over the megaphone as everyone got ready. "Get set, go!" He yelled as everyone began racing towards the tires.

"This is easy!" Scott smirked, running along with Courtney until a pole popped up and she ran straight into it, Scott not noticing. "Huh?" He recognized Courtney's screams, only to trip and fall into one of the tires, one leg straight up and touching his face. "AGH!" He screamed in pain.

"O-ooh man that's gotta hurt." Geoff covered his crotch and winced. "I once did the splits like that and I couldn't walk straight for like a week." He said, then laughed. "Still one of my best parties ever, though."

"My foot is touching my face!" Scott screamed.

"Can we watch this scene again?" Justin snickered, Dawn giving him the stink eye.

"You dumb fools didn't think Colonel McLean would give you a straight ahead challenge, did you?" Chris asked, hiding the mirth in his voice behind his military commands.

"He's gonna keep calling himself colonel for the rest of the episode, isn't he?" Jo groaned.

"If Chris was an honest to god Colonel, I'd probably quit the army and devote my life to fashion." Brick said. "I mean, not really, I'd probably just transfer to a different platoon, but..." Brick corrected himself, trailing off in embarrassment.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that." Jo laughed. "You spent your money on fashion school!" She snickered, Brick blushing.

"Woah, careful!" A sudden jet of boiling hot water burst out of one of the tires, Mal pulling Zoey out of the way.

"Look out!" As soon as Mal had said that, she pulled him out of another jets blast.

"Thanks!" Mal grabbed her hands, faking his voice. "We make a great team." The camera suddenly panned over to Alejandro, glaring at Mal.

Confessional:

"His powers of persuasion are impressive." Alejandro admitted, holding a mirror in his hand.

"Hey, his arm's not all broken!" Lindsay gaped. "Oh my gosh, is he like a super healing guy?"

"It's more likely that he recorded that confessional earlier and they just cut it together to look like it came afterwards." Noah shrugged.

"I must get the others on my side!" Alejandro said, looking into the mirror. "The gorgeous side."

"Ugh, I'm going to barf." Heather looked annoyed.

"Gwen, I need to talk to you!" Alejandro rushed up to Gwen, who had just dodged a mallet in the tire in front of her.

"You know, I'm really glad this season no one's being an idiot and not telling people about Mal." Noah said. "I mean, last time around no one who knew Scott was evil did anything."

"I tried." Dawn protested.

"Not really." Noah said. "You were just saying you didn't do it. If you had just said that Scott did it, you wouldn't have been kicked out."

"Can't!" Gwen looked annoyed. "Kind of trying to stay alive!"

"Then for now, a warning!" Alejandro began. "Whatever you do, do not trust Ma-ugh!" He was suddenly stuck by a tire, the camera panning over to Mal, who was smirking evilly as fire jets came up behind him. Alejandro was stuck in the tire as Gwen left him behind.

"Mike and Zoey are in the lead, and heading for the rope slope!" Chris announced, still wearing the military hat and riding along with Chef in his Jeep. "This oughta be good!" He clasped his hands together with an evil smirk. Mal took the leftmost rope and Zoey took the third rope, Mal climbing out of the camera's view almost as soon as he touched the rope, Zoey taking a slower and steadier pace.

"How much experience does Mal have with climbing ropes?" Bridgette looked impressed. "He's climbing like Izzy!"

"Ooh, maybe I should challenge him to a race!" Izzy grinned.

"Izzy, may I remind you what happened the last time you challenged Mike to a climbing competition?" Noah looked annoyed.

"When did Mike ever get to race with Izzy?" Cameron looked confused.

"Svetlana only won because she obviously had help from aliens!" Izzy shouted angrily. "That's the only logical explanation! No human could beat Izzy!"

"Izzy challenged Svetlana to a race to the top of the... what was it..." Noah pondered for a second. "Oh yes, to the top of the playa and back, only climbing, no going inside, no flying, no elevators, no flying elevators, and no aliens." He looked bemused. "It was two days before the finale of ROTI, I think."

"So what happened?" Cameron looked intrigued.

"Izzy lost." Noah said. "Badly."

"I did not lose!" Izzy looked annoyed.

"Harold?" Noah smirked.

"Svetlana made it to the top and back in five minutes and thirty three seconds." Harold had pulled out his own notebook. "Izzy did it in seven minutes and four seconds. Additionally, Noah bet fifteen dollars on Izzy and Trent bet fifteen on Svetlana." He said.

"What the heck?" Zoey asked as she inspected the filthy ratted rope she was climbing, sniffing it.

"Come on Zoey, you can do it!" Mal called down to her, clearly having slowed down to avoid suspicion.

"I'm try-y-y-aachoo!" Zoey began, clearly holding in a sneeze, she failed and let go of the rope, falling to the ground.

"Apparently Zoey's allergic to ropes made of dog hair." Chris announced as Zoey rubbed her sore backside.

"Dog hair?" Zoey looked disgusted. "Eew!" She whined.

"Gross." Leshawna agreed.

"Zoey, you ok?" Mal called down.

"Keep going!" Zoey got up. "I'll catch up!" She called up to him.

"Licorice?" Mal sniffed at his rope suspiciously. "Heheheh, might as well make this more fun for the next guy." He chuckled darkly and took a huge chunk out of the 'rope'.

Gwen ran up and began climbing up the dog hair rope, soon reaching Zoey. "Uh, are you allergic to dogs?" Zoey asked nervously.

"Weird question, no." Gwen said, slightly out of breath.

"It's just your rope is-" Zoey began, giggling.

"Huh?" Gwen sniffed at her rope. "Ooh, yuck!" She made a disgusted face.

"Hehehe, I know, right?" Zoey giggled. "So gross!" They both laughed as Courtney and Scott made it to the rope slope.

"You two better not be talking about me kissing Scott and Cameron!" Courtney yelled.

"Real smooth, genius." Jo snorted.

"And why would kissing Scott be a problem?" Cody asked. "I mean, Cameron, yes, but Scott?"

"Because he is hideous and awful and doesn't deserve Courtney's love?" Justin offered.

"...Nevermind." Cody groaned.

"You kissed Cameron?" Gwen gasped.

Confessional:

"Oops!" Courtney grinned sheepishly.

"Not only that, but she kissed him while we were going out!" Scott called up, before a glare from Courtney made him smile. "But we're back together and very happy." He amended, actually looking sincere.

"Ten bucks says they break up again." Eva smirked.

"Ten bucks says they get back together right after it." Jo threw down her money as well.

"If we survive this, you and I are going to have a little chat, Courtney!" Gwen called down to her nervous 'friend', Courtney sighing sadly.

"What are you waiting for?" Courtney was already up the slope just as Scott was grabbing onto the sparking wire. "Climb!"

"Called it!" Jo smirked.

"No worries, I'll be up in a country jiffy-rrrgh!" Scott was reassuring Courtney, right before he placed his hand on one of the free sections of wire and was promptly electrocuted.

"Looks like someone found my favorite rope!" Chris snickered as Alejandro passed him by. "The Zapper!"

"Scott, we need to talk!" Alejandro began climbing up the rope slope, keeping his bad hand off of the rope, Scott looking dazed and unresponsive. "You can't trust-" He stopped speaking as the wires electrocuted Scott again. "-Perhaps I'll tell you later..." He amended as he continued up the slope. He continued up the rope until the licorice snapped. He looked like he was going to fall, but he grabbed onto the top with his good hand. "Haha!" He grinned. "Still got it!"

"Woohoo!" Heather cheered. "I mean-"

"No one cares anymore." Jo snapped at her.

"Will anyone survive the Obsta-kill Course?" Chris turned to the camera. "Will Scott become a human hot dog? Will I laugh no matter what?" He paused. "Yes to that, but, for all the other answers, stay tuned to Total Drama All Stars!" They cut out for commercials.

"Hey Bridgette!" Noah suddenly whispered to get the surfers attention. "I know we don't talk much, but-"

"I have a boyfriend!" She whispered back.

"-Yes, because that's exactly what I was going to ask." Noah rolled his eyes. "I know you're going to talk to the producers tomorrow about Mal, and there are some things you probably should know. I'm telling Cody already, so I figured you wouldn't be the worst person to tell."

"Thanks for the glowing compliment." Bridgette huffed. "Why can't you tell me right now?" She whispered back.

"It's just not something that everyone should know" Noah looked annoyed. "I only know because I've studied psychology, and I don't think Mike's told anyone about it, so I'm not going to go spreading it around. You and Cody know how to keep a secret, and you're not evil, so you two win the sweepstakes." He did his sarcastic little jazz hands. "Look, I know you've been poking around for information, and I don't think Sierra's a reliable source of any information, so-"

"I get it." Bridgette nodded. "I'll be there tomorrow."

The camera faded back in on Mal traversing a set of jungle gym bars, snapping turtles circling the water below and jumping up at him to eat him. "Mike is first to reach the snapping bars!" Chris announced. "Followed by Gwen, and Zoey!" He continued as the camera panned backwards to show the two girls getting onto the bars.

"Agh!" Gwen yelped, hugging onto the bars as one of the turtles bit at her boots. "So that's why they're called the snapping bars!" She rolled her eyes. "Hilarious!"

Alejandro quickly arrived at the snapping bars, fighting his broken wrist, he spotted Mal well on his way across the bars, and jumped onto the top of the monkey bars and began walking on his hands again. He reached where Mal was hovering, unsure of whether to reach for the next bar, and dived down, grabbing onto Mal's legs and bear hugging them. "Hah!" He proclaimed.

"He's doing pretty well for a guy with a broken wrist." Trent looked suspicious.

"Adrenaline along with stress, is natures morphine, Trent." Cameron said. "Put under enough pressure, your brain can prioritize things over your pain."

"Let go of me!" Mal growled at his captor.

"Not without a fight." Alejandro proclaimed as the camera once more zoomed into Mal's mind.

"Ten bucks on Mal." Jo proclaimed, but no one challenged her. "Oh come on, what gives?"

"Respectfully stated, Ma'am, everyone knows Mal can win." Brick said, shrugging. "It isn't worth it to bet against him."

"Damnit." Jo groaned. "I was hoping someone would be the sucker."

"Come on, let us help you break free!" Mike and Chester were still arguing with Svetlana when she began glowing and pulsating transparently.

"Ooh, ooh!" Svetlana dropped the sculpting tool and began cringing in pain.

"Svetlana?" Mike asked worriedly. "What's happening?" He added.

"Is...him!" Svetlana began convulsing dramatically, screaming out as the camera suddenly cut out to Mal's face, where he gasped and took on Svetlana's eyelashes and lipstick, but his eyes still had the dark circles around them and his grin was malevolent.

"Oh, this can't be good." Beth said, scared.

"Svetlana's like, super athletic, yah." Staci nodded. "Mal's going to wipe the floor with Alejandro..."

"Again, the situation is dire when you're cheering for Alejandro." Geoff said.

"I'm surprised you know the word dire." Staci said, smiling slightly.

"Hey, I might be a party dude, but I can know big words!" Geoff looked defensive. "I just-uh... Yeah, I learned it from Bridge..." He sighed.

"Svetlana zhe Olympic champion, vith zhe hanging bars!" Mal said, taking on Svetlana's voice as well, he began swinging back and forth over and over again, slamming Alejandro into the bars every time, the turtles and the other contestants cringing as they watched.

"I'm going to be the devil's advocate here, and say that that is pretty impressive." Noah said. "Mike weighs like-"

"117 pounds." Sierra interrupted him.

"Yeah, I really asked for that." Noah rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Mike weighs like 117 pounds, and Alejandro's 6'0, so he's gotta weight at least 160-180 pounds, so he has to be lifting his entire weight, plus Alejandro's, just using his hands." He calculated on his fingers. "So he's pretty strong."

"The Lightning can bench-press 250, easily!" Lightning bragged, but everyone ignored him.

Confessional:

"Hmm..." Zoey put her finger on her chin, thinking. "I thought Mike said he couldn't access his other personalities anymore..." She mused. "At least he didn't turn into that Mal character." She shrugged, oblivious.

"GET A CLUE, BITCH!" Eva yelled at the screen in frustration.

"Uh, my mom says that you're not supposed to swea-" Cameron began, but Eva snarled at him and he quieted down.

"Fight it, Svetlana!" The camera cut back to Svetlana's convulsions, still pulsating in and out of existence, Mike encouraging her. "Fight Mal!"

"Zhe chain!" Svetlana said, the camera focusing in on the chain on her ankle. Mike grabbed the nearby sculpting mallet and smashed the chain, freeing her. "Hoorah!" She cheered. "Svetlana helps you now!" She high fived Mike as Chester licked at one of the butter stacks.

"Woahwoahwoahgagh!" The camera switched back to Mal using his legs to spin Alejandro around like a pinwheel, Alejandro groaning in pain. "Stop!" He cried.

"Again, impressive." Noah said.

Mal suddenly gasped, and his lipstick and eyelashes disappeared. "Huh?" He asked, blinking in shock as he looked down and realized he was unable to continue. "Woah!" He cried, falling down and hitting his jaw on the gym on the way.

"Karma!" Izzy grinned. "My voodoo gypsy curse worked!"

"Ok, that was like, three different cultures there you just referenced." Noah said.

"Why have one when you can combine them?" Izzy grinned manically.

"Ugh.." Alejandro gripped his head with his good hand after he landed safely on the ground, running off. Mal rose up out of the water, growling, only to have the snapping turtles surround him, leaping at him.

"...Seeing someone get eaten alive by snapping turtles should not be this fun." Heather smirked. "But it is!"

"Mike!" Zoey called down to her boyfriend worriedly, as Mal resurfaced with bruises and lumps covering his face from where the turtles had bit him. He swam quickly out of the water, getting up to his feet, only to collapse on the ground, revealing every inch of his body covered in the same swollen sores.

"Hahahah..." Chris cackled, driving by Mal. "Alejandro takes the lead, and Mike just may be out of commission." He looked down at Mal.

Confessional:

"How could Svetlana take off like that?" Mal asked himself, before looking up in thought as suspenseful music played. "Mike!" He realized. "Oh, he's messing with my plans!" He glared right into the confessional camera. "RGGH!" He growled as he clenched his fists. "I'm coming for you, bro!" He said menacingly as he punched the camera, shattering the glass, the camera feed shut off.

"Eep!" Cameron shrieked in fear as everyone else either did the same, or cringed.

"He's... He's really starting to scare me." Jo admitted.

"Just now?" Cody whimpered. "He's been scaring me since day one!" He said.

"W-well, I'm just tougher than you." Jo stuttered.

"Hang on, Mike, I'm coming!" Zoey exclaimed, quickly overtaking Gwen, ignoring the snapping turtles.

"Hey, not cool!" Gwen cried at the turtles as they grabbed onto her boots.

"Ooh, and here comes team 'Break up, Make up'!" Chris announced as Courtney began climbing the bars, carrying a terrified Scott on her shoulders, letting him grab onto the bars first.

"Ow!" Scott cried, as one of the turtles clamped onto his butt. "My left buttcheek!" He winced, just before another turtle clamped onto the other side. "Agh, my right buttcheek!" He cried, his eyes crossed. "Why is it always my butt?" He whined.

"Bwahahaha!" Jo burst out laughing. "Oh man, I needed that!"

"Move it!" Courtney growled at her boyfriend. "I didn't carry you all the way to the bars just so you could fall in-" She scolded him, just as he let go and fell into the water. "Ugh, you're on your own, slacker!" She called down to him as he screamed, crossing the bars without him.

"Man, I remember when I used to think Courtney was hot." Geoff said.

"She is hot!" Justin looked indignant. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world!"

"Yeah, she's got a nice butt, I'll give you that." Geoff said. "But she's a total, you know, bitch?" He shrugged. "She's high maintenance, dude."

"It is worth it!" Justin proclaimed.

"Sure, whatever you say." Geoff shrugged. "I'll stick with my cool, laid back, totally smoking hot girlfriend." He smiled at Bridgette, who smiled back, and it only took two seconds of staring into each other's eyes for them to start making out.

"Come on!" Zoey ran up to her boyfriend (or who she thinks is her boyfriend, anyway.) and shook his shoulder. "If Alejandro wins, we can't vote him off!" She said.

"You go ahead, if I help Scott, he might vote for Alejandro too!" Mal said nervously.

"Well, ok, but be careful!" Zoey said, getting up and running off.

"Oh, I always am!" Mal grinned as she ran off.

"Zoey, we must talk!" Alejandro spoke up from behind one of the rocks in the field as Zoey passed him by.

"Mike saw you let Cam fall!" Zoey snapped at him. "Try to handsome-talk your abs out of that, huh!"

"Was that just a Freudian slip or did she actually mean to say that?" Harold pondered.

"He does talk handsomely." Sadie sighed.

"And his abs are totally amazing!" Katie agreed.

"Shut up, both of you." Heather hissed at them.

"What-nonononono!" Alejandro sped up behind her. "Mike is not who he seems, and I can prove-gah!" He was struck by a leech right to the face, just before he could finish his sentence, swelling up and turning red with the blood pulsing under its flesh.

"Ewww..." Zoey backed up.

"Forgot to mention;" Chris picked up his megaphone and yelled over to them. "This is Chef's favorite spot to unwind with some leechball target practice!" The camera panned over to him, sitting down on a rock where Chef was standing with one of the leechball machine guns. "So, you better duck, and you better find cover." He advised them.

"Ow!" Zoey was struck by one of the leeches, but she pulled it off, but Alejandro was not so lucky, two more leeches latched onto his face.

"Madre mia..." Alejandro moaned, right before another three rounds struck him, Zoey jumping and rolling behind one of the rocks.

"Ooh man, those leeches smart." Sam winced. "They take, like an ounce of blood out of you each."

"They're better than that mutant mosquito that bit you, that thing was freaky with a capital F!" Leshawna said, shuddering.

"What mutant mosquito?" Sam scratched his head in confusion.

"Oh, right, you were asleep for that." Leshawna shrugged. "During the first night, this ginormous mosquito flew into the guys room and took, like, a lot of blood out of you."

"Oooh, that explains why I was so woozy..." Sam chuckled nervously. "I was actually thinking it was tech withdrawal again, but I guess I should have noticed that everything wasn't going all pixely." He scratched his neck. "And it explains the itchy neck, too, huhuhuhuh." He laughed.

"And Zoey takes the lead!" Chris announced as Zoey continued ducking and weaving, the camera panning to Courtney and Gwen running along, Scott following behind until Mal grabbed him and pulled him behind a bush, whispering something in his ear.

"So you're saying Alejandro convinced Cameron to kiss Courtney to drive a wedge between us?" Scott asked.

"Yes!" Mal nodded happily.

"A wedge of what?" Scott looked genuinely stumped. "Cheese?"

Confessional:

Mal said absolutely nothing, but facepalmed, groaning.

"I didn't think Scott was that stupid." Trent tilted his head.

"He's right!" Lindsay looked just as baffled as Scott was. "A wedge of cheese wouldn't smell very good at all!"

"...No, Linds', it's like, uh..." Tyler tried to explain something to his girlfriend, but got stuck on how to get it across. "It's like... uh... It's like... it's like this thingie that goes in thingies, like doors, and... uh... yeah, like a door thingie that keeps them from closing?" He looked like he had got himself confused in the process of explaining.

"Eloquent." Noah rolled his eyes.

"Let's put it this way;" Mal began again. "Alejandro used Cam's lips to kiss YOUR girlfriend!" He looked frustrated at Scott's stupidity.

"Mal is certainly devious." Cameron said, impressed. "He used me as leverage!"

"Now THAT I understand." Scott got up, angry. "I have to find Courtney!" He said as he began running, only to have the straps of his backpack catch in the bush ahead of Mal. "Ugh, lousy pack!" He slipped out of the backpacks. "Forget this!" He ran off without it.

"What about the penalty?" Mal called after him, faking worry.

"I'll deal with it when I win!" Scott scoffed, running off-screen.

"So you admit you kissed Cam, while you were with Scott?" Gwen asked as the camera switched to both of them hiding behind a rock.

"No, Cameron kissed me!" Courtney insisted.

"Why would he do that?" Gwen narrowed her eyes, clearly not buying it.

"Maybe because he thinks I'm pretty?" Courtney guessed, getting annoyed.

"Well, she is pretty..." Cameron blushed.

"No she isn't!" Sierra suddenly hissed at Cameron. "You can only think I'm pretty!" She snapped at him.

"You're pretty too!" Cameron whimpered. "But so is-"

"Only. Me." Sierra growled.

"Ok, ok, you're the only pretty girl, just please don't kiss me!" Cameron was up against the bubble's wall again.

"Sure, yeah, of course!" Gwen stammered. "It's just, it kind of came out of nowhere!" She said, the camera cutting away from them as Courtney glared at her.

Zoey was ducking and weaving between the rocks, creeping up behind a bush. "Nearly there!" She grinned to herself, before catching her backpack on the bush. "Ugh, oh come on!" She whined.

"Those things are more trouble than they're worth." Leshawna frowned. "They all need to just ditch them and deal with the penalty."

"Maybe the penalty is in leaving the pack behind?" Harold suggested. "Perhaps it contains something vital to the completion of the challenge?"

"That's very likely, yah." Staci confirmed his theory.

"Gyah-ow!" A leech struck Zoey in the face, and she put her hands to block them, but the leeches kept raining down.

"Courtney, I need to talk to you!" Scott ran up to his girlfriend, she was still crouched behind the rock with Gwen. "Did you kiss Alejandro?"

"He's an idiot." Eva growled.

"Well, she did kiss him." Sadie shrugged.

"No she didn't!" Heather looked indignant.

"Yeah-huh, she totally did!" Katie jumped to the defense of her BFFF. "It was on the plane!"

"I don't remember that, I'm not listening!" Heather said, in denial.

"Ok, I'm out of here!" Gwen looked shocked, running away from the two.

"Yes, but it was a year ago!" Courtney said, defensive. "You and I weren't going out, so it's ok!" She smiled reassuringly at him.

"Hey Bickersons, less whining, more ouching!" Chris teased them, Scott raising his head to look up at them, only to take a leech to the face.

"That's the second time this season that someone's brought up that show." Brick looked confused. "It's kind of weird."

"Ouch!" Scott cried out.

"Better." Chris said, his smirk almost audible through his voice alone.

"Hey, so I was thinking of voting off Alejandro next!" Mal suddenly popped up behind the two, eagerly awaiting their answer. "Thoughts?" He asked.

"Absolutely!" Courtney smiled, Scott saying essentially the same thing, the 'happy' couple ran off, Mal smirking as his plan came together.

Confessional:

"Another piece falls into place." Mal smirked as he rubbed his hands together. "Once Alejandro's gone, I'll be able to concentrate on getting rid of Mike." He said. "For good." He closed his fist tight.

"He's gonna get rid of Mickey?" Lindsay looked confused. "But, Manny's like, a part of him!" She looked at Tyler for an explanation.

"I'm stumped too, babe." Tyler shrugged.

"Hey man!" Mal said, faking Mike's voice as Alejandro stumbled over, falling to his knees and dazed from the blood loss of the four leeches clinging to his face. "Oooh, you want some help with those leeches?" He asked.

"Don't you dare fall for it, Alejandro!" Heather scolded the TV (which was quickly becoming a much more common occurrence than sanity should allow).

"You..." Alejandro gasped. "Would help... me?" He asked.

"Nah!" Mal laughed, kicking Alejandro in the chest and sending him backwards a few feet, running back and laughing as three more rounds grabbed onto his face. "See you in the toilet, Al!"

"Yeah, he's gonna be going home, yah." Staci agreed. "There's just no other logical choice..." She paused. "Unless Scott is penalized enough to get voted off, but with everyone convinced to vote for Alejandro, there's not much doubt that he's gonna go, yah."

"Oh really, yah, Alejandro's gonna be voted off, yah?" Heather mocked Staci's verbal tic viciously. "You don't know anything about winning! You're the worst contestant in the history of Total Drama! Even Ezekiel competed in two episodes! You got voted off for being an annoying useless piece of trash!"

"I-" Staci stammered. "I-I didn't-" She whimpered and broke down.

"Heather stop talking!" Dakota growled, moving over to Staci and patting her on the back as gently as she could, which wasn't very gentle, but it was the thought that counted. "Heather shouldn't get mad at Staci because Alejandro get voted off! It not Staci's fault!"

"Shut up!" Heather screeched, almost crying. "What do you know, you, you big freak!" She shouted, everyone immediately getting as far from her as possible.

"RGGH!" Dakota stomped her foot and clenched her feet, clearly resisting the very strong urge to punch Heather. "Dakota crush Heather!" She suddenly grabbed Heather in her hand and brought her up to eye level, several feet off the ground.

"Put me down right now!" Heather struggled to get free of the mutants grasp, but Dakota held tight.

"Dakota!" Sam seemed to have only just now noticed Dakota was freaking out (totally unrelated to the fact that he had just lost the game he was playing, totally.)

"Tell your freaky girlfriend to put me down!" Heather yelled at Sam, who looked rather unimpressed. Dakota wasn't doing anything, but she was glaring at Heather as if her eyes could burn her alive.

"You kind of got yourself into this on your own." Sam said.

"I said, LET ME GO!" Heather shrieked.

"Dakota told you already, STOP TALKING!" Dakota yelled at Heather, red pupils turning into slits as she growled.

"Dakota, can you put Heather down?" Sam walked up to his girlfriend, not even fazed at all.

"But-" Dakota stammered.

"Yeah, she deserves it, huhuhuhuh..." Sam chuckled nervously.

"Hey!" Heather whined.

"I know she deserves it, but can you put her down anyway?" Sam asked, smiling. "For me?"

"Dakota guess." Dakota rolled her eyes and let go of Heather... while she was still in the air. Heather dropped down like a rock, and Dakota glared at her. "We watch show now." She insisted, everyone too terrified to disagree with her.

"Rrrgh!" Alejandro growled, finally having enough of Mal's crap, shook off the leeches and stood up.

Confessional:

"I'm coming for you, Mal!" Alejandro pointed at the camera angrily.

"Zoey!" Mal ran up to Zoey and began helping her pick the leeches off her. "Here, here, let me!" He helped her up, and they began to run together.

"Thanks, Mike!" Zoey grinned.

"I owed you one." Mal smiled back. "And we're a team, remember?" He asked. "Now let's win this thing-Woah!" He was about to speed up, but stopped her suddenly, skidding to a halt as the camera panned down to show that they had reached a cliff, Mal's voice echoing across the chasm.

"Told yah you were in for a real treat!" Chris called from the other side of the cliff, a long zip-line crossing the gap. "This is it, maggots, the final obstacle!" He explained. "All you gotta do is to get to where I'm standing, alive!"

"How are they supposed to do that?" Tyler asked. "It's not like they have one of those... uh... things that I can't remember the name of..."

"T-bar?" Noah smirked.

"Yeah, one of those!" Tyler nodded empathetically.

"Ugh, how are we supposed to do that?!" Mal asked, annoyed.

"Hello, backpacks!" Chris pointed at his own back, Mal and Zoey taking the hint, threw theirs to the ground and opened them up.

"I believe I called it!" Harold smirked triumphantly.

"Zip-lining!" Zoey pulled the equipment out of her bag, rolling her eyes. "Of course!"

"Didn't think you'd see me again, did you?" Alejandro smirked, coming up behind the two. "Excellent!" He scoffed. "I grew up zip-lining chasms three times this size!" He boasted, quickly affixing his T-bar and harness to the line. "See you in the toilet, Mal!" He pushed off.

"Did he just say Mal?" Zoey's eyes widened, clearly putting the pieces together in her head, but not wanting to believe them.

"Oh no, heheh." Mal said nervously. "He said pal, handsome jerk." He laughed. "Let's go together, the increased weight will make us faster!" He quickly changed the subject.

"Man, he's a bad liar." Trent said, laughing despite the circumstances.

"Oh, you sound like Cam!" Zoey cooed, grabbing onto Mal, giggling.

"Do I really-" Cameron began.

"Yes." Everyone interrupted him at once.

Zoey and Mal quickly caught up with Alejandro, just as Courtney, Gwen and Scott ran up to the zip-line. "You didn't say we were going to NEED our packs!" Scott complained.

"You ditched your pack?" Courtney glared at her boyfriend.

"Told you there'd be a penalty, bro!" Chris laughed.

Confessional:

"Ok, so I had to hang from a rope by my hands," Scott said defensively. "No big thing!" He smirked, putting his hands on his hips. "Back on the farm-"

"Why is it that whenever he says those words, it always ends with something that makes me wonder how he survived through childhood?" Noah asked.

-My cousins and me had contests to see who could hang on the laundry lines the longest over a nest of fire ants!" Scott bragged. "And I mostly won!" He pointed at himself. "Ah, good times." He sighed happily.

"For the record, it's 'my cousins and I', not 'my cousins and me', gosh." Harold interrupted.

Scott spit on his hands and rubbed them together, grabbing onto the rope, he followed behind Gwen and Courtney, the girls leaving him in the dust. "The race for last place begins as the race for first is about to end!" Chris announced. "Alejandro looks unbeatable, but wait!" He stopped announcing as Mal and Zoey caught up to Alejandro.

"It doesn't look like we're going to pass him!" Zoey said nervously.

"Zoey, hold the line!" Mal told her, Zoey obeying.

"Huh, hey!" Zoey said, just as Mal leapt onto Alejandro, grabbing his legs tightly. "Wait-" She called, Alejandro slowing down as Zoey sped up.

"Now tell me where the DVD is!" Mal growled at Alejandro.

"Never!" Alejandro grunted, the line came loose from the combined weight, sending both of them plummeting into the water below.

"And Alejandro seals his fate." Staci smirked, Heather about to say something, before she looked nervously at Dakota and thought better of it.

"And Mike pulls himself under the bus so that Zoey wins immunity!" Chris announced.

"Way to go, Zoey!" Mal called up to her.

Confessional:

"Mal does not belong in Juvy." Alejandro began. "He belongs in jail!"

"Actually, a mental institution would be better suited for Mal." Harold said. "As an alternate personality, he could be suppressed.

"Alejandro didn't say 'pal'..." Zoey sat on the confessional, legs crossed as she was deep in thought. "Did Mike do that for me, or Mal?" She asked herself. "I need to keep a closer eye on him..." She decided.

"Thank you!" Eva laughed. "Finally she gets some brains!"

"Woah!" Gwen and Courtney both came crashing into the finish line at about the same time.

"Heheheh, bonus ouchies!" Chris chuckled. "You can count your bruises while I count elimination votes tonight!" He laughed. "Zoey's safe tonight from the Flush of Shame, so who's going home, I wonder?" He put his finger on his chin as everyone glared suspiciously at each other, from Mal and Alejandro exchanging death glares, to Courtney preening her hair while Gwen narrowed her eyes.

"Hello, a little help here?" Scott whined, still marooned on the zip-line as the camera faded to the campfire ceremonies.

"Congratulations, campers!" Chris began. "This was the fastest voting process in Total Drama history!" He grinned. "The votes are unanimous, except for one particularly artistic entry!" He pulled out the only vote for Mike, which Alejandro, instead of crossing out, had drawn little devil horns and an evil goatee and mustache.

"Why is he being so ambiguous?" Noah groaned.

"I think it's pretty clear, actually." Cody shrugged.

"I mean, why isn't he just saying, 'hey guys, thought you should know, Mike isn't Mike anymore, and Mal broke my wrist' instead of doodling on his picture like a five year old." Noah complained. "I retract my 'congratulations for not being complete morons' from earlier."

"Heheheh, I wish I had thought of doing something like that!" Scott snickered. "Heheheheh...hmm.." He stopped to think about the drawing.

"But, everyone else wants Alejandro to surf the porcelain wave machine!" Chris grinned, holding a stack of pictures of Alejandro with an X over them.

"Ah, man!" Alejandro groaned.

"Gee, what a shame... not really." Chris faked a sad face for a fraction of a second, before dropping all the pictures and letting them fall to the ground. "First, since Zoey won the challenge, she and a camper of her choice can get to enjoy the spa, along with yours truly, and Gwen!" He pointed at Gwen.

"No!" Gwen put her hands up in defense. "Nuh-uh, no way!"

"What?" Cody gaped. "She's crazy! She doesn't want to be in the sweet, awesome, air conditioned hotel?" He looked aghast. "Where they probably leave chocolates on your pillow, and make your bed!?"

"I can leave chocolates on your pillow!" Sierra purred.

"Don't take them, they're probably spiked with roofies!" Geoff whispered to Cody, who nodded.

"You said what now?" Chris glared at her, indignant.

"I can't take another night in that hotel, stuck with you!" She complained.

"Yeah, that would make it not worth it." Cody shrugged.

"Fine, Boney Island it is!" Chris looked hurt, turning away from Gwen, who gasped. "So, Zoey, who yah bringing?" Chris asked.

"Mike!" Zoey grinned. "He's the only reason I won!" She turned to him.

"Aww, really?" Mal leaned in for a hug as Alejandro looked at them with contempt. "You're the best!" He faked a smile, clearly not wanting to lean in any closer, averse to her touch.

Confessional:

"How can she not see the truth?" Alejandro asked angrily.

"A combination of hormones, denial, and stupidity." Noah answered him.

"Ugh!" He clenched his fist. "Maybe they deserve each other!" He decided.

"This show just got one hundred percent less beautiful!" Alejandro complained from within the Flush of Shame.

"It's been one hundred percent less beautiful since I stopped competing!" Justin boasted.

"But I'm not the real villain!" Alejandro shouted. "A greater evil is lurking!" He announced, Chris yawning.

"Boring!" Chris whined, pressing the flush button.

"The truth is in the art!" Alejandro said as he was flushed down. "It's in the art!" He said his final words.

"What did he mean about the art?" Zoey wondered.

"What did he mean indeed?" Chris shrugged. "You'll just have to find out next time, when the Final Five become the Fortunate Four!" He held out his hands. "Right here, on Total Drama All Stars!" He announced as the camera faded out.

"Ok, there are two options." Staci said, having recovered from Heather's taunting. "Either he's talking about the photo he scribbled on, or-"

"I hid the DVD in one of the portraits of Chris's hideous face." Alejandro said, everyone turning around in shock to see the handsome Spaniard soaked, his wrist covered in bandages. "That monster must be stopped."

"Alejandro!" Heather smiled, throwing herself into his arms. "I was so worried... I mean-" She stammered as she realized what she said, pushing him away.

"Shut up and kiss me." Alejandro smirked, right before grabbing her and kissing her on the lips. She sputtered and pushed him away.

"Don't ever do that again!" Heather slapped him. "You idiot, you could have gotten yourself killed!"

"I survived, didn't I?" Alejandro smirked.

"You broke your arm!" Heather snapped at him.

"Well, Mal did break my wrist, but the interns graciously bandaged me up." Alejandro shrugged.

"You don't get it, do you?" Heather hissed. "I was worried about you!"

"And here I was thinking you didn't care." Alejandro smirked at her.

"I don't!" Heather insisted, blushing.

"Then why is your face red?" Alejandro asked. "There is no volcano to blame this time, Mi Amor." He smiled deviously. "What's your excuse this time?"

"FOR GODS SAKE, JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY SO WE CAN LEAVE!" Jo shouted at the top of her lungs, pushing Alejandro and Heather out of the way, storming out.

"Don't mind if we do." Alejandro wiggled his eyebrows at Heather as she scoffed, blushing. Everyone cleared out quickly after that, no one wanted to see what was next. Well, almost no one.

"The reunion of Aleheather!" Sierra squealed. "I've got it all on video!" She grinned.

"Y-you-Stop watching us, you creep!" Heather realized the crazy stalker was there, and pushed her out of the room.

AN; Oh my god, guys, I'm so sorry for the long wai, but, well, life happened... We had to put down the dog we had ever since I was three a couple weeks ago, and it was kind of... well, yeah. But no one wants to hear about that, so let's get on with today's questions! *claps* No time for depressing thoughts when there's mayhem to be had! Will Heather and Jo ever escape the hotel? (not likely) Does B actually have a sonic screwdriver, or is Izzy just being Izzy? What was Harold referencing when Leshawna said she wished she didn't get the joke? (Star Trek, red shirts.) Will Sierra ever realize Cameron isn't Cody? Will Dawn and Trent's date go smoothly? (do they ever?) Will Justin ever get over Courtney? Will I ever stop researching for this fanfiction? Seriously, I actually looked up the optimum pH of pool for this story, where did I go wrong with my life? Sierra and Noah; will they keep fighting over Cody? Heather Dead Donkeys or Alejandro Angel? Which is worse? And where did I get that last name from? (Dan VS. Go watch it now, I'll wait.) Now that Alejandro's back, will he return to his rivalry with Noah? How does Lindsay not know the difference between Native Americans and Indians? Just what is up with all the logical inconsistencies, and has Noah figured out the glitch in the matrix? How did Cody and Cameron's eliminations sync up? What was Izzy going to show them, and where was her mutation? (Tentacles are involved and that's all I'm going to say. I'm sorry for any mental scarring I have caused you.) Exactly how much does Noah know about Mike? Izzy VS Svetlana, how much money would you pay to watch that? Why can't Heather just keep her mouth shut and not piss off the giant mutant? Will Aleheather survive till episode 13, and exactly what is up with them? Next time on The Peanut Gallery; another interlude! Bridgette's quest continues, and it takes her to some places she'd never want to be *cough*Prison*cough*, and you all get to learn my Mike/Mal headcanons! Only tune in if you care about them, because that's going to be the majority of the chapter, interspersed with little bits of Trawn fluffyness. Hopefully the wait won't be as long this time around, but I would appreciate not reviewing with just 'why hasn't this updated', because it doesn't make the updates come any faster, it just gets my hopes up for new reviews that aren't actually reviews. Only review if you plan to actually review it.