Chapter Three: Teeth
Nirvana- Very Ape
Roxas found himself becoming more overtly curious about Axel, probably at around the same time he realized that they were both in this for the long haul. It could have been the moment when Axel sprung up from the ground, grabbed the boy's arm, and yanked him off to the Jeep, fresh vigor and bright determination in his gait.
"That was exactly what I needed," Axel said as he hopped into the driver's seat and started the car.
"I'm pretty sure that was the exact opposite of what I needed," Roxas grumbled, even though he couldn't help but to simmer in the rush of adrenaline and dopamine flooding from his endocrine system and into his blood stream, making him feel like he could single-handedly power the entire city of Las Vegas. "I'm never playing Truth or Dare with you again."
"You don't really mean that. Look at those eyes. You needed it just as much as I did."
Roxas huffed a laugh and looked down at his lap, fighting the smile that threatened to overtake his face.
"See! I told you, you're gonna thank me later."
"Where the fuck did my beer go?"
"Did you have it on the tracks?"
"I... think so...? Maybe I dropped it."
"You dork, I paid good money for that thing."
"It was almost empty, anyway. It was getting to the gross, flat part."
"I'll buy you another," Axel said with a wave of his hand.
There was a new meaning to the sound of the engine and the pavement under the Jeep's wheels, to the trees, churches, and cornerstores rushing by, to the inescapable passing of time as they continued on to their destination. The sky steadily darkened, and Roxas found himself voicing his unwavering curiosity.
"You're not from around here, are you?"
"Originally, no. I grew up in California until I was about eighteen and then moved to Columbia to live with my dad, right after high school."
"Did you go to USC?"
"Yep. Go Cocks," Axel lowered his voice and winked for emphasis.
Roxas rolled his eyes and ignored the bad joke. "What was your major?"
"Art history, with a minor in philosophy."
"Yikes. I've always heard that was a tough major."
"It kind of was, but I was already obsessed with the subject before I even knew it was going to be my major, so that helped. My mom is a curator for the MOCA in Los Angeles."
"Are you an artist?"
"I dabble a little. I paint with oils, mostly. It's nothing too inspiring."
"I'm sure you're good."
"Hey, we're all our own worst critics, I guess."
Roxas hummed in agreement. He beat the shit out of himself on a regular basis for things that probably only he really cared about or noticed.
Axel lit another cigarette.
"Doesn't that get expensive? You know, smoking so many?"
"Kind of. I sort out my money into piles of priority, so I don't fuck myself. Sometimes I only have enough for a pack every two days, and that's when I get big and scary and unapproachable."
"I can imagine."
"Want one?"
"Sure," Roxas said, after brief hesitation. He didn't want to come off as a bum.
"Hey, if you really want to make it up to me, you can buy the next pack. I insist that you don't, though."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"Well," Roxas said, "if you say so."
He took another and lit up, the ember glowing brightly in the dark space.
"So, what do you like?"
"I mean... I guess I like a lot of things. You mean like, hobbies?"
"Sure, we'll go with that."
Roxas looked down and thought. He didn't really have that many, to be honest. "I just kind of hung out with my friends. There isn't really much to do in Lake City."
"Ahh, but there's something to do everywhere you go, you just have to know where to look."
"Yeah, you say that because you've never lived anywhere like Lake Shitty."
"No sports? Singing? Dancing? Acting, drawing, reading, black magic, watching hardcore porn, whoring yourself out, doing coke, solo exhibitionism in grocery stores, anything?"
"Yeah, I totally sold my body for money and jacked off in the meat department, you absolutely nailed it."
"You literally didn't do anything but hang out with your friends? And you never even got high?"
"I drank a little," Roxas shrugged.
"No wonder you ran away," Axel sighed.
"I think it's pretty understandable."
"I kind of feel like offering you a stripper with a line of coke on her tits while singing A Whole New World and twirling around."
"Disney songs seem completely appropriate in that situation."
"Disney songs are appropriate for any situation."
Roxas chuckled and took another drag. He was beginning to understand why people smoked. The action gave him something to do other than gnaw on his nails and fidget awkwardly. The behavior made him feel as if he looked much less like a socially inept zombie and much more like a cool, collected social virtuoso. It was something to hide his fear behind, and a prospect of that nature was something he would grip and dig his nails into desperately.
He looked out through the tinted window, and it seemed much darker and later than it really was. There was something about a night sky and twinkling stars and black, glittering pavement that could have Roxas scrunching his toes and drumming his fingers with anticipation and pent up energy that didn't exist during the somber daylight hours. He wasn't sure what it was, but there was some kind of promise in darkness, some kind of assurance of infinite possibility and the guarantee that you can go out and stumble upon the best kinds of trouble.
Only Roxas had never really known where to look for it until he hopped into a stranger's car.
It had begun to rain around the same time they started seeing billboards for gift shops, swimsuit stores, welcome centers, and Ripley's Aquarium. It crashed down hard and noisily against the windshield, each droplet momentarily illuminated by the yellowed headlights of the Jeep before exploding on the glass like bodies off a cliff. Roxas contentedly watched water collect and migrate from the windshield to the side window and travel down the body of the vehicle out of his sight. The sound was soothing.
"Have you ever watched the sun rise over the ocean?"
"Hmm?" Roxas' daze was interrupted by Axel's quiet question, and he looked to his left to see a bright red ember illuminate his faintly olive complexion as he took a hit off a freshly procured Newport.
"Have you ever sat on the beach and watched the sun rise over the ocean?"
"No," Roxas answered faintly.
"Hm, you will soon. Xion always insists on watching the sun rise when we see actually manage to see each other. It's actually really fucking nice."
"Who's Xion?"
"A good friend," Axel said, with the softest look on his face that Roxas had witnessed yet. "A damn good girl, trustworthy as hell, can do just about anything better than anyone. One of my favorite humans. You'll like her a lot." He paused and seemed to realized something puzzling. "Actually, now that I think of it, you two are really similar, in a lot of ways. She's got the same shitty attitude."
"My attitude isn't even that shitty."
"Agree to disagree."
Roxas rolled his eyes, a habit he knew he should probably work on.
"Are we meeting her there tonight?"
"Not sure. She didn't really know if her car could make it all the way here in one trip, coming from Asheville, so she could be here tonight, tomorrow, or next week. She'll find a way, though. I've got faith in her."
Roxas wanted to ask where they would be staying tonight, but abruptly changed his mind.
"Can we stop by a fast food place or something soon? I haven't eaten since breakfast."
"You read my fucking mind. I've been waiting for a McDonald's or a Wendy's to pop up for half an hour."
They didn't run into any fast food joints, not even a Waffle House, for another hour.
"Jesus fucking Christ, we may as well wait it out for something on The Strip, we're almost to Kings Highway," Axel groaned.
"Hey wait, I think I see a gas station up ahead," Roxas leaned forward and squinted his eyes.
"Eureka!" Axel cried, a victory fist in the air. It was a combination gas station and Burger King.
Roxas smiled and reached behind him to grab his backpack. He saw Axel cut eyes at him, attempting inconspicuous glances at the contents. Roxas paused and shifted a look back at him, which he responded to by looking back to the road. Roxas squinted.
He grabbed his wallet and rifled through a neatly folded wad of green. He probably should have been nervous, carrying this amount of money around by himself, but teenagers didn't think like that. He pinched a ten dollar bill and pulled it out, zipping it shut and placing it back into a little makeshift 'secret compartment' he had in the bottom of his backpack.
Axel pulled into the gas station and swung around the building, coming to an abrupt halt at the drive-thru box.
"What do you want?" Axel asked, turning to look at Roxas while he rolled the window down.
"Double cheeseburger meal with a Coke," he responded as he heard the garbled, nearly inaudible employee mumble a request for their order. Roxas always imagined that if he were someone going to a drive-thru for the first time, and didn't already know what questions would be asked, sincere confusion from him would be met with angry bewilderment from a disgruntled employee. Drive-thrus were one of those things; if you didn't already speak the code, there was no point in even trying.
"Yeah, lemme get an Angry Whopper meal with a Coke, and make that king size, and a double cheeseburger meal with a Coke."
"Will that complete your order?"
Roxas chewed on his inner cheek as he gave Axel a look over, something he was able to do discretely since he was turned towards the box, one arm slung out of the window. A guy that skinny could not possibly eat that much food.
Roxas was proven wrong when Axel was patting his stomach contentedly in the parking lot about eight minutes later. Roxas was nibbling on a fry, staring at the redhead in slight awe.
"I did not think you would eat all of that, at least not that fucking fast. I would have needed at least one break."
"I'm kind of like a camel. I don't really consume much other than coffee and cigarettes, and then about once every few days or so I'll pull some shit like this and eat an amount of food that probably weighs as much as my head."
"That doesn't sound like a very healthy practice."
"College. I blame college. I blame it for a lot of things, actually."
Roxas nodded and sucked down a small amount of Coke, letting it sit on his tongue and bubble before swallowing slowly. He ate very slowly, and in small amounts in comparison to other boys his age. Pence in particular.
They got back on the road, and Roxas leaned his head against the cold glass of the passenger side window. The rain hadn't let up yet, and he was turning thoughts over in his mind about bad omens and somber foreshadowing. He was beginning to recognize buildings, though, and that was a good sign. They must have been pretty close. He shifted his eyes to look at the GPS which said that they were about six miles from Kings Highway, the road that would take them right to The Strip, the heart of the beach.
He hadn't been in years. The trip that Hayner always talked about on lazy days at the usual spot never happened, even though he made unceasing promises about it every year.
It just... never happened.
A good walk often helped when Roxas was feeling particularly melodramatic and contemptuous. School had just started back after all, summer vacation was officially over, and his malcontent had grown at least ten sizes larger than it was when he was a junior. At least it was a nice evening after school; twilight was beginning to set in and the town didn't look half shitty, even with all of the run down buildings, yellowed awnings covering the doorways of cafes and gift shops he could only sneer at, overgrown foliage taking over spaces and the unacknowledged cracks in the road.
The town reeked of neglect and he liked to think of it as akin to an open, half-eaten, three year old bag of potato chips forgotten under his bed, but Roxas wasn't so bitter that he couldn't see the beauty in it on days like today. Southern charm did exist, and occasionally it appealed to him.
He nearly smiled and took a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth, drinking in warm air thick with humidity and the sweet scent of honeysuckle and magnolia.
He was on his way to the usual spot to meet up with the gang.
He picked up a few ice cream bars, one for everyone, from the little shop on the corner before walking the short fifty yards or so to the spot.
It was really only a one room extension of Olette's dad's garage he primarily used to fix up old cars. The sky was starting to darken only slightly when he arrived, both hands full of ice cream and a small smile on his face, when he heard Hayner speak.
"Fuck him, I'm about ten seconds from being completely fucking done with him."
"Aww Hayner, don't talk like that. He's just been really distracted, that's all."
"I don't fucking care, there's no excuse for ditching us the way he has been for the past, what, year? Year and a half? He has no right."
"He has every right to make new friends, Hayner! I'm sure there's something going on, something he's not telling us-"
"We're his real friends, he should tell us everything."
"You know it's not that simple!"
Olette was the one defending him. He felt his cheeks and ears fill with chagrin and his stomach did heavy backflips with an emotion close to anger. Maybe it was something closer to shock.
"Like I give a fuck. I tell him everything. He's a selfish, ungrateful prick, and after tonight, I don't think I ever want to talk to him again."
"Hayner!" Olette exclaimed.
Roxas dropped all of the ice cream on the ground, spun around wildly, and ran.
He ran home. He ran and he didn't stop, not even when his lungs started burning and his legs started aching. He burst through the door and didn't even stop when his mother gasped and immediately panicked at his abrupt and violent entrance into the quiet home. He ran to his room slammed the door, locked it tight, and stood in the middle of his room, chest heaving, body shaking. He started to feel dizzy and disoriented, either from the running or the way his head swam with treacherous amounts of emotion, he didn't know.
He took three steps forward and collapsed face-first onto his bed. He felt completely out of control of everything in his life, and it was the most infuriating and terrifying thing he'd ever felt. The combination of everything was getting to him. Time was flying by, and he wanted nothing more than to hold out his hands and push it back with all of his might, to try to keep it from passing him by before he had a chance to do anything. His friends were on the verge of hating him, and if he was being honest, he would hate him if he were them, too. And god, he just couldn't take the questions anymore. He couldn't handle all of the inquiry about his impending future from his parents and his teachers when he wasn't even sure what his favorite color was yet. He wanted desperately to click his heels together and be transported to a much simpler place that didn't require him to be so perfect and unshakable when he knew he wasn't. He knew he was about as stable as a poorly constructed blanket fort.
He didn't know what to do. He had saved up almost every cent of his money for a year now, and there were endless amounts of things he could do with it; specifically the reason he began to save in the first place.
He just didn't know if he had the courage or conviction to actually go through with it.
He thought of Hayner's words again and he stuffed a mouthful of comforter between his teeth and screamed. He screamed and punched the wall beside his bed over and over again until he saw blood smeared on the off-white paint.
A gentle knocking followed by a soft voice calling his name from behind his door interrupted his turmoil.
They were taking a right onto Kings Highway before Roxas really knew it. His memories had kind of killed the the soothing vibe he'd gotten from the steady falling of rain. He furrowed his brow and smashed his cigarette butt into the ashtray, which was now definitely overflowing. He couldn't manage to cram it in without one or two butts falling into the dark abyss below.
"Almost there," Axel mumbled. He turned and looked at Roxas with a grin. "Now we just have to get through an hour of hellish traffic."
"Will it still be so busy at night?"
"It's arguably worse. But I may be wrong. It is the dead of winter, after all."
Roxas hummed and paused. After a moment, he bit his lip and took a plunge.
"Where are we staying?"
"Well..." Axel scrunched up his face in an almost this-is-a-little-uncomfortable-but-you-can-take-it kind of way. "I hadn't planned on picking up any lost little children on the way-"
"Hey!"
"-so with that in mind, I was going to sleep in my car until Xion got here. We had a few places picked out to look at together as soon as she got here, and we'd saved enough money to take care of deposits and first month's rent. I mean, I wasn't really worried about it. I'm fine sleeping in my car, I've done it about a million times."
It was kind of amusing for Roxas, hearing Axel speak in a way that sounded a lot like backpedaling. It was as if he were discussing an uncomfortable arrangement that neither party was particularly enthused about. Roxas chuckled.
"What?" Axel asked, cutting his eyes and fighting a grin.
"Dude, I really don't give a fuck."
Axel pressed his lips together and looked back to the windshield.
He responded after a moment, his voice low,"You're okay with sleeping in my car."
"Umm, yeah."
"You're not bothered?"
"Nope."
"Not sketched out?"
"Not at all."
"Not feeling... Oh, what is it you kids call it these days... awkward?"
"Nope."
"I wasn't expecting that. So far, you've kind of shown yourself to be an uncomfortable kind of guy."
"It's just a car. I can handle that, at least. Jesus, who do you think I am, some kind of thirteen year old girl?"
"Something like that, yeah."
Roxas wanted to punch him in the thigh, give him a nice frog that would bruise later, but changed his mind. That was something only close friends did.
They drove down the long stretch of highway, four lanes on each side, lined thickly with illuminated storefronts, strip malls, restaurants, gas stations, bars, night clubs, hookah lounges, strip clubs, coffee shops, sex shops, opulent gated neighborhoods and tourist attractions. Roxas' eyes glittered in the light of what he considered life, and felt his heart leap into his throat. There was just so much to do and he wondered how he could possibly do it all in a lifetime.
"GOODWILL," Axel exclaimed suddenly and whipped his Jeep into a left turn lane, turning suddenly and cutting off traffic, causing general vehicular ruckus.
He pulled into a space and hopped out of the Jeep, Roxas feeling rushed to keep up.
"Time for some new threads. I guess I kind of need a jacket, anyway."
Roxas wanted to ask what had happened to his last one, or if he'd ever owned one at all.
They stepped through the automatic doors and scanned the signs hanging from the ceiling for the Men's section.
"Wow. This is the swankiest fucking Goodwill I've ever been in."
"I've never been inside of one, period."
"Where the hell do you get clothes?"
"I dunno, really. My mom buys most of my clothes. I guess I like Hollister pretty well, but I don't have much from there."
"Oh fuck, you've got a rude awakening coming your way."
"What?"
"Never you mind. Come. Let us explore."
Roxas was fascinated by Axel in what he would consider a natural habitat. He looked quite at home in the thrift store setting, and Roxas had a hard time focusing on the clothes and shoes and books and random stuff while Axel perused and scoured animatedly through absolutely everything.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
Axel had draped a poofy, emerald green prom dress that looked like it was from the early nineties over his gangly frame and posed.
"No, it's really flattering. It brings out your eyes."
Axel gasped and clapped his hands before exclaiming, "That was just what I was looking for!"
Roxas picked up a flamboyant purple hat covered in flowers, beads, and ribbons and placed it on Axel's head.
"There. Now it's perfect," Roxas beamed.
"We should be stylists."
"We could dress Jennifer Lawrence for the fucking Grammy's."
"I would rather undress her."
"Agreed."
They made it to the Men's section where Roxas' eyes landed on a worn leather jacket covered in spikes.
"Cool," Roxas muttered, taking it off the rack. There was a giant Slayer patch on the back of it.
"You need that," Axel said, very seriously. "You fucking need it."
"I don't know if it's my size..."
"That does not matter, oversized shit is trendy right now anyway, you need it."
"How do you know about fashion trends?"
"Because I'm not so uncomfortable with my masculinity that I need to pretend that fashion is only for girls." That last word was drawn out in a whiny fashion, his face twisted like he'd tasted something sour.
"Well, let me try it on at least."
He pulled on the jacket, and it wasn't quite as oversized as he thought it would be. It fit well enough, just a little baggy in the shoulders and the sleeves stopped right around his thumb nails.
"It's fucking beautiful," Axel said, clasping his hands together and batting his eyes like an overemotional mother at a graduation ceremony.
"You like it?" Roxas asked with a smile. He had to say, he liked the way it felt on him.
"It suits you, it really does. I think we've found a new look for you."
"Cool," Roxas said with a smile that felt kind of dopey, but he didn't care.
"Here, lemme pop the tag for you."
"Hey, no!" Roxas said, backing away.
"Hey, don't make a big deal out of it," Axel hissed, his eyes flashing with something like anger, but closer to annoyance. "If you start acting all feisty and boisterous, Hawk-eye over there will come over here and interrogate us, and I'd rather that not happen because I'd like to walk out of this store with my own jacket."
Roxas just then noticed that Axel was wearing a jacket himself, one that looked a bit more biker-ish than Roxas' thrash-metal jacket. He was willing to bet that the tags had been popped on it already.
"Who's Hawk-eye?"Roxas whispered.
"There's always one. The little old lady over there, scanning the place like she's private security. She's the type that sees and hears all, and one little fuck up will have the cops here asap."
Roxas looked beyond Axel's shoulder and saw here; she had close cut brown hair that would have obviously been grey if it weren't for hair dye, brown sagging skin that was probably aged more than it should have been from years of tanning, and narrow, beady eyes that looked as if they could see right through walls.
"Show me what to do," Roxas muttered, looking Axel dead in the eyes. He was ready for a little rebellion.
"Okay, here's whatcha do..."
Axel took Roxas on a little crash course about stealing in Goodwill. Not every store was the same, but after you popped tags, you had to be careful about hidden sensors and those pesky ink capsules that would sling ink everywhere if you didn't remove them correctly.
Roxas roamed the store with Axel, looking as inconspicuous as he could, and waited until Hawk-eye's back was turned.
"She's not looking," Axel muttered. "Do it now."
Roxas hooked his finger under the plastic tag, tugged hard, and popped it, letting the tag fall to the floor.
"Any sensors?" Axel asked.
"No."
"Good. Put it on and let's blow this popsicle stand."
Roxas chuckled and began to walk towards the entrance, pulling the jacket on as he went.
Unfortunately, he wasn't looking as carefully at the floor as he should have been. He stepped on a wooden duck with wheels on the bottom of it and went sailing into a display of other used toys.
Hawk-eye's gaze snapped up and she stared directly at the two delinquents before her little eyes squinted and she made her slow way towards them.
"Goddamn it. Fuck. Get the fuck up," Axel said, pulling him up by the arm.
"A fucking duck..."
"Let's go."
"A fucking duck tripped me..."
They made their way hastily towards the entrance, and Roxas knew they were doomed before they'd even made it past the cash registers. He knew their eyes were too wide and their posture too stiff.
"Hey!" Hawk-exclaimed. "You get back here!"
Axel gripped his arm tighter and pulled him along.
"I mean it now! Hey!"
Roxas grit his teeth hard.
"I know you didn't walk in with those jackets," Hawk-eye hollered at the top of her lungs. "I'm calling the police!"
"Run," Axel growled, letting go of Roxas' arm, and the two booked it, angry yells following them through the automatic doors.
Roxas didn't think he'd ever run so fast, not even when the principle caught him smoking that one time. They made it back to the Jeep and got inside, moving at light-speed, their breath coming fast inside the cab of the car. Roxas felt like he was a vibrating mass of nerves and fear.
"Will the police chase us?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath.
"No, not unless one was nearby and saw us leave." Axel was breathing heavy, too.
"And the chance of that happening...?"
"Slim to none. Though it would seem that you don't exactly have the best luck, sport."
Roxas rolled his eyes and his head flopped back onto the headrest. It's not like he needed anyone to tell him. He knew.
Axel looked at him and smirked.
"A fucking duck tripped you?"
"Yeah... A little wooden duck... with wheels."
Axel snorted and began to chuckle, which morphed into full on belly laughs, the kind with ab cramps and tears. Roxas shook his head and face-palmed breaking into his own fit of laughter. The two howled with the kind of laughing fit you have when you just barely pull something completely stupid off by the skin of your teeth, and you're laughing more to fend off the fear and anxiety of being almost caught than out of actual humor.
Roxas felt absolutely electrified, and he had the sense that this was exactly why he was here.
The two made their way to the mecca: The Strip. That was where all matter of life collected at Myrtle Beach. That's where all the ocean-front hotels were, and all activity seemed to revolve around said establishments. It was brightly lit with neon colors and flashing lights, though it wasn't quite as lively as it was during the summer, it was still a sight to see. There were still shows playing at the venues and people drinking in the bars, but the spirit wasn't quite there the way it was when it was inhabited by rowdy high school and college students desperately searching for their identities at the bottoms of beer cans and coke straws.
Axel pulled into a parking space somewhat out of the way, about two blocks inland from one of the big hotels, the Yachtsman. The car was effectively tucked away on a side-street, and Axel assured the boy that police wouldn't fuck with them here.
"I don't know about you, but if I don't sleep soon, I'm gonna collapse. I haven't slept since the night before last. I'm beat."Axel said, stretching.
Roxas snuggled into his newly procured jacket and thought a moment; he was pretty exhausted himself. It had been a long day, and that was an understatement.
"Yeah, I've kind of had a crazy day. I'm exhausted." He closed his eyes for a moment and it felt so good, he almost didn't open them again.
"I'll clear out the back and fold the seats down really quick."
He got out of the car and did just that, Roxas fighting the sudden sleepiness that had threatened to take over. He would have loved to get out of the Jeep and take a walk down The Strip, maybe dig his toes in the cold, damp beach sand and listen to the sweet sound of the ocean, but the idea of moving from his spot in the passenger seat and upsetting his coming sleep seemed absolutely abhorrent. He was jolted awake by the sound of a small motor. He turned and saw a partially inflated air mattress.
Roxas gave Axel a disbelieving look.
"Hey, I told you, I've done this a million times. What did you think, that I just sleep on the scratchy, carpet covered plastic? Weak."
Roxas watched the mattress inflate fully and quietly smiled.
"This is brilliant," he said, looking up at Axel.
"I know, I'm a genius. It might deflate while we sleep on it though, I don't know."
While we sleep on it.
Roxas felt nerves creep and wriggle into his guts, the confidence he'd felt earlier waning fast, a mantra of don't make it awkward ringing in his mind. It wasn't like he'd never shared a bed with Hayner before.
A foot found it's way into Roxas' back.
"Ow, you little shit!" Roxas hissed.
"Fuck off," Hayner groaned.
"There is no reason to sleep so violently," Roxas whispered in the dark of Hayner's bedroom. He should be used to it by now, though. After all the sleepovers they'd had at this point, he should be able to sleep through the kicks and slaps of Hayner's flailing arms and legs.
"I said fuck off, or I'm not gonna be able to go back to sleep," Hayner groaned again, but as he rolled onto his back and sighed up at the ceiling, Roxas knew the damage had been done.
Hayner had a full sized bed, a luxury that Roxas knew nothing about since his parents never let him graduate from a twin bed. It had a down mattress pad too, and Roxas didn't care how it might look, he slept in that bed with his best friend every time he stayed over. The comfort was worth it.
"I would say sorry, but..." Roxas mumbled.
"I know, you're not," Hayner near whispered.
It was a quiet night that summer, and it was an important summer, too. It was the one just before Roxas said goodbye to everyone, and this night was the only one he had spent at Hayner's the whole two and a half months they had off from school.
Roxas had the sneaky suspicion that Hayner was mad at him. He'd acted cross the whole night.
"Are you mad at me?" Roxas asked.
"No," Hayner pouted.
"Yes you are, I can tell. Is this about me stomping your ass in Super Smash Bros tonight?"
"No, asshole."
"Then what's wrong?"
"I'm not gonna tell you, because I'll sound like a fucking bitch."
"Just tell me, Christ, I'll never know what to do if you don't tell me."
Hayner was quiet for a moment before answering. The window was open to let warm, wet air in from the outside, the sound of frogs, crickets, and cicadas flooding in like a sweet summer song.
"You do realize that this is the first time you've even stepped into my house this summer, right?"
Roxas chewed his lip as guilt washed over him. "Really?" he asked quietly, wincing at the ceiling. He felt like such a douche.
"Yeah, dick. You hardly even come to the spot anymore. Where the hell have you been? Pence and Olette have been trippin' on your ass."
"Umm..." Roxas hummed nervously, thinking of the older kids he'd been spending more and more time with. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that there was no real reason for him to hang out with those uppity cock bags the amount he had been lately. He could only guess that he did because he was hanging on to some shred of hope that something exciting would happen for once, but week after week it was always Sonic Drive-Ins, Wal-Mart parking lots, and do-it-yourself car washes, cigarettes, and coffee. He never even smoked.
"Does it take you that long to come up with an excuse?" Hayner asked bitterly.
The very small space between them became very suddenly tense.
"No, I just... I don't really have an excuse. I feel like such a douchebag..."
"Well, you've gotta have a reason. That's all we're really asking for, you know. We just wanna know why you don't like us anymore."
"No, that's not it," Roxas said, rolling onto his side to face his best friend, desperate to make him understand. "I'm just... Well, do you remember how we've talked about going to the beach for so long, to go out and party and do shit we've never done before?"
"Well... yeah," Hayner mumbled, still staring at the ceiling.
"Remember how you said that a solution would be to get older friends?"
"Yeah, but I didn't mean just you getting older friends and abandoning us like this."
"No, I never wanted to abandon you guys, I always tried to get them to come to the spot or something like that, but they never wanted to, they always..."
"They always thought we were too lame, huh?"
"Well... I mean, I wouldn't put it that way..."
"God, just shut up Roxas, you're only digging yourself a deeper hole," Hayner said before turning on his side and turning his back to Roxas.
"Hayner, come on..." Roxas' face was scrunched up in concern and guilt.
"Roxas, shut up."
Pangs of remorse coursed through his limbs and throbbed in his chest, and he felt his traitorous ears flush with blood and something like shame. His fingers migrated reflexively to his mouth and he chewed for a moment, wondering if Hayner would fall back asleep soon and they could wake up in the morning like nothing happened. He sighed and looked at Hayner's back, which was still tense.
"Hey," Roxas mumbled, poking his friend in the back.
"Oh, what was that, the knife that you're getting ready to stick in?"
"No dumb-ass, that was my finger, I was trying to see if you were still awake, which you are."
Hayner grumbled something inaudible and curled up, trying to pull the blankets away from Roxas.
"Hey, blanket thief, don't be such a dick!"
Roxas tried tugging the blanket back from Hayner, but his grip was strong.
"Cut it out!" Roxas nearly yelled.
They fought with the blankets for a moment, which turned into something between a tickle fight and wrestling, which quickly became laughter and a well placed noogie from Hayner who had put Roxas in a successful hold with both legs wrapped around his torso, ankles locked, and an arm around his neck.
"Stop it you little shit!" Roxas squeaked, the arm around his neck making it difficult to talk.
"Only if you say 'I, Roxas, am one hundred percent gay for Seifer Bradley and want his balls in my mouth'."
"Fuck no I will not say that! He is such a doucher!"
"I won't let go until you do!"
Roxas put his finger in his mouth, got it slick with spit, and stuck it in Hayner's ear.
"Gahh!" Hayner yelled, arms unwrapping from around Roxas' neck and hands grasping to find the blanket and relieve his assaulted ear canal.
Roxas laughed triumphantly and twisted around in Hayner's legs, pining him on his back, holding his arms over his head.
Hayner's legs were still wrapped around him, and Roxas had the unexpected thought that the warmth from his body was nice, and that he looked good pinned down like that, and that was the first time Roxas ever questioned exactly which gender he would rather stick his dick in.
Roxas sat stiff in his seat, hands gripping the upholstery on either side of the chair. He'd been thinking a lot about Hayner today, and at this point, it had done nothing but make him edgy and anxious.
"Crawl on back, sport,"Axel said cheerily. "I've got a blanket around here somewhere, but no pillows. You'll have to make do with a balled up jacket."
Roxas gulped. If he was sleepy a few minutes ago, he wasn't now. He rolled his eyes and fought the urge to groan, knowing he'd be tossing and turning.
He took a deep breath and peeled off his jacket, twisted around, and climbed into the back which had been completely taken over by the mattress. He gently flopped onto his back on a respective side and stared up at the ceiling. There was a mysterious dark stain on the fabric there.
Roxas idly wondered what debaucherous activity had gone on in this Jeep before.
"Here it is," Axel said with a victorious smile and started unfolding a dingy old comforter that had seen better days. Roxas pulled it towards him as Axel threw it over the mattress, and he couldn't help but notice all the holes, tears, and burns that peppered it's surface. He didn't wanna think about the kinds of stains on this thing.
Axel settled in beneath the blanket next to him and started kicking off his shoes. Roxas began to do the same, realizing that through his building inner frustration, he'd forgotten to take them off before. He wanted to sink his teeth clear through the lip that he was chewing on.
"What's with all of your oral fixating?" Axel asked.
"What?" Roxas croaked, looking to Axel in shock.
"Oral fixating. I've watched you chew your nails, cheek, and lip incessantly since you hopped into my car."
"Oh," Roxas muttered.
"God, your brain went straight to sucking dick, didn't it?"
"No!" Roxas protested, looking back at Axel.
"There is no need to be so tense. I thought we were over this stranger danger tension."
"We are!"
Axel's eyes narrowed knowingly.
"What happened to 'who do you think I am, some kind of thirteen year old girl'?"
He laughed as Roxas' face reddened.
"Don't laugh at me, dick-head, it's not even like that," Roxas muttered and crossed his arms.
"You're adorable."
"I am not," Roxas whined, turning his back to Axel.
He heard a light rustling and a gentle shift in weight, and felt a long finger poke him in the back.
Nostalgia crept up on him slowly. This was heartbreakingly familiar.
He turned around, and was greeted with intense green.
"If it's not like that, then what's got you all... uneasy?" Axel asked quietly.
Roxas whispered, afraid that his voice would quiver if he used it, "I guess... maybe I'm starting to get homesick. I just... I was just thinking a lot about my friend. I was really shitty to him."
"Sleeping somewhere else makes it feel too real too soon, huh?"
"Yeah..." Roxas said, trying to relax and divert his thoughts to things less depressing.
"Hey, I know it sounds easier than it is, but try to get to sleep soon. You'll feel a lot better in the morning, trust me.
Trust me.
Roxas sighed and closed his eyes, trying to find the comforting sleepiness he'd felt before he started thinking too hard. Alas, it was to no avail. His mind continued to race, even after Axel rolled onto his back and quickly began to breath slowly and evenly, his face smoothing out into a peaceful expression created from sleep and dreams. Roxas bit his lip and wanted to reach out and poke Axel, to wake him up, just to have someone to talk to, but the action felt out of bounds.
He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hands. He felt tears prick at his eyes, but fought them off with a ferocity that seemed out of place in the calm, quiet moment. He grit his teeth in frustration, wishing he could grind them hard enough to break them into pieces sharp enough to cut as he swallowed them.
He forced himself to lie on his stomach, burying his face into the mattress, and tried with all of his might to fight off all thoughts of friendship, love, sex, guilt, doubt, and insecurity.