Flashback

"I'm sorry about the mess Nunnally, I've been trying to clear up all afternoon." Suzaku explained exasperatedly, trying to clear away the stacks of snapped timber from the kitchen table as the crippled woman wheeled herself forward into the airy brown room, waving the point off.

"It's fine, I don't imagine you've had much time to clear the house up. It wasn't too bad down here, was it? The artillery?"

Suzaku cringed at Nunnally ever having to use the word artillery as he would her saying death or any other word that had no business anywhere the vocal chords of someone as nice and, in spite of being her in her early twenties, seemingly innocent, but that was the world they lived in.

The world they lived in had not proven kind to the house he lived in, a small traditional house consisting of narrow wood and fabrics not unlike the Kururugi shrine, but much smaller, reflecting both his reduced needs and reduced means. The attached natural property was extensive, allowing Suzaku to partake in long, reflective walks unmolested.

It was prime country land, settled in a picturesque valley between the mountains Amagoi and Gozaisho, the woodland being the ideal place to retire at the ripe age 24, though recent events proved that not having neighbours could by troublesome if two political enemies rocked up nearby with hundreds of artillery pieces.

Being buried in the Shiga mountains, Suzaku's house had been a little to the North of the Black Knights' advance through Komono, and a little to the North-West of the Republican advance back to Kyoto, and had suffered for it. Euphemia had been out of the country at the time, visiting her sister to help Cornelia win the succession race with Schneizel, though the effort was moot, as Schneizel became Emperor a few days after the Tosa Incident. While he was several miles away from the front, Suzaku was for once glad of Euphemia's then absence, as several of the Black Knights and Republicans had proved rather liberal in their use of artillery shelling. Two shells had hit the house, and several dozen had rendered new holes in his hilly gardens.

Over the ensuing week Suzaku had been going about his business fixing the roof and walls of the central room, when Nunnally paid an unexpected visit with Sayako. He was a little abashed about the condition of the house, but he wouldn't have turned Nunnally away, pleasure as she was to have near, if the place was on fire.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Water, if there's any?"

Sayako, who had been standing in the door attentively, moved forward to pour it, however Suzaku waved the maid off, and said "You did everything for us for the better part of a decade, I'm sure I can manage a drink. Would you like some?"

Sayako, pleasantly surprised, nodded and smiled as Suzaku cleared his sink, soaked in dry sawdust, before pouring two small glasses of clear water and passing them round and sitting opposite Nunnally, who was eager to talk.

"I'm glad you're okay. I was in Tokyo studying, and I could hear the bangs."

Suzaku briefly looked down and shook his invisible head, before explaining "I'd rather not go over it. How did your final exams go?"

Nunnally paused for a moment, before smiling and answering "Brilliant! Masters in Musical Theory, all wrapped up last a few days ago! The ceremony is tomorrow week."

"I'll be sure to be there." Suzaku smiled with pride, over the moon at how much Nunnally had managed on her own. His memory and perception of Nunnally, even now was of her childlike younger days, evidenced by his cringing at her talking about supposedly grown up topics such as the brief conflict in Tosa, but she had just finished University and was now technically more educated than him.

"So what have you been up to?"

It was Suzaku's turn to pause, as he thought the question over. While Euphemia had left to help her sister, there wasn't very much substance he had to answer with. He took long walks, scowled at the ever more depressing news, and had tried to learn woodturning, something Tohdoh had tried teaching him before the war, until Tohdoh's rebellion and death soured his memories of pretty much anything to do with him. Combined with a sour resentment that was perpetuated by loneliness, Suzaku was left a bitter man, once again not something he enjoyed telling Nunnally.

Even now, she had to be protected.

After thinking it over, he eventually arrived at the conclusion that he really wasn't doing much of anything, and decided that was as good an answer as any.

"I'm not getting up to too much, just a few walks and setting up some of the land for crops. I'm taking it easy for a while."

Nunnally nodded, and gave a sort of piteous smile that clued Suzaku to her upcoming topic before she began it.

"You've really changed Suzaku, since I last talked to you. Are you feeling okay?"

Suzaku frowned at this question, before Nunnally reached across the table and rested a palm on his, and added "You used to be so active, all the time filled with enthusiasm. Eight years must be tiring, mm?"

Suzaku felt a breath escape him as Nunnally dug at his hidden shame like a bandage being ripped off by a passer by, endeavouring to do well. She seemed to pick up on this, commenting "I can feel you shaking, you seem worried, but… you're also angry, your breathing you see. Are you sure-"

"-Nunnally, for… I'm fine."

His signs, as one might put them, that Nunnally had picked up on, accelerated as Nunnally pulled her hand back just as he squeezed his into a fist, almost as if he was trying to squeeze his insecurities with a single clench, only finding air. He looked away, shaking his head briefly as the woman sitting opposite him stared without eyes, though in spite of that Suzaku felt exposed and open, like her sibling had left him before.

"Let's change the subject."

Grateful, Suzaku nodded "Aye, lets."

Nunnally nodded back, smiling as best as she could manage before speaking again "So have you talked to Lelouch? I think he may be having the opposite problem, he said he couldn't even make it to the graduation! Talk about busy..."

"Prick…"

"Suzaku!"

Suzaku looked up to see Sayako having taken several steps forward, and Nunnally looking surprised at him, taking him aback in her suddenly fierce lines as he realised her elbows were now much further forward than before, propped on the desk invading his hegemony.

And she was winning, as her approaches caused him to retreat inwards, feeling contrite as he managed to say "I'm sorry, I just… he and I didn't leave on good terms."

Nunnally looked at him quizzically, before sighing "Suzaku, if that's what this is about, I'd reckon you were both under a lot of stress. I'd hate to see you fall out, and perhaps if you just met with someone and you two sorted it out with-"

"No!" Suzaku hissed, banging his veiny forearm against the table. Quickly realising how he must look, he stood up and visibly tried to calm himself before continuing "No, there's no need. We met with plenty of people, and they were very clear. Besides, I don't need any help. They've got plenty more needy people out there."

Suzaku was bitter, but he wallowed in his bitterness. That was hardly an illness, or ailment, just an indictment, but that didn't make him wrong. The mess he was in was his fault, and it was his burden to bear. He didn't need anyone else reminding him of his failings, and he had plenty of pent up knowledge of his former friends failings. He was just one person, he could rot in silence.

Nunnally shook her head and said "That's absurd. I don't know what happened, but there's no reason to be holing yourself up like this."

"No, no, I… am fu… bloody well fine Nunnally! Please just leave me alone!"

"Suzaku!" Nunnally cried in outrage, before she wheeled herself back and round to meet Suzaku at the side of the table. He felt his hollow breath well up in his stomach, weak and filled with nerves. "Don't you tell me to stop, or go away, not when you're in this sort of state! Clearly, you're not thinking in any way clearly, but that is no excuse for your absurd behaviour!"

"Damn it, Nunnally!" Suzaku roared, his hands wrung out above his head as Nunnally almost stood only a foot away from him. "How many different ways do I have to explain for you to stay out of it!"

"Don't shout at me, you childish fool!" Nunnally responded, her own voice rising in turn, swinging her own arms around as if to fill the space her wheelchair bound frame left empty. "I don't know what has happened to you, but you're a shell of who you used to be! If this is your state of mind, I'm not surprised Lelouch saw fit to be rid of you!"

Suzaku bellowed a "Gah!", as he swung his hand back, missing Nunnally but recoiling backwards and hitting against a wooden pillar placed against the table behind him with his flayed knuckles, sending the propped up timber collapsing down with a bang, sweeping down the cutlery before sending a pile of metal hinges on the kitchen cabinet down after it, clinging and clanging as they rained to the ground, each bang pressing against Suzaku's psyche.

Looking down, he shook his head free of sawdust that clogged and suffocated him, and took a brief look away to examine the damage he had caused. The planks of wood swirled around his feet, as he let out a breath. He couldn't think with all the people there, especially not Nunnally. She was just like him; only concerned with herself.

"Get out of my house… please."

He could feel Nunnally glare holes into his exposed back and neck as he visibly tried to restrain himself, as she whispered "Let us go Sayako, while our friend here recovers his senses."

He would not follow, not now. He needed time. It was not his time to insert himself back into the narrative, not after his graceless exile. He was not wanted after all, that, the world hard made very clear.

But he was nonetheless angry, and would remain so for some time.

Thank you to MORTheDivineBeing, Patjeeson, MMBrowsing, Titanfire999, RepublicChe, ChunkyFunkyMunky, KingOfHeartless'09, and ReadingRainbow for reviewing this arc!