finally it's here! our next chapter in sayuri's journey =] now, i know the story is moving along a bit slowly, but there is method to my madness. this story is like it's own arc. i have new characters that i needed to introduce to an already established cast and put enough action between them so that their close relationships are believable. but don't you kiddies worry cause this is the last chapter before shit starts to really go down in karakura town. so sit back and enjoy cause next time, that battle of the shadows begins! r&r guys! thanks!

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welcome new followers : mr. 96, Hunter Knight, Extreme Sarcasm, satakeuchiha, and AlimLamp!

disclaimer: i do not own bleach or any of its characters or locations mentioned in the manga or anime. i just own this story line and the OCs

AN: I had to rewrite a few paragraphs at the beginning of this chapter. There was something I put in that should have waited until a later time, so I took it out. Sorry! Read on!

Chapter 16

As I watched those embers glow brighter and brighter amid the darkness, I could swear I felt them searing into my very being. I began to feel hotter and hotter, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not move. My arms stuck to my sides, not budging even an inch. I felt bound, as if something had wrapped itself around my body and was holding me captive despite my best efforts to break free. The more I struggled, the hotter I became and soon I could feel sweat dripping down my body, my eyes still unable to look away from those glowing crimson orbs.

In a last attempt to escape, I thrashed around wildly, my legs kicking at empty air. I was spinning and spinning…and then the floor was just gone. I was falling and my ears filled with a familiar demonic laugh until-

"Oof!" I felt myself hit the floor with a thud. My eyes shot open and I was staring at the ceiling for a few split seconds before I realized what was happening. Struggling with the sheets, I was somehow able to sit up, even though it was still wrapped around me like a strait jacket. I used my legs to help myself hop on my butt over to the window which was now open.

Wiggling a bit, I finally managed to free myself and I stood up. Holding either side of the window, I stuck my head out, letting the breeze cool the sheen of sweat that covered my face. The moon was getting fuller and its light spilled over everything. I thought I saw something moving all the way by the back wall, but the tree, even without its leaves, cast a shadow too dark to see through.

Sighing, I sank to my knees and crossed my arms on the window sill. I laid my head on my arms and breathed in the frosty winter air.

"Just another dream." I closed my eyes, wishing the cold wind would whisk me away into an imageless sleep. But when had my luck ever been that good? I hadn't slept properly in days, each night bringing with it a new nightmare. Even now Katsu's laughter replayed in my ears and I could see him sucking the life from that innocent man as if it were happening right in front of me again.

I tiredly opened my eyes. They felt heavy from lack of sleep, but I just couldn't keep them closed. Horrific moments played like movie reels over and over whenever I let my eyelids fall. I had been waking up so frequently from nightmares that my room was starting to look like a slice of Swiss cheese with all the holes I put in the walls. That was when Yuroichi had the idea to fortify my room.

When Emiko and Isamu were at work yesterday, she came in her human form and used some kind of Kidou. Afterwards, my walls shimmered a bit and the holes all filled back in, as if they had never been there in the first place. She said that this way, the walls would simply absorb my lightning rather than being shattered by it.

I looked over at the small table next to my bed and saw the fluorescent numbers on my clock. 2:38. "Ugh," I moaned. Walking over to my bed I fell forward and landed face down on my pillow. I would have to wake up in only a few hours for school but I knew that if I fell back asleep, all I would see was more nightmares. "This completely sucks."

Pulling my quilt over my head, I stared at the stitching, trying to keep my eyes open. Slowly but surely they began to get heavier and heavier until I had no energy left to hold them open. Thankfully, I slept straight through the rest of the night until my alarm woke me up. If I did have anymore dreams, I didn't remember them and that was fine with me.

Dragging myself to school was honestly harder than anything I had done in training so far. And sitting through my morning classes was a brand new kind of torture. Luckily it was still cold out and I could wear my long sleeved yellow sweater over my blouse. I had wrapped my arm in a bandage, successfully convincing my parents I had burnt it on an iron at work. The sweater was just bulky enough that the bandage was perfectly hidden and the cold weather made it ridiculous for anyone to even think of rolling up their sleeves.

I could feel my eyes dropping during class and every time my head fell, my whole body would jerk as I tried to sit back up. I could see Rukia repeatedly glancing at me with a nervous look in her eyes, and Renji decided it was his job to continuously poke me with his pencil to keep me awake. While it wasn't very amusing to me, he certainly thought it was hilarious. I could hear him snickering all through our classes. But I was too tired to retaliate. When the lunch bell rang I was almost too tired to get up and move.

"Come on, Sayuri," I felt someone tugging on my arm. I looked up and saw Orihime and Rukia. "We're gonna all eat together!" Orihime smiled, but behind her I could see Rukia's face tighten. She can tell I'm exhausted. But who can't, I probably look like hell.

I walked with them over to the windows and leaned against the glass. While everyone laughed and joked and discussed plans for the holiday, I stayed quiet. I was mostly trying not to fall asleep while eating my sandwich. All I needed was to choke myself while I was unconscious. Eventually the bell rang again for classes to restart and I pushed away from the wall.

I was heading back to my seat when a student came crashing through a row of desks, trying to catch some folded paper thing his friend had just thrown. I saw him just before he crashed into my left arm and we both fell to the floor.

I wanted to scream out, I was in so much pain. My arm felt like it was on fire again, like the skin was literally melting off my arm. I bit down on my bottom lip hard and tried not to whimper. I was so focused on not crying on, I didn't really move even though my idiot classmate had gotten up. Well, he didn't really get up on his own. He was yanked off the floor by his collar by Renji and Ichigo who were shouting something about how he should be watching where he was going. A soft hand came to rest on my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" I looked into Rukia's eyes and tried as hard as I could to seem calm. I even somehow managed a small smile.

"Yeah," I said, hoping it didn't sound too stiff, "I'm fine. Just an accident, right?" She nodded and was about to take my arm to help me up. "No!" I said, more forcefully than I meant. I pulled my arm from her and used my other one to push myself to my feet. "Seriously, Rukia, I'm fine." I wiped some dust from my uniform and flashed her another smile before I headed back to my desk, not caring if she had thought me rude.

Once I had turned away from her, I cradled my bad arm in my good one. Looking up, I saw Renji staring at me as he sat back down at his desk. His eyes darted from my arm to my face then back to my arm. I began to brush my sleeve off as well, trying to seem like nothing was wrong, but I took care not to brush over my wound. Out of everyone, I definitely didn't want Renji to find out what had happened. Not only would he be angry at me for getting myself hurt, but he'd want to go out and hunt down Katsu and I just couldn't bear the thought of Renji going up against that monster. The consequences of that encounter were too horrific to even think about.

ooo

"Are you sure you'll be alright Miss Kobayashi," Tessai asked me for the eighteenth time, his brows coming together in a worried frown. "The shop is awfully big and we won't be back for a few days."

"I'm sure I'll be fine. Besides, I've got this fearsome warrior to keep me safe." I nodded my head towards Renji who was standing at a window looking at his reflection and picking his teeth. "I can just feel our enemies quaking in fear." Tessai chuckled and I smiled at him. He picked up his bag and headed out the door. He and Urahara were taking the kids with them to go pick up some new products in a town not too far away and had asked Renji and I and the rest of the gang to look after the place.

I felt a tug on the back of my sweater. Turning around, I found Ururu staring dolefully up at me as always. Reaching out, I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly. Her little arms wrapped around my waist and she squeezed me back.

"Watch out for that little monster, 'kay kid?" She nodded and even gave me a small smile before she picked up her bag and followed Tessai out to the van. Jinta appeared next carrying only a backpack. He used both free hands to instead pull the skin on his face every which way, making grotesque faces at me that were fully accompanied by sound effects.

Renji came to stand beside me. Looking up at him, I almost laughed out loud at the disgusted look on his face.

"That kid is strange," he said, watching Jinta now try to hoist himself into the car and make faces all at the same time.

"You don't even know the half of it," I told him.

"Alright, you two!" Urahara popped up between us. Shrieking, I jerked away from him only to collide with a shelf of boxes which proceeded to all fall on top of me. Renji laughed and Urahara grinned at me. Rolling my eyes I helped myself off the floor. "You kids behave now and we'll see you in a few days!" Urahara waved as he slid out the door as well. We followed him outside and watched him jump into the passenger seat. Tessai honked the horn as the van rounded the corner out of the lot and I waved until they couldn't be seen anymore.

I walked back inside the shop and shut the door behind me, closing out the cold air. Renji was leaning against the wall reading the back of one of the boxes from the floor.

"Well, you can go ahead and get started cleaning up this mess then," he said, tossing his box on top of the pile. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

"When did Urahara decide you were in charge?"

"He didn't. But I'm older, taller," he counted off the reasons on his fingers, "and clearly stronger, so what I say goes."

"Pff, yeah right," I scoffed, "In what delusional dimension?" Renji grinned.

"You wanna find out?" he asked, pushing up the sleeve of his button down uniform shirt he was still wearing. I rolled my eyes at him and knelt down next to the shelf.

"Nah," I said, grinning back at him, "Wouldn't wanna hurt your ego once I kick your butt."

"Just because you've been training with that creepy lightning sword girl of yours doesn't give you the right to get cocky, kid."

I threw a particularly full and lumpy box directly at his face, which he caught.

"Don't call me 'kid', old man." I began placing the boxes back in their places on the shelf. Renji was quiet, which was strange because he usually always had a comeback. Especially after I insulted him. Looking up, I caught his eye just before he turned away. He mumbled something about going to change and then tripped over his own feet as he walked away. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he had been staring at me. He had averted his eyes and the faintest hues of a blush had appeared on his cheeks. But I must have been imagining it. I had to.

For the rest of the day Renji and I spent our time either cleaning or helping the few customers that came through the door. I straightened up at the front, reorganizing items as well as cleaning the years (or more) worth of dust and grime off of everything while Renji cleaned the back. Once in a while when I had to restock some things from a storeroom, I'd pass him, noticing how he had changed into jeans and a t-shirt that looked like the sleeves had been ripped off.

Ever since that moment earlier when I thought he had been looking at me, I couldn't help thinking about him. So much so that every time we'd pass, I couldn't look him in the eyes. We'd both look away and go about our business and every time I wanted to smack myself. I was the queen of making awkward moments even more awkward.

As the hours wore on, I finally came to the end of my to-do list for the day. I stepped into the bathroom and put the stopper in the sink drain. Filling the bowl with cold water, I splashed some on my face just to wake myself up. I grabbed a towel and patted my skin dry, sighing the contented sigh of someone who had just finished a long day of hard work.

I reached my hand down into the water to grab the plug when I noticed something strange. I could see a reflection in the water, but it didn't look like me. A thin pale face with deep blue eyes stared back at me, all framed by raven black hair that flowed with the ripples of the water. I yanked my hand back as soon as my eyes met those of the reflection, and the second I blinked, the vision was gone. I looked around the room but I was alone. Quickly I unplugged the drain and left. Needing some fresh air, I grabbed my jacket and headed outside.

When he had finished with his work, Renji found me on the roof of the store. The night was bright and I was lying on my back, staring at the sky as tiny snowflakes began to fall. With my good arm I was reaching up and every time a flake got close enough, I'd aim and shoot a small lightning bolt at it, causing it to flash a bright blue and then evaporate in a little puff of smoke. Ever since my father had burnt me, I noticed that it was painful to cast any lightning with my left arm. This was of course a problem seeing as I wielded my zanpakutō with my right arm and couldn't use that same hand to cast lightning. Raiu had reminded me of that frequently during our training sessions in Urahara's basement. She had become my new mentor, insisting that if I was going to use her power I had better learn how it worked. She could be a bit bossy sometimes, honestly. She's almost the total opposite of me…

"You're getting pretty good with that stuff, huh?" Renji asked, sitting beside me on the tiles.

"Yeah. I've been working on it." I zapped another flake right above me and felt a small drop of water hit my face.

"Raiu's a pretty hard trainer. Between her and Urahara I'm surprised you're not dead yet." I let out a laugh.

"Me too. I think she's hoping she'll kill me so she can get a better person to use her."

"Wouldn't happen," Renji said, stretching out beside me. I looked at him confused, noticing that all hints of our earlier awkwardness were gone now.

"What do you mean?" He looked back at me.

"Don't you remember? Zanpakutōs are reflections of our inner beings. Raiu could never belong to someone else. She's tied to you. A part of you. You can't be separated any more than you and your lightning."

"Oh, right," I said, feeling like a child who had gotten a question wrong in class. Renji shifted a bit next to me and I stopped zapping snowflakes, letting my arm fall to my side.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. My stomach tightened. I should have known Renji would cut right to the chase. What was worse, was that I wanted to unload everything on him so badly. To tell him that I had seen my father again and what he could do…what he had done already. I wanted to tell him that every time I closed my eyes I saw him, huge and strong and indestructible. I wanted to tell him how afraid I was and how badly my damn arm hurt. But how could I? How could I possibly place all of those burdens on a friend, even if he was as strong as Renji was?

For some reason I was even more nervous to tell him than anyone else. I didn't want him overreacting and doing anything stupid, and I didn't want him getting angry. The thought of him being upset with me scared me too. Some weird part of me needed Renji's approval, a part I couldn't get myself to understand. How do you sum all of that up when asked the question 'how are you feeling'?

"I'm doing fine," I said. I couldn't tell him. Not this time. He was silent, and then….

"You're lying."

"What?" I sat up and looked at him. He had crossed his arms behind his head and was staring straight up at the moon. His face was completely serious.

"You're lying," he repeated. "You're exhausted. You can see it in your eyes and the way you've been training. You've got no fire lately." At those words I winced and almost instinctively placed my hand over my burn, but I stopped myself. Renji didn't know about that and it was going to stay that way. "You're still scared. Aren't you?" He turned his eyes to mine and I felt frozen. I couldn't look away from him and in that moment I seriously considered telling him everything.

Renji was a rock. As much of an idiot as he was, he was loyal and strong. Stronger than I was that's for sure. In the constantly roiling sea that had become my life he seemed to be the only piece of solid ground I could find. I remembered our talk on the window sill and how he had told me with more honesty than I had ever seen in a person that he believed in me. He had risked his life for me countless times, and here I was, paying him back by lying to his face.

"Yes." I let the word slip out. I looked away from him, furious that things had to be so complicated. I had tried not to, but Renji had this way of breaking down my walls and my resolve. He got into my head and when I looked into his eyes for too long my thoughts turned to mush and I told him the truth. What was happening to me?

"Well you don't have to be. We're all going to protect you, so you can stop worrying. Ok?" I must have looked surprised because he laughed. Sitting up, he began to sweep the light layer of snow that had accumulated on the roof together. Taking it in his hands he packed it together tightly into a ball. "So stop walking around looking so miserable, got it, kid?" Grinning at me, he softly tossed the snowball at me. It hit me in the shoulder, and I felt my throat tighten at his words.

"You better stop calling me that," I told him.

"Or what? You gonna zap me too?" I grinned back at him and gathered some snow up myself.

"Worse," I said, lobbing the snowball at his face. It hit his cheek, instantly breaking apart into a powder that the wind carried in all directions.

"Well let's hope your next throw isn't as bad as that one," he said. And with that he launched himself off the roof onto the ground below, sweeping up a handful of snow as he went. Before I could even stand up he threw it at me, knocking my legs out from under me.

"Oh you are so gonna get it now," I shouted down at him. For the next hour or so we found ourselves locked in a serious battle as the snow began to fall down heavier and heavier. For the first time in months, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I was laughing like I hadn't laughed in a long time, watching Renji try to twist and turn out of the way of snowballs. I almost doubled over when he slipped on some ice and his snowball flew up into the air, then landed on his face. But, like all good things in my life, it wouldn't last long.

Renji was winding up when I realized he had picked up snow from a particularly icy section of the yard. This is gonna hurt. I watched as the ball came flying towards me and instinctively put my arms up, covering my face. I began to turn away, but my timing was too far off. The ball collided with my left arm in the exact spot that I had been burned. A searing pain ripped through my body again, radiating from the wound, and I was caught so off guard that a scream escaped my lips. I fell to my knees cradling my arm, too lost in the pain to realize that I had just given myself away.

Running over to me, Renji skidded to a stop right beside me, asking if I was ok.

"I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth. Ah hell, who was I kidding? I didn't look or sound fine even to myself and definitely not to Renji. I looked at him and could tell that he knew. He knew I was hurt and that it wasn't because of some ice ball. He grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm in front of him. I knew he was going to pull up my sleeve and I started struggling, trying to twist myself out of his grip. But that only made him hold on tighter. With one hand, he held my arm in a vice grip and with the other he began rolling my sleeve up towards my elbow.

He was pulling my arm so hard that my body was pressed up against the side of his. I was pushing on him, and beating on his shoulder, begging him to stop and let me go, but he ignored me. Once he had pushed up my sleeve, I felt his body go rigid as he saw the bandages I had wrapped around my arm. He started to slowly unravel them and I beat on him even harder, fearing what would happen when he saw the burn.

I felt the cold air roll over my bare skin and saw the bandages fall to the ground. Renji was still, just staring at my arm. It was even redder than I remembered. Bruised and blistered along the edges, my burn was as raw as it was the day I got it.

"I burnt myself on the kettle this morning, Renji. Honestly it's not a big deal! It was just an accident and I-"

"You saw him. Didn't you." What should have been a question came out of his mouth like a statement. He knew what this burn was from, and it wasn't a kettle.

"Renji, I-"

"Come on," he growled, pulling me to my feet. He kept hold of my wrist and began to drag me inside. I didn't know what to do or what to say. Nothing would calm him down now. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid. He brought me to the back room and pushed me onto a pillow at the table. After rummaging through a cabinet, he came back with clean bandages and some weird can of ointment I had never heard of. Next, he brought over a cloth he had just run under the faucet in the sink. Stomping over, he sat down next to me and pulled my arm in front of him again.

"Ouch, Renji! That hurts!" I punched his shoulder but he didn't even seem to notice.

"Why did you lie to me?" He kept my arm pinned to the table and his eyes on the burn, not once stopping what he was doing.

"I didn't lie to you," I said, squirming as he dabbed at my burn with the wet cloth. The coolness of it felt good, but I wasn't about to say that. "I just didn't tell you everything. I didn't think it was important."

"Not important?" Renji's voice got louder and he snapped his head around to face me. "You call Katsu trying to kill you not important?"

"He didn't try to kill me! That was Mikio!" I shouted back.

"Don't." Renji shook his head and closed his eyes. "Don't defend him. They're one in the same."

"I'm not defending him! I would never defend him or any of them! God, you know what," I yanked my arm away from him and stood up. "This is why I didn't tell you! Because I knew you'd freak out like this!" Renji was still seated, his eyes burning as he glared at me. "I didn't go looking for him or anything! He found me and I was alone and it wasn't like I could run back here for anyone's help! And by the way, I managed to get him pretty good too because, yeah, contrary to popular opinion, I can actually defend myself!"

I was so angry, my palms were starting to get dangerously hot. I knew I needed to calm down but all of a sudden, words were pouring out of me before I could stop them and I no longer care how badly my arm hurt.

"Do you know what it's like?" I asked him, realizing that somewhere inside me a dam had broken and the words were just gushing out. "Going my entire life thinking I'm one person to find out it was all a lie? To suddenly be able to do things that shouldn't be possible? Or how about seeing that monster's face every single night when I close my eyes? Hearing him tell me how one day I'm going to become just like him? No, of course you don't! None of you do! No one understands what living with something like that is like…or the nightmares it brings. And I can't even remember what happened that makes me hate him so much! Does it really surprise you that I'm exhausted, Renji!? Is it that hard to realize that I'm terrified? I'm sure it shows!"

My chest was heaving and I could feel myself shaking. I had never shouted at anyone like that before in my life. I wanted so badly just to make him understand and see and feel everything that I could so that he could know. I felt like I was going crazy, constantly looking over my shoulder and fearing one day I would just wake up an evil psychopath like Katsu.

I stood there staring at Renji, wishing he would say something. But all he did was reach out and take my hand. Softly he pulled it back towards him. Suddenly, all my strength seemed to run out. I had nothing left and so I just sat back down onto the pillow and let him place my arm on the table where he began rubbing the contents of the jar on it. Instantly I felt a cooling sensation and then numbness. For the first time in days the pain was gone. He slowly and carefully wrapped the clean bandages around my arm, all the roughness from earlier gone from his hands. It was like he was wrapping glass now. When he was done, he kept his hand around my wrist.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Turning to face me, I suddenly realized just how close we were sitting. Our faces inches away, I found myself staring into his unyielding golden eyes, full of regret and sorrow. "You're absolutely right. I don't know anything about what that's all like. But it's not because I'm not interested, you know. You're so caught up in dealing with everything yourself and proving to everyone that you can defend yourself. Everyone here wants to help you, don't you realize that? We've all decided to protect you. Everyone has. Even me. So stop shutting us out, Sayuri." I felt a thrill go down my spine as he said my name.

Although he wasn't gripping my arm like I was about to be blown away, Renji kept me seated at the table with just his eyes. He placed his hand over mine and I felt a warm blush creep its way up my neck.

"We can help if you let us in," he whispered. There was no Jinta here this time to barge in and shatter the moment. As far as I knew, no one was coming any time soon. It was just us. But I didn't want the moment to end. I was shocked. Renji was right. Everyone knew I could fight and that I was strong. They didn't need me to prove anything to them. What they needed was my trust. I had grown up learning that you shouldn't depend on anyone because they could let you down at any time. But how was that a good way to live? How was it better not to rely on others and not to feel love and friendship? How was it better to live like my father…and my mother? Look how they had both ended up….Was I going to follow in their footsteps as a daughter should?

I turned my hand palm up and wrapped my fingers around Renji's. He looked down, surprised, then back at me. I nodded.

"Will you help me, Renji? Will you help me kick that fire breathing freak's ass back to whatever dimension he came from?" He grinned. In that moment I felt a warmth in me that had nothing to do with my lightning and everything to do with that man's smile.

But neither of us could hear the dripping faucet just down the hall. Neither of us could see the reflection in the water of a body that wasn't there. Neither of us could hear her laughter. This moment was merely the calm before the storm, and no one could have predicted what was going to come after it ended. The war was only just beginning.