Chapter Twenty Two – Back To Reality

Nick turned his head, fighting to keep his eyes open, as he thought he heard movement next to him.

"Welcome back Nick," Maggie greeted with a sombre smile.

"Thanks…," he mumbled and tried to shift a little in bed. "…I think," he added miserably as the action hurt his sore head.

The district nurse smiled softly at him as she straightened in the visiting chair next to him.

Nick reached up to rub his bleary eyes. "Has Jo left?" he asked curiously, a bit disappointed.

Maggie nodded. "She's been making herself sick with worry," the nurse said, confirming his suspicions as she looked away, her gaze trailing the corridor outside, through the window.

Nick sighed feeling a pang of guilt, having a distinct memory of calling out Kate's name to Jo when he woke up. He carefully massaged his aching temples, his eyes still closed. "I bet she's been here a lot recently and I can't stop thinking about what kind of thanks I gave her; calling out for Kate," he said sadly, scolding himself.

"You weren't much awake Nick," Maggie reasoned comfortingly. "Don't blame yourself, she'll understand."

"I had the strangest sensation," Nick let on as he opened his eyes to focus on the nurse, "…or dream, I can't really tell. I was with Kate and it was so real Maggie, so real."

His and Jo's mutual friend looked tired and worn, and there was a distant expression on her face. She looked down at her hands and then back at him.

"Unconsciousness, or a coma, can play the strangest tricks on the mind, Nick," Maggie said with an uncertain smile.

"Glimpses and pieces of our life's together…" he explained, his voice no more than a whisper.

"This might not be the best topic now but, since we are on it already…this might sound silly," she mumbled with a sheepish smile. "I got a feeling of déjà vu. I thought I had gotten over it but obviously I hadn't. When you lay here somewhere between life and death…" she trailed off and leveled her eyes with his.

Nick felt the hair at the back of his neck rise as the meaning of her words hit him. 'Had he really been that close to dying?' he wondered briefly.

"For a while there Nick I feared I would lose another good friend and there's was nothing I could do about it. You were slipping through my fingers just like Kate did, no matter how hard I tried to cheer her up, make her keep fighting…" Maggie said while the moist gathered in her eyes and she had to reach up and carefully run a finger under her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

"Well, you wouldn't get rid of me that easily," Nick began softly with a half-smirk. "I have a hard head," he added with a quirk.

Maggie looked at him, his pale face in stark contrast to his dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. However, there was a spark in those, previously dull, eyes and she started to recognize her friend again. The corner of her lips curled upward in a slight amusement. "Yes," she concurred. "Idiots usually do."

Nick frowned, looking lost for a moment. "Sorry?" he replied in confusion.

"A hard head," she let on as she shifted in the chair and fixed him with a disapproving glare. "Nick, what on earth where you thinking back there?"

The young sergeant cringed at her accusing tone.

"You could have died!" she added. "How do you think Katie would have dealt with that? Losing both her parents at only three years of age. First her mother and then her father. And how do you think Jo would have been able to cope with losing you? And me and Gina, Phil and the rest of the village?" she pressed on, her emotions getting the better of her.

Dr. Neil Bolton retraced the few steps he had been taken down the corridor and curiously turned back to stop just outside the half-opened door to the young sergeant's room at hearing his estranged wife's sad and hurt voice. However, he didn't go in – he stopped with his hand on the doorknob as she spoke up again, this time in a much calmer voice.

"I'm sorry Nick," she said regretfully as she sank back in the visiting chair. "It's just…, it's been a tough week." She corrected herself "…weeks even."

"It's all right Maggie," he said, feeling his eyes starting to close.

"Do you remember when half the village got those threatening letters almost one and a half year ago?" she asked, but she didn't wait for him to reply as it was more of a statement than a question. "I told you about me having an abortion because it would have been inappropriate for me to give birth to a child when not married and especially with a politically involved man," she said.

Nick nodded, slightly confused about where this conversation would be going.

"That's the first half of it," she let on. "Then I met Neil – Doctor Bolton, and we fell in love, madly in love. Everything was coming along nicely and I was the happiest person in the world," she said with a distant smile as if she was remembering something from the past. "Or at least I thought I was," she added sarcastically. "I lost our baby, Nick. I lost mine and Neil's baby. It drove us apart and I haven't been able to open up entirely since then," she confessed.

Neil slowly let go of the doorknob and took a step back, intrigued by the conversation on the other side.

"I don't know what to say," Nick said softly. "I'm sorry Maggie. It must have been a shock to you when he suddenly appeared at this hospital."

"It most definitely was," she concurred. "I thought I had put the past behind me, the pain in my soul when I handled the newborns at the maternity, it hurt less when I was on my own. But then, when he came back a couple of months ago it all came back to me, catching up to me after all these years," she sadly trailed off and Nick could see how hard it was for her to speak about it.

"I blamed myself for losing our baby. I thought that maybe…by having that abortion in my youth I had somehow condemned the child and that it died because...because it wasn't meant to happen," Maggie finished with a tear in her eye.

Neil sadly pursed his lips together into a thin line and silently retreated from where he was standing and headed down the corridor, feeling empty inside at the revelation he had heard.

"I couldn't handle it, Nick, and I…Neil thinks I drove him away, but he left me when I needed him the most," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I haven't had a good relationship since then, afraid of getting hurt again," she said and looked up at him.

Nick nodded slightly, not sure what to say.

"For a while there I thought I was ready, that we had something going on but then I got scared that you weren't ready to commit so soon after Kate's death and I didn't want to take the chance of getting hurt again. The scars in my soul was too deep."

Nick nodded and somehow her actions seemed much clearer now.

"You have managed Nick. How did you do it?" she asked.

The young sergeant took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on a seemingly invisible spot on the further wall. "You don't cope with it, Maggie, you learn to deal with it," he said darkly, gloomily. "There has been times when I thought; What's the use of this meaningless life? But then again, somehow, you manage. Besides, I had little Katie to take my mind of other things," Nick explained.

Maggie nodded sadly, listening to what he said.

"I was angry at Kate, I really was, for hiding it from me, letting me down, for not fighting it hard enough," he let on and there was an undertone in his voice that saddened Maggie.

"And I was angry at the doctors – her supposed colleagues, for not noticing. I don't want to go through all that again," he said and the last few words came out as a whisper only.

Maggie looked down at the floor and when she raised her head again she saw her friend looking at her with a faint smile on his pale face.

"What do you want to do Maggie?" he asked kindly.

"I don't know really," she replied sincerely. "But I needed to talk to someone who might understand," she said in appreciation.

Nick gave her a weak smile. "I'll probably not remember anything of it tomorrow. My mind is a bit hazy as of right now," he let on.

Maggie returned the smile, rose from the chair and gently squeezed his shoulder. "You need to rest Nick, I'll be back later," she assured him. "Thank you."

"For what?" he wondered aloud.

"For listening," she replied softly.

OOOOOO

It was fairly early in the forenoon when PC Alf Ventress drove up the roadway to the traditional goat farm where Albert Alsop lived on his own. Despite having a large number of relatives he hadn't found anyone to share his life with at the age of fifty.

The goat farmer came walking over the courtyard, eyeing the police car suspiciously as it parked over at the house.

Alf slowly got out of the driver's seat and put on his helmet. They met halfway and acknowledged each other.

"Albert," Alf said.

The farmer nodded. "What brings you up here, Alf?" he asked.

"I think it's time all this came to an end don't you?" the old copper asked, returning the question with one of his own.

Alsop frowned, waiting for the police officer to explain further.

"You added a few things to Claude's cheese did you not?" Alf pushed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about?" the farmer replied, managing an innocent look.

"I think you do," Alf countered in a calm neutral voice. "You see, I know you sneaked up there at night, broke into the house and put a small dose of arsenic in the cheese."

Something uncertain flickered in Albert's eyes briefly but he said nothing so Alf decided to continue.

"I think you better come clean, Albert, or I'll be forced to take the matters further. I don't think you'll like that. Our temporary sergeant might not see it the same way as I do, or some other local person," he reasoned.

With a look of defeat Albert Alsop nodded his head and sighed.

A faint smile creased the old copper's lips. "I thought so. I know you're a reasonable man," Alf said. "Jump into the car, we'll head up to the Ashfordly Estate and have a talk with Dr. Bolton and Maggie about it. As for the woman who got ill, I don't think she will be pressing charges."

OOOOOO

To be continued

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