Standard disclaimer: I do not own Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, and am not affiliated with them in any way. I am also not affiliated with The Chainsmokers, but the chorus of their song "Paris" was stuck in my head the whole time I was writing this, so I feel like they earned a mention.

(I was going to have it be the one-liner of this chapter instead of the Miraculous Theme, but then Plagg got very excited… and a little out of hand. So, we're sticking to the original theme. And don't worry, I already tore that notebook apart.)

Issues

"They look at me and think I'm cool. I'm Cat Noir. At night, I rule." -Miraculous Theme

Chapter 4: In Which Adrien Really Hates Fangirls

Adrien and Marinette scrambled to their feet as Lila dropped into the room from the window. No doubt about it, it was the girl who had transferred to their school earlier that month, but… WHY WAS SHE AKUMATIZED AGAIN? The orange Volpina outfit should've been long gone, cured by Ladybug and gone forever! But here she was, sauntering towards Adrien with a smirk on her face.

"Hello, Adrien," she cooed, getting between him and Marinette and batting her eyelashes at him. "I've had such a hard time finding you! Why did you turn off your phone? It's sooo hard to track when it's not turned on. But I understand if you didn't want anyone to know that you were hanging out with the rabble." Marinette clenched her fists, resisting the urge to throttle the vixen right then and there.

"Uh… hi, Lila… you were… tracking me?" Adrien said, backing away from her and looking very uncomfortable.

"Part of being a superhero," she said lightly, flicking her hair proudly. "Your father asked me to look after you."

"My father did?" Adrien asked, incredulous.

"Yes! Haven't you been watching the news? I made the announcement that I would be protecting Paris from now on over an hour ago! And your father immediately called the hotline I set up and told me you'd been missing all afternoon, so of course I made you my top priority," Lila gushed, pressing close to him again.

"Um, excuse me," Marinette interjected, feeling very put out at being ignored in her own room. "You're not a superhero, remember? You're another akuma victim. Ladybug and Cat Noir have—"

"Oh, it's you," Lila said, turning towards the other girl. "The girl who couldn't handle the power she was offered," she sneered.

"Excuse me?" Marinette exclaimed, bristling.

"Marinette fought off the akuma," Adrien argued, defending his friend. "Which is what you need to do, Lila. You can't let Hawkmoth control you like this. Let Ladybug and Cat Noir help you!"

"Hawkmoth has given me the power to defeat Ladybug and Cat Noir!" Lila snarled, turning on him. "Now all of Paris can depend on me to be their superhero! We won't have to listen to that self-righteous bug or stupid cat ever again! And nothing," she added, smiling and taking Adrien's hand in hers, "can ever keep us apart."

"I can think of at least two things wrong with that statement," the so-called "self-righteous bug" grumbled beside them.

Lila growled at her. "Enough!" she spat, swinging her flute and hitting Marinette into the wall behind her. The stunned girl fell to the floor. Lila used her grip on Adrien to pull him away as he tried to run to her.

"Come on, Adrien," she said. "Let's go somewhere we can be alone!" With that, she threw him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and flew out the window again.

Marinette shook her head to clear it and tried to stand up from where she'd fallen.

"Tikki?" she called, still seeing spots.

"Oh dear, this is really bad," Tikki said, swooping over to her, Plagg following behind. "If she's been akumatized again, she'll be very unstable! You need to stop her, quick!"

"Oh no," Marinette groaned, still holding her head.

"Really rang your bell, huh, kid?" Plagg said.

Marinette blinked at him, then gasped in horror. "Why aren't you with Adrien?" she cried.

"Uh, evil supervillain in the room," he reminded her, shrugging. "I couldn't get to him."

"Triple not good," Tikki said.

"Oh, no, no, no," Marinette said, panicking. "Adrien can't defend himself! What are we going to do?"

"Uh, transform?" Tikki reminded her.

"Oh, right!" Marinette said brightly.

Plagg looked at Tikki. "Is she always like this?"

"Worse," Tikki told him solemnly.

"Enough, you two!" Marinette said sternly. "Tikki, spots on!"

"Lila, wait! –Slow down! –Can't we—talk about this?" Adrien gasped out as Lila continued jumping from building to building. He was fairly certain she was doing it to disorient him or something; last time she had been able to fly. Of course, if she was flying, he would've been able to thrash around and maybe break loose (ok, not the best idea, but he also didn't like the idea of going somewhere with his kidnapper), so yeah, she was probably doing it on purpose.

Of course, if she kept doing it, he was going to literally lose his cookies… and they had been so good too.

One final jump took them up, up, up higher than before, and Adrien looked around and sighed. The Eiffel Tower. Of course. Hadn't she threatened to drop him from here before? Nevermind that it had been an illusion, he still didn't like the idea. She probably planned to taunt Ladybug again, and this time it would actually be him… ugh. Yeah, he really didn't want to think about it.

"Here we are!" she sang cheerfully, (finally!) putting him down on the platform. "Don't worry, Adrien. I just have to get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous, and then we won't ever have to worry about them getting in the way of us again!"

"Yeah, about that, Lila," Adrien said, rubbing his sore stomach.

"Volpina," she corrected him, smiling and getting into his personal space again. He backed up a step.

"All right, Volpina, then," he agreed. "The thing is, I kinda like Ladybug and Cat Noir, so…."

"What?" she stared at him, wide-eyed.

"…can you, I dunno, not try to destroy them?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck. A purple mask appeared on Volpina's face and Adrien scowled, wondering what Hawkmoth was telling her now. The mask disappeared and Volpina's expression cleared, as though all her questions had been answered.

"Of course, I see it now," she said, straightening and looking even more determined than before. "Ladybug has brainwashed you! She wants to keep you all to herself!" She cried, shaking her fist at an imagined enemy.

Adrien gaped at her. Ladybug wanting him all to herself? That would actually be… awesome, he wanted to say. But Ladybug doesn't feel that way about me. Unless, of course… maybe….

"Well, she's already got Cat Noir!" Volpina continued on her tirade. "I won't let her have you too! We belong together!"

Adrien head drooped. Aaand… that was where this got tricky.

"I don't think so, Volpina!" a new voice called. Adrien's heart leapt. Ladybug! Sure enough, the red-clad superhero swung down in front of them. Volpina immediately ran to Adrien and put him in a headlock with her flute. Adrien decided to remain still. He wasn't in an indestructible suit right now, after all. Ladybug's eyes narrowed.

"I don't know about you, but kidnapping and holding someone hostage aren't exactly romantic where I come from," she said, walking forward and twirling her yo-yo.

"Well, there's always Stockholm Syndrome," Adrien said, with a nervous laugh.

Ladybug rolled her eyes at him. "Not helping, Adrien," she groaned.

"I'll shut up now."

"What? No tom cat today, Ladybug?" Volpina taunted.

"Oh, he's probably planning on pouncing on you from behind at any moment," Ladybug smirked. Adrien raised an eyebrow, but it had the intended effect on Volpina, who quickly began looking around, hissing.

"You and your stupid stray don't scare me!" she shouted, grabbing Adrien around the middle.

"And we're back to jumping again," he grumbled, as Volpina tried to take them higher on the Eiffel Tower. Ladybug's yo-yo caught Adrien's foot halfway up, and he gave a yelp as he was suddenly pulled in two different directions.

"No!" Volpina screamed, as she felt him being jerked downwards. "Let go, he's mine!" She tried to pull him back up, and suddenly Adrien had a whole new appreciation for people who were tortured using a rack.

"Ladybug!" he gasped. She seemed to catch on and immediately released him, sending him and Volpina shooting upwards into the tower. Volpina crashed into one of the beams above them and involuntarily let go of Adrien, causing him to fall back down.

"Adrien!" Ladybug cried, and he heard her yo-yo zip towards him. Relieved, he twisted so he could help her catch him mid-air, but an orange streak flew between them at the last second.

"NO!" Volpina screeched, beating Ladybug back with her flute. "IF I CAN'T HAVE HIM, NO ONE WILL!"

Desperate, Ladybug made a throw with her yo-yo. But it wasn't directed at Volpina, or the flute she was using to hit her rival. It shot straight at Adrien. He caught it and held it tight, even as it hit him in the stomach, shooting him over to the side of the tower. The wire went taut and swung him all the way around a beam. Just his bad luck, he came to a stop just under the beam and against the side of another one, instead of on top. The smooth surfaces of the beams were not really great for pulling himself up, and next beam down was waay too far down for him to fall without the catsuit. Still clutching the lifeline of the yo-yo, he looked over and felt the blood drain from his face as he realized what his partner had done.

Instead of casting her weapon to defend herself, she had used it to save him. Now she was dangling from the other end of the yo-yo, also caught on the side of a beam on the other side of the tower, bleeding on the side of her head, with Volpina laughing triumphantly above her.

"And now, I will have your Miraculous!" Volpina crowed, "and nothing will get in the way of me being with the one I love!"

"That's— not love," Ladybug gasped out, trying to pull herself into a better position. "Lying. Tricking someone into thinking you're something you're not. Forcing them to be with you when you know they'd rather be with someone else… that's not love! You're thinking about him as nothing more than a possession!"

"So?" Volpina sneered.

"Adrien deserves better that that!" Ladybug snapped.

"Oh, what would you know?" Volpina asked carelessly. "You just care about his pretty face. It's not like you know Adrien—"

"Yes, I do," Ladybug said. "Adrien is sweet, and kind, and loves his friends more than anything. He's not spoiled or vain, even if his pictures are all over town. He's smart and brave, and fun to be around, and always a perfect gentleman." Her eyes met Adrien's for a moment. "And he deserves better," she finished softly. Adrien stared at her. Why did it feel like she was adding on 'than me' to that statement? Didn't she know what she meant to him?

"Better?" Volpina repeated sarcastically. "You think you're better than me? He'll get better. He'll get the best! Just as soon as I defeat you!"

Adrien looked up and saw her raise her flute to strike Ladybug again. He'd had enough of hanging around here! Bracing his feet on the beam next to him, he pushed off, hard.

"Ladybug!" he cried, letting go of the yo-yo. Her eyes went wide as she realized what he intended. Without his weight, the yo-yo snapped back to her, and she fell with him. Volpina's strike missed and they heard her shriek above them as she over-corrected.

Ladybug grinned at him in midair. "Idiot," she said fondly, throwing the yo-yo again and catching him as she swung by. Adrien chuckled as he clung to her. They had a head start. Volpina would never catch them in time.

Ladybug put him down at the Trocadero; plenty of places for him to go hide and transform. As soon as they were clear, Plagg flew out of her hair to nuzzle against Adrien.

"Next time, tell your girlfriend to try not to get hit where I'm hiding!" he whined, then zipped inside Adrien's jacket.

"I wasn't trying to get hit at all," Ladybug grumbled crossly, wiping the last of the blood from her temple. Thanks to her Miraculous, the wound was already healed. A loud, distant scream interrupted them and they turned to see a swirling black cloud forming at the Eiffel Tower.

"Well, that's going to darken our day," Adrien remarked wryly.

"Run and hide," Ladybug ordered, running towards it. "I'll distract her!"

Adrien was about to argue when he realized they had gained a small crowd of viewers. Probably why Plagg had been so eager to hide. Calling to them, he started herding the crowd away from the billowing black clouds that were already overhead, and the faint, somehow ominous sound of a flute. But there was no way he was letting Ladybug take her on again alone. As soon as people were sufficiently running, he hid behind a column.

"Plagg, claws out!"

No sooner had he leapt out as Cat Noir than Lila's magnified voice boomed out around him, coming from the cloud.

"LADYBUG HAS HURT ME FOR THE LAST TIME!" she screamed, "SINCE SHE HAS TAKEN THE ONE I LOVE, I WILL TAKE HERS! NOW SHE'LL HAVE TO SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SEE HIM WITH ANOTHER WOMAN! I AM REIGNING FANGIRL! WOMEN OF PARIS, CAT NOIR IS NOW YOURS!" With an enormous thunderclap, the unnatural cloud started raining.

"Are you kidding me?" Cat Noir yelled as the rain poured down all around him. But he couldn't help laughing. "Reigning Fangirl. Raining Fangirl! Oh, Ladybug's gonna love this one!" Actually, she would probably start banging her head on the side of the Eiffel Tower, but—oh. Oh my.

"Hello, ladies," he said, uneasily, realizing he was surrounded by women, who were staring at him with unnerving grins and wicked glints in their eyes. "So sorry, but this cat's gotta scat!" He said, quickly drawing his baton and using it to vault away from them.

However, for fangirls, they were tricky, and grabbed at the pole instead, shaking it. He fell out of his leap with a yelp. Then they were on him.

Ladybug, meanwhile, was doing slightly better than her counterpart. By sheer luck (thank you, Tikki!), she had been under a roof when it had started raining, and her Lucky Charm had produced an umbrella hat. The rainwater didn't affect her when it hit the suit, but she wasn't willing to chance it hitting her in the head, where she was far less protected. The hat looked ridiculous, but anything was better than turning into one of those women who were moaning Cat Noir's name. Yes, it was as bad as it sounded. No, it would not help defeat the akuma right now. Or help her with her already extremely complicated feelings for her partner and friend.

Not to mention, he'd never let her live it down.

Lila, or Volpina, or Reigning Fangirl, or whatever-she-was-calling-herself-now, didn't seem to be affected by the rain either. Her costume had turned dark grey with a big red heart on her chest and a crown on her head instead of fox ears. Her flute was still there, though it looked more like a scepter now, and she was happily attempting to beat Ladybug into oblivion with it. Ladybug was having a hard time exchanging blows and trying not to get her exposed skin splashed by rainwater at the same time.

Still, she was holding her own, she thought, as her foot connected with Lila's gut in a very satisfactory way. A sweep of the yo-yo kept the remaining hoard of fangirls away for a few more minutes (all of them with glowing red eyes, hissing "Cat Noir will be mine!" or other things very creepy things at her) as she tried to figure out where the akuma was this time.

It couldn't be the necklace again, could it? Hawkmoth would have to be a special brand of stupid…. It had changed into a big heart to go along with the rest of her outfit, but that didn't mean anything. Akumas often changed form.

"Cataclysm!" Cat Noir's voice shouted. Ladybug looked up, just in time to see him descending on Lila with his hand outstretched. Horrified, she could only watch as he attempted to grab the necklace. (Oh God, oh God, please don't let him miss!) At the last second, however, Lila brought up her scepter to defend herself. It blocked the hit, but Lila paled as her weapon crumbled to dust.

"NOOOO!" she wailed as an akuma flittered away from the remains. Apparently, Hawkmoth was a special brand of stupid. Putting the akuma in a melee weapon? Really?

Still, it made it easier for her! Ladybug swiftly caught and purified the little butterfly. Lila's new outfit dissolved into her regular everyday wear and the black clouds above them immediately vanished, causing the warm sun to shine down. Ladybug was about to toss her umbrella hat and call for the Cure when—

Cheering broke out around them from the women still surrounding them.

"Way to go, Cat Noir!"

"He did it! He did it!"

"Good job, Cat Noir!"

"Cat Noir, I love you!"

"Marry me, Cat Noir!"

Ladybug covered her mouth with her hand. Her partner didn't usually get much adoration from the masses (which was stupid, she thought, as he easily did as much as she did), so surely she could let the spell go on for just a little bit… he must be loving this!

She snuck a glance at him and promptly burst out laughing.

He was standing there like an irritable kitten, soaked to the bone, and glaring at her as the women all around him vied for his attention. He was also covered, head-to-toe, in lipstick kisses.

"Hawkmoth," he deadpanned, "is evil."

Ladybug couldn't help it. She doubled over, laughing.

"It's not funny!" he whined. "Miraculous Cure, please, Ladybug!"

"All right, all right," she agreed, wiping her eyes. Before she could throw her umbrella hat up, however, she caught movement behind her out of the corner of her eye, and turned to see Lila running at her. She spun to defend herself, but to her surprise, Lila stopped just before she got to her and flung something in her eyes.

Rainwater, Ladybug realized, but it was already too late. As soon as the cold water hit her face, her body suddenly felt warmer. Too warm. All over. The heat made her gasp and fall to her knees.

"Ladybug!" she heard Cat Noir shout. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. It was strong, the tone was perfect, and he sounded concerned! For her!

Of course he was concerned! He was her partner! Another voice in her head argued. She shook her head, trying to clear it. She had to think!

Think about him, she meant! she thought as he started shouting again. He sounded angry. She giggled. Angry kitty. She bet she could make him purr—

NO! Stop it! Snap out of it! Her inner voice screamed. You have something to do! To make it all better! But what… she couldn't remember….

Meanwhile, Cat Noir was making no headway with his "fans." All he had been able to see was his partner fall to the ground after Lila stopped in front of her. He needed to make sure Ladybug was all right! But these fangirls! They wouldn't leave him alone, no matter how much he yelled at them to get out of his way so he could get to Ladybug.

"But I love you, Cat Noir!"

"You don't need her!"

"Here, kitty kitty!"

"I'll be your Ladybug!"

"I'll be your Lovebug!"

Wherever Hawkmoth was, Cat Noir hoped he died choking on his laughter. Beyond his crowd, Lila was standing there, smirking. His eyes narrowed.

"All right!" he yelled, clapping his hands to get their attention. "Everyone who loves me, listen up!" The crowd went silent. He pointed his finger at Lila. "That girl there has made me very angry! Capture her! Alive!"

Cat Noir wasn't sure if Ladybug would ever forgive him, but the satisfaction of watching Lila go pale as the crowd instantly turned on her: priceless. In less than ten seconds, they had her pinned to the ground, all of them growling different iterations of "she'll pay!" or "how dare she upset my Cat Noir!"

Meanwhile, he darted over to his downed partner, who was gasping and shaking her head.

"Ladybug! Ladybug! Are you okay?" he asked, kneeling next to her. She sucked in her breath and looked up at him. He noticed with a start that her pupils were almost completely dilated and she was flushed.

"Cat Noir," she whispered, reaching up to stroke his face. Warning bells went off in his head and he pulled back a bit.

"My lady?" he asked hesitantly. Something was wrong with her. She hadn't answered his question, when usually she would immediately assure him that she was all right, and she was never this affectionate. Not that he minded, of course….

"Kitty," she murmured, her hand reaching up to rake through his hair and then tug on his cat ears. He felt himself blushing. Okay, that felt really good. She giggled. "My kitty."

His entire body warmed at that, and he found himself pulling her closer (which she immediately snuggled into!). He smiled as she nuzzled his neck and suddenly both of her hands were in his hair, playing. This was bliss. This was heaven!

"You smell so good, Adrien," she whispered into his neck. A spike of cold went down his back.

This was wrong.

He looked around quickly to make sure nobody had heard her and saw that while his fangirls had captured Lila, (as per his orders,) they were now glaring at the superhero cuddle-puddle nearby. He didn't think they were close enough to hear, but…. Something was definitely wrong. Ladybug wouldn't make a mistake like that! She wouldn't try to out him to a whole crowd!

And while his body was responding very positively to the little kisses she was giving his jawline, the sad, cold reality of it was… it wasn't like her. She was—he nearly smacked himself for his stupidity. She was under the influence. The rainwater. That was what Lila had done. He hadn't been able see exactly what happened through the crowd but….

"Ladybug," he said, pushing her away slightly. She whined and clung to him.

"Cat," she whispered, pulling him back down for a kiss. He felt a jolt go straight through his heart as their lips met. This was what he'd always wanted. What he'd dreamed of. And Hawkmoth had taken it and turned it into something else.

He was going to shred him to pieces with his bare claws.

"Stop," he said, turning his head away. Ladybug froze and pulled back, her eyes filling with tears.

"You don't want me?" she asked, her voice trembling. It very nearly broke him. He wanted to take her in his arms and give her all the kisses she could take! He wanted her. So, so much.

"You know I do," he said, giving her a winning smile as he drew them both back to their feet. But not like this. As if on cue, her earrings and his ring both beeped. He glanced at her earrings and sighed. She didn't have much time left, and she hadn't even reacted at all to the timer. That alone was proof she wasn't in her right mind. He'd have to help her a bit more than usual this time.

"We've just gotta do something first, okay?" he said. Her face brightened like a kid on Christmas Day.

"Then we'll be together?" she asked eagerly.

"Forever and always," he promised, chuckling as he reached for her umbrella hat and put it in her hands. She beamed at him, stars in her eyes. He committed it to memory, even as he forced himself to continue. "Now, I want you to throw this as high as you can and shout 'Miraculous Ladybug!' Okay? For me?"

"Anything for you," she agreed. She threw it high. "Miraculous Ladybug!"

Cat Noir watched with bittersweet amusement as the swarm of magical ladybugs spun around them and everyone else on the tower. He still had one arm on Ladybug's waist (and didn't intend to remove it anytime soon, thank you! She might need… steadying. Yeah. That was it.) while he watched her shake her head again and blink a couple of times before her expression went back to normal.

He suppressed a pout. He'd get a real kiss from her eventually.

"Feeling better?" he asked, nearly purring. The part of him that was Cat Noir couldn't resist teasing her a bit. Ladybug looked up at him, then down at where his arm was still on her waist, then back up at him… and flushed bright red before hiding her face in her hands.

"Oh no… what did I do?" she moaned.

"Aww, nothing too bad," he drawled, enjoying this waaay too much. "There were kisses, some light petting, I'm pretty sure you asked me to marry you—"

"I did not!" she yelped, hitting him lightly.

"You remember?" he asked, surprised.

She whimpered and shook her head before burying her face in her hands again. "No, I don't…," she groaned, "Oh no. Please tell me I didn't kiss you again because of a stupid akuma…."

"Wait, again?" Cat Noir asked, latching onto that very interesting bit of information. She looked at him, guilty and wide-eyed.

"Err… I mean… um… Forget I said that!" she stammered. Their Miraculous beeped again; hers was almost out. Relief flooded her face and she ducked out of his grasp. "Ah, it's a miracle! Gotta go!"

"We're not done talking about this!" he called after her as she swung away. He smirked. He knew just where to find her when he was ready to talk. And he wasn't going to let up until he had all the details!

He was still grinning as he turned away and saw Lila still tied up on the ground nearby. He cocked his head. That was odd. His fangirls were gone. Usually the Cure fixed everything, didn't it? His grin faded as he saw her cheeks were stained with tears, even if she tried to hide it by keeping her head down.

Quickly, he ducked out of sight and released his transformation, handing Plagg a piece of cheese before the kwami could even open his mouth. Then, trying to be careful, he crept around to her other side before emerging as Adrien.

"Are you all right, Lila?" he asked softly, stopping what he considered a safe distance away.

"Adrien!" Lila exclaimed, her head shooting up. She tried to get up, but the ropes held tight. Still, she smiled up at him. "Hey, sorry about before," she said, laughing lightly. "I guess I wasn't myself. But don't worry, I'm all better now," she assured him. "Ladybug cured me, just like you wanted. So now, we can be together!"

"Yeah, um…, about that," he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "I'm kind of already involved with someone else…." She just doesn't know it yet.

"What?" she stared at him in disbelief.

"Look, I'm sure you're… nice," he said, trying hard not to add 'when you're not going crazy' in there, "but I don't think it's going to work out between us."

"You can't-," she stammered. "You can't be serious! Adrien! After everything I've done! After everything you've put me through!" He raised an eyebrow. Seriously? She had just kidnapped him (again!), held his life in danger, and he was the one to blame? "You can't just leave me here all alone! You can't—!"

"Oh, I won't," he assured her, pulling out his phone. "I'll wait here until the police show up. Then they'll take you home and I'll go have a chat with my father about hiring supervillains to protect me. Seriously," he added, rolling his eyes, "the Gorilla is bad enough."

End Chapter 4

A/N: I want to be perfectly clear, I do not condone rape of any kind. No Cat Noirs were harmed in the making of this chapter. He got away just fine. I just didn't write it cause of time and flow issues. Also, my apologies to any Lila fans, but that girl is toxic. If you have someone in your life who lies and manipulates people as much as she did in one episode: run. Run far away.

Next, Chapter 5: In Which Cats Are a Problem (well, one in particular)