A/N: Merry be-late Christmas!

Sciencegal - Izel is my Mikey of the rainforest. ;D

CHAPTER 20: MEMORIES

Leonardo met Zaddir's eyes: two white pinpoints amongst Intzalan's darkness. "I found it," he told her.

'So sure,' Zaddir said. Her multi-voice laughed, echoing through the mutant's mind. 'Is Coyo aware?'

"Well, ye—yeah." Leo scratched behind his neck and glanced aside. "After my...episode the other day, she insisted we talk. So I told her…everything."

'Even how her touch grounded your sanity?'

He found it unnerving to admit—Coyo was just a woman—but he nodded anyway. "She said she felt honored."

'Yet she is not here.'

"I—I'm not ready for company, ya know? Maybe later she can join. For now?"

'What have you brought then?'

Leo raised a hand towards Zaddir's blue-white light. Pinched between his thumb and forefinger, he held the Owl Eiehuia he had carved the day prior and the Languu leaned forward to study it like a near-sighted old lady.

'A Monamictia? I—' Zaddir straightened to almost a head taller than Leo. 'I am honestly surprised.'

"You and me both," the mutant countered. "Izel suggested I make Coyo a present. I chose this."

'A marriage charm?'

"I didn't know it symbolized marriage. Alright? I thought it meant friendship. That's what Izel told me."

'In a way she was not wrong.'

"Still set me up for embarrassment. I swear the look Coyo gave just—ugh!" Leo ran his hands over his hot face when he remembered the Chieftain's beet-red cheeks and babbling. She about had a heart attack.

Zaddir chuckled over the mutant's grumbles. 'It is not a bad memory,' Figures she would sense that.

Leo sighed then shifted in his kneeling position as his skin cooled. "No," he whispered, "I told her I could use the charm for something else. My anchor, to remind me of her, to…"

'Are you ready for your first session?'

The mutant looked up with controlled breath but unsteady muscles. "Hai."

'Leonardo'—Zaddir leaned forward again—'do not agree without conviction. You will guide me through what must be addressed. If you waver, so will I. And we may uproot memories you are unprepared to face. Now I ask again: are you ready?'

Leo squeezed the Eiehuia. Though wooden, it felt as heavy as stone, a perfect weight to keep the mutant's mind centered. He inhaled, nodded, and Zaddir's pinpoint eyes drew closer. He felt the heat from her invisible hands as they hovered over each side of his temples. The sensation resembled static electricity and it shot through his body in jolts.

'Focus on a positive memory.' Zaddir spoke slowly. Or maybe the mutant struggled to keep up with real time. 'When was the last moment you felt assured? Confident? Whole? Seek those feelings; the rest will fall into place.'

Last time Leo felt whole? That had been ages ago. Before the EPF's rise in influence. Before Black Lotus. Before the Summers family. Before Mikey's kidnapping. He had been a teenager still, and Foot Ninjas had infested New York City. How ironic was it that he had been a better version of himself back when one of the Hamato's greatest enemies reigned?

'Do not focus on why, Leonardo.' Zaddir's voice cut through Leo's mind in a painful pulse. 'Embrace the emotions. Think of when.'

When? When Splinter had dubbed him Jonin…

"Leonardo, my son." Splinter's snout curled up as veils of incense floated through his candle-lit bedroom. "I have spent many years considering who shall take on my mantel as leader. We are small, but because of this, our next clan head should work twice as hard as any other. Just as you do, Leonardo."

Leo fought a grin yet failed. Why should he hide it? He had a right to be proud and lifted his chin, despite Raphael's glare.

"You have practiced Bushido diligently. Gi, Rectitude. Yuu, Courage. Jin, Benevolence. Rie, Respect. Shin, Honesty. Yo, Honor. Chuu, Loyalty. You not only know these teachings, you practice them as often as you breathe. They are part of you, and I could think of no better guide to leave you with."

"You aren't going anywhere, Sensei," Leo interjected, smile strengthening.

"No," Splinter drawled. "Not soon. One day. And I will enter the afterlife easier, knowing you, Leonardo, will lead your brothers under these principles. You are rational, tempered, conserved—all traits of a fine Jonin. So it is with pleasure that I hand the title over."

Splinter placed a paw on Leonardo's shoulder. The old rat had no medal to give, no ancient heirloom, scroll, or banner—only words. But those words weighed on the mutant's shoulders unlike any armor ever could.

Leo had respected the role back then; it had seemed glamorous, liberating, and he considered himself the only one capable of fulfilling it.

'But you were wrong, weren't ya, Freak?'

Leo switched the Eiehuia from one hand to the other, twisting it.

'Wise, Leonardo,' Zaddir said. 'Ignore Donald. Choose another memory.'

So she knew who Donald was already? Perfect.

'Leonardo!'

Right. Focus. Focus…

"We're the Four Musketeers! En garde and taste our fury!"

"Mikey." Donatello glanced up from his invention to send his nine-year-old brother a dry look. "There were only three Musketeers."

"Well, duh." Michelangelo jumped beside Don, poking his cheek until the young genius bared his gap-teeth. "We're four brothers, though. Three doesn't really work, does it? Come on, I thought you were smart."

"I dun't wanna be named after some curly-wig, big hat losers in puffy shirts," added Raphael. He kicked a sandbag twice his height. It hardly moved and likely bruised his shin, but Leo knew the hothead trained with it more for show than anything.

"Have you been watching foreign movies again, Mikey?" asked Leo, straightening from his Kata.

"So? Donny downloaded them."

"To make ya quiet," Raph spat. "Great job, Genius."

"Not my fault the guy doesn't sleep."

"Hey!" Mikey glanced between the glaring brothers. "Why's that bad?"

"'Cuz one 'a these days, we want some peace."

"You're one to talk, Raphy." The youngest snorted. "We spend hours listening to those dumb cop shows you like."

"They ain't dumb."

"And you annoyingly try to be like the main character."

"Do not!"

"You use his accent and everything!"

"Well, it's nothin' like Leo's love for Captain Ryan."

What did that mean? Leo's face soured as his brothers turned towards him and he reached behind his head to tighten his bandana-mask's knot.

"We shouldn't fight," he said. "We're training as a team, right?"

"Some team," Raph replied.

Leo kept silent as the hothead beat the sandbag again then studied the other two brothers. Don sat on the Dojo's tatami floor with gadgets in his lap while Mikey half-listened to his walkman. If Splinter returned from his meditation early, he would surely be disappointed.

"Get up," Leo told them.

"Excuse me?" asked Don.

"Center room. Now." The eldest brother pulled his siblings by their arms so they stood side-by-side. Raph complained and Mike hid his walkman before it could be taken away, but they listened. "I know you'd rather be doing other stuff," Leo continued. "Katas are important, though. Feel the masks over your heads. Remember what they stand for. They mark our ninja-hood."

Mikey giggled. "Ninja-hood."

"This is serious. Sensei is training us to defeat the Shredder. For that, we must be united."

"Ryan lover," Raph said while coughing into his hand. He earned a snicker from Mikey and smirked.

"We gotta work together," Leo added, "fight together. We're—"

Mikey snapped his fingers, saying, "The Four Musketeers."

"Brothers, Mike. Best friends. A team."

"Like Musketeers."

"Fine. Like Musketeers."

"Teams need leaders," said Raph, arms crossed.

"I know," Leo countered.

"Guess ya think it's gunna be you."

"That's Sensei's choice. No matter it, we'll still be brothers though, right?"

Raph's scowl lightened under his Leo's growing smile and Mikey's cheers. He shrugged as Don nodded, which was as close to an agreement as the eldest Hamato turtle would ever get.

Back then, they had been so free. What Leo wouldn't give to be ignorant and naive again. Despite a decade of head-butting with Raphael, those times nurtured his soul. He had such big plans, drive, and confidence. Then, everything began to fall apart…

"Why do ya gotta be so damn self-righteous, Fearless?" Raphael snarled.

"Don't call me that," Leonardo countered. He squared his shoulders to exemplify the new height difference between them, yet no matter how many inches the Jonin gained, his hotheaded brother always acted taller.

"It's yer fault!" Raph screamed.

"Mikey—"

"Was taken by Bishop. Fuckin' Bishop, Fearless! An' where were you? Watchin' fuckin' TV!"

"He was never supposed to be topside," Leo said—a steady yet hoarse act. "He left. He broke protocol. He—"

"Oh, so the blame's on Mike? Right, I'm sure he just sent up a flare 'n asked our favorite psycho agent ta take him on vacation. Maybe biopsy him for a little fun? Fillet his legs ta give him a nice metal bone surgery?"

"Stop it."

"I'm sure that's what our baby bro begged, too. Please, stop."

"I'm serious, Raph."

"Where was that seriousness when Mikey needed it? Hum? He asked ya ta meet him."

"He's always asking me to do things."

"An' this time, it could've saved him months 'a torture."

Bile rose in the Jonin's throat as Raph stepped back. Whimpers sounded beyond the bedroom door at their side, where Donatello and April drained excess fluid from Michelangelo's sores. Each one brightened the gloss over Raph's eyes and when the youngest began sobbing, the hothead punched the hallway's brick wall.

"He's like this 'cuz 'a you," he spat.

"Raph—"

"Ya let him down, Leo. Let us all down. This time, ya're just as guilty as Bishop."

Leo struggled to catch his breath, except the air felt like liquid. He floundered—unsure if he was standing, sitting, or lying down—and gripped his Eiehuia so hard, he heard it crack. But it was too late; visions crushed his mind, one harder than the last.

Splinter hated how his sons fretted. Yet how could a son not worryfor their parent? Didn't the clan's health fall under Leo's responsibility as Jonin, as a leader? Perhaps over-caution drowned outreason. Perhaps Leo assumed too much. Still, he found himself succumbing to fear.

A foreign Chi filled the room, its waves rolling off Nia in pulses. They pushed Leo's spirit backward, sent tingles through his core. Had all this raw emotion been bottled inside Nia? It outshined Raph's Chi like a blue star to a red star, and Leo shivered, watching Splinter. The master rationalized with Nia, yet the harder he tried, the stronger the emotions churned. Until they discharged.

"I don't follow. How is a chart important?"

"Because this chart deconstructs some intriguing DNA."

"Intriguing how?"

"Funny you should ask. I showed the DNA to a source for a second opinion. They agreed. While parts of it are human, other parts…aren't."

"Ah—are you saying the DNA is mutant blood?"

"Was that a stupid…way for me…to think?" Talking was difficult for the Jonin with his throat closed so tightly.

"No, my son," Splinter whispered. His voice shook as well.

"I've just…failed everybody. Nia. Her parents. April and Casey. Mikey. Don. Raph. You."

"No," the father breathed, "no, Leonardo. You have not failed me. And I know your brothers and friends feel the same."

"Even if they do, I don't." Leo could no longer speak; his throat denied him the privilege. And so, silent, Splinter captured his shaking son in a tight hug that broke his resolve not to sob.

October. Nia. Bishop. Why did these thoughts linger? The Hamatos had saved the artist. She was a rare highlight over the last few years, so why…?

'Im—Impossible.' Zaddir staggered aside. It seemed strange for her to sound breathless, given that she didn't breathe like those on Earth. 'Nia. Her name is Nia?'

That was it; Zaddir held onto the thoughts, not Leo. The Languu lowered herself then grabbed the mutant's shoulders. It was the first physical contact he ever had with the alien and it burned. He cursed, pulling away, but Zaddir's invisible fingers held tighter, shaking him.

'You know her?' she asked.

Leo flinched. "Wh—who? Nia?"

'You have seen her. Helped her.'

"Yes. Sh—she came to my clan. Why does that matter?"

'She is a hybrid.'

"Part alien, I know. I—I vaguely remember Mikey saying he knew what kind. Something about two guys when they were getting the Battle Shell back? I wasn't really there when he told me. It was just after Black Lotus. What was the name? Wait." Leo found Zaddir's eyes; the white dots seemed larger than usual. "It was Languu. She's part Languu."

'She is my Quizzinteyo,' Zaddir whispered—a small, echoing sound. 'She is my brother's child.'