Chapter 9

Steve didn't sleep much that night, not that he needed a lot of sleep- thanks to the serum. He contemplated to go to Natasha's room but decided against it. Maybe it was better if they had time to cool down. He went into the tiny shower of his motel room and despite hating the cold, he turned the water on the lowest temperature. He needed to calm himself. He'd never been this close to a girl -woman before. He knew that he would have slept with Natasha if she didn't run off. He wanted to, he still wanted to sleep with her. He was in love with her and he wanted to make love to her, that's how relationships worked. But they weren't even in a relationship yet. They didn't even go on an offical date yet.

Tonight felt like a date but he wasn't sure if Natasha saw it the same way. He got out of the shower when he couldn't stand the cold anymore and changed into sweatpants and an old shirt. He didn't bother pulling the blanket over him when he got to bed due to the Arizonian heat and he ran like a furnace because of the serum. He looked at the empty side next to him. If they would have had sex, would she be now laying next to him? Maybe resting her head on his chest and he could play with her beautiful hair?

He was dying to ask her about LA the whole time during dinner but he remembered that Peggy said that Natasha needed time. She didn't mention their almost kiss and so he didn't either. He didn't find the guts to ask her out on a date, well to say the word date but he hoped that she would get the message when he asked her to meet her for dinner at that diner. It wasn't his first choice for a romantic evening but he hadn't seen Natasha in days and this was his first actual chance. And he did pay in the end, he didn't use the SHIELD credit card but his own. And then she asked him to play minigolf with her which was an usual activity for dates, wasn't it? So he got the impression that he wasn't the only one who wanted to explore this thing between them. And then they finally kissed for real and he never felt something this intense before. Every nerve in his body was focused on Natasha, the way her lips moved against his and her lovely smell. He stopped thinking the moment she kissed him, he just reacted the way his body told him to. She was right to stop them. He wanted Natasha to be his first but he didn't want to have sex in a motel room in Arizona. He wanted it to happen in a bed that one of them owned and after they went on a few dates. Didn't pop culture tell him that they had to have at least three dates until sex would happen? And he wasn't sure if tonight could even count as a first date. They were here on a mission, he would ask Nataha tomorrow if she would go out with him once they were back in DC.

Natasha was already sitting in the driver seat of the rental car and waiting for him. He had made sure that no one saw him when he walked to the parking lot of the motel because he had his shield with him and there was no way people wouldn't recognize him with it. But the parking lot was empty and he could go to the car without being made. Natasha's hair was in a ponytail and she wore a grey hoodie and round sunglasses. She was looking at something in her lap.

He was really nervous to talk to her. He talked himself into asking her out last night, then he talked himself out of it and then he talked himself into asking her again. That's how pretty much his night went.

He didn't think about it at first but what if she didn't feel the same? What if she just wanted to have sex with him and when she realized that he never done it before she lost interest in him. Sex and love weren't always connected, he wanted to sleep with her becaue he was in love with her. What if she didn't see it like that and only wanted to have fun? He almost missed the times when he was a little sick kid fom Brooklyn and no girl was looking at him. His life was so much less complicated back then. Did Bucky have these kinds of problems? Not that Steve could remember, the girls were always very forward with Bucky. He wished Bucky was here, he would tell him what do to. Well, he would have probably hit on Natasha like crazy but he knew Bucky would have stepped away once he realized that Steve loved her.

Natasha looked up and he awkwardly waved at her. She gave him a quick nod and her gaze went back to whatever was in her lap. She didn't ignore him so that was a good sign, right? Bucky, what the hell am I supposed to do? He opened the passenger door and got in. He placed his shield between his legs on the floor of the car.

"Morning Rogers." She pointed at the console between them. "I got you a black coffee with no sugar or milk."

"Hi Natasha." Was it bad that she called him Rogers and not Steve? He took the cup of coffee and sipped on it.

"I want to drive through town before we go to the nursing home. Visiting hours are two hours away. Maybe we find something before that."

"Okay."

Nastasha started the engine and drove off the parking lot. They drove through the desert on their way to town. Steve didn't like the desert, he was a city boy through and through. Now was the time to talk to Natasha, they couldn't talk about it while they were on the stake out.

"Natasha, about last night-"

"Don't mention it. I'm sure we're not the first agents that got carried away. Water under the bridge. Don't worry, it won't happen again." Natasha grabbed her iced coffee and sipped on the straw.

That was not the direction he hoped their conversation would be going. Did she really not feel anything for him besides friendship? Wasn't she interested in him like that? Was he the only one who had fireworks in his stomach when they kissed?

"Actually, I was hoping it would happen again." There he said it. He looked at Natasha and hoped she would want the same.

"Despite my reputation I do not hook up with my colleagues on missions." She kept her eyes on the road.

"What?! No, that's not what I meant! I want to go out with you. In DC without any disguises. Just you and me going on a date." He smiled at her but she didn't look at him.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Steve." She sighed and sounded like she was talking to a child.

"Why not? I like you, I like you a lot!" He didn't want to confess his love for her in an old Ford Focus, she deserved more than that.

"Believe me, you don't. You think you like me but you don't. You wouldn't like the real me." She took an illegal u turn and entered the industrial part of the town. "Bowler's warehouse is probably here."

"I know the real you. I see you every day we work together! I read your file, I know what you did and I don't care. I know that you had no choice and I am amazed that you spend your freedom with helping people." He placed his hand on her knee but she moved it to the side. He withdrew his hand and sighed.

"Steve, please. I don't want to talk about this. Just drop it, please." He never heard her sound so vulnerable.

"Okay."

He would drop it- for now. She didn't say she wasn't interested in him, she didn't say she didn't want to go out with him. If Steve Rogers was one thing, it was being stubborn. He knew that he was one stubborn son of a bitch. His ma always used to say that Steve was too stubborn to give into his sickness. Natasha didn't see how great she was and how good they would be together? No problem, he would show her.