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Chapter 11

Natasha dreamed about Steve that night. She dreamed that they went on a date in Manhattan and then walked through Central Park holding hands, she took him to her apartment and took him to bed. That part of her dream was quite vivid and she woke up sweaty and aroused. She stumbled into her joining bathroom and took a long and cold shower. Fuck her subconscious for making her dream about Steve! She wrapped herself in a towel and walked to her kitchen to make breakfast. Since it was Sunday and she had the time she made herself avocado toast with poached eggs. She had the whole day off and didn't know what to do. She could read the Agatha Christie biography she bought last week but she wasn't really interested in that now. After she was done eating, she rinsed her plate in the sink and changed into jeans and a shirt. She got her laptop from her bedroom, she wanted to see if the museum had new exhibits. She checked the site of the Smithsonian when she found an exhibit about Captain America. Did Steve know about this? Well, he probably did but he wasn't one to brag. God, if they ever decided to make an exhibit about Stark he would never stop talking about it.

Natasha almost laughed at the irony. Here she was trying to find something to keep her mind of Steve and of course she would stumble across an exhibit about the guy. Ugh! And since she was apparently a masochist she slipped into her loafers and leather jacket and drove to the Smithsonian. She paid for her ticket and entered the section that was dedicated to Captain America. Somehow it was strange to see all this about Steve, he was just Steve to her, she didn't see him as Captain America. She knew how important he was to the American people and to the world but still he was just her partner and friend Steve. But to the rest of the world he was The living legend and symbol of freedom. She never thought about how much people depended on him, how much they adored him. No one cared about her after New York and she was happy with it. Her work was so much easier if no one paid attention to her.

She stopped at Sergeant Barnes memorial. Steve sometimes talked about him with a pained look in his eyes, she almost lost her mind when she didn't know if Clint could come back after what Loki did to him, the thought of losing him was too painful. She couldn't imagine how Steve felt about losing Bucky. Steve had no one in this new century, everyone he knew was dead. She had the Bartons and if she thought about it she was the only one that Steve now had. She couldn't push him away, she couldn't be his girlfriend but she wouldn't deprive him of her friendship. Even the Black Widow wasn't that cruel.

At the end of the hall was a room that was turned into a small cinema. The sign on the door informed her that some of Captain America's companions would talk about their time with him. She opened the door and the film was already running. Director Carter was telling how Steve saved a group of men including her future husband. She knew that Steve and Carter were at the beginning of an epic romance before he crashed into the ice. Another reason why she could never be good enough for him. Peggy Carter was a feminist icon and hero and she was a murderer. Steve was clearly confused if he thought that he was into her after his thing with Carter. Howard Stark appeared next on the screen and spoke highly about Steve. Natasha let her gaze linger over the audience and stopped when she spotted broad shoulders covered in a blue jacket. He was wearing a baseball cap but she would recognize those shoulders everywhere. She wondered if the others realized that Captain America was with them in the room. She considered going away before he noticed that she was here but she couldn't just leave him. This exhibit was probably pretty painful for him. She leaned against the wall and waited for the movie to be over.

Steve was the last one still sitting on the bench when the light went back on and people left. She had the urge to walk over to him and wrap her arms around him but she fought against it. Steve got eventually up and turned around. He looked sad but when he recognized her his face lit up and he smiled at her brightly. She would never ever admit it to anyone ever but her knees got weak at the sight.

"Hi Nat." He walked over to her. "What are you doing here?"

She pulled the shield magnet out of her pocket that she bought at the gift shop. "I wanted to have my own shield."

He laughed. "I would borrow you the real one, you know."

She believed him. She knew how much that shield meant to him and yet he would let her use it. She didn't want to think about what that meant for the two of them.

"You want an overpriced hot dog?" She asked him and he nodded. She probably should have just said hello to him and then pretend she had to be somewhere else but she enjoyed his company too much.

Steve paid for their hot dogs and they sat down outside the museum on a park bench. The last time they sat on a bench together they ate ice cream and then made out. Don't think about that Natasha, she chided herself.

"Why did you go here, Steve? I can imagine that it's not easy to take a walk down memory lane."

Steve wipped mustard off his chin and sighed. "I don't want to forget them, you know. The more I settle into this new world the more I'm afraid that I'm forgetting them. There are sometimes moments where I think I always lived in the 21th century. I'm probably not even making sense."

"No, you do. I can understand. But finding your place here doesn't mean you're betraying them, Steve." She hoped her smile was encouraging for him.

"I know." He smiled back and finished the rest of his hotdog. Natasha wasn't really hungry and she gave him the rest of hers.

"Are you with your bike here?"

"Nope, I took the subway." He mumbled between bites.

It was probably a bad idea but the words left her mouth before she could stop herself. "I can drive you home. The subway is filled with people around this time."

Steve looked happy with her offer and nodded. "That be great. Thanks, Nat"

She noticed that he started calling her Nat and she liked it more than she should. Everyone called her Romanoff, Coulson and Fury sometimes Natasha and Clint called her Tasha but Steve calling her Nat felt special. She already knew that he would be the only one who would get away with it.

They talked about the skydiving trip when they walked to her car and she really wanted to do something with Sam and Steve again. Maybe she could have more than two friends. Steve's place wasn't that far away and ten minutes later they reached their goal.

"Do you wanna come in? I've rented Ghostbusters 1 and 2 and I have leftovers of the cheesecake Sam's mom made for me. I'm sure you'll love it. " He gave her his boyish smile and she hated herself for liking it so much.

"I can't, sorry. I have errands to run." That was a lie but she didn't think it was a good idea to spend more time with him.

Steve's smile dropped for a second before it returned. "Okay, another time then. See you tomorrow."

He got out of the car and walked over the street to his apartment building. His neighbor, the nurse, was just walking out of the front door and beamed when she spotted Steve. The normal thing for Natasha to do would have been to drive home but she just watched the scene before here. The nurse walked down the stairs and stopped right in front of Steve. His back was to Natasha and she couldn't see if he had the same idiot grin on his face like the nurse. She touched his arm and was talking to him. Not that she could blame her, probably most women would fawn over Captain America if they lived next door to him. Deep down she knew she was jealous but she wasn't honest enough to admit it. She needed to drive away before Steve realized that she was still there and practically stalking him. But her feet had a mind of her own and she exited the car and walked over to them.

"Hey Steve." She tipped him on the shoulder when she reached them.

He turned around and smiled. "I thought you left."

"Changed my mind. Can't miss your introduction to the greatness that is Ghostbusters." She smirked at him and hoped the nurse would leave.

The nurse looked her with hesitation but then extented her hand. "I'm Kate."

She shook her hand. "Natasha."

"Well, I have to get to work." She waved at them and then walked down the street. Weird, wasn't the next hospital at least a mile away? Maybe she took the bus.

They walked up to Steve's apartment and he put the cheesecake on plates while she put the movie in the DVD player. It had been some time since she last seen Ghostbusters and she forgot how much she loved that movie and Steve seemed to enjoy it to. Natasha's feet got cold and without thinking she pushed them under his thigh for warmth. Steve didn't say anything but placed a blanket over her legs. She enjoyed this way too much, she could picture it now. Watching movies with Steve, eating take out and once the movie was done he would carry her to his bedroom and make love to her. She somehow knew that having sex with Steve wouldn't just be sex but would qualify as making love. His hand moved during the second movie to stroke her leg over the blanket and she let him. She was glad that the blanket and her clothes were covering her skin because she had goosebumps all over.

Steve walked her to his door after they watched both Ghostbusters and a few episodes of FRIENDS. Her feet were the entire time under his thigh and he didn't stop caressing her legs. She was royally fucked. And because she was a fucking idiot she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek when she bid him good night. Steve smiled at her and wished her sweet dreams.

She was already sitting in her car when she pulled her phone out of her jacket. She impatiently waited until the person picked up.

"Natasha?"

"I've been compromised, Laura." She whispered and hoped that Laura would make all her problems go away. "I think I'm falling in love."

And there it is: Ms. Denial finally admitted it to herself