Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement was intended.

This story will eventually have a HEA, so please be patient as I get my characters into position. There will be extreme adult subject matter, drama, talk of abortion and angst; please be advised.

Thank you to carolinecullen2012 and piesmom for everything you did to make this story what it is today. I love you ladies with all my heart. Could not have done it without you!

Chapter 14

Every day for years, I lived in my own personal hell. Never was I truly happy with my life, never was I satisfied that things had turned out for the best. I loved my children dearly, but I was never good enough for them, never whole like I was when Edward was in my life.

One day while driving to pick the kids up from school, I decided to listen to the radio, which I never did. I always had my iPod plugged in, music and reading was the only escape I had in life. Music was the only thing I had allowed myself to feel like Edward and I were still connected.

When the song I had sung to him so many years ago began to play, I started to cry. I had not heard it since I sang it to him, when we drove to Seattle with Ali and Jasper to see her parents. It was a reminder once again of everything I lost. Drying my tears I picked the kids up and continued on with my routine in life. Trying to be the best mother and wife I could given the purgatory I was in.

My husband had killed that once wild crazy girl that I used to be making sure I had no outlet. However, I had my memories that no one could erase and used my 'Facebook' account to partially live out those feelings and connected with friends who knew the real me. I never censored myself on there or anything I posted. The people I was friends with all thought it was so funny the things I would put up, but that was really me. I got to stay connected to friends that I could otherwise not talk to. Alec had left, so had Tanya. Ali and Jasper were gone. Everyone from 'Breaking Dawn' had pretty much gone their separate ways also. Jessica moved to Nashville and met someone there and got married. I never had to worry about my job stalking my account so I pretty much posted whatever the hell I wanted. It was like my alter ego. He didn't have an account so it didn't matter. When he found out about my account, he used to check it all the time thinking I was cheating

After hearing the song, I couldn't shake Edward's memory from my mind. Once the kids were settled in for the night and so was he, I decided to look Edward up. I didn't really know if he would be on there or not. I had heard through gossip he had gotten married or was going to, but I didn't know. I looked over my shoulder making sure once again that he was snoring and typed out E…D…W…A…R…D. I was so scared to go any farther and hesitated on writing his last name. There was a ton of people by that name, I thought, so I continued, C…U…L… I stopped before I could get his whole last name spelled out. His name popped up along with his picture. One hand went to my mouth while the other went to the screen, and a single tear escaped my eyes.

He looked happy, and I was happy if he was happy. I was glad that his life had gone on even though I left. But, a part of me was jealous. How could he be so happy? I knew I shouldn't be but, I could not help it. I was jealous because he was happy and I was not.

I hit the 'friend' button before I could stop myself. I didn't know if he would know who it was because my maiden name was not on my page. I figured if he accepted, it was meant to be if not, I would just move on.

A few days later he had accepted. I couldn't believe my luck, so I decided to send him a quick message, just to say hello of course and catch up. Only to see how he was and if he was truly happy in life I told myself. There was no turning back now! I had already gone this far and couldn't resist the chances of talking to him again. I needed to know something about him, anything about him now. Hell, I had waited fourteen years for this opportunity again. I prayed and hoped I would get more than "a fuck you Bitch, I hate you" as a response.

I sent the message and checked my messages like a teenager waiting for a boy to call and tell you he is interested. Every day it was the same, no reply. I was a mess of nerves and what ifs. It had been a few days since I had messaged. Did he not care about talking to me at all? I thought, but I could think that. I mean, it had been years, what was I really thinking I would get from him. However, if he didn't want to talk to me or anything, why did he even accept my friendship?

Searching his page revealed that he didn't get on very often, and a small part of me hoped that this was the reason for not responding to my message. It still made me nervous that he hadn't responded. But, my worries were soon misplaced when I thought about my own page. I wondered how much of my page he had gone through? I had tons of shit on there, stuff that I wasn't really worried about when it came to my friends, but him. That's when the thought crossed my mind that he saw pictures of me and I realized I wasn't the hundred twenty pound, twenty year old anymore. My mind was in overdrive worrying about what he would think of me now.

What could he be thinking? The years had for sure taking its toll on me and according to my husband, I was a fat, lazy, and ugly. That's what my mind was usually filled with, whatever he wanted to call me the day.

oOo

A week was how long it took him to respond and that week was how long I worried about what he would think about me. I was so happy he finally responded. He seemed almost glad to hear from me in a way.

We went back and forth about where we are now in our lives and what we have been doing the past fourteen or so years. We messaged back and forth for a few days; I have not felt that alive in years. I decided to give him my cell number to call me.

I didn't know if he would for sure or not, but when my phone rang…my heart was in my throat. It was a local number so I could not be sure, but something inside me just told me it was him. When I heard his voice, every emotion flooded my body. I spilled. I told him what happened after I left, that I tried to come back and as soon as I spoke the words I broke down in tears. He didn't say anything about the crying so he either ignored it or couldn't tell. We talked for a few more minutes and said we would talk later.

Emotions started running through my body that I have not felt in fourteen years. We kept chatting through email just to keep it safe. I was still married and he had a live in girlfriend. I told him about how everything went after I left; I want him to know how I felt. We kept in contact through text also. We made sure that it was only when I was alone and so was he.

The more I talked to him the more my confidence started to come back. It was amazing what just communicating through text and email would do to your self esteem. I even got enough courage to tell my husband I was going out with a bunch of my kid's friend's moms. He bitched and moaned, but I didn't give in. I went out and had a great time, but I couldn't take my mind off Edward.

The band that was playing was a seventy's band, and they were talking about how the just got a new guitar player. The original just moved to the exact city Edward was currently living in, so they wanted to sing his favorite song and dedicate it to him. I fell off my seat when the singer started belting out Me and Bobby McGee by Janis. I don't know if it was a sign or not but I took it as one.

We were in constant communication. I was gaining my nerve at home with my husband and told him I wanted a divorce. Of course he dragged me to my therapist right away. I would play all the games I needed. I was getting away from my husband one way or another.

Edward and I would talk about hopefully meeting up one weekend. If it was my choice I would just pick up in the middle of the night and run to him, I lost him once I am NOT going to do it again. He wants to take things slow, see if it's still there between us. God let it be there. I know it sounds bad too grown adults planning on having an affair, but I have checked out on my marriage long ago. He has a girlfriend too, which does scare me.

I have voiced my fear to him. I don't want this will be a quick fuck then see you later. I won't be able to handle that. The emotions I have just from the emails and texts, I can't even imagine what I am going to feel when I see him in person. I still love him, I have never stopped. I don't know how he feels about me though. I don't expect him to still love me. I am hoping there are still some feelings there since he wants to see me again.