Pieces

Fandom: Emmerdale

Pairing: Charity & Vanessa

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing games with them.

Summary: Later…after the 'postcard' conversation in the pub.

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Charity rotated her hips down, grinding them against the smaller woman who lay below her. It felt great to be in Vanessa's bed again, in truth it had been at the forefront of her mind every night in Lanzarote. The only problem with playing super mum to two children was that they were both in bed by 9.30pm, leaving her plenty of time sipping wine and quietly reflecting on her life in the hotel room. A lot of her thoughts had strayed to negative things; her past and how it had come back to haunt her in the form of Joseph Tate. Ness was the flashlight in the dark and that frightened her and thrilled her in equal measures.

As much as Charity was enjoying having the vet naked and underneath her it was obvious that Vanessa was holding back especially compared to the last couple of times they had been together. The smaller woman's kisses were less passionate, her hands less frantic, her moans less vocal, her body was less plaint and most importantly she wasn't making eye contact. Charity knew that Ness was irritated with her for vanishing for ten days without a word, but she wished that rather than play the indifferent card that the other woman would just have a go at her. The lack of response was starting to unnerve Charity. She wanted Vanessa to be right there in the moment with her and it stung that she wasn't.

"Okay babe let's stop" she said with a sigh.

Charity planted her hands on either side of Vanessa's upper arms and pushed up, so her weight was mostly off the smaller woman. Vanessa gave her an incredulous look, like somehow she was being weird and not the other way around.

"You're not really into this tonight" Charity explained.

The smaller woman scoffed and shook her head, still avoiding making any kind of eye contact, her eyeline falling just over Charity's shoulder.

"Does it matter?" Vanessa finally replied, grasping her wrists and pulling her back down onto the smaller woman, "You're getting what you want aren't you?"

For a second Charity's body reacted positively to Vanessa taking charge of the encounter but as soon as the words sunk in her mood plummeted. The words didn't just sting, they made her chest ache to the point where she thought she might actually be sick. The smaller woman tried to tug her down into a kiss, but Charity pushed up using one hand again, pushing Vanessa's hand away from her shoulder with the other.

"Whoa 'Ness" she protested, "seriously…what's going on?"

Vanessa finally made eye contact with her and Charity felt her heart break a little at the expression on the smaller woman's face. As much as Ness had played it cool she was obviously genuinely hurt which made Charity feel pretty shitty. If she was a better person she'd have just apologised in the pub earlier, instead she had gotten defensive. Actually, if she was a better person she'd have called on Vanessa before leaving for Lanzarote.

The vet deserved better from Charity especially after she had admitted to caring about her. The problem was that Charity had always been good at letting people she cared about down, even her own children. She wanted to be better though, had been trying to be better.

"Hey" she murmured, stroking Vanessa's cheek with her knuckles to ensure she had the other woman's full attention.

"Listen I know I should have told you I was going away…even just a text or something. I just needed to get the boys away from here 'cos of some shit that was going on. I know it's still not an excuse…"

Vanessa shifted her head to the right, moving her face away from the contact of Charity's hand and shook it lightly. Charity hadn't even finished talking when the smaller woman cut her off.

"How am I meant to know that" Vanessa said irritably, "you never tell me anything about your life."

That caught Charity off guard and strayed down a road she wasn't really ready to walk down yet. She had been keeping Vanessa at arm's length, rightly or wrongly, not because she didn't care about the smaller woman but because she cared a little bit too much. It wasn't like they had only spent their time together having sex. They had chatted trivially in the afterglow, on various occasions over the bar and on their 'non-date' in the pub. However, Charity had offered no real personal information other than the odd silly anecdote about her kids.

"Oh I know…it's just a bit of fun…" Vanessa continued with an edge of bitterness to her tone.

Charity cut in straight away, she wanted to quickly dispel the suggestion that Vanessa didn't matter even if the 'just fun' label had come from them both and not just her. Vanessa had been quick to call them a mistake in the aftermath of their first night together and that it didn't make them girlfriends.

"That's not…." She stumbled over what she wanted to say, "Ness my life is shit babe. The only bit of it that isn't shit is you."

It wasn't the most eloquent thing she could have said but then considering the topic it was probably crudely effective. What was there to tell Vanessa about her 'private' life that the vet could possibly enjoy hearing about? Was she meant to cuddle up on the sofa with a glass of wine and chat about how Joseph Tate was her son and wanted to destroy her and her family because his dad tried to frame her for murder? Or the fact his aunt hated her and had poisoned him against her because they were ex-lovers? How would law abiding and all round nice girl Vanessa react to hearing about her and Debbie trashing his house or about them getting arrested?

"I don't want to…I don't know…taint you with my life and well…me" Charity tried to explain further, averting her gaze down to a faint cat scratch mark on the vet's shoulder as she spoke. "People don't stay once they have got inside my world sweetheart…they see how ugly it all is and then they leave."

There, she'd spelt it out now. She was keeping Vanessa at arm's length because she was terrified that if the smaller woman saw her for who she really was then she'd be gone as surely as anyone else that Charity had allowed herself to care about. They all left in the end…or tried to kill her. Luckily Vanessa wasn't the type to fall into the latter category. She was the sanest and most wonderful person that Charity had met, never mind slept with. Charity didn't even feel like a whole person any more, just pieces of one that had never been able to fit back together again.

Charity finally shifted her gaze back to Vanessa's face. She had been frightened at what she would find there but the smaller woman was surprisingly blank. If anything, she looked a little surprised by the admission. Charity hadn't known what to expect but no reaction at all almost seemed worse than a negative one. That sinking feeling in her chest from earlier had become worse than ever. It was time to accept defeat again and bail.

"I should go" she forced out, her voice hitching as she spoke.

Charity had rolled off the vet and sat up, expecting no resistance, when suddenly a hand shot out and grasped her lower arm. She glanced back at Vanessa, not sure what to expect. The smaller woman held her there as she scrabbled onto her knees to face Charity. The blanket had slipped away in the process and Charity allowed herself what she expected to be one last chance to admire the other woman and her toned curves.

"Charity" Vanessa said softly, tipping Charity's face up to look at her using her forefinger, in the same way that Charity had done so to draw the smaller woman in for a kiss in the cellar that first time.

"I don't want you to go" Ness said softly and earnestly, her eyes pleading for Charity to listen.

And god was Charity listening. She had expected the worst after telling Vanessa that she was bad for her but then Vanessa had a way or continually surprising her and knocking her right of her feet. Yet here was Vanessa, wonderful and sweet Vanessa, refusing to give up on her. Refusing to leave. It felt too good to be true but for now Charity would take it and enjoy it even if it was just for tonight.

The smaller woman drew her in closer, beckoning her forward with that single finger until their lips brushed once…twice…three times, each bit of gentle contact drawing an uncontrolled breathless moan from Charity's own lips.

"Stay" Ness whispered softly against her lips.

Charity buried her hands in the smaller woman's hair and drew her closer, kissing her with every ounce of passion she could muster. The vet met her kiss for kiss and touch for touch, right there in the moment with her just like Charity had wished for just minutes before. This time though it was Charity who found herself with her back on the bed with Vanessa pressing down on top of her, gentle but hot and so very very eager to please. It was in the moments like these between the two of them that for a fleeting moment Charity felt like the pieces might just fit back together after all.