A/N - I have to admit, I wanted to write more of Tali into this chapter, but it just didn't happen. I'm hoping to explore both Shepard and Garrus' peripheral friendships with other crew along the way, so expect to see more of the other characters in future chapters.
Much love to the many readers who have faved, and reviewed this story. FF.N doesn't alert when I upload new versions of older chapters, so please note that I've rewritten the prologue into something a bit more fitting. The original version was drummed out in 15 minutes before work one morning, as an experiment to see whether I'd enjoy writing in this fandom. Clearly I did, as I have no intention of stopping anytime soon! :)
What Shepard wanted more than anything else, was to get the hell off Aeia.
The planet was pretty enough, like most garden worlds. But everywhere she looked, she saw signs of the tragedy that had occurred here. It was visible in the ragged, pathetic attempt at a camp built by the women of the crew. The broken remnants of the LOKI mechs that she, Garrus and Jacob had destroyed on their way in. The silent, staring faces of the survivors. All of it left a bad taste in her mouth.
Breakdown of command was one thing; she could have accepted a mutiny. But Ronald Taylor's abuse of his crew was so extreme that for a long, chilling moment, Shepard had wanted to leave him here to be torn apart by his victims.
In the end, though, she was still an Alliance Commander. Shepard had called in the Alliance, Miranda had called in certain obscure civilian aide branches of Cerberus, and now the planet was teeming with helpful volunteers trying to soothe the traumatised crew of the Hugo Gernsback. Some of the volunteers wore Alliance uniforms. Some of them wore the uniforms and Cerberus insignia of the Normandy crew. The rest lacked any insignia at all, but Shepard knew the Illusive Man signed their pay checks too.
"Commander, the Gallipoli is confirming that they have received Captain Taylor," Kelly Chambers reported over Shepard's radio. The perky yeoman had been on-planet with the first shuttle full of Normandy crew, using her alleged counselling skills to help assess the survivors. But once the Alliance frigate Gallipoli, and the 'civilian' ship of volunteer helpers had shown up, Chambers had retreated to the Normandy to liaise from there.
Shepard grimaced. "Just Taylor, Kelly. He's not a Captain anymore. Thanks for the heads up, we'll be back on board shortly."
"Understood, Commander."
There was a faint click as the radio link closed down, and Shepard tracked her gaze across the triage centre spread over the women's camp. There had been no way she was letting Jacob within ten feet of his father right now, and delaying their return to the ship had seemed a sensible precaution. Jacob had been keeping out of the way, since his resemblance to his father was so alarming to the survivors. She watched him momentarily, resting on a crate on the far side of the camp and staring broodingly across the sea of walking wounded.
"It is still so hard to believe," a familiar, accented voice said softly to her right. Shepard glanced sideways and saw Tali also staring in Jacob's direction. "That anyone could do such a thing to their own crew."
Like Chambers, Tali had been one of the first on-planet when Shepard called her crew down to help deal with the impaired survivors of the Hugo Gernsback. The young quarian had always been enthusiastic, but her gentleness and patience with the victims had impressed Shepard today.
"Never under estimate the depths to which people can fall, Tali," the Commander replied quietly.
"Do you think Jacob will be okay?"
Shepard studied the Cerberus soldier for a moment. "I think so. But it will take time."
Tali sighed, the sound gently amplified by her suit speaker. "I feel badly for how I have treated him, Shepard. He is not a monster, even if he is Cerberus. That bosh'tet who did this... he was a monster. Jacob is..." She trailed off helplessly.
"Only human," Shepard finished for her.
Tali's head tilted up as she regarded the Commander, and then nodded slowly.
"Yes. Only human."
Shepard smiled faintly. Tali's aggressive hostility towards the Cerberus crew had been concerning her since the quarian came on board. If this mission had shown Tali that there was a difference between the organisation and the individuals, Shepard wouldn't count it a total loss. They would all need to be on the same page if they were going to achieve anything together.
Across the camp, Jacob slumped down further on his crate, looking as abjectly miserable as she had ever seen the suave young soldier. She let her gaze slide across the camp, passing Chakwas and Mordin and their volunteer Cerberus crew, coming to rest where Garrus Vakarian had stationed himself by the Kodiak shuttle.
Garrus had declined the option to return to the Normandy when the support crew came dirtside with Chakwas and Mordin. There was really nothing for a sniper to do in this situation, and his skill set didn't extend to offering sympathy and support. Shepard wasn't entirely sure why he'd decided to stay, since he'd pretty much planted himself by the shuttle and not moved for several hours.
He had been unusually tense throughout the mission, but as she thought back on it now, Shepard realized his general edginess dated back longer than that. He'd been reclusive the past week; snappish whenever he interacted with anyone, and avoiding everyone where possible. Anytime she'd passed by the main battery, he'd claimed he was busy calibrating the canon and couldn't be interrupted. The turian was clearly wrestling with something. It made his decision to stay on-planet even more puzzling.
Shepard shook her head and decided she'd have to pin him down sooner rather than later, and find out what was bugging him.
For now, though, it was time to get off this rock.
Shepard lifted a hand to her earpiece to activate the radio there. "Normandy crew, report to the shuttle for immediate departure."
In her peripheral vision, she saw Jacob leap gratefully to his feet; when she looked back, Garrus was already waiting at the shuttle door. Apparently, they were both as eager to get back to the Normandy as she was.
The remaining handful of Normandy crew still on Aeia had assembled in the Kodiak by the time Shepard had advised the Gallipoli's on-planet liaison that they were leaving. There weren't quite enough bodies to pack the shuttle to capacity, but enough to make it feel crowded. Shepard dropped into the seat beside Tali, slapping her palm hard against the connecting door to the cockpit. At her signal, the pilot activated the mass effect fields, and she felt the shuttle rise upwards from the planet's surface.
Thank god that's over, Shepard thought with a relief that she suspected was shared by many of her crew. Jacob's expression was shuttered and carefully blank. Garrus, who was opposite her, was staring fixedly out a window. Tali sighed no less than five times in the two minutes it took them to reach the stratosphere.
"Shepard, when did that happen?" demanded a voice suddenly from her immediate right. Shepard turned to see Doctor Chakwas seated beside her, studying her in concern. The Commander stared back in blank confusion, until Chakwas grabbed her chin and turned her face, peering intently at the Commander's right cheek.
Shepard sharply repressed the instinctive reaction to pull away and levelled a condemning look at the doctor. Combat medics usually knew better than to get grabby with their patients. "What is it?" the Commander asked, careful to keep her voice low. They were at the cockpit end of the shuttle where the thrum of the mass effect field generators would mask their conversation from most of the crew, but Tali and Garrus were already shooting curious looks in their direction.
Chakwas was frowning. "The cybernetic scarring just here appears... aggravated. Is it causing you any discomfort?" She pressed cool, gentle fingers over the cheekbone, but Shepard felt nothing and made a noise to indicate as much. "The implant has definitely been traumatised. I warned you this could happen if the biofeedback became too aggressive."
Shepard gently pulled her chin out of Chakwas' grip, shooting the good doctor a very wry glance. "Doc, I'm a soldier. My entire life is too aggressive. It doesn't matter how positive I try to keep my outlook."
The older woman sighed and dropped her hand back, but her expression remained concerned. "Then I'm requesting permission to upgrade the med-bay equipment to repair the scarring surgically."
"We have more important things to use those resources on," Shepard reminded her.
The cost of the upgrade had been her reason for vetoing Dr Chakwas' initial request. In Shepard's opinion, it was an unnecessary use of valuable resources for the sake of cosmetics. The scarring was just something she'd have to live with; a reminder of what Cerberus had done to bring her back to life, and of what the Collectors had taken from her.
"It wasn't there an hour ago," Tali interrupted, looking at Chakwas anxiously. "Is it going to get worse?"
Oh, that was an alarming idea.
"It may worsen slightly... but either way, the scarring will be permanent unless I correct it," Chakwas explained in concern. "And further aggressive biofeedback will trigger more trauma to the cybernetics."
Shepard's mouth slanted into a firm line. "It doesn't bother me. My vanity isn't that fragile. We are not upgrading our med-bay just to get rid of a few scars."
Garrus leaned forward suddenly, inserting himself into the conversation as well. His lean armor-clad bulk filled the space, blocking them off from the rest of the crew as he studied Shepard's face carefully. She grimaced and wondered just how bad it looked, to put that expression on the turian's face. His familiar wicked humour lanced across his face, but it was backed up by something bitter and deeply personal.
"Are you interested in krogans now, Shepard?" he drawled with sour amusement.
It took Shepard a moment to place the context, and it hit her then that Garrus never referred to his own injuries anymore. The bitterness behind his voice now told her that it bothered him, though. Shepard shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was self-aware enough to recognise that part of her reluctance to allow the surgery stemmed from the basic unfairness of it all. It seemed wrong that she could tinker with some equipment and get a facelift, while they could do nothing to repair the damage to Garrus.
The turian was wearing his I have something on my mind face, but his edgy glance at Tali and Chakwas made it clear he wouldn't say anything in front of them. Instead, Garrus met her gaze head on, and his expression was all challenge. Deliberately, precisely, he turned his head so that his own facial scarring came into clear view. She wanted to look away - the reminder of how close they'd come to losing him never sat well with her - but it was clear that he was making some kind of point. Her frown deepening, Shepard forced herself to look directly at the ruined side of his face. She felt his eyes on her as she glanced over the mangled mandible, studied the rough artificial graft Chakwas had used to glue him back together.
The moment held, lengthened, stretched off into the distance. She looked across the lines of the Clan Vakarian tattoo; lines which had once been so familiar to her, but which were now distorted by the nature of the scarring.
And it was there, unexpectedly, that Shepard's courage failed her and she dropped her eyes away. Garrus waited her out. When she looked up again, his attention was focussed somewhere on her right cheekbone. Shepard sat there under the expectant pulse of his attention, and struggled to keep her face composed in the face of sudden comprehension.
Subtle, Garrus. When did you learn to do 'subtle'?
Because she hadn't realized until just now that her scars bothered Garrus, as much as his scars bothered her.
Tali cleared her throat gently. "Cerberus can afford the upgrade, Shepard," the quarian reminded her softly. "They didn't finish the job before they woke you up. Why shouldn't they pay to finish it now?"
The Commander kept her attention pinned thoughtfully to the ground by her feet for a long moment. Those broken lines of Vakarian clan tattoos flashed unpleasantly across her mind.
"Tali's right, Shepard." Garrus' low, flanging voice was insistent and sure. "There's no reason not to."
Her reluctance faltered under his firm encouragement. "Fine," she announced evenly. After all, it was a minor issue compared to everything else she was facing, and Shepard found it a little ridiculous that it had become a topic for group discussion. She made a dismissive gesture and leaned back in her seat. "Since everyone is so worried about my losing my stunning good looks, go ahead Doc. Arrange the upgrade and schedule the surgery."
Chakwas looked relieved, and though it was impossible to read Tali's expression, the quarian's body language radiated satisfaction.
Shepard avoided looking at Garrus. She didn't want to see the smug flash of triumph she knew she'd find there. Nor was she entirely comfortable with how well he'd pushed her buttons just then. She didn't know when he'd become capable of influencing her like that, but she chose not to question it too closely. It had the sense of disturbing things lurking under the surface; things much better left alone for now.
Fortunately, the Kodiak was a fast, sleek shuttle. Its contragravitic drives made the return trip to the Normandy a short one. Shepard had a moment to glance out the window and see the Gallipoli hanging over the Normandy's bow, before they were sliding through the hangar bay doors and the shuttle was coming to a rest.
Home. At last.
Shepard was entirely unsurprised to find another message from Captain Anderson waiting on her terminal when she reached her cabin. His first message had reached her not long after she'd come aboard the new Normandy, but she had never responded to it. She'd wanted to have more information before making direct contact with the Alliance. Unfortunately, retrieving the Hugo Gernsback had forced her to open the lines of communication again. There had been no other viable alternative; Ronald Taylor had to face punishment within the Alliance.
Commander Shepard dropped herself tiredly into the seat at her desk and keyed open Anderson's message.
Shepard,
It looks like you are alive after all. The Alliance sector command was pleased to learn the fate of the Hugo Gernsback. Taylor will be met with a court martial and his actions will be punished accordingly. I don't know what you think you're doing out there, but let me remind you that according to Alliance and Council records, you are still technically dead. I can try to get that cleared up, maybe even get you reinstated as a Spectre, but you need to meet me on the Citadel immediately.
Anderson.
Shepard frowned thoughtfully at the message for some time. When it came right down to it, she had too much to do for a detour to the Citadel. Tali's new multicore shielding upgrade was ready for installation; the young quarian had been frantically building the army of emitters and sensors designed to be attached to the ship's hull in order to generate the CBT shielding. They were already scheduled to go to Illium next to recruit the asari Justicar and an assassin.
Her gaze slid sideways to settle on the photo of Alenko still sitting there.
"I suppose a face to face is the only way I could find out what the hell you were doing on Horizon," she remarked blandly to the image of her former paramour. There was little doubt in her mind that Anderson had been behind Kaidan's presence on Horizon. Whether it had been arranged to lure her, or the Collectors, or both, it had been clear to Shepard that the mission parameters had included the lives of the colonists as acceptable collateral.
That Anderson had been prepared to sacrifice an entire colony worried her. A lot.
It was tempting - too damn tempting - to ignore his message entirely. File it away with his original mail, and the half-assed attempt at an apology that she'd received from Alenko. But like it or not, recognised or not, Shepard was an Alliance soldier. Years of conditioning and loyalty won out over her lingering concern, and she composed a brief reply to her former captain.
Anderson,
I appreciate the offer and if I have the opportunity to make it to the Citadel anytime soon, I'll take you up on it. But I think we both realize there are more important things going on in the Terminus Systems. I'll let you know if I track down anymore missing Alliance ships out here.
Shepard.
The Commander stared tiredly at her terminal for a moment, then sighed. She'd just spent nearly twelve hours down on Aeia, and what she wanted more than anything else was to take a long, hot shower and let her exhausted body fall into bed. But the fancy fish tank and the spiffy Commander's uniform carried with them the weight of responsibility.
"EDI," she called and the interface blossomed into cerulean presence in the corner. "Let Joker know to point us in the direction of Illium and step on it. Then I want the updated CBT shielding installation schedule, the latest stats on Grunt's training, and any reports that came in while I was on Aeia transmitted to my terminal for review. And throw any travel advisory information you have on Illium my way as well." She'd never been to Illium before, and it wouldn't hurt to get acquainted with the place, after all.
"Yes, Commander," the AI responded smoothly. "Estimated transit time to Illium is three days, seventeen hours. Engineer vas'Neema and Engineer Donelly's installation schedule transferred to your terminal. Officer Vakarian's final review on Grunt transferred to your terminal. Reports from Dr Solus, Operative Lawson, Yeoman Chambers, and Mess Sergeant Gardner transferred to your terminal. Illium Travel Advisory information pack transferred to your terminal."
Shepard watched the files appear on the monitor one by one. She pulled up the first file and began absent-mindedly yanking off her armor simultaneously. If she were going to be here for a few more hours, she might as well get comfortable first.
Chakwas summoned her to the med-bay early the next morning.
"That was quick," Commander Shepard remarked as she entered the med-bay.
Dr Chakwas had been working at the terminal on her main desk. At Shepard's entrance, the older woman turned towards her. "We had the resources on hand. Once you signed off on their use, it didn't take Dr Solus and I long to arrange the upgrade. I notice you didn't waste any time getting down here either, Commander," the elegant grey-haired doctor retorted, standing and offering a faint smile.
Shepard bit back the wry grin that tugged at her lips. It was entirely possible that Chakwas would have made a more effective argument on the shuttle by simply holding up a mirror. Looking into her own reflection in her bathroom mirror, staring at the angrily glowing orange-red lines of aggravated cybernetics distorting her face, had been a sobering experience. Shepard may have denied she had any sense of vanity, but it was a difficult thing to look at your own reflection and not recognise yourself. She had a hard enough time grappling with her sense of self after her resurrection. The visible reminders of it had been deeply unsettling.
"Well, I don't want to scare the natives when we get to Illium, Doc," Shepard answered on a light note. "Where do you need me?"
Chakwas gestured gracefully towards a new surgical device installed at the back of the infirmary. It was fixed by one of the bio-beds, and the doctor indicated Shepard should climb up onto it. "This won't take long, Commander. I'm just going to give you a local to deaden the nerves around the implants first."
The faint hiss of a hypo injection accompanied Dr Chakwas' words, and Shepard felt the skin on her face go numb.
"Essentially, this is just a modification of a basic dermal regenerative unit, Commander, so you should be reasonably familiar with the procedure," Chakwas explained as she settled the device in place in front of Shepard. Under the doctor's gentle, but firm touch, Shepard was shifted forward until she found her face pressed lightly into a concave hollow in the unit. A strong scent of disinfectant filled her nose and Shepard realized the antibacterial pulse had been activated.
Chakwas was true to her word, and although her habit of maintaining a running commentary of each step she was taking was a little disturbing, the entire process took less than an hour. Eventually, Shepard sat back from the unit and let the doctor study her with professional scrutiny for a long moment. She was vaguely relieved when Chakwas gave a satisfied nod.
"That went better than I hoped. The area will be stiff and a little sore for a few hours." She turned away briefly and a mirror appeared in her hands. "Here, see for yourself."
The doctor angled it carefully and Shepard found herself staring suddenly at her own restored reflection. She hesitated, taking a step closer to the image looking back at her.
The horrific image she'd seen in her bathroom mirror that morning was gone. The angry, red-bruised lines of scarring were nowhere to be found. The glowing traces that had marred her spacer-pale skin had vanished entirely and the image looking back at her was the same one she remembered from before her death.
Something coiled cold and hard in her stomach unclenched slowly as she regarded her reflection.
She looked like herself again. Shepard wasn't sure why that mattered to her; she had a vague sense that it shouldn't with everything else that was going on, but it did.
"Thank you, Dr Chakwas," Commander Shepard said.
Chakwas smiled faintly. "After everything you've been through, Commander, I think you're entitled to keep your own face at least."
Shepard tried to smile back at her, but her face felt tense and unresponsive and she wasn't sure how successful the effort was.
"Off you go, Commander. If you feel any discomfort or pain, let me know immediately but I don't anticipate any complications from the procedure." She made a gesture to shoo Shepard on her way, then paused. "Oh, and tell that turian of yours to come see me. He's been hiding in the main battery all week and missed his treatment."
Shepard frowned, and she remembered her decision yesterday to find out what was distracting her friend. If others had noticed Garrus' recent aberrant behaviour, then it wasn't just her being overly concerned.
"I'll stop by and have a word with him," she promised the doctor. "I didn't realize you were still keeping an eye on him."
It was an unsubtle dig, but Shepard was worried. Had there been some kind of complication from Garrus' injury on Omega?
Chakwas must have read the alarm in her voice, because she waved a hand reassuringly. "Garrus is in fine health now, but he suffered some very serious damage on Omega, Commander. It would take a turian doctor to effect any aesthetic repairs; I simply don't know enough about their biology to attempt any kind of cosmetic surgery or dermal grafts. The best I can do is attempt to improve sensation to the injured areas. There has been significant success so far, but -" and Chakwas gave her a stern look, as if it were Shepard who had been skipping out on appointments, "-please remind Officer Vakarian that it is critical we continue the treatments on a regular basis."
"Sure, Doc. I'll let him know."
Shepard left the med-bay in a distracted mood. Garrus had never mentioned any ongoing medical treatment to her, but he had been remarkably close-mouthed about the damage he'd taken on Omega. Shepard understood now how disturbing it could be to look in the mirror and see something broken staring back at you.
Garrus Vakarian, I think it's time we had a little chat.
Once past the med-bay doors, she took a sharp right and headed directly for the main battery. Unsurprisingly, the doors were closed again, but not locked. When they opened before her, she could see the turian in question standing with his back to her. The lean, armoured frame was hunched over the human-height terminal and she could read the tension in it as clearly as a map.
"Shepard," he greeted before he had even turned around. Was turian hearing – or smell? – that acute that he could identify her without sight, or was it simply that she was the only one who came to see him?
The doors closed behind her as he turned to face her. There was a restlessness to his movements and she could see the clamped jaw and tense mandibles which said more clearly than words that he had something on his mind. But it all faltered and stumbled into surprise when he looked directly at her.
"Shepard, you look... like you... again."
The brilliant blue eye not hidden by the visor was scanning her face intently. An irregular smile pulled in uneven bursts at his mouth, and Shepard recognised it as Garrus shifting mental gears to respond to the unexpected change in her appearance.
"I'll take that as a compliment, shall I?" she replied sardonically, and was pleased to see his frame settle into an easier stance.
"At least I don't have to worry about Grunt becoming infatuated with you anymore," Garrus replied. "Have you ever heard krogan love poetry, Shepard? It's terrible."
His voice lacked that smooth purr it usually held when he was teasing, but he sounded more like himself and Shepard was relieved.
"The doc asked me to remind you of an appointment you missed." Shepard raised her eyebrows at him quizzically. "I haven't seen much of you lately, either. Something up, big guy?"
He tensed up immediately, which told her that whatever it was, it was big. "Yes," he answered, and the light humour had leeched completely from his voice. "Actually, Shepard, I'm glad you came by. I've got something." He was tight and focussed and eager. Garrus tracked her with glittering eyes as she crossed the main battery to lean on the rail overlooking the engines.
Shepard waited expectantly.
"I may need your help. You remember Sidonis? The one who betrayed my team?"
How could I forget? She nodded slowly, a seed of concern settling into the pit of her stomach.
"I've found a lead on him," Garrus continued quickly. There was a spark in his eyes; the light of unholy triumph glowed there as he looked across at her eagerly. "There's a specialist on the Citadel, name's Fade. He's an expert at helping people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him."
The Citadel. Looks like Anderson will get his face-to-face after all.
Though Shepard had known he was looking into Sidonis' location, she hadn't realized how close he was. Part of her had hoped it would be months – or years – before he tracked the traitor down, if he ever managed it. It was a big galaxy. People went missing all the time. The unresolved betrayal would eat at Garrus, but it wouldn't destroy him the way putting a bullet in Sidonis' brainpan would. Shepard didn't doubt that for a second.
But for good or bad, it sounded like they'd have their resolution soon.
"What are you planning to do when you find him?" the Commander asked slowly. She saw the tension in Garrus notch up a few levels. It turned savage; predatory and dangerous.
His mandibles curved upwards to reveal the white flash of razor-sharp turian teeth. "You humans have a saying: "an eye for an eye." A life for a life. He owes me ten lives. And I plan to collect."
Shepard buried her visceral reaction to that idea and kept her gaze steady on him. "You sure that's how you want to play it?"
He didn't hesitate. Didn't blink, didn't falter for a second. She hadn't really expected him to. Garrus had been playing this out in his head for weeks now, over and over and over again. His team dying, Sidonis paying the price for his betrayal. She knew exactly how determined he was to get his revenge.
"I'm sure," the turian replied tightly. "I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help."
As if refusing were even an option. "Where do we find Fade?" the Commander asked.
Her acceptance was like a key turning in a lock. The seething intensity running through the turian released and he managed to smile at her. He was still eager, but more relaxed than she'd seen him in days. Garrus met her eyes with warm gratitude. "I've arranged a meeting. We'll meet him in a warehouse near the Neon Markets, down on Zakera Ward... Thanks, Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time to help me."
"You'd do the same for me, Garrus."
"Of course," he agreed. "But I know we're on a tight schedule and the Citadel is out of our way."
Shepard couldn't deny that. She might not be prepared to detour to the Citadel just to clear up her own paperwork, but this was a more serious matter. She had watched Garrus' behaviour growing more and more erratic over the last week, and she wasn't prepared to let it continue. He would become useless as a crew member, but more than that, she was worried for her friend.
Deliberately, she leaned across him to tap open a radio channel to the bridge. "Joker, plot us a course to the Citadel."
Joker answered immediately, sounding puzzled. "What happened to Illium?"
Shepard kept her gaze locked onto Garrus as she replied. "That can wait. We have a time-sensitive mission on the Citadel."
"Gotcha, Commander. Plotting course now, we'll be on our way in half an hour," the pilot called back cheerfully. The radio clicked off.
She'd surprised the turian and Shepard knew he hadn't really expected her to delay the Illium mission for him. Perhaps one of these days he would accept that he could rely on her as much as she relied on him. His independence in C-Sec, and his lonely position as leader on Omega, had shaped much of his character and while she knew he trusted her, that only went so far. His basic nature was suspicious and paranoid and sometimes even Shepard ran face-first into that side of him.
She threw him a mild grin and leaned back on the rail. "Anderson wants a chance to yell at me anyway. Besides, maybe I can arrange a meeting with the Council, see if I'm still as good at sweet talking as I used to be."
Garrus tilted his head at her. "They'll either shoot you or pin a medal on you. You have that effect on people."
"Thanks," she drawled back at him. "Don't worry, we'll go after Sidonis first. This one is your mission to run, Garrus. I'll follow your lead, but I'd like to bring some backup along."
Shepard didn't doubt for a moment that she'd have to fight Garrus on this one. His need for revenge was driving him headfirst into something he wasn't ready for. If she let him take that shot at Sidonis, he would change from the man she knew. She was watching him closely enough to see the momentary pause as he took on board the notion that he would be in charge this time. It worried him, and it wasn't hard to guess he was remembering Omega.
She continued on smoothly, before he had too much time to think about it. "Who do you want me to tap for this one, big guy?"
Tracking down Sidonis was a deeply personal quest for Garrus, and one he had only reluctantly shared with her. She saw him consider the question carefully, mentally debating which of the crew he trusted enough to bring in on this.
"Tali," he said eventually, slowly as if reluctant to name anyone. "If we have to take someone else, then Tali."
Commander Shepard nodded. "Figured as much. I'll let her know."
He nodded. "Thanks, Shepard." Garrus shifted uncomfortably, half-turning back towards his terminal. "Let me know when we're on final approach to the Citadel. I've almost got the canon's firing algorithms up to spec, and I'd like to finish up before we do this."
It was a dismissal but a more polite one than his usual distracted "I'm in the middle of some calibrations." Shepard summoned a smile that she hoped didn't reveal her worry, and made for the door.
She wasn't sure why it bothered her to see him shutting down like this - shutting her out. Since his return to the new Normandy, the turian had become someone she found herself relying on more and more. Both on missions and between them. The man she left behind her in the main battery was not the Garrus she'd come to know. This turian was brittle and blood-thirsty and obsessive, and it would effect his behaviour on the mission. He was likely to be impulsive and more violent than usual once they hit the Citadel, and Shepard would need to ride herd on him in a way she'd never had to before.
The doors closed behind her, locking Garrus into his isolation. She sighed, and set off for the lift, intending to head down to engineering. Tali would need to be briefed on the specifics of the situation, and Shepard wanted to make it clear that the quarian was to provide backup only. While she had no intention of letting Garrus indulge in his dangerously compulsive need for revenge, she also wouldn't permit anyone else to interfere. Shepard would do the job, shoulder the mission to protect her friend from himself as willingly as she'd assumed the mission to stop the Reapers. And for much the same reason.
She saw the need, had the skills, and damned well didn't trust anyone else to do it right.
Garrus had his quest and she had hers. Unfortunately the two were mutually exclusive and Officer Vakarian was about to go into battle with the Spectre who'd saved the galaxy. He just didn't know it yet.