There was a belated album release party at the end of March, organized by some of the producers when they found out Kakashi had agreed to the band's request not to have a huge thing on release day, which was customary.
"Only because this is your fourth rodeo," he'd said, shaking his head.
They were required to attend this party, however, so their earlier request had been useless. Apparently now there were all kinds of VIP guests coming, which Sasuke wasn't exactly enthused about. He hated social events like this, especially when he was required to mingle and rub shoulders with whoever the hell wanted to get close.
But then Sakura was cleared as his guest, and suddenly the prospects for the evening looked slightly brighter.
The band had to perform one song for show, and since none of their music was particularly well suited to a formal party in a lounge, they were going acoustic. It wasn't something they did often, but Sasuke had always liked playing acoustic arrangement of their songs.
From the makeshift stage set up near the middle of the room, everyone's faces were clear in the shifting lighting of the room. He could see Sakura, standing alone away from the stage but getting glances from the rest of the room. She was wearing a short green dress and heels that gave her four extra inches. Sasuke was so used to being around her in the apartment, where she was typically barefoot or wearing socks, and her eyes were level with his chin. It wasn't immediately noticeable (particularly when she was onstage) but Sakura was small, and standing next to her in heels felt different.
Sasuke played his part of the song barely thinking about it, watching Sakura's reaction and almost missing one of his cues. He couldn't quite play their new music on autopilot yet. That's a good thing, he told himself, but he knew it would be different by the end of their upcoming tour. By then, he'd be able to play all of it half-asleep. It was a good thing Naruto liked to change things up, otherwise all of their repeated sets would be a monotonous grind.
When he came back out after they'd stowed their instruments away, Sasuke was surprised to see Sakura talking to Kakashi. Probably chatting her up, Sasuke thought ruefully. Kakashi could strike up a conversation with anyone. He watched Sakura laugh at something Kakashi was saying and then approached them.
"Ah, Sasuke," Kakashi said. "I hope it's alright that I introduced myself without you being here?"
"'Course," Sasuke said. Sakura looked amused.
"I hope I didn't look too clueless," she said to Kakashi with a smile. "I don't know many people here."
"Most of the people here are in the same boat," Kakashi said. "They just don't like to admit it."
"Hm." Sakura looked around at the groups of mingling people. "To be honest, the most impressive thing in this business is how easy people can fake it." She shook her head with a smile, but Sasuke frowned. He couldn't tell what was in her voice.
Kakashi raised his eyebrows. "I quite agree."
"Sorry, I should be asking you interesting questions," Sakura said, taking a sip from her glass of champagne.
Kakashi looked amused. "Such as?"
"You know, how you found Firestyle, how you've put up with Sasuke all these years…"
Sasuke rolled his eyes and Kakashi laughed. "Excellent question."
"Thanks," Sasuke muttered.
Kakashi gave him the okay that he could leave around ten, and Sasuke immediately took him up on it. Sakura had stuck with him for most of the night, and she agreed readily when Sasuke suggested going. She had been in the studio all day, though she'd been more than happy to come to the party with him.
There were hired guards standing outside to escort people to their cars, and Sasuke immediately saw why. Paparazzi were lined up around the block, their cameras blinding as soon as Sasuke and Sakura appeared in the doorway.
"Over here, Sakura!"
"Sasuke!"
They sped up but some of the photographers were jogging alongside them, pushing up against the hired guards.
"Who else did you sleep with to get where you are?" Someone yelled.
"Ugh," Sakura said, disgusted. "Come on." She walked faster, reaching the limo first. She ducked inside and Sasuke pulled the door closed, hard.
"Do you get that often?" He asked her, furious just thinking about it.
"Not to that extent," Sakura said.
They were both out of breath, and Sakura didn't say anything else. She didn't even look angry, which surprised Sasuke. The Sakura he'd gotten to know didn't take shit.
Not that you could say anything to a paparazzi without them taking it and twisting it however they wanted. No matter how antagonizing the comments, indulge them with one angry reply and they'd make it look like you were irrational and manic.
The situation was especially delicate in Sakura's case. Sasuke had a feeling they were itching to catch her in a scandal. His presence in her life clearly hadn't helped matters, which was to be expected.
Still, hearing them say things like that made him want to forgo all knowledge of the way media worked in favor of punching the asshole in the face.
"Forget about it," Sakura said quietly. "I can tell you're stewing. There's nothing you can do. I'm fine." Her tone was final, and though Sasuke rolled his eyes, he tried to put it out of his mind. Sakura had a thick skin, and didn't need him defending her honor. If she said she could handle it, she could.
At this point, Sasuke wondered how long she could go until she dropped. Probably for as long as she needs too, he thought.
Apparently paparazzi had a secrecy pact with each other, because there was no outrage on her behalf in the media over the next few days for what the one guy had said to her. What did you expect, Sakura thought to herself as she climbed the stairs up to her and Sasuke's shared apartment. If she'd gone after the guy, then it would be a different story.
People were probably thinking the same thing as that guy anyway, weren't they?
The thing was, she'd known to expect this when she and Sasuke had decided to make their relationship public. It hadn't bothered then in nearly the same way it did now, because she'd known it wasn't true. She'd gotten where she was because of her music. Looks had something to do with it, too, but her love life did not. So why was it nagging her? Who else did you sleep with to get where you are? Was that really something people wondered? Sure, it was a great way to provoke her, but was it grounded in truth?
Don't be ridiculous, Sakura thought. You're just tired. It felt like she hadn't had a solid night of sleep in weeks. She'd been trying her best to keep up with the schedule they'd given her, but it was all coming to a head with the last few weeks before her album was released. She had overcome so many insecurities, had even been having a good time some nights. Why were they all resurfacing?
She unlocked the door and went in, dropping her bag on the kitchen counter. The apartment was quiet and empty; Sasuke had said he had something that afternoon with the rest of the band.
Sakura had never thought to consider the noise difference in a nicer part of the city. Even the sound technology of this apartment was higher quality than the other building: when the windows were closed, no outside sound came in. Sakura had always liked to leave the windows open to let in the sounds of the city. When she'd first arrived in Kumo, it was easy to get high on the energy around her.
Now sometimes that chaos felt overwhelming. She was constantly being shuttled from place to place. She tried to have an endless reserve of energy, but it was getting harder and harder. Especially when the paparazzi and everyone else breathed down her neck and tried to get inside any tiny crack they could find.
The worst part was, Sakura knew she should've expected this. Well, she had known to expect it, but she'd thought she could handle it. She was making music, after all, and that should make it all worth it. There was always a price to pay, and if all she had to do was get yelled at once in a while by obnoxious strangers in order to use the best equipment in the industry, get advice from her musical idols, and be able to play music for people for a living, then it had to be worth it. Didn't it?
Of course it is, she thought, though a voice in the back of her mind said, that's not all it is. But she couldn't complain about her routine. She'd vowed never to act like a spoiled, entitled celebrity. She imagined complaining to Ino about the constant fittings and workouts, and hated herself just thinking about that conversation. She'd asked for it when she'd told Orochimaru she wanted to be well-known for her music, back in the beginning. Appearance was part of the package, she'd always known it.
And she couldn't talk to Sasuke about it. It was slightly different for her, of course, but Sasuke appeared to get through the day-to-day problems of fame without any issue. She didn't want to sound like a child. He already knew she was naïve, and she wanted to get through this on her own. Even if all her stress was threatening to eat her from the inside out. In the past, there had always been someone there to talk to when the stress was building, whether it was Ino or her parents or one of her other friends. Now she didn't know who to turn to.
The curtains were open, showing the cloudless sky.
With a burst of anger, Sakura wrenched the curtains closed on the Kumo sun. It was always bright, always hot, and she'd never hated it more than now. She missed Konoha's cold winters, and she wanted to feel rain, and wind that was more than a breeze. Here the weather was dry and clear, the temperature varying only ten degrees. When Sakura had first moved here, that prospect seemed great. Now, all she wanted was the unpredictable weather of Konoha. As much as she wanted Kumo to be home, it never felt quite right. With Sasuke it had been better, but she'd never felt quite like herself here. Deep down, Sakura knew it wasn't the city's fault.
I just want to see snow again, she thought, and suddenly that was it. Everything from the past few weeks had culminated into this one childish, ridiculous desire, and it set her off.
The apartment door was unlocked, and Sasuke shook his head and smirked. Sakura never locked the door when she was home, which was a habit he'd never had. Sasuke had told her it was probably best they started locking it even when they were home, and Sakura had agreed, mildly exasperated.
The rare times when he came back to find her already here, she was typically humming or moving around the house. He'd never admit it, but coming home to the sound of Sakura's voice made him more content than anything in a long time. Naruto would make fun of him for becoming domestic or something, but Sasuke had stopped being bothered by this particular feeling.
It was unusually quiet, Sasuke realized, and his first thought was burglary. But nothing was out of place in the living room or the kitchen. He figured Sakura was sleeping. She was always tired lately, even if she didn't say anything about it.
He checked the bedroom just to make sure, and then stopped, startled.
She was perched on the bed, her back to him. He could see her stomach shaking with quiet sobs. "Sakura?" He asked, frowning.
She turned and looked up, startled. Tears had torn away her makeup. "I'm fine," she got out, waving a hand. "Just…I just need some time alone—" She choked on the words and Sasuke's mind was made up.
He crossed the room and sat next to her on the bed, his side touching hers. He reached an arm around her and immediately she curled into him, pressing her head into his chest.
"Hey," he said softly. If he had imagined this scenario, Sasuke thought he'd probably be clueless, but in the middle of it instinct found him. "It's fine." He held her and she soaked his t-shirt.
"I shouldn't—This is embarrassing," Sakura said. Her voice sounded raw, she could barely speak. He wondered with alarm how long she'd been crying before he got home. "You shouldn't have to be here, I just needed to get it all out."
"What's going on," Sasuke said.
"It's just—I like to pretend it doesn't affect me but it does, all the things they say. What that guy yelled, the other night, and…All of it. I hate being scrutinized for every little thing and I thought I could handle it but maybe I can't. I don't even know anymore."
"Of course you can handle it," Sasuke said softly. His voice was low and calm. "If anyone can, it's you."
"What about you," Sakura said, letting out a humorless laugh. "Nothing affects you, it just bounces off."
"Because I don't feel it," Sasuke said. "Don't let myself feel it." You're much stronger than I am, he wanted to say.
"I wish I could do that," Sakura muttered.
"No you don't," Sasuke said.
"I'm so tired, Sasuke," she said, her voice aching. "And you're unbreakable, you don't let anything hit you."
"Not true," Sasuke muttered. The obvious exception to that was right next to him. "And you don't want to be like that."
"I overthink everything, and every little comment gets wedged in me no matter how much I try to brush it off. I can take constructive criticism, it's just the pressure about the album and my schedule and everything just came to a head. And I feel so stupid for complaining, I should be grateful this is even happening at all—"
Now Sasuke was seeing the problem, and with horror he realized he was partially responsible. He'd teased her about being naïve, which she'd obviously taken lightly. But he'd never given her the chance to talk about the things she wasn't comfortable with, to let her vent her frustrations. She'd been trying to keep up with him, and that was impossible. Sasuke had had years of experience and years of hardening himself to feeling anything. Sakura was new to fame, and open to emotion.
"You've got every right to complain," he said in a low voice. "Your life's insane right now." And your team's not making it any easier.
Sakura gave a half-shrug. "I just didn't want to bring it up with you, it feels like we should try to separate the relationship from our public lives. And you're good at blowing things off, I'd feel obnoxious talking about it."
"I'm shit at this," Sasuke muttered. "You don't deserve that. Should've told you to talk to me about stuff." A part of him still cringed at that, at getting involved in personal, emotional conversations. But this was Sakura, and that was ridiculous.
Sakura shook her head. "You're not shit at it. You've just never had any practice, obviously." She sighed. "We've been pretending this goes both ways, and it hasn't been nearly as personal as it should be." She fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her face was red and blotchy.
Sasuke lay down next to her so they were shoulder to shoulder. "I was in foster care," Sasuke said. "Got good at shutting all of it out." That had been his priority, because when you never knew where you'd be in a year, getting attached was never a good idea. "Helped when…fame came up."
"I can imagine," Sakura said quietly.
"I never talk about this stuff," Sasuke said. "Should've been more open, I said I would." His past was always hard for him to talk about, but at least with Sakura it came more easily.
"But then life got in the way," Sakura said. "I don't know."
They were both silent for a minute. Sasuke spoke next.
"It was an orphanage until I was six, and then different families in Oto until high school," Sasuke said. Suddenly he wanted to tell her. "Wasn't in one house for longer than a year, usually. People take kids for the money, usually. Didn't have any awful foster parents, but they don't want to get attached since you're not there for a long time. So neither do you."
Sakura didn't try to say something sympathetic, and he was glad. "What happened in high school?"
Sasuke shrugged. "Basically lived at Naruto's and Shikamaru's. We were playing music together all the time by the end of sophomore year, wasn't much of a stretch. Slept on Naruto's couch a lot."
"And your foster family was fine with that?"
"Like I said. They never wanted to get attached." He hadn't kept in contact with any of his foster parents since middle school. The first few had told him to call regularly, and he had, until he'd come to the realization that things were always going to be changing. Then he'd realized it was easier to just cut himself off from all of it. People tended to be less inclined to warm up to a sullen, silent teenager.
Sakura frowned and bit her lip. "Do you remember…Your birth parents?"
Sasuke shook his head. Sometimes he thought he remembered his birth mother, but it had to be false memories. "Probably a good thing. Makes it easier."
Sakura leaned her head on his shoulder. "I…Well, I understand why you don't talk about it. You can't change years of a mentality in just a few months, that's obvious."
"Had a responsibility to you, though," Sasuke said, frustrated. "All because of my past that the fucking breakup happened."
"It was your fear of commitment," Sakura said. "Not to go all psychoanalyst on you. But now that I'm playing this whole fame game I can see why you don't want to make yourself vulnerable. It just…Amplifies anything you already feel."
Sasuke couldn't argue with that.
"Thanks for telling me," Sakura said, not including the 'finally' that Sasuke knew he deserved. "About the foster care."
"Should've told you earlier."
"How did you…Get through it? I know you said you stopped caring, but that can't have been the only thing."
"Music," he said with a shrug, and she nodded. It had always been his coping mechanism. Sakura didn't ask him to elaborate, and he knew she understood him perfectly.
She didn't say anything else, and when Sasuke shifted to look down at her, he saw that her eyes were closed. No wonder; she was probably exhausted, and an emotional breakdown didn't help that. Still, she'd sounded better by the time they'd been really talking.
He resolved to keep her in the apartment for the rest of the night, no matter the blowback from her team.
A/N: To the people who review as guests and ask me questions, you realize I can't respond to you directly, right? Lol I'd love to talk to you/answer specific questions, but preferably not through author's notes.
Also I realize how long I've been gone, I know I say that every chapter but this time it's been over two months. I'm going to try and finish everything over the summer, so you can start to expect more frequent updates. Just finished up exams so hopefully the stress levels will be lower now.