A/N: So, this chapter is a little more…actiony… Also! Thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for the reviews and the follows and favorites. I is a happiness. To all those who review, you guys give me the absolute best ideas so keep 'em comin! (you know…only if you want to…I mean…you don't HAVE to but they are HIGHLY suggested…you know…so yeah. Review maybe?) THANK YOU!

WARNINGS!: TRIGGERING DESCRIPTIONS OF CUTTING AND DEPRESSION. Also, A Teensy Weensy Bit Of Smut! Deal wit' it!

ENJOY!

Chapter 5

Isaac and Scott were waiting outside the bathroom when Stiles and Derek stepped out again. They were both clothed in the sweats Isaac had retrieved for them and carrying the cold, wet ones in their arms. Changing had been a bit awkward and the both of them had turned their back so they could mostly ignore that they were both naked in close proximity to one another. The rambunctious little pups seemed to writhe with unbridled energy around them but chose to stay close but quiet. Stiles new they were dying to ask what had happened but he ignored them and followed Derek over to the laundry pile and dumped his clothes.

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked as he headed towards the stairs.

"Nah, I'm good. Just tired."

"You should sleep." Derek said but then Stiles gave him a 'you've got to be kidding me' look and he nodded. "Right. I'll make some lunch. Scott, Isaac, did you two eat yet?"

"No, we were waiting for you two. Stiles, you sure you don't want anything? I can make you some grilled cheese! Do we have cheese Derek?" Isaac offered.

"I don't know. It might be under the meat in the back of the freezer if we do."

Stiles watched Isaac look at him with hopeful eyes and sighed. "Fine. Just a small one though. I don't need any double-decker, super stuffed sandwich." He said, his eyes on Scott who gave him a sheepish smile.

"Ok! I'll go make you one!" Isaac bounded up the stairs and disappeared behind Derek.

Scott stayed down there and sat with Stiles when he took his usual chair over to the window again.

"What happened out there man? You looked like crap when Derek carried you in here. Are you hurt?"

Stiles gave him as much of a reassuring smile as he could muster. "I just got lost man and my joints were freezing up something bad. I couldn't have made it up those stairs. I'm fine really."

Scott stared at him with suspicion. "You sure? You've been super quiet and you haven't been eating. And what was that last night? Another nightmare right?"

"Ah, yeah man. It was just so weird it scared the crap outta me. Trust me though, it's totally fine. Doesn't happen too often. It's probably just 'cause of the storm." He lied as easily as he breathed and he felt a pang of guilt flood through him before he squashed it just in case Scott could sense it.

"Yeah man. The storm is way crazy! It's put my wolf completely on edge! Also I checked the phone earlier and there was a slight signal during the dead point in the storm. I called Lydia and Allison to tell them about what we thought and had just hung up before the signal cut out again."

"Ok, so the girls are working on it. That's good. They have more resources than we do at the moment. Now we just have to wait until the next dead point in the storm and call them or go visit them to get all the facts." Stiles said, grateful for the conversation change. "Does Derek know?"

Scott nodded and looked up towards the stairs where the other two's voices could be heard talking softly amongst them.

"Go join them. I'm gonna think more on our options about this storm ok?"

Scott nodded maybe a little too eagerly and took off up the stairs. Stiles watched him go and felt the little part of him that might have woken up fall back into the emptiness. Being alone did that to him but he'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't want to be with him. That just made the pain unbearable.

"Hey Stiles!" Isaac's head popped around the corner and stared at him over the railing. "You want me to cut it into squares or triangles?"

"Uh, triangles."

"Ok!"

Stiles turned back to the window and tried to school his expression into a slightly happier one instead of the empty mask he seemed to have donned. When Isaac bounced down the stairs with a plate in hand he managed a small smile that pulled at the edges of his lips. Once the plate was set in front of him he was able to drop the smile and cover it up with a bite of golden brown grilled cheese. Isaac was watching him expectantly.

"It's really good. Thanks Isaac."

Isaac let out a bright, genuine smile and nodded happily. "Good! Glad you like it!" he said and ran back up the stairs.

Stiles ate slowly and felt the warm food fill his stomach. Now he was thirsty but didn't want to make the effort to go grab a water bottle so he simply pushed the empty plate away and sat there, staring at it until it suddenly disappeared from the desk top. Looking up quickly his eyes met Derek's green ones before he turned away.

"Need anything?" Derek whispered and Stiles was reminded of his dad and he let a small smile grace his lips.

"Actually, could I have some water?"

"Yeah."

He'd never needed anything from his dad but now he needed something from Derek. Stiles shook his head at the strange circumstances he'd been thrown into. The cold water bottle was placed in his hand and he nodded his head.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

That was the extent of his conversations for the rest of the evening. They asked him around dinner time if he wanted anything but he just shook his head, saying he was still full from lunch. Scott gave him another strange look but just shrugged it off and clambered up the steps. Night fell slowly, time dragging on and on. There was nothing to do and nothing to keep his mind busy so Stiles just stared out the window like the night before until the darkness began giving him that creepy feeling and he patted the blanket back into place over the window. Scott and Isaac had had several wrestling matches and had decided to have a work out contest, seeing who could do the most sit-ups or push-ups until they were finally all tuckered out. Scott had won just barely and was currently gloating over it where they sprawled on the couch. Derek had started a new book and was already a good portion into it by the time Stiles moved away from the window. He looked up at the movement and when he caught Stiles' eye patted the bed next to him.

"What books are you reading?" Stiles asked as he sat on the bed.

"Just finished 'Of Mice and Men'. Now I'm reading 'A Brave New World'." He said and showed Stiles the front cover.

"Classics. Nice. Didn't really take you for a literature guy."

Derek nodded and pulled the book back in front of his face, shining the book light down at it since the loft was cloaked in darkness once more. Stiles sat back against the pillows and pulled his feet up so he could wrap his arms around his knees. He was comfortable like that for a long while. Scott clicked on a flashlight sometime later and began looking through the origami Isaac had been doing the nights before and was awed over several of the more intricate ones. Stiles sighed quietly and pulled the blanket around his shoulders even tighter.

Eventually, several hours into the dark hours of the night both lights had gone out and Derek settled down under the covers, pulling them out for Stiles as well. Isaac and Scott had settled in maybe twenty minutes before and were already sound asleep. Stiles pulled the blanket already around his shoulders over his body before sliding into the bed and lying with his back towards Derek. The blankets were tugged up around him before the bed bounced and Derek's back settled against his. Stiles pushed back slightly to get more heat and sighed against the pillow.

Sweat poured over his back as he jolted awake. He didn't even remember falling asleep. His mind was in chaos and his heart felt like it was going to explode. Stiles remembered nothing of his nightmare, only the remaining horror and fear and madness that had gripped him so very tightly. Behind him Derek's even breath signaled he hadn't woken him and he slowly clambered out of the bed. Despite being under the warm covers and next to a warm body Stiles was freezing. He shivered as he made his way over to his backpack silently and drew out the cutter. Swiftly he scuttled to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He flicked on the light and leaned over the sink.

"Just make it go away. Make it better. Just a little bit." He whispered to the glinting blade and peeled the bandage away from his skin.

The cuts from before were all closed and scabbing over. There wasn't enough pain to keep the empty madness away and Stiles felt like he was drowning once more. Putting the cold blade to his clammy skin he pulled the blade through the flesh and sighed in absolute relief when the panic subsided a bit. Another swipe had his breathing back to normal and once more calmed the dwindling chaos within him. It made him feel. It made him whole again and he stayed there, leaning over the sink and letting his blood flow until his heart was steady and he could breathe easy.

Quickly he turned the nozzle on the sink and water gushed forth. The noise startled him and he shut it off just as fast as he turned it on. It then dawned on him that he'd taken a bath earlier and that the water was working again. He shuffled that bit of information away in the back of his mind to remind himself later and slowly turned the tap back on, quieter this time. A small drizzle of water helped him clean the blood off of himself and the cutter. He knew the others would still be able to smell the blood so he rewrapped the bandage on his arm before looting around under the sink and pulling out the hydrogen peroxide from the first aid kit and poured just a little down the sink before putting it back.

With his mess now cleaned up and feeling better than he had all day, Stiles turned out the light and waited until a portion of his night vision returned and he made his way out of the bathroom and over to his backpack to put his knife away. Everything was still as he climbed back onto the bed and for a moment he thought he'd gotten away with it but then the bed shifted and he knew Derek was awake. Stiles could pretend he didn't know though and not say anything and hope Derek would just go back asleep. But it was a vein hope. Derek turned over and scoot up close behind Stiles so his mouth was right next to his ear and his chest was against his back.

"You did it again didn't you?" Derek whispered into his ear and snaked his arm under Stiles' side and down his arm to grasp ahold of his wrist below the bandage.

Stiles shivered at his warm breath against his sensitive skin and remained silent for a bit before nodding.

"Sorry."

Derek sighed against his shoulder and pulled him with both arms until he rest completely against his body.

"Why do you do it? Can you tell me that much? What does it do for you?"

Stiles was silent again for many heartbeats before opening his mouth and whispering into the silent air, "It makes me feel."

"Feel? What do you mean? Can't you feel this?" Derek asked and gave Stiles' body a slight squeeze closer to his.

"I mean inside. I'm…empty. I can't explain it right. Doing this makes it feel like I can breathe again." He whispered and hunched in on himself a bit as if ashamed.

Derek rubbed his stubbly chin over Stiles shoulder as he thought about Stiles' answer. What could he say? Should he ask him to stop? Would that do any good? But as he took in Stiles' shivering body he decided against it. Stiles never did anything without good reason, especially nothing as serious as this. Maybe he could convince him of different options though. But, what other options were there to make him feel as he'd put it.

"What can I do?" he asked.

"Just don't tell the others." Stiles whispered and grasped ahold of Derek's hand with his other where it was still gripped around his wrist.

"What does cutting yourself make you feel?" he asked slowly, not sure if the question was too invasive.

"It…makes me feel…alive. Like when I used to be useful to you guys. It reminded me of the times I'd get hurt for your sake and it just felt…right. I was so useless for so long and unneeded that I fell apart. Being alone like that…no one ever there, no one to talk to…it destroyed me. I can't even…"

Derek felt Stiles' whole body shudder and buried his face in Stiles' shoulder, shushing him as he felt the nonstop shiver. He just held him like that, not knowing what else to do. Was it just the emotional things he couldn't feel anymore? Did that include physical like when he didn't know he was hungry or refused sleep even though he was tired? Maybe familiar touches could help just like it did with wolves.

Thinking long and hard, Derek finally lifted his other arm on top of Stiles and slowly drew his hand down the length of his right arm and back up once he'd gotten to his knuckles. Again he dragged his fingers across the thin arm, mapping out any moles or scars he had beneath the shirt. Slowly Stiles stopped shaking and finally lay still in his arms. He wasn't asleep but at least he was calmer.

"Will you sleep again?"

Derek felt Stiles shake his head and sighed against his shoulder.

"I'll stay right here. I won't let you go." He whispered and felt Stiles shudder again but there wasn't the cold chill on his skin like before.

Stiles' arm felt like lines of fire were being drawn across it from the heat of Derek's fingers and sighed. He hadn't felt an actual touch like this in ages. He finally allowed himself to relax into Derek which seemed to encourage him. His fingers got bolder and as he drew his fingers back from his knuckles, the tips of his fingers caught the hem of the sleeve and slipped over to draw across his unblemished wrist. Stiles didn't know what it meant so he just let it be. Derek changed his petting path once he reached his shoulder and drew his fingers lightly down Stiles' side and back up.

"Is this ok?"

Stiles nodded and that was all the encouragement Derek needed. He laid the flat of his palm against Stiles side and slid his hand along the shirt back up to his shoulder and back down again. The shirt hitched up a bit on his hip bone and on the next slide down Derek's fingers brushed the bare skin of Stiles' hip. There was a sudden intake of breath between Stiles' lips and Derek stilled.

"You ok?"

"Yeah." Stiles said his throat thick.

He didn't know exactly what was going on or what exactly he was feeling but it was definitely different from the usual numbness. It was something he hadn't felt in months. The slide of Derek's palm continued up and down his side, his hot fingertips brushing his pale skin every time he reached the hem of the shirt. The little touches sent fire through Stiles in a way he didn't understand. Was this a new form of chaos? It certainly wasn't calmness.

Stiles felt his heart thunder in his chest as Derek's hand lingered on the exposed skin every now and again. Derek could hear Stiles' heart rate increase every time their skin touched and took that as a good thing, doing it more often. Slowly, when he reached bare skin once more he slid his fingers beneath the edge of the shirt and rubbed soothing circles onto the skin there.

"Still ok?"

Stiles' nod was immediate and Derek slid his hand further along his bare skin, over to his stomach and back again before running his hand back up his side and along his ribs, pulling the shirt with it. Stiles felt his breath hitch as Derek touched more skin. He was so confused but the amazement that he wasn't panicking or fading into an empty daze kept him from backing away or protesting. In fact he felt absolutely no desire to stop.

Derek pet him like that, his hand lightly running over Stiles' skin until it was completely warmed. He ran his hand over his stomach and up his side, over his ribs and back down his hip before doing it again. Stiles was breathing a little heavily but he took that as a good thing. He was responding to what he was doing and he sensed no negative feelings at all. There was confusion but that wasn't at all bad. Feeling him relax even further against him he pulled his palm up and over Stiles' chest and suddenly felt his heart sky rocket. He paused, stilling his hand and his body completely.

"What's the matter?" he asked slowly, not letting his voice become anything but soothing as a mother wolf would her cub.

"Wh-…uh…what are you doing exactly?" Stiles' voice was strained but still there was no unpleasantness.

"Soothing you. Touching usually helps us calm down. I didn't know what else to do. Are you ok with that?"

"Uh…yeah. I just…uh…" Stiles trailed off, not quite sure how to explain his quite sudden predicament. He wasn't even quite sure when it'd happened.

Stiles guessed his body just wasn't used to touching and after many weeks of neglect he felt himself respond in an entirely different way than he was sure was intended.

"I'll just…um…bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom." His voiced wavered and cracked a little at the end as he pulled on Derek's arm around his wrist and started kicking at the sheets, trying to get up.

Derek held on firmly, not letting go for anything.

"No way. You were just in there and I do not want you alone right now." He growled into his neck and Stiles sucked in a breath at the feeling of Derek's lips moving against his skin ever so slightly.

"No dude, that's not what I meant. I just really need to go right now. Like right now!" Stiles groaned out and let go of Derek's hand to press the flat of his palm down hard against his growing 'problem'.

"What do you…oh." Derek said simply as he realized that his soothing had elicited another unexpected reaction. "Does this make you hard?" he asked bluntly and rubbed his thumb in a circle beneath his shirt on his chest.

Stiles hissed and started wriggling again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Please let me go. I'll sleep on the floor." His voice was becoming desperate again.

The need to get away from and move closer to Derek was so strong and confusing Stiles felt like he was being yanked in two different directions. Derek still held on to him and was quiet for just enough time that Stiles thought that he was mad and disgusted with him for sure.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again and started struggling in earnest.

Derek realized he hadn't said anything as he felt himself swell with pride at the thought that he'd been able to make Stiles feel. When he registered what was being said he pressed his hand firmly to his chest.

"No. You're not going anywhere. Don't be sorry." He growled at him.

"B-but…I'm…my…I didn't mean to. Just let me take care of it." He whispered urgently.

"Here. Take care of it right here."

Stiles stilled in surprise and confusion. Had Derek seriously just told him to masturbate right there, in his bed, while he was holding him? That didn't sound right. Was Derek really that tired? He had to be! This was just crazy.

"You don't know what you're saying! You're just tired. Let me go!"

"I know exactly what I'm saying. Now either you take care of it or I will."

Stiles felt Derek's words jolt though him straight into his groin and groaned, unfamiliar with the feeling. It'd been way too long since he'd jerked off and never had he jerked off in front of anyone. Then he stilled as the fact that he was aroused instead of hollow like he'd expecting. Slowly he tilted his head towards the ceiling and was silent as he thought about that for a bit longer.

"You think this'll help me?" he whispered slowly.

Derek breathed against his neck and sighed. "I'm not sure. I wasn't expecting this but…maybe. If this gets you back to the Stiles I know then I'm willing to do it. Are you?"

Stiles shivered once again and reached his hand down past Derek's arm where it was still under his shirt and once again pressed his palm against the tent in his sweats. Slowly he ran his fingers along the underside of his erect cock and gave a little whimper.

"Please don't hate me." He whispered.

Stiles let his fingers slide into the elastic band of the sweats and slid down his happy trail into the thick curls at the base of his cock where he grabbed it firmly. Derek could smell the arousal coming off of him in waves and shifted back a little just in case it affected him too and held onto Stiles as he began pleasuring himself. Stiles' back arched a bit off the bed into Derek's hand and he began to slide his hand up and down his chest. Stiles gave a small whimper when Derek's thumb caught on a pert nipple and his hand sped up in his pants. Derek did it again and relished in the same agonized whimper that came from Stiles' throat.

Stiles felt the pleasure building at the base of his spine and new he was going to cum soon. "T-tissue." He gasped as quietly as he could.

He groaned when Derek's hand left him and part of his chest as well as he turned to the other side of the bed to grab a wad of tissues from the box and slid them down Stiles' arm until his hand could grab them and he was stuffing it into his pants. Stiles' whole body suddenly tensed up and he bit his lips hard to keep the high pitched moan from breaking through and came thickly into the wad of tissues. His breath came fast as he panted in bliss. He hadn't felt pleasure in so long it felt like it was his first time orgasming again. Slowly he felt himself lowering from his cloud of bliss and quickly cleaned up his softened cock before withdrawing the messy tissues.

"Um…" Stiles hummed awkwardly as he looked over the edge of the bed on his side for the trash can.

"Hold on." Derek said and leaned back over to his side and pulled the small trash can over and let Stiles throw the wad away.

Derek set it back down and reached over to readjust Stiles' shirt and settle against his back once more, his hips carefully kept at bay. Stiles was completely relaxed in his arm and he suddenly felt very good about how this turned out. There might be some awkwardness in the morning but he'd deal with that when it came.

"Thanks." Stiles mumbled and Derek grunted before yawning into his back. "Go to sleep."

"You too. I'm sure you can now."

Stiles almost smiled. Almost. The thought crossed his mind before he just decided to close his eyes. And Derek was right. He could sleep and he did. He slept for a solid six hours in Derek's arms without a single dream until the bed shifted and Derek's yawn woke him from his unexpected slumber. Peering through blurry eyes he looked over towards the couch and saw that Isaac and Scott were still asleep and thanked all that was good for small miracles.

"Derek." He said, his voice still slightly hoarse from sleep.

"Shh. Later." Derek mumbled and stretched.

Stiles just nodded and slowly sat up to rub his bleary eyes of sleep. His wrist gave a twinge and he absently rubbed at it as his mind ran over the things from last night. He felt slightly awkward, a bit afraid, totally confused, but mostly he felt…relieved? He wasn't sure. But whatever had happened last night a little bit had lingered and he felt more alive than he had in a long time.

"Water's on by the way." He said as Derek stood up.

Derek looked at him as he thought about that for a second. "Oh yeah. The bath was running yesterday. Didn't even realize it."

"Same."

Derek walked to the bathroom and quietly shut it, leaving Stiles in the silence of the storming morning. Looking out the window he saw the same dark clouds still spitting rain and hail down at them and sighed. He wished the storm would just let up already. He needed to get home to his dad and Scott and Isaac had to get back to Melissa and he was sure Derek wanted his peace and quiet back. Quickly he checked Derek's cell phone that was still on the table and saw that the battery was running low and there was still no signal. Derek came back out of the bathroom looking annoyed.

"Well, I guess whatever water we'd had yesterday was just the back-up supply because there is absolutely no more. Turns out there was also a back-up power supply somewhere because that's what the heater in the tub works with and we used that too." Derek sighed and plopped down on his bed.

"Sorry 'bout that." Stiles said quietly and Derek jerked his head up to look at him.

"No no, I'm not blaming you. It's just a little frustrating 'cause I didn't know. I'm not at all prepared for this storm and it's…"

"Frustrating." Stiles repeated Derek's earlier word and he nodded.

"Very. Now, let's get breakfast started before those two start bugging us when they wake up."

Stiles nodded and put down the phone he was still holding and followed Derek up the stairs. Today was the best day in a long while so far. Maybe, just maybe it would stay like this… Maybe?

A/N: Well, there was just a tiiiiiny, miniscule amount of smut in this chapter. Things haven't quite developed between Stiles and Derek but they're getting there!

Sleepy time. Zzzz ~hearts~