A/N - All the thanks in the 'verse to those who are still hanging on for this story :) Your reviews, favorites and follows honestly do keep drawing me back in to work on it when other real world priorities distract me. The past year has been a frantic mess of finishing my studies and a trip through Europe which has definitely limited my writing time & motivation. This chapter is my way of getting back into it, so I hope you don't mind that it's a tad shorter than usual and more dialogue than action driven. Reviews are love!
"The Alliance is fortunate you were close enough to Watson to intercede."
Shepard lifted her chin, peering quietly across at her old CO. On the other side of the low table, Anderson's dark eyes watched her knowingly, sympathetically.
She shook her head regretfully. "It was a damn mess. Admiral Hackett sent me a report once he had Alliance boots on the ground. Their colony is done... they've already started evacuating."
The official debriefing with her former CO hadn't taken very long, with Shepard mainly providing a verbal recap of the bare-bones logs she'd already forwarded through to Admiral Hackett. It was part of her personal agreement with Anderson, this sharing of intel whenever she made port at the Citadel. Shepard knew she walked a careful line between pissing off Cerberus and alienating the Alliance, and it had been a relief when the debrief was over and they'd moved away from Anderson's desk.
Now they were settled around the informally arranged sofas at the other end of his expansive office, separated only by a low wooden table holding a bottle of very expensive scotch and two glasses.
Anderson nudged hers towards her.
"Better than a pile of corpses," he reminded her. "You okay?"
The glass of amber liquid sat invitingly in front of her. Shepard leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she considered it. "Damn batarians never give us a break, do they? Sometimes I wonder if there's a way out, or if we'll just end up in one Skyllian Blitz after another."
She spun the glass slowly in her hands, not quite willing to lift it to her mouth. After Watson, she'd retreated to her cabin and spent the evening getting quietly drunk on a bottle of something cheap and nasty she'd filched from Gardner's supplies. The decision she'd been forced to make had haunted her. It was unlike any scenario she'd been in before, lacking the immediacy of battle decisions. Isolated from any consequences, she'd stood before two screens and made an arbitrary call on which missile to stop. Save the colony's livelihood and ensure it's viability as a continuing operation, or save the population and destroy their hopes and Earth's outpost.
Ruthless calculus, she'd told Garrus when he called to check on her. It was a numbers game and Shepard had no idea what gave her the right to choose. In the end, she'd gone with the immediate problem, saving the lives of the current population. She couldn't make decisions based on what might happen in the future.
Anderson shifted in his chair, drawing her gaze upward. The artificial sunlight of the Presidium gleamed brightly behind him, filtering in through the wide windows that lined the back wall of his office. "Seems to me, that's up to the batarians. We're out there now. They might not like it but we're not leaving. One thing I do know is that you did good work, Shepard. It's the call I would have made."
It had been years since she'd needed validation from her senior officers. One didn't end up a Spectre and still be in need of hand holding. All the same, the certainty - and the understanding - in her old mentor's face somehow helped ease the sharp edge of regret.
She felt her mouth tug into a faint smile. "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"You're not the only one in that fight, Shepard. Even here on the Citadel... especially here on the Citadel... the resentment towards humanity is clear as day. We're the upstart newcomer to the galaxy," Anderson reminded her, his tone rueful. "And everybody wants to remind us of that."
"'Take back your station,'" Shepard quoted softly, thinking of the propaganda she'd picked up on her way through the Presidium. After her encounter with the turian politician, Juram Talid, she hadn't been able to resist checking out his party line.
Anderson seemed surprised. "You've been listening in to the Ward campaign speeches?"
"Not exactly. One of my crew had a family situation on the Citadel, and I was helping him sort it out while we resupplied." The Commander hesitated, reluctant to share Thane's private situation and fully aware that she'd pushed her position as Spectre out on a limb she didn't think the Council would support if they caught wind of it. "I happened to run into Talid." And save his life. "It doesn't sound like he likes us any more than the batarians do."
"Talid's running on a platform against organized crime on the Citadel, but the slogan works for his position on humanity as well," Anderson acknowledged. "He's the loudest voice from the conservative element here. The traditional types who get nervous when they see humans in C-Sec uniforms, and standing on the Council."
Something to the tone caught her attention. Shepard leaned forward in her chair, peering across the coffee table at him. "It's serious?"
"Nothing we can't handle. Change always upsets folk. We'll see how the station's residents feel on election day, but Zakera Ward are getting pretty used to our people down there. C-Sec has a strong human presence in Zakera and they're doing a damn fine job." Anderson flashed her a grin and eyed her untouched glass. "I hate to drink alone, Commander."
Her finger tapped the edge of the glass thoughtfully. "Looks pricey," Shepard ventured. "Guess they're paying you pretty well these days."
"Says the woman on a private sector paycheck." He gazed pointedly at the Cerberus logo on her sleeve. "I'm sure the perks make it all worthwhile, but there's not a lot of longevity in that partnership."
That's for damn sure.
It was a reality the Commander was fully aware of. The Illusive Man had her running close to the edge these days. Too many half-truths, too many briefings that came heavy on the directives and light on the solid intel. All her initial misgivings about working with Cerberus had come back to plague her lately. Ever since they returned from a dead Reaper that was far too alive for her liking, Shepard had been aware that the end game was coming.
"I've got a timeframe. And I'm working on an exit strategy." Even now, she felt strangled by the likelihood of Cerberus spies. Shepard pulled the glass to her mouth and tossed it back; the liquor burned in the way only truly expensive alcohol could. It loosened her vocal chords, and she still had nothing to say. Nothing it was safe to say.
Anderson had dealt with Cerberus before. She didn't know the full story, but he'd made it clear he had cause not to trust them. Whatever had happened, it was enough that he nodded in relief. "Good to hear, Shepard."
Her throat was still burning, so Shepard just nodded. It had been too long since she'd been able to relax with her own. Not humans; Alliance. Military. The shared background made them as good as family, and it was almost relaxing to be here. The debrief had been as detailed as it could be but this was the reward for trusting Anderson enough to make the effort. The company, the companionship.
It made the soft buzz of the door an intrusion, even though she was fully aware of how valuable Anderson's time was. Truth be told, she'd already taken up enough of it in running through the last few weeks of their activities.
Anderson dropped his empty glass onto the low table and got to his feet. "Come in," he called as Shepard also stood.
The door opened and an Alliance officer walked in; Shepard was startled to realise it was Kaidan Alenko. He paused in the doorway for a moment, then moved smoothly inside towards Anderson. Watching him, the Commander realized Alenko wasn't at all surprised to find her here. He'd known she was on the station; known she would be in this room.
"Right on time, Staff Commander. Please join us." Anderson gestured towards a spare seat, slanting a faint smile towards Shepard. "Alenko has been my primary resource in managing the Alliance situation in the Terminus systems. He's here to provide an update on Collector activity in the region. You're welcome to listen in if you have a few more minutes."
Seeing Alenko was a surprise; being invited to sit in on an Alliance security briefing was a damned miracle. Shepard didn't have a clue what Kaidan might think of that offer, given he'd made it perfectly clear how little he trusted her while she wore a Cerberus patch on her sleeve. Nor would she have expected Anderson to expose ongoing Alliance operations like this, but the gesture of trust was heartwarming.
And she sure as hell wasn't going to turn the offer down. "Thank you, Admiral. I appreciate it," Shepard replied evenly.
The truth was, she was damn sick of relying on information that came from Cerberus. Shepard knew they'd be sparse with Alliance deployments. She certainly would be, in their place. But she wasn't interested in where Alliance listening posts were currently situated. What she wanted was independent verification of Cerberus data, because the Illusive Man was a bad source to rely on.
Kaidan chose a chair directly opposite Shepard, but couldn't quite bring himself to meet her gaze.
"Go ahead, Alenko," Anderson said.
Kaidan cleared his throat, settling into his seat. "Following the initial assessment, we can now confirm that Horizon's infrastructure remains viable for the survivors to return and continue the colony. Other than the destruction from the cruiser's afterburners when it launched, there was no physical damage from the Collectors attack. Their attacks on Cyrene, Fehl Prime, Freedom's Progress and Ferris Fields left no physical sign of their presence at all, so the conclusion is that their only interest in human colonies is the population."
"And the survivors?" Anderson asked.
"The recovery team on Horizon now has all survivors of the Collectors attack undergoing medical assessment. Alliance scientists are analysing the material they used to hold the colonists in stasis and have provided preliminary results while they continue their investigations in more detail."
Shepard leaned forward; at least she could bring something to the table here. "My salarian scientist, Doctor Solus, has done quite a bit of intensive research on that stuff. I'm not sure he's reached anything conclusive, but I can send you his reports if you like."
Alenko's eyebrows shot up, but it was Anderson's warm smile that made her glad she'd offered.
"Appreciate that, Commander."
She shrugged. "Least I can do. Please, go on Kaidan."
She caught a momentary expression of uncertainty on her former team mates face, before Alenko continued speaking. "The majority of the Horizon survivors are insisting on remaining on the planet. They've already begun repairs and have notified Earth Alliance that they intend to continue under the colonial charter."
Anderson grunted. "Gutsy."
"Lucky," Shepard correctly quietly. Most colonies didn't have the option of continuing after something like that. Mindoir hadn't, nor had any of the other colonies attacked by the Collectors. Once a population fell below a certain point, a colony couldn't remain viable. Particularly those outside of Council space, self-funded start ups with no official support from Earth Alliance.
Just like Watson.
Unlike Watson, Horizon's infrastructure was sound and if the survivors were smart, they could promote it as an attractive opportunity for would-be colonial types. There would be no need for new settlers to pay for the massive initial start-up stake; they could take on a second wave of colonists to replace those lost to the Collectors very quickly.
"We still don't know what they want our people for," Anderson said regretfully. "All the stories of Collectors tell of them taking individual genetic oddities. They've never targeted the general population of any species before."
She'd asked the same thing of the Illusive Man. His answers had been vague and unsatisfying because the truth was that nobody had any damn clue about what the Collectors were up to.
"Any recent sightings of the Collector ship?" Shepard asked instead.
Alenko glanced sideways, waiting for the Admiral's quick nod before speaking. "We've had confirmed reports of the Collector ship in the Terminus Systems, not far from New Canton."
Shepard pressed her lips together unhappily. "When?"
"The report came in less than 72 hours ago. The colony is on alert and they have new defences in place in case the Collectors show up there," Kaidan replied.
Anderson shook his head. "Horizon showed how ineffective those are. The guns are useless if the colony can't see them coming in time to use them. By the time anyone on Horizon knew what was happening, half the colony was already in stasis."
Commander Shepard considered options. "We were on Horizon while those swarms were still active. We made it through, thanks to Doctor Solus' counter measures. I can share the specs, but it's experimental."
"In other words, we can outfit the colonists and it still might crap out for half of them," Anderson interpreted ruefully. "Well. Better than nothing. Send it through before you go, Commander. Anything we can provide the colonists to give them a fighting chance will be appreciated."
Nodding, she decided to push her luck a little. "What kind of resources have you committed to the Terminus Systems? Last I knew, Earth Alliance had washed it's hands of anyone who went outside Council space."
Like those out in the Traverse. Like Mindoir.
Anderson shrugged regretfully. "Minimal. Admiral Hackett only got this much support after shoving their noses in the fact that once mainstream media put the pieces together, there'd be fallout if we weren't seen to be doing something."
There was a cynical slant to his mouth, but Shepard got it. Altruism wasn't usually a politicians main motive, and Hackett had been around long enough to use whatever tools were available. She was under no illusions about why he'd reinstated her into the Alliance, after all.
Shepard exhaled. "Do you have anything in play that can help them if the Collectors strike?"
Kaidan's jaw tensed and she saw the wall slam over his expression. "Classified, Commander."
There was no need to respond to that. It was what it was, and despite her active status on the Alliance registry, she was still wearing a Cerberus logo on her sleeve. Shepard nodded calmly.
"Anything else?" Anderson asked smoothly, pushing past the awkward silence.
Alenko cleared his throat and nodded.
"Then please continue."
By the time she left Anderson's office half an hour later, Shepard was both relieved and frustrated. Alenko's report had been comprehensive on their efforts to restore Horizon and outfit the remaining colonies in the Terminus Systems, and had helped fill in some of the blanks in her own analysis of the situation.
In many ways, the Alliance intel confirmed what she already knew through Cerberus, and the gaps they'd managed to fill in had only emphasised the time frames she was already working to. They had limited time and she still felt half-blind, but there was no denying she was better informed than when she first began this insane mission. At least the Alliance was doing something to help the human colonies out there, while she ran about chasing down not-so-dead Reapers and following clues on the Collectors ultimate purpose.
"Shepard."
The low, flanging voice was music to her ears as she passed through the lobby of the human embassy. She felt the hard line of her spine ease as she turned to see the turian approaching down the wide public walkway, smoothly sidestepping busy human adjutants and civilian secretaries.
For an instant, Shepard saw him as a stranger might; the armored turian striding down a corridor of humans. Vakarian no longer looked like the C-Sec cop she'd first met here, buckled into regulation armor, toting regulation weapons. His new gear gleamed dully, having acquired only a few permanent bumps and scrapes so far. Nor could she see anything of the desperate renegade she'd found on Omega. He was no longer either the middle-class cop or the down-at-his-heels vigilante.
It was more than just wearing decent-quality armor, she decided as he approached. It was how he held himself. Garrus had moved past the impatient eagerness of the restless young cop frustrated by red tape. He'd slowly lost the bitter coldness that Omega and life had instilled in him. Instead, Shepard saw a man confident in his own abilities and in his place in the universe; a man who wore high-quality gear un-selfconsciously and looked damn fine doing so. She didn't flinch away from the stark scarring of his face; it was just another part of him that she valued.
She met him with a smile and a sudden surge of pride. Pride that she had earned his respect and his friendship. Pride that this graceful, dangerous man had found a worthy partner in herself.
"Garrus," she greeted him warmly. "You're right on time. Any issues with the resupply?"
His blue eyes glinted in the way she knew meant trouble. "We're on schedule. Zaeed wanted me to let you know he has some updated intel on that job he signed up for. It looks like he's ready to go."
The job Cerberus had used to lure him onto this mission. It looked like the Illusive Man - or Miranda - had concluded Massani wouldn't jump ship immediately if they handed over their information. Shepard nodded, reminding herself to thank Lawson for the careful timing. They needed a few solid testing grounds to bring the tactical squad together, and Massani wanted to go hunting Blue Suns. That would require a coordinated attack and give everyone a chance to show how nicely they played together.
"Tali is supervising the last of the resupply. We're fueled up and the Alliance chandlery should have their final deliveries through in a few hours."
"Uh-huh. And?" Shepard felt her mouth twitch into an expectant grin. The lingering tension of her debrief eased away in the easy familiarity of Garrus Vakarian.
His mandibles slid into a wicked grin. "Jack's making her way back to the ship now, but it seems she had a very good time. I bailed her out of a C-Sec holding cell in Tayseri Ward a half hour ago. You should have my message by now."
Bailed her out?
Alarmed, Shepard lifted her wrist to call up her omni-tool. A new message alert flashed silently at her, and once she activated it, the holographic display showed what appeared to be a C-Sec arrest file. The image of a black-eyed, split-lipped Jack grinned cheerfully up at her, above a scrolling count of physical injuries (minimal), tattoos and other identifying marks (extensive) and the results of the basic toxicology screen following her arrest.
Shepard couldn't hold back the wince that time. It was a miracle Jack was still walking with that much booze in her blood. She peered up at the turian.
"Did she hurt anyone?"
Garrus waved a hand reassuringly. "Just the C-Sec crew that were called in to break up the fight she started. Two of them are in hospital getting checked out but it doesn't look serious. One has a concussion."
At least I know she wasn't trying to do any real damage.
"Thanks for taking care of it, big guy," she sighed.
"Anytime, Shepard."
They had time before the Normandy was ready to head back out. Shepard closed down her omni-tool and looked thoughtfully towards the looming turian. She'd sorted of Thane's issue, saved an anti-human politician and caught Anderson up on her activities. What Shepard wanted more than anything just now was a chance to shake off the tension of the past few hours.
"How did the debrief with Anderson go?" Garrus asked. "You seem... restless."
It shouldn't keep surprising her that he was so aware of her mood; Shepard gave him a rueful smile. "Interesting. Anderson shared their intel on Collector movements... and I ran into an old friend."
"Alenko?"
The Commander's chin jerked up as she stared at him in surprise. "Yeah. How did you -"
Vakarian's gaze slid over her shoulder and she followed it, turning to see Kaidan crossing the embassy lobby towards them.
Ahh.
With an unpleasant sense of expectation, Shepard watched him approach. She felt Garrus shift from relaxed ease to careful alertness and was a little amused to notice that he'd slid into position at her right shoulder; his preferred placement when she took a squad into combat. To be honest, she really didn't have a clue what he thought about Kaidan these days. His infrequent references to Alenko after Horizon had been respectful but shaded with disapproval; they'd never spoken of her personal involvement with him.
Alenko paused uncertainly before them. "Commander. Garrus," he greeted quietly.
"Kaidan," the turian answered.
In the corner of her eye, Shepard saw the faint tilt of Vakarian's head, the quizzical cant of it a silent question. She knew that look. It was the same expression she'd seen thousands of times in thousands of firefights. The one that silently asked her, 'what's the play?'
Shepard flicked her fingers at her side; the familiar combat sign to stay under cover.
Somehow, it didn't surprise her that he took it all in stride, nodding politely to their old shipmate. "Didn't expect to see you here, Kaidan," Vakarian said calmly.
"I'm stationed under Admiral Anderson at the moment," Alenko answered. He was regarding the turian thoughtfully. "How've you been?"
Garrus grinned, a charming tilt of mandibles. "Same old, same old. Kicking ass up and down the length of the galaxy."
Alenko pushed; of course he did. "Not quite the same. Your gear wasn't quite that fancy back in the day."
It could have been a compliment, but Shepard knew it was another dig at their Cerberus paycheck. She saw the patient glance Garrus leveled at her and knew he was content to let her handle it. Shepard wasn't in the mood to let Kaidan pick a fight, so she summoned up a grin.
"What, the new armor? That was a gift. I couldn't have my best sniper traipsing around in that old junk."
"It was still functional," Garrus reminded her, but the low pitch of his voice was layered with warm amusement.
"Barely." Shepard threw back, pleased he was following her lead. Kaidan didn't look like he wanted to be diverted but she didn't intend to give him any other option.
It seemed he got the message loud and clear, or at least realized that this wasn't the time. "It suits you, Garrus." Kaidan shifted his attention back onto the Commander, and she watched him smile hesitantly. "I know the Normandy is scheduled to leave the Citadel in a few hours. Do you have any plans until then?"
"Joker's managing the resupply and Vakarian here promised me an hour or so in the shooting range." Shepard turned slightly to regard the watching turian with a challenging expression. "You still plan on delivering on that?"
She was still tense and on edge from the debrief, and the pulsing imperative of time ticking away in the back of her head. The idea of spending the time until the Normandy was ready to leave playing about with Vakarian's favourite rifles was incredibly appealing just then. It was sure as hell more appealing than the sort of emotional fencing that would be involved in whatever invitation Alenko was on the verge of offering.
His unanswered email flickered briefly across her mind. One day, she supposed they'd have to talk about it. Shepard just didn't see the point of doing so while she was still involved in Cerberus. Kaidan would never be able to deal objectively with her while staring at a Cerberus logo on her chest.
Vakarian's grin tilted into something more... familiar. "I try never to disappoint a lady, Commander. Particularly one who can kick my ass when I do."
Shepard felt her mouth curl up into a relieved grin, aware of Alenko's quiet curiosity beside her. "Fine by me. I booked us into the Spectre shooting range."
Garrus cast his gaze briefly over the Alliance soldier at her side, uncharacteristically hesitant. "Mmmm. Thought you might like to try out the Widow for yourself."
He shifted self-consciously, giving them both a glimpse of the new Cerberus-designed sniper rifle holstered at his back. Shepard knew that he could be a cocky bastard when he wanted, but there was a streak of diffidence that showed itself whenever he became uncertain. She wouldn't be surprised if he expected her to turn him down in favor of Alenko.
Still waiting for me to turn back to something a little closer to home.
There was no need to consider. The thought of it had her biting her lip against a grin. Even if she had been inclined to hook up with a human, it would never again be Kaidan. Lectures weren't her idea of foreplay.
Shepard offered up a quick grin. "Sounds like a plan, big guy."
Kaidan shifted. "Maybe next time you're on station, then. It would be nice to see Tali and Joker again, too." His gaze shifted away to Vakarian briefly, then settled back on hers; weighted with the thousand things she could see he itched to say. After a moment, the biotic nodded. "Good luck out there, Commander."
"Thanks, Kaidan."
"See you around, Alenko."
Garrus fell into step beside her as they left the embassy, automatically shortening his longer stride to match her pace. She could feel Alenko's gaze on their backs as they approached the elevator at the end of the corridor. Shepard kept her eyes forward, letting her former XO fade from her concerns. She was prepared to let bygones be bygones as far as Kaidan was concerned, but that didn't mean she wanted to spend her rare downtime dealing with his awkward guilt and persistent mistrust.
Shepard glanced sidelong at the turian by her side, as they stepped into the lift. Especially not when she could spend those hours in the company of a man whose trust and loyalty had never wavered.
With big guns as an added bonus.