Notes: Just want to say a quick thank you to everyone for reviewing. Been a busy couple of weeks, so I haven't had time to do individual replies, guys. Sorry :(
X 5 X
Morgana has been sitting at their kitchen table, staring at nothing, for the best part of half an hour before Merlin dares to interrupt her, his concern finally overriding his caution.
"'Gana?" he asks, sliding into the seat across from her and placing a cup of tea on the table between them. "What's up?"
Morgana blinks once, then a second time, her eyes finally focusing back in the room. She looks at Merlin like he's a stranger, though, a man she's never met who has suddenly appeared in her home, as opposed to her friend of almost two decades and her fiancé for three months. "I don't know if we should do this," she says; Merlin has a horrid suspicion he knows exactly what she means, and it hurts just as much as the lack of recognition on her face.
"Do what?"
"This," she says again, gesturing to the pile of wedding brochures on the side by the microwave, the crumbs from five different cakes still on a plate at her elbow, the list of approved locations from her father. "The wedding."
It's Merlin's turn to blink, because thinking he knows what she means doesn't make it any bloody easier to actually hear her say it. "You're leaving me?" He asks, sounding utterly pathetic even to his own ears, but at least it's better than begging (he's sure that'll come later, though). "I thought…I love you."
Morgana looks at him with the same blazing intensity she offered to the blank wall in their kitchen just minutes ago, except now it's like he's the only thing she can see, absolute and eternal. Like he's the only thing she'll ever be able to see, and in this moment where his heart is breaking more than a little bit, Merlin thinks he loves her more than ever.
"Oh, Merlin," she says, reaching out and wrapping her hand around his. "Merlin, I love you, too, but…Is this wedding really what you want?"
"I don't understand."
"Well," she says, "You've not really been an active part of the planning, have you? You've said you're fine with every single thing I've suggested, and you haven't had anything to suggest for yourself." She sighs, not smiling, not even close to it, even though in any other set of circumstances Merlin would think her next words a joke. "A girl could be forgiven for thinking you weren't really all that interested."
"No!" Merlin says, before she can go any further. "No, 'Gana, you must know that's not true. I want to marry you, it just doesn't matter to me what the ceremony is like." He falters, letting his words drain away; it's entirely possible that saying the only part of the ceremony he really cares about is that Arthur be there won't quite sound how he wants it to, and even if, once, a long time ago, he might have meant it that way, even if Morgana knows he might once have meant it that way, they do not talk about it, and it is in the past.
"I thought you'd prefer it this way," Merlin says instead, because he loves Morgana, he does, and he cannot say anything that might make her doubt that. "I thought...most women would complain when their fiancé tries to involve himself in their wedding plans."
"Well, you're not marrying most women!" She snaps. "You're marrying me." She glares at him, not furious (he's seen Morgana furious, and it's far, far more terrifying than this) but definitely not happy. Merlin doesn't know how to defuse her, though, knows no way to calm Morgana down without making her explode entirely.
"I know," he says, as sincerely as he can. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Oh, Merlin," she says again, and the silence that follows seems to last forever. Eventually, she seems to shake herself, and with that her intensity is gone, or at least back to a more normal level (for her, at any rate). "Since you asked my father if you could marry me, I've looked at fifteen different venues, tried my weight in cake samples, spent hour after hour trying to battle him into not making me wear a white dress because I look terrible in white and everyone knows I'm not a virgin so the symbolism is utterly pointless, and I can't fucking do it anymore. I can't have the kind of wedding he wants us to, and-"
She inhales, deep and devastating, and Merlin doesn't want to think he had any idea what he thought the next words out of her mouth were going to be, but what she actually says is one hell of a surprise. "I think we should elope."
X
From then on, the planning is a little more straightforward and, Merlin thinks with no small amount of guilt, shared.
It's still not quick, and it's probably not what most people would consider eloping to be: there's still a date, and a guest list, and a venue to choose, but it's nothing, not when they compare it to what Uther was planning for them.
"So," Morgana says over dinner, the day after they make their decision. "Who do we want as witnesses?"
"Well, Arthur's my best man," Merlin answers, then swallows and apologises when she grimaces. "And Gwen is your head bridesmaid, right?"
"Right," Morgana agrees. "That's that, then. When?"
Merlin thinks on this for a moment, then realises what the finality of her words means. "Hang on, that's that as in we'll think of other people later or that's that like that's everyone, only two guests for Merlin and Morgana?"
Morgana laughs, almost glittering, and it's like she's a whole different person to the woman he argued with last night; not for the first time, Merlin wonders if she's maybe a little bit bipolar, or perhaps just plain crazy. "We agreed to elope, Merlin. That hardly lends itself to a long guest list."
"True," Merlin concedes, though he's always known making a concession to Morgana isn't necessarily healthy. It's healthier than getting married without his mother present, though, and Merlin would quite like to live to a ripe old age; the more of Morgana's plans he lets slide, the more of his own stipulations he'll be able to get through (or try, at least). "But my mum will murder us both if I get married without her there."
Morgana doesn't laugh this time, even though she looks a little amused. "And Uther will kill the pair of us and Hunith, too, if she's invited and he isn't."
"So that's another two on the guest list, then."
"No."
"No?"
"You've known my father for years, Merlin," Morgana says, in what is very definitely her I'm patronising you by explaining tone (yet another thing she and Arthur have in common). "You know what he's like. If we invite him, he'll just take over, and we'll be right back to where we were yesterday."
Merlin accepts her point, even if he can't agree with the conclusion she's drawing from it; he can't imagine their wedding without his mother there, and if that means Uther has to be invited too, that's just how it is. "So we don't tell him, then."
Morgana frowns, which makes Merlin feel a little bit less sure of his genius idea. "I don't think I follow," she says slowly. "Are we inviting him or not?"
"We are," he says. "Just, you know, not to our wedding."
"I still don't follow," she says, confused, and Merlin probably shouldn't feel so good about being the one well and truly on top of the conversation, but he does; talking to either of the Pendragon twins so often leaves him flummoxed, and for once it's nice to be the one who knows what's going on.
"Let him carry on planning things," he says, deliberately trying to sound like he's stating the obvious, even as he knows it's mean to do so. "Try keep him from spending too much, but then it's not like you couldn't beat fifty pound notes out of him like some sort of creepy piñata, so it hardly matters if he goes overboard. Then, when it gets to not long before the date, invite him for dinner, tell him to dress smartly, and bam! Surprise wedding. We get the day we want, he still gets invited to the wedding, and everyone is happy."
"Uther is never happy," Morgana points out, but she's smiling again, so he thinks this plan is maybe a go. "So, I ask again, when?"
Merlin isn't entirely sure how one idea has changed him into the man with all the answers, but he's willing to go with it for now. "Maybe we sort out the where first, then work based on when it's available?"
"Maybe," Morgana agrees, then carries on eating, neither of them mentioning the fact that this is a more concrete plan than anything they managed in the previous three months they've been engaged. "I'm still not wearing white, though."
Merlin grins, waggling his eyebrows in his best impression of Gwaine. "I'd never ask you to, love," he says. "Virginity is overrated, anyway."
X
From then on, the planning is simple, and Morgana does her best not to let her second thoughts win.