A/N: I think we're getting close to the end now. One chapter left, maybe two? Depends how it goes, we'll see. The format of this one is a little different, a little more introspective and one-sided. Should be back to the normal format next chapter.
The next afternoon, Abby hopped on a train from Galway to Killarney and rented a car upon her arrival. Driving on the opposite side of the road was definitely a challenge at first, but after some practice she was reasonably confident she could manage it. Killarney had a beautiful, old-fashioned aesthetic and small-town charm, but she would explore that later. Right now, she needed to keep moving. She spent one night in a cute, boutique hotel, and was back on the road the next morning, armed only with a map of the Ring of Kerry. She could have taken a coach tour and done the whole loop in one day, but she wanted to do the scenic drive herself and be free to take her time exploring.
She was thinking she might make a 2 or 3-day mini trip out of the drive, but had decided she wasn't going to plan anything; she hadn't chosen a place to stop or charted an approximate timeline, she was just going to find a hotel wherever and whenever she needed one. In the interest of safety, she decided to take the counter-clockwise route that the buses usually take. That way she wouldn't have to pass a bus on the narrow roads, and if something happened, it would only be a matter of time before another bus came by.
At the beginning she was still feeling a little anxious about the driving situation, but by the time she had worked through the first few stops, her worries were easing and she was confident she could pull this off. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking; it seemed like there was a viewpoint she wanted to stop and see almost every 10 minutes. There were mountains, cliffs, and wide open spaces as far as the eye could see. She stopped at the Kerry Woollen Mills and treated herself to a super-soft, emerald green sweater. It wasn't a colour she would normally choose, but she wanted try something different and it reminded her of the vibrant landscape outside.
As she drew closer to the coast, beaches and stunning waterfronts entered the landscape as well. When she reached Glenbeigh, she stopped for a coffee break and on the advice of a local woman, she took a small detour from the Ring route to stop at Rossbeigh beach. It was a cool and windy day, so there weren't many people out there, but she didn't mind. She walked a little ways and then sat down on the sand, looking out over the water for a while. Across the waves she could see the hills of another part of the country, but when she looked to the side, the water just seemed to stretch into eternity. Nothing makes you feel quite as small as looking out at the seemingly endless ocean.
She took some time there to think about her life. How had she ended up here? What was she going to do differently from now on? She definitely needed to make some changes. First, she needed to make herself a bigger priority. What that would entail, she wasn't sure, but she needed something that was hers. Something she did just for herself, because it made her happy. She loved her job, but she needed a way to decompress too. And she had already decided she needed to have some friends again. With her mother gone, Buck and a long-distance phone call to her brother were the extent of her support system. Buck. Her heart ached a little just thinking about him. God, how she missed him. She hadn't anticipated how hard it would be, not having him around. They really hadn't been together all that long, but she had already come to rely on him as her rock. Was that bad? Shouldn't she be strong enough to stand on her own two feet?
Done with her coffee, she decided to get back on the road. She didn't stop again until she reached Cahirciveen, where she took a break to visit the stone forts. Another chatty sightseer suggested she venture off the main drag to visit Portmagee and Valentia Island; apparently there was a mountain you could hike for a picturesque view. Getting out of the car and stretching her legs a bit sounded like a good idea, so she decided to act on the recommendation.
After lunch in Portmagee and then took the bridge to Geokaun Mountain. Wanting to be ambitious but practical, she chose the second of 3 parking options at varying heights on the mountain. About half way through the hike, she was starting to think she should have continued on to the third. The climb was quite steep in places and she hadn't exactly worn the best shoes for this activity. But she forged on nevertheless, determined to make it to the summit. She would prove to herself that she could still tough it out.
When she finally reached the top, she was exhausted and out of breath, but damn was the view ever worth it. 360 degrees of spectacular scenery surrounded her and seemingly stretched on forever. She took a few photos with her phone and then settled on a bench for a rest before the journey back down to her car. But as she sat, staring out at the sheer cliffs and deep blue water, she was suddenly struck by the sobering feeling that she had never been more alone in her life. Here she was, ostensibly on top of the world, and yet the expansive landscape seemed only to highlight how isolated she had become.
By the time she made it back to her car, she had all but lost her vigor to continue the drive. It was getting late in the day but she didn't feel like staying in Portmagee, so she got directions back to the main road and carried on until she arrived in Waterville. It didn't take long to find a hotel with vacancy. She lay on the bed in her room for a while, trying to summon the energy to go find somewhere to eat. She wasn't really hungry though. In fact, she wasn't really anything. She just felt kind of numb, almost like she was in shock, except nothing had happened. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to go anywhere. She didn't want to do this anymore, whatever this was. Coming here was supposed to make her feel more like herself again, and right now she didn't feel like herself at all.
With a deep breath, she made a snap decision and grabbed her phone. She couldn't keep this up and she couldn't keep lying. It was time to come clean.