2 weeks later, the gang and I were at another party to celebrate the swim team's victory as they won regionals. In their last race, we were behind, but once we got to the final leg, – which Santana swam – the Titans were able to pull ahead and claim victory. I was so proud of San. In fact, I think I was the loudest person in the crowd, cheering for her at the top of my lungs. I'm surprised that I wasn't escorted out of the gym by security.
Anyways…
While at the party, it was nice to just chill with my peeps without having to divide my attention between them and Kelly. I invited her to the party as well, but she wouldn't be arriving until a little later. Everyone at the party was crowding Santana so much that I barely got to talk to her. I mean, I get it… she was the hero at the swim meet so naturally, everyone is gonna want to talk to her. There was this one chick though that appeared to be getting a little too friendly with her.
Before I got a chance to find out who this girl was, Kelly showed up. Seriously… she has like the worst timing.
So… now I'm standing on the other side of the room from my friends, listening to Kelly rant about one of her dumb jock friends. Technically, I'm only half-listening and throwing in a 'yeah' or an 'oh really' to give the illusion that I'm actually paying attention. It's not that I don't care; it's just that she talks so badly about these so-called friends of hers that it makes me sad. I mean, why would someone want to be friends with someone that constantly talks shit about them behind their back?
Another reason why I'm not really invested in whatever it is that Kelly's saying is because I can't seem to take my eyes off of Santana. She's been talking to the same girl for like 20 minutes and I can't stand it. The girl isn't ugly either… much to my dismay. She's around San's height with blonde hair and hazel eyes. She's got a cute babydoll dress on, accentuated with a matching cardigan.
The more I watch the interaction between the 2 of them, the more I feel like the girl is flirting with Santana. And San isn't exactly stopping her. The more I see the girl lightly brush Santana's arm as she laughs at something my best friend said, the more infuriated I become. Even though this girl is gorgeous, I wouldn't care less about who she was flirting with if the object of her current attention wasn't directed towards Santana.
And for some reason, I had to make it stop… NOW!
As Kelly was in the middle of another one of her asinine stories, I abruptly left and headed straight towards my Latina sidekick.
"Hey, can I borrow you for a sec?" I quickly state as I grab Santana's arm and drag her away from the gorgeous blonde.
"Britt… what the hell, dude?" Santana says as she pulls her arm out of my hold.
"Who was that?" I question, completely ignoring her statement.
"You mean Quinn… the girl I was having a pleasant conversation with until you rudely interrupted?" she rhetorically states. "What the hell has gotten into you?"
I open my mouth to respond to her very reasonable question, but then I suddenly realize that I don't know what to say. I spent so much time staring at the pair and making myself upset that I didn't comprehend how irrational my behavior was. Instead of taking my time and thinking of something logical to say, I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.
"Why are you flirting with that girl?!" I interrogate her. "You're not even gay!"
A look of confusion graces her features… at first. That only lasts for a few seconds before a look of complete irritation appears.
"Regardless if Quinn was hitting on me or not, how does that concern you?" Santana asks annoyed.
"I just don't wanna see you lead some poor girl on…" I manage to sound half-convincing.
"Who says I'm leading her on, hmm? What if I actually like her?" Santana challenges.
"Wait… what?!" I yell out, completely shocked by her words. "Are you freaking kidding me right now?"
"Why does it matter, Brittany? I mean seriously… why do you suddenly care so much about who's talking to me?"
"Because I…" I start to say but stop.
Why did I suddenly care so much?
Maybe because it was such a surprise to see Santana flirting with someone? Maybe because I wanted to be in Quinn's position? Maybe because I felt that if San was ever gonna be with a girl, it would be me?
I mean, isn't that one of the best friend privileges? Seriously… shouldn't I get first dibs?
"Seriously, Britt... you're acting like a jealous girlfriend," Santana states, effectively breaking me from my thoughts. "And the last time I checked... you weren't."
As those last few words left Santana's mouth, she looked so deflated and discouraged. She looked like there was more that she wanted to say, but didn't on my behalf. It's only now that I realize how crazy I'm being. San was right... she wasn't my girlfriend, therefore, there's no reasonable explanation to explain my behavior.
"I... I should go," I finally say after a long pause, not daring to look into her eyes.
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Santana replies, "especially since your girlfriend has been staring daggers at me since you stormed over here."
I finally look up and meet Santana's eyes as my brain catches up with what she just said. This whole time that I've been irrationally grilling San about her flirting with that Quinn girl, I completely forgot about Kelly and how I just left her in the middle of our one-sided conversation.
"Fuck..." I say under my breath as my eyes widen at the realization.
I slightly tilt my head to the side to catch Kelly's profile in my peripherals and boy... she does not look happy.
"I should go," I repeat myself. "I'll... I'll call you tomorrow?" I cautiously ask.
"Okay," she replies with a shrug.
I then turn around and walk away from her. As I get closer to Kelly, I turn my head to catch one last glance at Santana. As I look back, I see San with a confused look on her face as she stares at the ground. Her facial expression reflects the same amount of confusion that I was currently experiencing inside my head.
Once I make it back to Kelly, I grab her hand and ask her to take me home before she has a chance to question me about what had taken place moments ago. She complies and follows me outside as we get into her car and drive away.
"What was that all about," Quinn says as she walks over to the spot where Santana seems to be planted in.
"I have no idea."
The drive back to my house was silent... thank God. I think Kelly knew that I didn't really want to talk about what happened so she didn't pry. I'm grateful that she didn't because honestly, I'm not really sure what happened back there.
Whatever it was, I didn't like it.
In the 10 years that I've known Santana, we've never had a fight. Okay... fight might be too strong of a word; argument may be a better term. Anyways, it was weird to argue with my best friend, especially over something so childish and silly. San has the right to flirt with whomever she wants to.
Who am I to tell her any differently?
Once we get back to my house, I fear that the conversation I've been avoiding for the past 30 minutes is about to happen. As Kelly and I just sit on the couch in the darkness of my living room, I'm kinda relieved when she leans in to kiss me. If her lips are distracted by being pressed up against mine, then she can't possibly ask me any questions that I don't really want to answer.
That was my logic at least.
After a few minutes of heavily making out, Kelly's hands began to wander a little more than usual. As one of her hands begin to roughly grope my breast, the other slowly travels down my torso until it's resting at the top of my jeans. I then feel her hand begin to toy with the button on my jeans so I hug her body more tightly, in order to trap her hand and prevent it from going any further. This works only briefly as she uses her body weight to lay me down on the couch with her on top of me.
As we continue to make out, I feel her kisses becoming rougher and seemingly desperate. It's not really romantic - by any means - but I try to work through it because at least she's stopped her mission from trying to get her hand inside my pants for the moment. As Kelly continues to kiss me sloppily, I try to think about something else... something that makes me happy.
And just like that, Santana pops into my head.
I think about all of the fun times we used to have together before Kelly came into the picture. I think about how she always made me laugh so effortlessly. I think about her eyes and how easily I sometimes get lost in them. I think about her smile and how adorable her dimple is when it's on full display. I think about her soft lips and wonder how they would feel against mine. Mmm...
Wait… what?!
Did I just have some non-friendly thoughts about Santana... my best friend?
Shit!
I think I may have let out an unintentional moan because now Kelly's hands have started to wander again and she's slobbering all over my neck. This is all just too much for me. Something just doesn't feel right.
As Kelly starts to fiddle with the button of my jeans again, I place my hand on top of hers.
"Kelly..." I whisper out, trying to gain her attention.
"C'mon baby... let me take care of you," Kelly replies seductively as she continues trying to unbutton my pants.
"Kelly..." I say again, louder than before.
Again, she ignores me and finally undoes my button. Just as she's about to slip her hand inside my pants, I grab it and hold her hand still.
"Kelly, stop!" I yell this time, finally getting her attention.
"Jesus!" Kelly exclaims as she sits up. "What's the problem?"
"I'm just not ready..." I respond as I fasten my pants together.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Kelly shouts in frustration. "We've been going out for like 5 months and you've barely let me graze second base. What is the deal?"
"I told you, I'm just not ready yet!" I say back a little louder than expected.
I didn't mean to yell, but I was starting to get a little frustrated myself. I didn't feel like I needed to justify the reason why I wasn't ready to further our physical relationship. Since I've never been in a relationship before, I wasn't sure exactly when I would be ready to take that step or if Kelly was even the girl I wanted to take that step with.
Given that revelation, it made me reconsider some things about our current situation.
Was Kelly really the right girl for me?
I mean, we're not really that compatible if you look at it in the grand scheme of things. Maybe I was just biding my time with her until someone better came along. Maybe that person I was looking for was already in my life but I've been too preoccupied with her to notice.
"I bet this wouldn't be an issue if I was Santana..." I hear Kelly mumble under her breath.
"Excuse me?" I retort. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what that means," she angrily replies.
"Santana and I are just friends," I respond back.
"Bull fucking shit!" Kelly yells. "It was so pathetic how jealous you were over her talking to that chick tonight."
"I wasn't jealous," I try to counter, but not very convincingly.
"Keep telling yourself that, Britt-Britt," she states condescendingly, knowing that San is the only one that calls me that. "I'm so fucking tired of both of you trying to act like you don't have a thing for each other. It's so painfully obvious that it's sickening," she continues as she stands up from the couch. "Honestly, if I knew you were gonna be this much of a prude, I wouldn't have wasted so much time on you..."
I have a feeling that I know what she's implying, but I really just want to hear the words from her lips so that I can further solidify what I obviously failed to realize over the past few months of our relationship.
"What exactly are you saying here, Kelly?" I question. "I mean, I have a pretty good idea, but I want you to spell it out for me... like I'm stupid."
"Brittany... I'm the hottest girl at my school; girls hit on me on a daily basis, especially since I've been "off the market" so to speak." Kelly casually states. "I have like a dozen girls' numbers in my phone that I could call right now and would be begging me to fuck them within minutes."
"Well then, I suggest you go call one of your hoes then..." I state firmly as I point down towards my most intimate area, "cuz the muffin shop is closed!"
"Wow... I can't believe that you would pick that four-eyed little immigrant over this hot piece of ass," she says cockily.
Up until this point, I've been very cool, calm, and collected as my girlfriend - excuse me, ex-girlfriend - basically called me frigid and practically just admitted to being unfaithful to me.
Boy, I sure know how to pick 'em.
Anyways, despite all of that and how disgusted I was with this girl in front of me, nothing she said really affected me until she started talking shit about Santana.
"You can say all of the negative shit about me that you want, but you will not talk about my best friend like that," I say as calmly as possible. "Get your shit and get the fuck out of my house," I continue as I shove her purse and shoes into her chest.
"You were just a waste of time anyways," she says as opens the front door and takes a step outside.
"You know what, Kelly..." I say aloud, gaining her attention again, "if you were half the girl that Santana is, you probably would've gotten into my pants already."
Before she has a chance to respond, I slam the door in her face. I then take a seat back on the couch and lean my head back as I think about everything that happened within the past few hours. I need to apologize to Santana, but first I have to figure out what I'm gonna say to her.
Holy cow... when did my life become so complicated?
The next day, I woke up feeling relieved... like a weight had been suddenly lifted off my shoulder. No longer having to worry about Kelly just made me feel 100 times better. Luckily for me, since we don't go to the same school, I don't have to worry about running into her in the hallways.
After last night and taking into consideration how Kelly tried to pressure me to have sex with her - and then subsequently telling me about all the hoes she's got on speed dial - I finally realized how cancerous she was to my life. I guess I couldn't see it before because I was too caught up in the idea of having a girlfriend.
I definitely learned a valuable lesson.
As I take a shower and get dressed, I head next door to Santana's house. Tonight is our weekly movie night, something that I've missed a lot over the past months... because of her. Anyways, I go over to San's a little earlier than usual, hoping that we can talk before the rest of the gang arrives.
As I let myself in with the key I was given many years ago, I make my way upstairs and towards her bedroom. Before I knock on her door and make my presence known, I stand back and listen to her strum on her guitar.
"I wish you look at me that way; your beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine," she softly sings. "Tellin' me more than any words could say, but you don't even know I'm alive..."
I love Santana's voice so much. It's a shame that she hides it away from the rest of the world though. She usually only sings duets with the others in our group, but never solos. Well... occasionally she'll sing to me so I guess I'm kind of the exception. Sometimes I don't think she realizes how special she makes me feel without even trying.
"Baby to you, all I am... is the invisible man..."
I briefly get lost in the lyrics from the song, accompanied by Santana's raspy voice. I wonder why she was singing that particular song.
"Britt?" Santana says as she opens her door up further. "What are you doing here?"
"I hope you don't mind that I let myself in," I respond, hoping she doesn't kick me out.
I've never seen her mad before like she was last night, but I would completely understand if she didn't want to talk to me right now.
"No, that's fine. I just didn't think I'd be seeing you today... thought you'd be with Kelly," she mumbles out while adjusting her glasses. She's nervous or anxious about something... that's her tell.
"Nah, I had something more important to do," I start off. "I'm sorry for being a complete nutcase last night... I don't know what got into me."
"Yeah... nutcase might be an understatement," she responds playfully, letting me know that we're okay. "But seriously, Britt... what was that last night?"
"I don't know. Maybe just seeing you having so much fun with someone else made me feel like I had been replaced or something," I reply back carefully. There's some truth to my statement.
"So, that's it... you weren't like jealous or something?" Santana says with an unreadable expression on her face.
Shit... the cat's out of the bag.
Quick, say something remotely believable.
"Jealous? No... why would I be jealous?" I retort in an incredulous manner.
I mean, seriously... why would I be jealous?
San and I are just friends, nothing more. So what, I got a little crazy when she was talking to that girl last night. So what, I was thinking about her while my former girlfriend tried to "get me in the mood". That didn't mean that I was jealous. I think I just kept thinking about Santana so much is because I missed spending time with her.
Yeah, that sounds believable.
"Maybe someone slipped something into my drink last night," I joke around.
"Yeah, maybe..." Santana says with a sad smile that doesn't meet her eyes. She almost looks a little disappointed. "Well, I'm glad that we've solved that mystery. Besides, if you were jealous, it would have been for nothing."
"What do you mean?" I question, feeling intrigued by her last statement.
"Quinn wasn't flirting with me..." Santana replies.
"Are you sure cuz she was like all up in your grill for a good 10 minutes or so," I say back.
"Yes, I'm sure," she replies confidently. "Quinn's on the Mathletes team for Carmel... that's how I know her. We haven't seen each other in a while so she was kinda excited when she ran into me at the party," Santana explains. "Plus... she likes Rachel."
"Oh..." is really all I can say cuz now I feel like a complete jackass for acting the way I did.
This girl that I was sure that was hitting on my best friend was actually just catching up and probably trying to get information from San about Rachel. I have never felt dumber in my life... well, except for the whole Kelly debacle.
"So, she was asking you about Rachel... didn't see that coming," I finally state. "How does Rach feel about her?"
Seriously... is everybody gay now?
"I'm pretty sure she has a crush on her too, just judging by the way her face lights up whenever Quinn's name is mentioned," Santana dreamily replies before busting out in laughter. "I invited her over so that they could hang out in a group environment. Who knows... by the end of movie night, maybe one of them will man up and ask the other out."
"Yeah, I guess we'll see," I reply back. "Hey San... can I ask you something?"
"Sure, B... you can ask me anything," she says back.
"Do you like girls?" I cautiously ask.
She takes a few seconds to ponder over her answer before finally responding.
"Honestly, I've never given it much thought one way or the other," she begins. "I think when I find the person that I want to be with, I'll just know and hopefully won't be too much of a coward not to do anything about it."
As the words leave Santana's mouth, she's looking at me with an intensity that I've never witnessed before. It's almost as if she's trying to tell me something more with her eyes but I can't quite figure it out.
The longer she states into my eyes, the harder it is for me to look away and not be drawn closer to her. As I try to look at something else - anything else - my eyes flicker down to her luscious lips. That was definitely a mistake cuz now all I can think about is removing the space between us and attaching her lips to mine. As my body starts to lean in, I see Santana lick her lips but she remains rooted in her spot.
Is this really about to happen?
Am I about to cross that line and kiss my best friend?
Before I have a chance to contemplate further, the sound of the front door opening and closing breaks me away from this trance-like state I was in
"Specs, we're here!" I hear Mercedes' voice echo from downstairs.
Santana and I both take a step away from each as our little group files in, one by one.
"I guess it's time to start..." Santana says breathlessly.
"Yeah, I guess so..." I reply in the same manner.
"Britt, you're here!" Sam exclaims as he lifts me up into the air and begins to swing us back and forth.
"Sammy... gonna... hurl..."
"Oh, sorry..." Sam says as he puts me back onto the ground. "I'm just so excited that you're here."
"Yeah, Britt... we thought you'd be hanging with Kelly today," Mercedes chimes in.
"Yeah... about that..." I begin, not really sure on how I should break the news to the group. "Actually, I want to ask you guys something. In your total honest opinion, what do you guys think about Kelly?"
No one answers me right away or tries to make eye contact. All I see are a bunch of teens scratching their heads and mumbling incoherent words.
"C'mon guys, I'm being dead serious," I try to explain, hoping that might coax out some answers. "I promise I won't get mad, I just really wanna know what y'all think."
"I don't like the bitch," Mercedes states in a simple, nonchalant manner. "There, I said it."
"Okay, who's next?"
"She's okay... just not really who I would picture you with," Mike says as Sam and Tina nod their head in agreement.
"Kelly seems to be a little too full of herself with her good looks and flexibility, but I don't think that makes her a bad person or anything," Rachel says in her normal speed talk voice that we sometimes wish we had subtitles for.
"This coming from the girl that never shuts up about how she's going to be the next Broadway star..." Mercedes cuts in, making the rest of us laugh.
"Hey, you guys knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to be my friend," Rachel retorts.
"She does have a point there," I reply, smiling back at Rachel. "So, what about you San?"
"She's fine," she states as she looks away from me and shrugs her shoulders.
"San, c'mon... I know there's been some tension between you guys for a while now," I say back. "Please, just tell me."
Santana looks around the room at our other friends - seemingly for confirmation - before she responds.
"Fine... if you really wanna know what I think, I'll tell you," she starts off. Once I give her a head nod she continues. "Kelly is self-centered, obnoxious, and way too cocky for my taste. I don't trust her. And I definitely don't think she deserves to call someone as awesome, sweet, funny, and beautiful as you her girlfriend."
Well fuck me running.
As Santana stares at her carpeted floor and fiddles with her glasses, I glance around the room to see an array of stunned faces and wide eyes. I did ask for brutal honesty. I already figured that Santana didn't care much for Kelly, but I never knew to what extent. I also didn't know that San thought so highly of me. It was very sweet and refreshing to hear.
"Well then..." I state slowly as Santana slightly lifts up her head to meet my eyes, "I guess it's a good thing that I broke up with her..."
"Y-you did?" Santana stumbles out. As I nod in confirmation, she continues. "When? Why?"
"Yeah, Britt... I thought things were going well between you two," Rachel states.
"It happened last night after the party," I begin to answer. "She just wasn't who I thought she was..."
I leave my response vague because I didn't really want to go into great detail. I didn't want to have to explain that the girl I called my girlfriend for the past 5 months was really only dating me because I was attractive and because she wanted to get into my pants. That just makes me seem lame and pathetic. I know my friends wouldn't think that, but it's still a lot to process in less than 24 hours.
"Are you okay?" Santana sincerely asks as she grabs my hand.
"Yeah, I'm good... I think it was a long time coming." I lightly squeeze her hand to reassure her that I really am alright. "Okay, now that we've got sad and lazy part out of the way, let's get to the movies."
As everyone begins to settle in, there's a light knock on the door.
"Hello?" I hear a soft voice whisper into the room.
"Oh, hey you... come on in," Santana greets as the girl enters the room. "You guys remember Quinn…"
"Yeah, from the party..." Sam states. "Glad you could make it."
"Thanks for the invite," she says as gives Santana a quick side hug.
The sight of this does not make me happy, even though Santana already told me that Quinn likes Rachel. I'm so consumed by Kelly's words from the previous night that I don't even register Quinn taking a seat next to Rachel and the two of them exchanging bashful smiles. For the life of me, I can't seem to take my eyes off of Santana.
Hmm... maybe I am jealous.
Well, fuck...
Author's Note:
Hey guys, here's the next installment. Brittany sure is swimming in some deep denial, huh? Anyways, hopefully you guys enjoyed it. I'm gonna be take a short break from this story cuz I really need to finish Recipe for Disaster and You and Me. Hopefully this will occupy you for now. Thanks again for reading
-Kris
Songs Used:
Invisible Man by 98 degrees
Disclaimer: Nope… still don't own anything.