A/N: So, this took a weird somewhat angsty twist at the beginning that I wasn't planning lol. Honestly not sure where it came from, just wanted to write some introspection and that's what showed up. And then that messed up how I was going to break up this part of the story, so now the intended content of this chapter is split over two. That's what caused the delay in updating. On the plus side, the next chapter is almost done lol.

They spent the morning just strolling along the river and window-shopping in the nearby stores, and again she was struck by the contrast of her time alone compared to having Buck here. When she had been walking through the cities alone to pass the time, it left her feeling bored and unfulfilled, but with her hand in his, it felt relaxing and lighthearted. She had been in love before, but it was never quite like this. There was something different that she couldn't name or put her finger on, and she wasn't sure what that meant.

Over the past few days, she had come to realize that the root of her indecision about staying or going home was her own insecurity. It wasn't about staying or going at all: it was about her fear of what might happen between her and Buck. She was afraid of allowing herself to rely on him. If she did, and he left, it would be so much harder to move on. That was the real reason she was struggling with the idea of not sticking it out alone. It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She believed him when he said he was in it for the long haul. The problem was that she had heard it all before, and when the going got tough she had ended up alone. Buck wasn't Tommy, and intellectually she knew that – hell, he had shown her that, and had truly done everything right to prove it to her – but fear doesn't always listen to reason.

The bottom line was the loss she felt without her mother was immense, and she was terrified of having someone else be that integral to her life. She loved her brother of course, and would be devastated if anything happened to him, but the pain of suddenly facing life without someone that was a huge part of your every day was overwhelming. In fact, that was the second reason she was hesitant to go home; she couldn't imagine walking back into that apartment and just carrying on with her life there. Every time she walked through that room, it would hurt. And she didn't want to have that happen every time she woke up alone if somewhere down the line, she lost Buck.

Basically, what she had to decide for herself was: would she rather be miserable now, put a strain on their relationship for who knows how long, but potentially prove to herself that she could survive a major loss alone, or would she rather seize the happiness they have now, let him help her, and accept that there's a chance she could be setting herself up for a much greater fall? Both options were daunting in their own way. She was trying to keep her worry at bay and not let it put a damper on their time together, but she knew she was running out of time if she wanted to have a decision before he left. The moment of panic last night when she thought he might have a ring was a stark reminder of that. She needed to get her head straight about this, and pronto.

After stopping at a café for lunch, they headed to the station to catch the train to Dublin. Abby had called ahead to reserve a room at the same hotel as before so she would know how to get to the pub and it wouldn't be too far to walk. They still had some time to kill, so she took Buck to see some of the nearby attractions and then they went back to the hotel for dinner. They could have eaten at the pub, but she wanted to get spruced up a bit. Maybe it was a little silly or old-fashioned, but she liked to step up her game when they had an evening out. Truth be told, she wasn't used to having much time to put into her appearance outside of special occasions so she tried to take advantage of them. She supposed she could change that now; go back to doing her hair for work, wearing a little makeup – she was never too big on that, but used to do the basics – hell, she could even go shopping. She actually couldn't remember the last time she went to a mall just to browse and buy for herself.

She decided to take advantage of a cute, casual dress she had packed on a whim and put some waves in her hair. A little mascara, bit of eye shadow, and some lipstick, and she was ready to go. Buck had already changed and was waiting when she left the bathroom.

"Damn," he said, walking over and looping his arms around her waist, "you sure you want to go out tonight?"

"Yes, and that took longer than I thought, so we need to get going."

"Okay, okay. Lead the way."

Once they entered the pub, Abby took a look around and immediately spotted Cait waving them over. She introduced Buck to everyone, and then took the seat next to Cait while he went to get drinks for the two of them.

"Oh. My. God." Cait said with a pointed look.

"I know. I'm a very lucky girl."

"I'll say!" Shannon added from the other side of Cait. "Any chance he has a twin?"

Abby laughed, "no, sorry."

"Damn."

As the night wore on, there were many drinks and even more laughs. After a while, a live band started up and the place really came alive. Abby and Buck didn't know most of the songs, but it was still a lot of fun. Eventually some patrons cleared the empty tables aside to form a little dance floor in front of the band. Connor and Alanna were one of the first couples out there, and it wasn't too long after that Buck turned to her.

"Want to dance?"

She hesitated. She wasn't really a big dancer, and she wasn't quite drunk enough yet to completely throw caution to the wind.

"I'm not exactly the best dancer."

Just then, the music changed.

"There," Buck said happily, "now it's a slow song. Everyone can slow dance."

"Okay fine, but just one!"

She reluctantly allowed him to lead her onto the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I've been dying to kiss you all night," he murmured in her ear as they swayed gently to the music.

"Why don't you then?"

She didn't have to ask him twice. He hungrily claimed her lips and she willingly surrendered. His hands slid lower on her ass and pulled her flush up against him. Her lips parted in a gasp of surprise, and he seized the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. From there it quickly evolved from dancing to essentially groping. She decided she must be more drunk than she realized, because this was far more PDA than she would normally engage in, but for some reason she wasn't particularly inclined to stop it. By the time the song ended, she was flushed and breathing hard.

Seeking to restore some composure, she headed to the ladies room to put some cold water on her face.

"I'll be right back," she said, quickly kissing him one more time before they parted.