Angry. Confused. Unaware.
You could pretty much take those words - and any other related synonyms - to sum up the surplus of emotions I'm currently experiencing.
Today started out with such promise too.
I aced my Calculus exam, had a decent lunch served by the cafeteria staff (and by decent, I mean that I didn't have to barf it up or make an emergency trip to the restroom afterwards), and Glee wasn't terribly unbearable without my other half.
To cap off the rest of my evening, all I wanted to do was spend a little quality time with Brittany before she had to go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day for her so being the responsible girlfriend that I am, I wanted to make sure that my baby got a solid 8 hours of sleep so that she could perform at her best during the tournament.
A few uninterrupted hours with Britt... that's all I wanted. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently... the answer is yes.
Since nothing in my life has ever been simple or easy, especially within the past couple of years, it made perfect sense that today - out of all days - a random stranger decides to pop up and drop the biggest bombshell of my life in the middle of my girlfriend's driveway.
I'd rather have a belly full of white dog shit (well... not really; I just recently watched Stepbrothers and that part of the movie always makes me chuckle).
Anyways... where was I?
... ... ...
Oh yeah, I remember now.
So after the initial 'did he just say what I think he just said' phase wore off, I just stood there, rooted to my spot, completely dumbfounded. It felt like hours had passed; like time just suddenly stopped. In actuality, it was only about 30 seconds before Britt suggested that we go inside to discuss this situation presented before us further.
Once we got inside of the Pierce residence, the three of us gathered around the dining room table where more awkward silence ensued. I just couldn't wrap my head around all of this. Was this guy telling the truth or was he just some type of scam artist? And if the latter was the case, what would he hope to gain by pretending to be my mother's long lost son that was adopted at birth? Of course financial gain is the number one thought that popped into my mind, but he would have to find the elusive Dr. Lopez first.
Good luck with that.
Its times like these when I wished I was old enough to go down to the local watering hole and buy myself a stiff drink. That always seems to help the main character in the movies whenever they find themselves in a pickle.
Hmm... now that I think about it, usually alcohol consumption is what causes the main character to dig themselves into an even deeper hole because they end up saying something that they later regret or they end up hooking up with someone they probably shouldn't have.
Geez Santana!
I serious need to pull my head out of my ass and start thinking like the genius that I am.
As I look back up at this Noah guy, I again try to subtly study his facial features, looking for any resemblances between us or my (our?) mother.
I just don't know anything anymore.
As I continue my deep contemplation, I notice Brittany get up from the table and head into the kitchen. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting across the table from this complete stranger that looks just as surprised and perplexed as I feel.
"Sweetie, what's going on in there?" Mrs. Pierce muses as she points towards the two young adults sitting in the other room. "And who's the stud?"
Brittany scrunches up her face at her mother's comment. "Mom! That's totally gross... and so inappropriate. You're a married lady!"
"What? I may be older than you kids, but I'm not dead Britt," Susan states as if her answer should have been obvious to her eldest daughter. "Just because you're into the ladies doesn't mean you can't appreciate a fine-looking specimen. Even your father couldn't argue with that." She further explains. "There's no harm in just looking and appreciating from afar."
"First of all: who are you right now and what have you done with my mother?" Brittany rhetorically asks. "Secondly... there's only one lady that I'm into," the younger Pierce says matter-of-factly as she looks fondly at the Latina in the other room. Susan tries her best to not comment on how adorable her daughter is being right now.
As Brittany eventually breaks herself out of her Santana-stupor, she focuses her attention back towards her mother and continues her train of thought. "And lastly... although Noah may not be bad to look at, it's the furthest thing from my mind, especially since he may or may not be my girlfriend's long lost adopted brother."
Mrs. Pierce slightly opens her mouth to reply with some witty retort; however, she's left gobsmacked when her brain finally catches up and processes the last sentence that the younger version of herself just spoke.
"Yeah... that's pretty much where we're all at right now," Brittany adds in, referring to her mother's current expression of befuddlement.
"Holy cow! I'm sorry I asked," Susan chuckles out. "Well then... let's see if we can facilitate an actual conversation between these two. You know how much I love a good story."
"Mom, this isn't one of your daytime soaps or whatever other trash you watch on TV."
"But isn't it?! This is exactly what happened on Passions the other day," Mrs. Pierce says excitedly as she clasps her hands together in a very Rachel Berry-esque manner.
Brittany comically shakes her head in return. "And people wonder why I'm so weird."
"Please... you love it," Susan says knowingly. "Now, who wants freshly baked cookies?!"
The loudness - and suddenness - of Mrs. Pierce's voice frightens me slightly as I see her enter the dining room. As she places down a tray of piping hot white chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookies with a gallon of milk, she carefully eyeballs the unknown male inside her home.
"I don't believe we've been properly introduced," Mrs. Pierce announces as she sticks her hand out. "I'm Mrs. Pierce; Brittany's mom."
Like a gentleman, Noah stands up from the table and shakes the older blonde's hand. "Nice to meet you ma'am. I'm Noah."
"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Mrs. P says in a faux Southern accent. As I look over her shoulder to where my girlfriend is standing, I notice Britt has her hand covering her face as she's shaking her head back and forth. This causes me to smile, genuinely for the first time since this whole fiasco began. "Anyways, I don't want to intrude. I just thought you kids would like something to snack on. I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."
"Thanks Mrs. P," I reply back with a smile, causing her to wink back at me.
"I think I'm going to join my mom so you two can have some privacy," Brittany says as she starts to turn around and head back towards the kitchen.
I quickly get up and lightly grab her hand before she completely disappears out of sight. "Britt-Britt... I'd really like it if you stayed."
It's not that I couldn't face Noah on my own with the millions of questions that are currently circling inside my head; I just didn't want to. Brittany has always been my rock; my calming influence. She deserved to know the answers to these questions, just as much as I did.
"I figured it would be better to give you two a little time alone to talk about things; you can fill me in later," Brittany softly says.
I take both of her hands in mine, lacing our fingers together. "Whatever he has to say to me, he can say in front you; unfiltered. You're my family Britt... you deserve some answers too. Besides, I'm just gonna tell you everything anyways so you might as well be present to hear it firsthand."
"Well, when you put it like that..." Brittany trails off as she places a soft kiss to my lips.
We get lost in the moment, just staring into each other's eyes until our guest interrupts us.
"You guys are really cute together," Noah says with a warm smile, causing Britt and I to slightly blush.
"Thanks," we murmur back simultaneously as we head towards the table and sit down across from him, our hands staying linked together.
"How long have you two been together, if you don't mind me asking?"
I'm skeptical to answer his question because he still is a total stranger to me; however, the fact that he doesn't seem disgusted by our relationship is comforting. Plus, it seems like he's trying to break the ice and jumpstart a dialogue between us. The least I could do is try to participate, but be selective on my responses (depending on the ray of questions he presents).
As my girlfriend lightly squeezes my hand for encouragement, I slowly start to loosen up a bit. The question he asked was simple in nature, but the answer was quite complicated, given what Britt and I have had to endure during the last 2 years. Maybe if things pan out and Noah and I develop a friendship, I'll give him the extended answer one day. But for now, short and simple will have to suffice.
"About a year and a half," I finally settle on.
"Wow, that's awesome," Noah sincerely replies. "I've never had a relationship last more than a few months."
"Really? How come?" I inquire, feeling more intrigued.
"I don't know actually. I mean, I have a theory..." Noah starts to say, gauging my response. Once I nod for him to continue, he does. "I guess a lot of the girls that I've dated didn't like competing with my studies. It was hard for them to grasp the fact that I'd rather stay in on the weekends and watch a movie cuddled up with them or just read a good book on my own as opposed to going to the bar and getting hammered. I guess I was just too much of a nerd, in that sense."
"Preaching to the choir," I reply back with a grin. "That's something that Britt and I are all too familiar with. But, I'm very thankful that we have our small group of friends that share the same hobbies and values that we do."
"A tight knit group of friends is what got me through most things in my life, especially when love wasn't on the horizon," Noah candidly states. "No matter what happens in your life with your job or your significant other, your friends and family will be there to support you."
I take a minute to let Noah's words really sink in. Before I can respond to his previous statement, he continues on.
"Look, I know me showing up here has probably thrown your whole day off completely; trust me, it has done the same to me. I came here with just the hope of meeting my biological mother, but instead... I found the sister that I never even knew existed."
Noah pauses briefly, perhaps waiting to see if I had something to say or interject with. When I remain silent, he proceeds.
"I'm literally freaking out over here, but I'm also really excited at the possibility of getting to know you… if that's something that you want. No pressure," he adds in. "I didn't come here looking for money or to ruin anyone's life; I'm just a curious guy that has a lot of unanswered questions that I'd like to find the answers to."
"Well, when you put it like that... it doesn't seem so harmless," I eventually say aloud.
"I know you're probably feeling really guarded right now and I don't blame you; I would feel exactly the same way if I was in your current position," Noah explains. "But to show good faith, you can ask me absolutely anything you want and I'll answer to the best of my knowledge."
After taking a few moments to consider my options - and stroking my chin like a mad scientist, just for funsies - I decide to hear Noah out. I'm very curious as to what led him here at this particular point in time.
"Ok then... first question: how old are you and where are you from?"
"Actually, that's two questions..." Noah starts to say before I narrow my eyes at him, "but that's neither here nor there. I'm 26 and I've lived in Columbus my whole life."
Hmm... my mom's from Columbus.
I guess to show us proof, Noah pulls out his wallet from back pocket and takes out his driver's license. Sure enough, the information provided on the state ID proves that he is telling the truth.
"Puckerman... that's an interesting last name," Brittany says to no one in particular.
"It's Jewish."
"Oh..." Brittany and I collectively respond.
"So Noah, what kind of work do you do?" My girlfriend asks.
"I'm an EMT," he replies proudly. "Initially, I was majoring in Pre Med in hopes of going to med school one day, but then something happened that totally changed my whole outlook."
"What was that?" I question, now feeling even more intrigued.
"I was on my way home late one night after one of my study sessions when I noticed a car that was in the ditch. I pulled over to help and found a woman and her teenaged son trapped inside," Noah begins. "The son was conscious and alert, but his mom wasn't. She had a pretty bad laceration on her forehead, probably caused by the steering wheel. Anyways, once I was able to get the son freed from his seatbelt, he crawled out of the car and assisted me in getting his mom out. I told him to hold her head steady since I didn't know how bad her head injury was."
As Noah continues to replay that vivid night from his memory, Britt and I hang onto his every word. It's almost like we are there, watching the scene play out in real time.
"Once we safely got her out of the car, I gave the kid my phone to call 911 as I assessed the mom for any further injuries," Noah continues on. "She had a piece of glass lodged in her thigh. Not knowing how badly she might bleed out if I removed it, I left it in there and used my belt to stunt the blood flow. I was in the process of giving her CPR when the ambulance and police finally arrived. The paramedics on scene said I did a phenomenal job and if it wasn't for my quick thinking, the lady might not have made it or at the very least, had worse injures."
At this point, I'm in just complete awe. Yes, Noah is kinda bragging about himself and his heroic act, but can you really blame him? I bet he gets laid a lot after telling the ladies this story. But honestly, after learning the little information that I do know about him, I think the telling of this story is more about hope and finding inspiration in the most unlikely places as opposed to being boastful or getting recognition for being a decent human being.
"Everything just happened so fast; I didn't really know what all I had done until I had time to sit down and reflect on the whole situation. I just acted on instinct and what I had learned from my coursework," Noah picks back up. "It was that very moment though that I realized that I didn't want to be the doctor waiting in the OR to possibly save someone's life; I wanted to be there on scene, front and center, when these people really need my help the most."
"Wow... that's incredible," I compliment. "I don't mean to sound cynical, especially after hearing that amazing story, but why now? You seem like you've got a lot of good things going on in your life so I guess I'm just wondering why you would choose now to dig up the past? What if you don't like what you find?"
I hope my question didn't come off as being too harsh, but I can't help but wonder what Noah's motives could be for popping up after all of these years.
Luckily for me, he seems to take the question in stride.
"My parents never made it a secret that I was adopted. It would've been pretty pointless to even try, given that I look nothing like them," he says with a small smile. "Anyways... over the years, I've always wondered what my birth parents were like and what attributes I got from them. I never pressed the issue though because I didn't want my parents to get the wrong idea, like being their son wasn't good enough anymore."
Brittany and I both nod our heads in understanding.
"It wasn't until Freshman year of college that the issue came up again. I had to write an essay on my genealogy," Noah carries on. "My buddy Artie offered his assistance and was able to hack into the Grant Medical Center database and look up all of the closed adoptions from November 1989."
Brittany and I give Noah a questioning look. "That sounds incredibly illegal," the logical part of my brain replies.
"The less you know, the better," Noah says cryptically. "But what I can tell you is that Artie is like Rain Man when it comes to computers."
Again, we look at him questioningly, trying to figure out what the hell he's talking about.
"That movie's probably a little bit before your time. Actually, it's before my time too, but I'm a bit of a movie buff so..."
Noah stops talking once he sees the puzzled looks on our faces.
"You know what, that's not important... Anyways, the point I was trying to make is that Artie was able to find out my biological mother's name," Noah says as he pulls out a folder from his nap sack.
Inside the folder revealed several documents. One document in particular was a copy of his birth certificate, listing my mother as his birth mother. It also listed the adoption agency used and the name of Noah's adoptive parents. However, there was no birth father listed on any of the documents.
"I did my essay with the information Artie was able to find, but after that, I stuffed the folder away and didn't think about it again until recently," Noah picks back up. "This past weekend I was moving into a new apartment. As I was going through some old papers to see what I could toss, I came across this folder. Again, being the curious guy that I am, I asked Artie if he could find a current address on Mrs. Lopez. And now I'm here."
"I'm not sure how to respond here," I honestly reply.
"I know it's a lot of information to take in. When I had Artie look up that information for me, I specifically asked him not to tell me anything else because I was hoping to find out that stuff in person," Noah explains. "I had no idea that your mom was a doctor or that you even existed."
"I wanna help you out Noah; I really do. You seem like a really nice guy and your intentions seem pure," I start off. "The truth is, I don't know where my mother is. I haven't seen nor spoken to her in almost 2 years."
Now it's Noah that has a puzzling look on his face. "I don't understand."
Just as I'm about to reply, Brittany squeezes my hand again. As I look over at her, my beautiful girlfriend gives me a look that says 'can I answer this one'.
Naturally, I concede.
"It's a very long and convoluted story, but to put it simply... no one knows where Dr. Lopez is," Brittany states. "Santana and I have been best friends since she moved into the house next door over 10 years ago. Somewhere along the way, the love that we had for each other as friends turned into something more; something that Dr. Lopez didn't agree with. And so... she left."
"She left?" Noah asks, still appearing to be very puzzled.
Brittany sighs and lets out a deep breath. "Yeah."
"Seriously?!" Noah says in disbelief. "She just left? Just because she found out her daughter was gay?"
"Yep," I simply reply, emotionless. "All she left behind were several empty drawers and a Dear John letter to my dad."
"Oh my gosh; that's fucking crazy!"
"Dude! My mom's literally in the next room," Brittany chastises him for his use of foul language.
"Sorry; my bad," Noah apologizes. "But seriously! That is just awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
"No need to apologize, Noah... it's not your fault that my mother - our mother, I guess - would rather abandon her family than show some understanding and compassion," I sadly respond back. "I guess her abandonment issues started way back before I was ever conceived; when she left you."
Noah can only shrug his shoulders in response.
"Don't get me wrong; I'm glad that you were able to be adopted by a great family that was able to provide you with a great life," I continue on. "But... I can't help but feel like my mother's motive for not keeping you were due to her just being selfish and not willing to give up her future to raise her child."
"People put their babies up for adoption for many reasons; not all of them are good or justifiable," Noah interjects. "I guess neither one of us will really ever know the real reason that Maribel made that decision unless we can ask her personally."
It's at this point that our conversation hits a lull.
Less angry. More confused. Completely lost.
Yep... I'm still feeling about the same as I did 30 minutes ago when Noah Puckerman popped into my life.
The thoughts in my head are so jumbled right now that I can't even think straight.
Ironic, isn't it?
"Babe, are you okay?" I hear Brittany ask, gently.
"Honestly... I'm not sure. I'm still trying to make sense of all of this," I finally settle on.
I guess my moment of silence was a lot longer than I cared to notice. Brittany leans into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I place a soft kiss on top of her head, a wordless 'thanks' for her support.
"I'm just sitting here, analyzing everything I've learned today. And then I'm replaying everything my mom's ever done or said to me and... nothing makes sense anymore," I ramble out, slowly starting to lose my composure. "My mom was only 17 when she had you; she must have been so scared," I pause, really letting that fact sink in. "How could she keep something like that to herself for all of these years?"
"Maybe she just didn't know how to tell you?" Noah suggests.
"Or maybe she's just a coward and a huge hypocrite," I interject while getting up from the table. I think I've had my fair share of mind-blowing trivia for today. "She told me that I was a sinner and an abomination, just because I fell in love with my best friend... who happens to be a girl. She judges me for something that is beyond my control. But yet, she can have premarital sex, get pregnant at 17, and have a child out of wedlock and still expect to stand on her high horse of righteousness?"
Feeling the weight of the tension in the room, Noah solemnly says, "I should probably go," as he rises from the table as well. "I didn't mean to make you upset."
"You didn't upset me, Noah. Believe me... my issue is not with you," I reply earnestly, trying my best to convey the genuineness of my statement. I really wasn't upset with him so I hope that he believes me. "I just need some time to process all of this and talk to my dad."
My eyes suddenly go wide at the thought of telling my dad this new information.
"Oh my God... my dad's gonna be so crushed."
Brittany wraps her arm around my waist and lightly squeezes as Noah gives me a sympathetic smile.
"I really should get going," Noah says warmly after a pregnant pause. "Besides, I'm sure you guys have way more exciting plans than to chat with me all day," he says exaggeratedly.
"Not really..." Brittany replies. "We'll probably just talk about you and this whole jacked up situation... and then we'll make out," she finishes so casually.
"Britt!" I yelp out as my eyes grow comically larger.
I really shouldn't be surprised by my girlfriend's bluntness and lack of filter. I just figured she'd be a little more reserved since we still didn't know a whole lot about Noah. I mean, sure... he seems like a cool guy, but I don't need him (do I call him my brother now?) knowing what me and Britt-Britt do in private.
As I finish up my internal monologue, I look over at Noah and see one of the funniest things: him, giggling like a little school girl. In the grand scheme of things, Brittany's lack of filter usually results in some mild laughter between our group of friends. I guess that should be no different now.
"Well, in that case... I should really get going," Noah says good-heartedly, placing particular emphasis on the word 'really'. "I definitely wouldn't want to delay or deprive your girlfriend of your plans."
"Thanks for being so understanding," I reply back sarcastically as I playfully roll my eyes for extra oomph.
As we head towards the front door, Noah thanks Mrs. P for her delicious cookies. In return, she tells him that he's welcomed back anytime. Once we get outside, Britt and I walk him to his car before saying our goodbyes.
"So..."
"So..." I mimic back.
"I'm not exactly sure what would be the appropriate way to say goodbye, given this peculiar situation," Noah explains.
"I'm not really sure either," I reply. "It's not every day that you learn that you have a secret brother."
We both remain silent for a few moments; neither one of us knowing where to go from here.
"You know, growing up... I always wanted a younger sibling. Someone I could hang out with; someone who I could protect," Noah says candidly. "The house can get pretty lonely when you're an only child, especially when all of your friends live so far away from you."
"Yeah... I can definitely relate to that," I earnestly state. "I guess I lucked out when my family moved in next door to this one," I say, jutting my thumb in Brittany's direction. Her reply is in the form of a goofy grin.
"Well, in any case... it was really nice to meet you Santana," Noah sincerely states. "You as well, Brittany."
We both give him a warm smile in return.
Noah opens the driver side door of his car, reaching in to place his messenger bag on the passenger seat. Just as he's about to slide into the driver's seat, he turns around to face us squarely.
"Although all of this is a bit overwhelming, if you're up for it, I'd really like to get to know you," Noah says as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled up receipt. Quickly, he reaches back into his car and retrieves a pen before jotting something down. "Maybe when some time has passed and you've gotten a chance to process of all this, you could call or text me?"
Noah then passes me the now less crumpled piece of receipt paper with his name and phone number on it.
"If I don't hear from you, then I understand. But, if I do..." Noah says hopefully, "then I would be very grateful. No pressure though."
"I'll think about it," is my response.
"That's not a 'no' so I'll take it."
With one last exchange of smiles, Noah gets into his car and drives away.
"Definitely not how I was expecting to spend my Friday with you," Brittany says after a few moments as she stands behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her chin on my shoulder.
"That makes two of us," I reply as I melt into her embrace.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Britt asks gently.
"Not right now. I just want to enjoy the little time I have left with you before you have to go to bed," I state while turning in her arms to look into her dazzling sapphire eyes.
"Well then... I guess we should get to the make out part of our plans," Brittany's purrs out.
"I couldn't agree more," I say back, sealing my statement with a chaste kiss.
Hand-in-hand, Brittany and I walk back into her house and upstairs towards her bedroom. As she closes the door behind her, I waste no time in attacking her lips once she turns around. With all of the craziness going on right now, I so desperately needed to feel Britt next to me. I needed her to keep me grounded and to ensure that I wasn't going completely insane. When everything else in my life seems like it's falling apart, Brittany has always been the glue that has kept me together. She knew that as much as anybody so it's no surprise that her body responded to my kisses so eagerly as we laid down on her bed.
Whatever insanity that was currently running amuck inside my head could wait until later. Right now, my main focus was on the beautiful blonde that laid beside me, battling my tongue for dominance.
Right now, I just needed to feel something real and tangible... and Brittany was definitely it.
She always had been.
After a couple of hours of heavy making out with my gorgeous blonde, I returned home with still slightly bruised lips and hickey near the lower part of my neck where my shoulder connects. Luckily for me, my shirt covered the love bite that my thoughtful girlfriend so generously left me.
But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end.
As soon as my bedroom door closed behind me, the reality of the situation slapped me in the face. It was nice to take my mind off of everything for a while - even if it was only for a few brief hours - but now that I was back at my temporary home, alone with my thoughts... the truth had settled in.
My mother - the world-renowned surgeon that seemed so selfless by always putting the needs of her patients before anything else - was a complete fraud... and a liar. For years, she perpetrated this front like she was some kind of Saint. In reality, she was just like rest of us common mortals... flawed and imperfect to a tee.
Since the Berry men had already settled in for the evening and Rachel wasn't expected home for at least another hour or so from her date with Quinn, I figured now would be the best - and worst - time to call my dad.
As I open up my computer and log into my Skype account, I press my dad's goofy-looking profile picture: a photo of him with nothing but a smile and whipped cream splattered all over his face.
The man is truly a big kid at heart.
As I hear the dial tone faintly in the background, I start to ponder on how exactly I'm going to break this unsuspecting news. My dad was totally devastated when my mom left us; I just don't know how he'll react to this. A part of me thought about not saying anything at all, but the idea of keeping something like this from him seems wrong on every possible level. My dad and I don't have secrets, that's how I know without a doubt that he couldn't have known about this mystery baby my mom had before the two of them ever met.
My main concern is that however my dad reacts to this, I hope it doesn't interfere with his relationship with Jamie.
Once the ringing in the background ceases, I look back at my laptop screen and see Jamie's lovely face appear.
"Hey kiddo! This is a delightful surprise. How are you?"
"Hey Jamie!" I happily reply back. Despite my less than enthusiastic mood, Jamie was a breath of fresh air... just like my Britt-Britt. "I've been better, but overall, I'm okay. How bout you?"
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound very good," she says with a concerned expression. "Do you want me to go get your dad?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks Jamie."
After hearing Jamie yell 'Ben' a few times, I finally see my dad come into the frame.
"Hey Banana Bear!" He exclaims. "How's my favorite girl doing?"
"Hey Dad!" I reply. "I need to talk to you about something."
"Oh wow... this must be serious, especially since you didn't even scold me for calling you by your nickname," my dad states observantly.
He's absolutely right though. I'm so caught up in the craziness that was today that I totally looked passed hearing that childish nickname that my father refuses to retire.
"What's wrong sweetie?" He carefully asks. "You and Brittany okay?"
"Yeah, yeah... we're great! Britt's amazing," I unapologetically gush over my girlfriend.
No shame at all (insert goofy grin here).
"Well that's good to hear," he replies back, feeling more at ease. "So, what's going on then?"
I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Here goes nothing.
"I met someone today. His name is Noah... Noah Puckerman," I say slowly to gauge his reaction. No change. "Does that name ring a bell?"
My dad appears to be mulling over the name, racking his brain for any signs of recognition.
"No, I'm sorry sweetie. I don't know anyone by that name. Who is he?"
"Have you checked your email recently?"
"Not since I've been home from work, why?" He questions, knitting his eyebrows. "What's this all about?"
"I'll explain everything in a minute. Just check your email first. I sent you few attachments."
Dad nods his head and starts typing on his keyboard. I'm assuming that he's opening up his email. Once I hear a few more clicks, I observe silently as he appears to be concentrating on the documents I sent to him. I watch as his face morphs from confusion to completely numb. He then lowers his head, seemingly staring blankly at the desk.
"Dad..."
No response.
"Dad?" I try again. Same results.
I watch as my dad brings his right hand up to his head and begins to rub his temples. I can tell that he's struggling to process the new astonishing information presented before him, although he's trying to put on a brave face for me.
After a few unbearable minutes pass by, he finally speaks again.
"When your mother and I first started dating, I was so excited to learn every new fascinating tidbit about her that I could," he starts off. "One of the most nerve-wracking things for me though was thinking about how I would handle it when our relationship became more serious and intimate."
I'm not too fond of hearing about my parents' sex life - since that obviously seems like where this trip down memory lane is going - but I remain silent, hopefully to give my dad a little bit more time to put his story into perspective before I get totally grossed out.
"I was so worried that I would mess everything up once Maribel told me that she was ready to take our relationship to the next level, especially since I had never been with anyone like that before," he continues on. "What made everything easier was that she told me she was a virgin too; that we would experience our first time ever together."
Now I get it.
Part of what made my parents' bond so strong in the beginning is knowing that they would be experiencing this very intimate act together; losing their virginities to each other. That must have meant the world to my dad, knowing that this experience would strengthen their relationship, no matter how scary and clumsy their first time together might have been.
But it was all a lie.
While my dad was completely honest and gave a part of himself to my mother that no one else would ever have the chance of receiving, my mom was pretending that she shared the same sentiment.
I'm sure if she was just honest with him about having a previous partner (or partners), my dad would have understood. He's not an unreasonable guy. The whole baby thing probably would've thrown him for a loop, but I honestly don't think that he would've just left my mom.
"This probably isn't the most appropriate topic of conversation to be having with my kid, but the point I'm trying to make is that she could've told me," Dad finally says, sounding so heartbroken. "I didn't fall in love with your mom because I thought she was a Saint; it was because of all of the things that made her who she is... or at least who I thought she was."
I can't imagine what my father is going through right now. To be with someone for such a long period of time and think that you know everything about them, only to find out that what you knew was a lie, is such a devastating blow. Since my mother left, it seems like all she's done is hurt our family even more. The only difference is that she's not around to face the consequences of her wake of destruction.
Coward.
"I'm so sorry Dad. I didn't even want to tell you, but you had a right to know."
"It's fine sweetie; I'm glad you did," my dad assures. "Even though it's not the best news I had hoped to hear, it definitely puts things in perspective."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially with you going off to college next year," he explains. "I'm not sure which college you're planning on going to yet, but if it happens to be one here on the West Coast, then I want you to have a real home to come back to."
"I'm not sure I'm following."
"I've spent so much of my life and relationship with your mother, compromising to make her happy. All I got in return were a bunch of broken promises, excuses, lies, and heartache," he continues on. "The only real thing that your mom ever gave me that she could never take away is you, Santana. You are the sunshine of my life. And now that you're just about all grown up now, about to move onto the next phase of your life (with your wonderful girlfriend), I think it's time for me to move on with mine and do something that I know will make me really happy."
"And what's that?" I inquire, feeling quite curious and very emotional now.
I observe my dad turn his head to the side, I guess to see where Jamie currently is. From what I can make out, she's still in the kitchen, fixing dinner. Dad then faces me again and leans closer to the computer screen.
Taking in a deep breath, my dad whispers out. "I'm gonna ask Jamie to marry me... what do you think?"
My eyes immediately go wide with excitement. I try my best not to squeal out loud, especially since Jamie is within hearing distance.
"Oh my God! Dad, that's amazing!"
"Really? You don't think it's too soon?"
"Not at all," I say earnestly. "After all of the hell that mom put you through, if you have the chance to be happy again, then I say go for it. Plus, Jamie is a total catch."
"Ahh, thanks Banana Bear!"
"Dad!" I whine out.
"There's my girl," my dad replies back with that silly smile of his. "I don't have everything mapped out yet, but I was hoping that maybe you could help me go ring shopping when you come down for Christmas?"
"Of course! I can't wait."
Right before my father is about to respond, I see Jamie pop into the frame.
"I'm hearing a lot of laughter over here that I'm not a part of," she cutely pouts.
"Don't feel left out; we were just talking about how awesome you are."
"I am pretty awesome," Jamie replies without missing a beat, striking a Superman pose.
"And quite the goofball," I add in while still giggling. "I don't want to keep you guys from your meal so I'll talk to you later. Love you both."
"Love you too honey," Dad says as Jamie makes a heart shape in the background with her fingers. "See ya later kiddo."
As I wave back at them, the Skype conversation ends and the screen turns black.
The conversation with my dad started off as I had expected it to, but ended completely different. For my dad to be able to turn a negative into a shining positive is truly incredible. After all of the shit he's had to deal with and all of the things he's discovered about my mom over the years, I would think that the last thing on his mind would be jumping into another commitment like this. To be able to give your heart to someone else and trust them - after your ex has all but shoved a dagger through what's left of the broken pieces - is truly amazing. I'm in complete awe of my father for his strength and his will to not give up on love.
As I lay down on top of my comforter, staring up at the ceiling, a feeling of sudden calmness takes over. I reach down into the front pocket of my jeans and retrieve the piece of paper that Noah had given me. As I read over his name and number several times, I finally make my decision.
If my dad can rise above and take a risk, then so can I.
Quickly, I grab my cell phone and compose a new text message.
To Noah: I've always wondered what it would've been like to have a sibling growing up too. It will take some time, but for now, I wouldn't mind checking in with each other every week or so. What do you think?
After contemplating for several seconds on whether I should say less or more in my message, I finally hit send. Almost instantly, I get a response.
From Noah: I would love that :)
Satisfied with that answer, I place my phone down and close my eyes, content with how the events of the day have played out.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
Author's Note:
Holy cow! I can't believe it has been over a year since I've updated. I'm so sorry guys. Between getting caught up in my other stories and real life happening, where does all of the time go? I appreciate each and every one of you that have stuck by me and continue to read and/or review my stories. I write them for you and I promise I will update again before another year passes by.
Currently I'm on an airplane updating this, so please excuse any errors that you might find. Although this chapter didn't have a whole lot of Brittana interaction, every once in a while, a story needs a little drama. But don't worry, the next chapter will have a lot of Brittany and Santana moments. I would love to know what you guys think so if you get a chance, let me know.
As always, stay classy.
-Kris