Rey liked Ahch-To seaweed salad even if it wasn't much more than a clump of brownish-green grass Luke had fished out of the ocean. It tasted a little salty and prickled when she bit into it; after she had finished eating, Rey couldn't get the feeling off her tongue. Still, it was fresh food, and that was a luxury, so she wasn't going to complain. So far, Rey always liked the food she tried. Everything tasted better than the portions from Plutt's miserable stockpile.
They had been silent through the meal ad they were sitting in the same uncomfortable silence for several minutes now. Rey watched the light of the twin suns struggle through the newly formed thick barrier of clouds above them while Luke stared at the empty bowl in his hands, completely lost in his own thoughts.
"I don't actually know what to say," she sighed. Her words seemed to startle Luke, and he turned to her quickly. It took him a second to realize he had a company who wasn't a figment of his imagination.
"I'm sorry." He blinked as he tried to shake off whatever dark thoughts were plaguing him. "You were saying?"
He wasn't making it any easier for her, was he? How was she supposed to tell why she had come? How could she even think about asking him to return to the Resistance? Rey just looked at him with wide eyes, her face reflecting the uncertainty.
"It's alright, Rey," said Luke and his expression softened. It wasn't quite a smile, but it was enough to ease her nervousness. "You can tell me."
"It's about why I am here." Rey met his gaze hesitatingly and suppressed the impulse to jump up and pace around.
"Okay." Luke nodded and set the bowl aside, giving her his full attention. The tension in him was apparent; he sat straighter and braced himself for what was to come. She could see the walls coming up. "Go on, fire at will."
"I never thought I would find you here – I didn't know who you were," Rey started cautiously. She really didn't wish to ruin their morning. She didn't want to bring back painful memories. Yesterday, she had forgotten about all the reasons she had searched for Master Skywalker and focused only on her friend Luke. Rey knew she couldn't do it any longer. There was a war, and people were dying, and she had her duty. She owned it to Poe and Finn and all the fighters who risked their lives every minute of every day.
And yet, Rey wanted to focus on Luke first. Had anyone ever done that for him? Put his wellbeing first before duty and destiny? Probably not. Luke himself wouldn't have allowed that. She could only imagine that he would do what was right no matter the personal cost. Well, Rey had a problem with that – she could never ask Luke to suffer more for the greater good. Not him, after what she had seen. It could very well cost him his sanity and life, and she wasn't prepared for that.
"I know." Seeing the conflict clearly written all over Rey's face, Luke gathered his resolve, took a deep breath and reached for her hand. "You were looking for Skywalker the Jedi. That means someone found the map and sent you. There are only two reasons why would anyone tried to find me – either kill the last living Jedi and end eons-long tradition, plunging the galaxy into Darkness for the next millennium… or to convince me to rejoin the fight. Seeing that I'm not dead, I can only assume it was my sister who sent you. Am I right?"
Rey fought the urge to cover her face as the blush blossomed on her cheeks. Of course, he could connect the dots quite fine. He had left the map for them to find after all.
"Yes."
Luke sandwiched her hand between his palms, the metal of his artificial limb cool against Rey's skin. After a moment, he patted her hand. "So go on, ask me."
It was the resigned tone that sealed Rey's decision. He sounded like he was planning to come back, like he didn't have a choice in the matter – and perhaps he didn't. She could relate – how any good person could sit idly by while the evil of the First Order spread across the stars, consuming one free world after another? She understood him but…
Luke had exiled himself for a reason. Rey didn't know why, only suspected, but she knew for certain that he wasn't even remotely prepared to return to the ugly realities of war, to confront his demons in the places where they had been born. She wouldn't let him do that to himself.
"No." Rey was unhappy how her voice sounded and sniffed a little, shaking her head vehemently.
"Excuse me?"
When she looked at him, Luke's expression was stunned.
"I won't," she said with more conviction. "You're right. I was looking for Luke Skywalker to convince him to return to the Resistance with us but as I said, I've found you."
"Quite a disappointment I turned out to be."
"Of course not!" Rey gasped out, both angry and shocked at his matter-of-factly assessment of himself.
"No?" he smiled grimly, his eyes darkening to the color of the cloudy sky. "Let's look at the great Luke Skywalker, the hero of the New Republic, Grandmaster of the New Jedi order – oh, yes, wait. There's no New Jedi Order, no New Republic because he allowed them to be destroyed while he did nothing, too weak to act in time and too pathetic to stay and fight."
Rey felt the tears sting her eyes and quickly stood up. She wasn't sure why she was crying, that was such a useless thing to do, but she could not help it. The emotions just bubbled inside of her and pushed the tears out. Part of it was anger at the unfairness of it all, at him for thinking that and at her for not being there sooner.
"Stop it!" she shouted and took a few steps away from him. "That's just wrong, and I won't listen to you degrading yourself like that!"
"Well, it's true."
Rey clenched her jaws and suppressed the urge to hit him over his head with the nearest blunt object. Maybe then he would see more sense, stupid, stubborn man… and then she gaped.
A porg smashed to the side of Luke's head and sent him tumbling from the rock on which he had been sitting. She didn't know if these creatures were able to fly or not, but the reason why that particular animal did that became apparent in the next moment.
"AAAARGH!"
"Chewie!" Rey had completely forgotten about him. She went to help Luke from the ground, all the while watching the massive Wookiee as he stomped toward them. By the look of it, he had spent most of the morning trying to find them and was not amused.
The poor porg gave them all a wounded look and hopped away.
"Chewie," said Luke calmly and rubbed his head, sitting on the grass. "I understand you are angry at me but please, do not use the native fauna as weapons."
"I'm so sorry I forgot to message you, really!" Rey offered her hand to Luke and heaved him to his feet. Without much thinking about it, she brushed aside the hair on his temple and probed at the small scratch there. "Looks like porg's beak is sharper than it looks."
Luke cleared his throat and stepped away with a quick, "Ah, yes, thank you, Rey, I'm fi-"
Only to be promptly sent flying back to the ground when a furry fist connected with his chin.
"Chewbacca!" Rey shouted and jumped between them. "What are you doing? Stop it, damn it! Has everyone lost their mind?!"
"AAARGH!" He just shrugged.
"No, I won't get out of your way so you can pummel him a bit more." She put her palm on Chewie's chest in an attempt to calm him down. "Nothing that happened is his fault!"
"That's alright, Rey," Luke spoke from somewhere behind her, and by the sound of it, he managed to get to his feet again. "Please, step back so we can-"
"AAAAAARRRRGH! AARGH!"
Everything stilled. Chewie stopped trying to come around Rey. She felt numbness spread through her body, from somewhere deep in her chest to the very tips of her fingers as her hand fell down and she blinked a new wave of tears away. Luke gasped, and she heard a thump as he went down when his knees gave in.
"Han? No, that's… Han's dead? Ho-how?"
Rey didn't want to face him at that moment. She didn't need to feel his emotions, the pain and disbelief, and grief; they bled from his voice and went straight through her heart. She turned anyway as Chewie stepped around her and knelt next to Luke, enveloping him in a massive hug as he sorrowfully keened.
Even as the air was being squeezed out of him, Luke's eyes were trained on Rey, silently pleading her to say it was not true. She couldn't hold his gaze and quickly averted her face, staring at the horizon where the ocean touched the sky.
A flash of red, a strangled cry. The fall, the long fall from the bridge… She shuddered.
"Kylo Ren." The name was ripped from her lips and wind carried it away, over the water, but she knew Luke had heard her. From the corner of her eye, she saw him struggling to stand and pushing Chewie away. Then he sprang to his feet. He fought for breath for a moment, looking wild and on the verge of another breakdown, staring straight at her as if she had been personally responsible for Han's death. Then he took off.
"Aaargh?"
"No, we're not going after him now." Rey watched Luke as he ran down the path until he disappeared from her sight, tears gently flowing down her cheeks. He probably needed time and solitude. That's what he was used to, that's how he dealt with pain.
Chewie flung his arm around her shoulder and brought her to his side as he also turned to watch the horizon. They stood there for a few long moments. Above them, the wind dispersed the clouds, and the mid-morning sunlight warmed the air. Inside, Rey felt nothing but ice.
Rey runs. She can't breathe, her lungs are on fire, and her heartbeat thrums in her ears. If she stops, she's dead. She can hear him behind her, the stumping of heavy boots, the angry hiss of a terrifying red blade.
"Scavenger!" A voice distorted by a mask shouts. "Stop running, stop hiding! It's pointless! Do you hear me? Stop!"
She hears him, the monster with a pretty face and a black heart. Will he hunt her forever?
"You need a teacher!"
They're back on the Starkiller. Rey runs in the knee-deep snow, dead trees line the path. She's so afraid. He will catch her. He will pry Luke's location from her, leaving her mind a shattered mess.
She cries out when she loses her footing. There's ice under the snow. Rey falls.
Ren is close. When he sees her on the ground, he slows to a walk. "My, my, it seems I have caught you."
"Not yet!" Rey springs up at the same time he raises his hand. The Force hold suspends her mid-jump.
He returns the saber back to his belt and then carefully removes his helmet and carries it under his arm as he approaches her. There's a lazy smile on his face, his dark eyes hungrily trained on her.
He will break her. She feels it; his wants send ripples through the Force. He will stop at nothing until she is an obedient puppet. Until her only purpose in life is to serve the Supreme Leader.
"I will show you the power of Darkness, and you will love it."
"Never!" she screams so loudly her voice breaks.
"Oh yes. I will have you kill that traitor – and the pilot. I will have you destroy the Resistance… and you will do it gladly."
Only a hoarse whisper comes out next. "Never."
"You will submit," Ren smirks as he comes to stand in front of Rey, reaching for his weapon. "Or you will die."
She can't do anything, she's helpless as she watches him bring the red monstrosity high above his head. The lightsaber goes down slowly, so very slowly… and collides with a blazing green blade.
"It's only a bad dream, Rey," Luke says as he puts his left arm around her to steady her. He extinguishes his lightsaber in a heartbeat, turning his back to the quickly dispersing apparition of Kylo Ren, blocking her from the dark-clad figure. Rey's vision is filled with the blue of his kind eyes, and the world crashes down around her.
He swiftly catches her in his arms when the nightmare ends and her knees buckle, bringing her to his chest as sobs wrack Rey's body. Their mingled relief that it was only a nightmare is palpable, but her distress and fear don't dissipate and steal her of any rational thought.
Gently, he lowers them to the ground while the snow melts away. She cries as she hasn't cried in years, face buried in the dark fabric of Luke's tunic, fingers curling in the hem of his cloak. Rey turns her head slightly so she can listen to the steady beat of his heart and breathes in the smell of rain, leather and something light and sweet. His right hand is pressed against Rey's back, holding her close to him, while the fingers of his left hand skim the skin of Rey's neck lightly and then draw a small comforting circle between her shoulder blades.
She feels something hot fall on her cheek, but Luke is otherwise silent.
Time slows around them, and Rey has no idea how long it takes until she can't cry anymore. Long moments after her breathing is calm and all of her tears has already soaked Luke's tunic, he holds her, drawing strange little patterns on her back.
"What has he done to you, Rey?" Luke asks in a gravelly voice eventually. The sadness in it makes her shift. Luke immediately stiffens and starts retracting his arms, but Rey doesn't pull away; she just wraps hers around his waist with a sigh and waits until he relaxes again.
She thinks she is like a needy child but knows the gesture offers him as much comfort as it provides to her. He is shaken by what he saw in her dream, and Rey can only guess how he spent the afternoon and how he dealt with the news of Han's death.
She holds onto him tightly when she whispers, "Should I start at the beginning?"
"That is the usual place but start wherever you like."
"It was all about your map, Luke," she says slowly. "A BB unit with a part of it crashed into my life, and since then, I've never stopped running."
"Oh, Rey, I'm so-"
"I'm not." Rey moves a little, quite displeased when Luke's hold around her shoulders loosens yet again. She shifts a bit more and wiggles under his arm, catching his hand in hers. Her head rests on his chest, and Rey then pushes them both to lie on the grass so she can look at the stars. They have watched them multiple times during the years, sometimes on Jakku outside of Rey's AT-AT, sometimes on cliffs on the island.
He huffs but clasps her hand more firmly, putting his right arm behind his head. Being close is easier through the Force dream; the barriers between them are almost nonexistent and ignored. They watch the night sky as they used to and Rey can feel a wave of contentment sweep over them, but there's an undercurrent of curiosity disturbing the fragile peace.
"You were telling me how you're not sorry that I have ruined your life with my map," he says after a few more minutes.
Rey wants to punch him but is too comfortable to move, so she braves this battle with all she has instead. Perhaps she will never have another opportunity to speak with Luke so freely.
"You know I didn't have a good life. I was alone, hungry most of the time, and I feared for my life quite often. Death on Jakku is an everyday occurrence, just one wrong move during scavenging, or you get sick, or you just don't have enough water, and it's over. The only difference now is that I know what I fear the most. It's terrifying, more than I can express, but it makes me braver. I have someone to fight for. When BB appeared, I've started to live. How can I regret it if the map led me to the Resistance where I made friends for the first time in my life? It started me on a path I know I have always been meant to walk. The first steps led me to Finn, Han, and Chewie, to the lightsaber, to the Resistance and now to you. I have always been meant to meet you, Luke."
"I don't believe the Force could be so cruel as to fling you in my path of destruction," Luke chokes out. Rey raises her head to look at him, but he has his eyes tightly shut, face bearing an expression of acute pain. His disbelief and self-loathing seeps through their connection, and Rey struggles to free herself from their poisonous hold.
"I have always been meant to meet him, too," she forces out. The negative emotions abate, and she feels Luke's shock.
"For comparison between the Dark and Light Side, I think. He offered to teach me the ways of the Force," Rey says and is immediately flooded with Luke's horror. He looks at her and something in him is breaking, but it's not the usual pain she knows so well.
"I refused," Rey says softly, and Luke inhales sharply and holds his breath. She just wills him to understand and puts her hand on the spot where her head rested only moments ago, over his beating heart. "I had already found my teacher in someone else, a good man."
"I can't teach you what my nephew offered, Rey." Luke's voice is strangled, and with every word, the strange new kind of pain grows, mixed with disappointment and a dash of anger that morphs quickly into contempt directed – at him. He blinks and sits abruptly when he senses her confusion.
"Why not?"
"I can't access the Force." Luke shields his eyes with the good hand and turns his back to her. "When the Temple burnt, I cut myself from the Force in fear that… that I would… I was so angry that it was safer. I still am. Having access to my abilities would make me dangerous."
Rey lets wave after wave of heartache wash over her and swallows their tears. She can't see his face but knows Luke tries his best to push them back. She watches the line of his shoulders, the angle at which he bows his head and sees him.
"Look at me." She crawls on her knees in front of him and forces him to face her, putting both of her hands on his shoulders. "I'm going to tell you something. Are you listening to me?"
He is stunned, backed into a corner. His eyes are begging to stay silent, not to torment him anymore. Rey can't do that. He needs to understand.
"Luke Skywalker," she says with conviction. "You are the bravest, strongest man I know and you are a good person. You have done great things, but you know what? You are just a man, and you are allowed to make mistakes and you are damned well allowed to live in peace. That's what you deserve. That's what I want for you. The Resistance existed without the Jedi before and will continue to do so for as long as it will be needed. The galaxy will find a new hero. It doesn't have to be you. Do you understand? You have paid your dues. I'm not here to drag you back or because I want you to teach me. That's not why the Force brought us together."
"Why do you think we're connected, then?" Bright blue eyes brimming with tears are staring at Rey in wonder. The feeling of tentative hope emanating from him almost breaks her. How the universe has failed him. Is this how the galaxy treats its heroes? No more.
"So we are not alone." They're not, of course, not in the physical sense. They both have their friends and family, but none of them can understand what it means to be a Force-sensitive; how the power within moves and shifts and grows, and how scary it is. Rey understands. Perhaps when there was the old Jedi Order, things were different, but now? They are the last Light users left.
Then Luke bends his head, and Rey guides him closer. This time, it is her who offers comfort as great sobs shake his body, his face resting in the crook of Rey's neck and her arms wound around his shoulders and back, shielding him against all the Darkness in the galaxy.
The warmth of their feeling washes over them, endless, powerful, and deep like an ocean. Rey closes her eyes, floating with the emotion, and smiles into the night.