Disclaimer NCIS is not mine

Authors note Jibbs ahead ... just not the kind you want - Sorry! (I'm really not, i'm dragging this out to make y'all suffer!)

We Can't go Back

'And if you know what's good for you
You'll just let her go
Don't end up next to me in her sideshow'
-Charles Esten, Sideshow

It was three months later that Gibbs and Jenny finally had to face up to the reality of their situation. She may well have come back to work a week and half after she returned state side, but that didn't mean they had actually faced the reality of their situation. In fact they did anything but, they danced around one another, making it look to everyone who didn't know them that it was all hunky dory. But the reality of the situation was far from that. Jenny and Gibbs didn't speak about the arguments which had taken place before the op commenced, they didn't speak about the argument in the alley in Moscow or the time during her abduction.

It took a month and a half for Gibbs to actually allow the red head back in the field, and by that time she was pushing her body harder than ever before. She would hit the gym before work, and then after until she was so tired she almost collapsed. Jenny was eating healthier than she had in a long time, and gradually building her strength back up. She'd slowly eased herself onto the punch bag, and was teaching herself to fight just like Ziva had. Wracking her brain to remember the stance she needed, and the way she held herself.

So, by the time three months back in the US had passed, everything looked from the outside like it was normal. But Ducky, the wise doctor down in autopsy, watched his friends closely and knew that that was far from the truth. He saw the way Jenny was taking out all of her pain, fear and stress out on the training. How she was pushing her body further than it should be able to go only months after major injuries. Ducky could see the change in her, could see how since she had come back she had almost isolated herself from them all. For instance she'd chosen to go to the gym instead of out for a drink. He knew why, of course, he may not be a trained psychologist but it was evident that she was pushing herself so that she would be able to fight them next time.

Yet Jenny wasn't the only one Ducky had seen the change in Gibbs was not the man he had been. The whole time she had been taken the man had pretty much lived to find her, hoping that when she returned everything would be normal. It would all go back to how it had been all those years ago before covert operations clouded and blurred their relationship. However it would never be like that again, Jenny had been bruised, battered and practically broken in Cairo. Gibbs wasn't able to deal with that though, the knowledge that in his mind it had been his fault was too much to swallow. The guilt was drowning him.

As it turned out, coffee with Mark the Marine had resulted in being a lot more pleasant than she had anticipated, and since then she'd seen him numerous times. Jenny had discovered that she like his companionship, they laughed and joked and nothing came with any promises. They'd have some fun and mess around, but there a reassuring feeling that if either of them wanted, then there was the chance of it being something else. It was almost like a little note in the background just in case it ever felt right.

Each time they met up, Mark saw the change in Jenny, the build up of strength and confidence. She didn't really speak about work to him, just as he didn't to her. Both knew that what they did was dangerous. What they had was comfort, but not the sort where you talked it out. Their comfort was ignorance, pretending it wasn't there even for just a little while. It was like a funny film where you could tune out of reality. Truth was, it was what both of them needed.

Will and Stan had clicked on that she was seeing someone, although she hadn't told them who. They'd noticed the odd text message being sent, or the way she would leave a decent hour once or twice every week. Stan and Will had welcomed the news in their usual joking way, but inside both hoped it would help the red head, both hoped that she would manage to move on from whoever it was that had been holding her heart for so long. Neither knew of course, that that man had been Jethro. Not even the man himself knew.

That Agent, had felt more than a little confused at the red heads appearance on the dating scene. Slightly concerned as to where this man had come from. But he could not comment, because in recent weeks he'd been desperately trying to resurrect things with Stephanie. He left before 7 most nights, and made sure to at least see her when he got home. However, the cracks in their marriage that had appeared when they'd been in Russia were still there.

Even though Jenny and Gibbs' lives had began to move on, neither had faced their past, until that day. Jenny had been back in the field. All four of them were apprehending a suspect – who didn't want to come in – when it all went slightly mad, and that was why she was currently walking up Gibbs' front path, ready to rip him a new one. Something he was by no means expecting as he stood in his basement sanding his boat seemingly without a care in the world.

"Federal Agents!" The all shouted in unison as they surrounded the man whom was getting out of his car. The multi-storey car park allowed reasonable visibility and shelter behind the concrete pillars. The third floor meant that they didn't have to worry about him jumping over the edge which provided nothing but a sheer drop onto the busy road below – a near certain death. Additionally they were far enough away from any ramps to be confident he couldn't get away.

So they were all expecting this to go smoothly-

"Hand where we can see them!" Gibbs shouted as all four slowly began to move forward in an ever shirking circle.

-what they weren't expecting was the gun that was soon to be revealed.

His hands slowly moved up to his head, reassuring them all. Jenny began to make to steps forward holstering her gun and grabbing her handcuffs whilst the other three had her six. Just as she got close enough to take his wrist he pushed her back with so much force she hit the wall. Whilst the three men had momentary shock he grabbed the gun which was secured at the base of his spine.

"Put the gun down!" was shouted at him numerous times from numerous people in a wave of panic, he fired a shot, the sound echoing out through the car park. Not aimed to hurt but aimed to scare. To tell them that he was prepared to use the weapon. Then he aimed at Gibbs. Jenny was on the floor, and slowly blinked away the confusion. In one swift movement she put into practice what she had been teaching herself.

The red head kicked his legs out from underneath him which caused him to fall to the ground and drop his gun; he scrambled to get it whilst she went for him. They scrawled on the floor for all of thirty seconds before she had his hands behind his back and cuffed. The red head looked up to see the three men looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"Thank for the help." And with that she pulled him up from the ground and dragged him over to the car. Once she had locked the door she felt her head, and the blood running down. A few explicit words fell from her lips.

"You okay?" Gibbs questioned, walking over and looking at the blood. She just rolled her eyes and walked away.

"I'm not a damn invalid; if you'd stopped treating me like one months ago, you would have had your damn eyes on him and not me!" With that she walked over to the other car where Will was stood and got in, ready to go and get Ducky to patch her up back at NCIS.

She'd ignored them for the rest of the afternoon, written her report, left it on Gibbs' desk and headed off to the gym. As it turned out she had only scraped her head on the rough concrete and thankfully didn't had a concussion, but Ducky had given her some pain meds just encase she got a headache – which she would not take anyway.

The sky was black, barely a star was in sight, but the moon was full as it sat up there watching down on them all. As she walked up the path her heel clicked against the stone, until she stood still on the step. She'd always just walked in, and it would be so easy to just keep with that habit, but she couldn't do that anymore. They weren't those people anymore.

So, as strange as it felt, and even though she knew the door would be unlocked, she knocked on the door. She had hoped that no one would answer and she'd get to run away from the argument that they were about to have. But the sound of footsteps and voices broke that illusion until she was stood face to face with the other redhead in his life. "Jenny?!" Stephanie said, half amazed at how good the woman looked after being kidnapped, and half completely confused as to why she was currently stood on her front step. "How are you?"

"I'm okay, erm, is Jethro in?"

"Yes." The red head said. "Come in, he's urm, he's in the basement. I'll-"

"-It's fine, I know where I'm going, sorry for barging in I need to speak to him about something."

"It's okay." Stephanie said, watching as the red head familiarly made her way to the basement.

Gibbs had heard her voice, but he was still surprised to see her when she walked down the steps. The sight of her made him realise that she wasn't quite so broken anymore. Dressed in a pair of stone washed skinny jeans, a black vest top and an Aztec patterned swing knit cardigan with dark fascia double ankle strapped, pointed toe heels on. She looked amazing, especially with her new haircut which meant that her hair hit just below her shoulder at the front and slightly shorter at the back. It had made her look younger, and more casual.

Ducky had commented on it to the silver aired agent, saying it was probably part of her recovery process, that she was reinventing herself. Gibbs just thought it suited her. As he looked at her lightly made up face coming down the stairs he wondered if she had been dressed to go and see the man she was currently dating, but he stopped himself from asking the question, reminding himself that it was not any of his business.

Walking over to the work bench he poured them both a mason jar of bourbon, handing it to her when she was close enough that his senses were overwhelmed by her perfume. She nodded in thanks, and he went back to his boat. "We need to talk Gibbs." She said, and he just sighed, knowing it was true.

"Do we?" He asked, and she huffed, running a finger through her hair and glaring at his back. Mentally admiring the way his muscles moved under the grey material of his t-shirt. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't still attracted to him, and part of her wondered if he still had some of her heart. But these days they were barely even friends, and she knew that with his marriage and her relationship – was it a relationship? - with Mark, they'd never get back to what they were or ever get to what at one point in time they could have been.

"Don't be a pain Jethro you know we do. One of us could have gotten killed today and it's all because you're dolly coddling me!" She said in a harsh tone barely more than a whisper. This wasn't her house after all, it was his. More than that though, was that it was his wife's house too, she had not right to kick up a fuss.

"We had control of the situation, if you hadn't have moved in so soon-"

"Ah don't blame this on me! I'm not some probie who is intimidated by you Jethro." He just looked at her, running a rough hand through his more salt than pepper hair and seeing the woman in front of him. It didn't seem two minutes ago that she was sat down in his basement shaking uncontrollably because she had just shot someone for the first time – a damn good shot if he remembered rightly. Now, well he's be lying if he said he knew exactly who Jennifer Shepard was these days.

"I never said you were Jenny, doesn't mean it wasn't a probie mistake." He knew what he was saying was harsh, but he'd had his eyes on her because he was scared of losing her. Knowing it was him that nearly got her hurt once more, it just added fuel to the fire of his guilt.

"Jethro, stop being so damn high and mighty. This isn't about today, this is about every damn fight we have had since Paris-"

"We spoke about that-"

"-No we brushed it under the carpet. We can't carry on like this; I can't carry on like this. I went on a mission, I was kidnapped, abducted –whatever you want to call it- but it was no one's fault."

"I should have had your six-"

"You weren't allowed in the damn area. Look, yes I blamed you at first, but I don't anymore."

"If I hadn't have been with Stephanie-"

"Then what? You could have been taken too? Then when would we have been found?! Never!"

"You don't know that!" He swore, dropping the sanding block to the floor. The sound clattered around the room, and she looked down at the glass in her hands. At the auburn liquid that always reminded her of him. That he had first introduced her to.

"We can't go on like this."

"Well why are you here Jenny? You're new play toy throw you out?" It was a low blow, a harsh blow, and as he looked at her he knew he'd gone too far. But all of this had brought out emotions he'd managed to bury down so deep. Things he hadn't felt since Paris. And it took a hell of a lot of self control to remember that his wife was upstairs.

"Is that what this is about? I'm finally the one who is happy, and you're jealous because you can't make your damn marriage work?!"

Stephanie was stood upstairs, not that Jenny or Gibbs cared to know. But she listened, knowing what the other woman was saying was true. She'd been told by so many people how Jenny and Gibbs were a package deal, if she wanted him she'd have to accept the presence of the other red head. Yet throughout her marriage she noticed that that had never been the case. Listening now she knew something had happened, unfortunately for her and Gibbs' marriage timing had been poor. She guessed that had something to do with the friendship rupture.

"My marriage is none of your concern!" Gibbs shouted back, on the defence.

"Yeah, well neither is my relationship Jethro. You know what, there was a time not that long ago where I though the sun shone from you, I thought you were God. And you know what, maybe in Paris I fell for you – maybe. But I never ruined your relationship, never."

"What the hell are you on about Jenny?!" She looked at him, knowing she'd said too much.

"I can't carry on dancing around you. From now on, I'll leave you to your life if you leave me to mine. Just don't treat me like a child – I can take care of myself." Standing up she began to walk over to the stairs.

"You're not gonna explain what you just said?" He questioned, more confused now that he had been all year.

She looked at him, the bright cyan eyes, the gently wrinkled face, his salt and pepper marine cut hair that never changed, and ring on his left index finger that caught the light from upstairs. "No, no I'm not. I'm gonna go and you're gonna forget what I said. We both need to remember we're not the people we were back before Paris. Maybe if we can do that then we can begin to patch things up."

He gazed at her, as she left, wanting to stop her but still comprehending everything that she'd said. As Jenny left, she saw Stephanie, but avoided her gaze like the plague. Jenny knew the other woman had listened in, and she couldn't blame her. The agent knew that if their roles had been reversed then she would have done the same. But that didn't mean that she could catch her eye.

So, the red head left without another word, and headed back to her car, sighing softly as she got in. She rested her head against the head restraint and closed her eyes. Blindly she fished her phone out of her pocked and called the number which was now so familiar to her.

"Hey." Said a familiar voice. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, she replied, it will be if you're free." And the soft rumble of Marks laughter filled her ears, as it did Jenny smiled, maybe the little not in the back of their relationship would feel right reasonably soon – or at least, she hoped so anyway.

Told ya it wasn't what you wanted! OH well, if ya review i might give you Jibbs fluffiness sooner, the less reviews the longer Mark sticks around - i kinda like him after all . . .