A/N: Sebastian has visual agnosia - a disorder that affects how he perceives certain objects, including faces. Kurt has a horrible disfiguring scar. The two of them meet in college with some pretty interesting results.
Kurt turned in a slow circle and whistled low, taking in every inch of Sebastian's stylish studio apartment.
"When you said you had a place off-campus, I thought for sure you meant one of the little shoeboxes the rest of us got shoved into. But this…"
Kurt whistled again.
Sebastian smiled, taking Kurt's book bag and putting it beside his on the floor near the door.
"Well, money has its perks," Sebastian admitted, "and I have plenty of it. Thank you grandma and grandpa." Sebastian gazed up at the ceiling and sent a small kiss skyward.
"Ah, trust fund baby," Kurt said, walking over to the plush sofa and dropping down into the cushion. The oversize piece of furniture nearly swallowed him whole, not that he minded. This caramel-colored sofa, with its high-back and armrests, was even more comfortable than his own bed. He closed his eyes and sighed, the sound of Sebastian's unguarded chuckle making him smile.
"Comfy?" Sebastian teased, knocking into one of Kurt's knees with his own.
"Shhh," Kurt teased back. "I'm asleep."
Sebastian smiled and shook his head, stealing a moment to examine Kurt from his head of perfectly-styled walnut colored hand, over his retro Tommy Hilfiger tee and artfully torn Abercrombie jeans, down to his Doc Marten boots, only tied half way. Sebastian followed the line of Kurt's clothes back up his body, eyes riding the gentle curves of his jeans where they clung to his muscle, the rise and fall of his stomach beneath his shirt as he breathed, reaching his face – that beautiful, confusing, complicated face – in time to see one eyelid pop open when Sebastian took too long and the room stayed too quiet.
Sebastian recovered quickly, clearing his throat and turning away, occupying himself by quickly kicking off his checkered Vans, but Kurt smiled nonetheless.
"You live in off-campus housing, I take it?" Sebastian took a seat beside Kurt, turning toward him, knees barely touching.
"Yup," Kurt replied, still watching Sebastian through only one open eye. "I share a two-bedroom with a performance artist, and luckily for me, he's not all too particular."
"Oh—oh." Sebastian bobbed his head in a nod, disappointment evident in his voice so much so that Kurt couldn't bear to tease him.
"Yeah, but he spends most of his time at his girlfriend's sorority house anyway, so I get the place mostly to myself."
Sebastian fought the smile that started to tense his cheeks, trying his best to look nonplussed by Kurt's remark, knowing how much he had just revealed his hand.
"Well, why don't I make us something to eat?" Sebastian suggested, rising from the couch.
"Ooo, let me help you," Kurt offered, rocking back and forth in a failed effort to dislodge himself from the couch cushions. Sebastian stood back a step and watched, reluctant to offer any assistance as payback for Kurt poking fun at him. Kurt slid forward finally, almost dropping to his knees on the floor in an attempt to get to his feet. Kurt stood straight, crossing his arms over his chest, and glaring at Sebastian with a hint of humor in his eyes.
"Nice," Kurt accused. "Very nice."
Kurt marveled at Sebastian's state-of-the-art kitchen, quietly turning green as he chopped vegetables at the island and watched Sebastian cook. Sebastian looked comfortable, almost in his element, and Kurt, who didn't impress easily, found that he was. He bit his lip when Sebastian flipped vegetables in the sautee pan over the fire with ease, fiddled uncomfortably in his seat when Sebastian cracked two eggs at a time perfectly in one hand, and almost moaned out loud at the way Sebastian massaged a dry rub into a roast.
And Sebastian, who might have been putting on a little bit of a show, preened at the attention he knew he attracted, realizing Kurt was watching when he heard the pounding of the knife against the cutting board slow and then come to a stop.
"So, how are the veggies coming?" Sebastian asked, slowly slipping the roast in the oven.
"Oh…what?" Kurt sat rim-rod straight, dropping the knife that dangled from his fingers onto the mutilated carrot lying on the cutting board. "Uh..l…all done."
Sebastian grabbed a large salad bowl and started gathering up the various chopped greens and roots, tossing them together expertly with a vinaigrette he had mixed earlier from scratch. Kurt would have stopped staring if that were humanly possible, but at this point, he couldn't tear his eyes away if he tried. Flattered and amused, Sebastian picked the bowl up off the counter and headed toward the dining room.
"Why don't we get started," he said, smoothly leading Kurt out to the table without turning to see if he was following.
Kurt never realized he could have romantic feelings for a rump roast until he tasted the meal Sebastian had made. Kurt bit his lip, trying hard to keep from moaning after every single bite. After every moan, Sebastian's heart would stutter, his entire body reacting to the sound, until he had to cross his legs tight at the ankles to keep from getting up and moving to the seat beside Kurt. Sebastian needed a distraction from the sinful way Kurt's mouth moved around the piece of meat as he chewed, the way he closed his eyes to appreciate every bite, and that delicious moan.
"Tell me about your dad," Sebastian said, feeling that discussions about a parental figure might be just the thing to cool him off.
Kurt sighed wistfully, and Sebastian was afraid that maybe he chose the wrong distraction.
"He's my rock," Kurt replied simply. "I love him. I miss him. He blamed himself way too much for this…" Kurt gestured down the side of his face. "But he was overprotective, and so sad all the time. It might sound selfish, but I just needed to get away from that."
"Yeah, that sounds incredibly selfish," Sebastian agreed. Kurt turned hard eyes on him, but Sebastian continued on. "But, you're supposed to be selfish, Kurt. This is your life, and you have to start living it. He's your dad. He'll understand."
Kurt looked down at his meal and nodded, toying at another tempting bite with the tines of his fork.
"What about your family?" Kurt asked, looking up to meet Sebastian's eyes. "What are they like?"
Sebastian chewed while he thought, taking a moment to wipe his mouth with a napkin before answering.
"Distant," he said. "I was a very hyper child, and my parents couldn't really handle me. Then after the accident, they shut me away so I'd never get hurt again."
"So, you weren't born like this?"
"Nope." Sebastian's lips twitched into a sad half-smile. "I fell out of a tree…knocked into every branch on the way down, ended up unconscious for days. When I woke up, I couldn't see my mom and dad's face. The doctor just thought it was trauma from the fall, and that someday, when my brain had fully healed and the swelling was gone, everything would go back to normal. But it never did."
"I'm sorry." Kurt wished he could think of something smarter, more compassionate or relevant to say, but nothing came to mind, and Kurt didn't want to stay quiet in the face of such a tragic story.
Sebastian shrugged.
"It is what it is."
"Well, is there a chance, maybe? You know, that your vision will return?" Kurt realized he was grasping at straws, probably even the same straws Sebastian had grasped over and over, but it just seemed too heartbreaking to be real. Sebastian's stiff smile melted into something warm and sympathetic, touched that Kurt would be bothered so deeply by his affliction.
"Well, you read the literature your therapist gave you, right?" Sebastian said with just a hint of teasing in his voice. "What did it say?"
Kurt's hopeful gaze dropped to the table once more, and he shook his head.
"Highly unlikely at this stage."
A tense, awkward silence grew between them, Sebastian watching over the rim of his water glass as Kurt pushed the remnants of his sautéed vegetables around the edge of his plate.
"Well," Sebastian said when the slight scraping of Kurt's fork against his plate became too much, "this is just about killing my buzz."
Kurt's head snapped up, his eyes going wide.
"Wait…" he sputtered, watching Sebastian push away from the table and stand, "b-but we're not…what kind of buzz, exactly?"
Sebastian walked over to Kurt and took his elbow, silently persuading him to stand. Sebastian leaned into Kurt's ear.
"The buzz of having a gorgeous man in my apartment," Sebastian whispered, pulling Kurt carefully back to the living room and the dangerously comfortable sofa. Kurt ducked his head as he allowed himself to be ushered along. He wanted to object, but he didn't want to sound self-depreciating, especially in light of the fact the Jane had been right during their last session. Kurt finally met someone who had a worse burden to bear in life than he did.
"What did you have in mind?" Kurt asked instead. Sebastian twirled them around, pushing Kurt gently back onto the seat cushion and then dropping down in the space beside him.
"A good old-fashioned game of Twenty Questions," Sebastian offered. "I know you've got some. Lord knows I have a couple. And if we're going to bring on the heavy, I'd rather do it sitting here next to you than across from you at the kitchen table. Agreed?"
"A-agreed," Kurt stammered, though at this point he would have agreed to anything. Sebastian sat so close to Kurt that he noticed for the first time the unique, spicy scent of Sebastian's cologne, and the subtle way his piercing green eyes looked from Kurt's eyes to his lips and then flicked back up to his eyes again with just a subtle dart of his tongue over his lips as a chaser.
"Great. You go first."
"Uh…" Kurt had a million questions, but now that he had the opportunity, his mind went blank. Or maybe there was just a short-circuit between his brain and his mouth the moment he saw Sebastian absentmindedly rub his hand up and down the leg of his jeans, working at stiff muscle in his thigh. Kurt folded his hands in his lap and tried to concentrate.
"Has this ever happened to you before?" Kurt asked. "You know…was there ever someone else whose face you could see, or am I the first?"
Sebastian screwed up his face as he thought, finishing off the massage of his thigh with a few firm strokes that had Kurt at a complete loss of upper-level brain function.
"There was this guy when I first moved here," Sebastian began, not seeming to notice Kurt's sudden distress as Kurt clasped his hands tighter. "He was jogging, and I was walking, just exploring the city. He almost ran into me, and when I looked at him I thought, just for a second, that I could see him." Kurt nodded, more intrigued now than uncomfortable. "I heard a lady next to me murmuring something about a face tattoo, so maybe…you know…considering…maybe I did see him."
Kurt nodded again, and Sebastian didn't miss the tiny twinge that shifted Kurt's features for a split-second from curious to disappointed.
"But I always believed," Sebastian quickly amended, "that maybe I was alone for so long that maybe I hallucinated that image…that maybe my brain picked a face at random and filled in the pieces."
Kurt raised a skeptical eyebrow at that comment, but his expression seemed lighter, more full of hope.
"When I moved to the city, I was in a bad place," Sebastian explained, and this time Kurt's expression of hope became more complete.
"I guess that sounds plausible," Kurt agreed.
"Okay," Sebastian said, clapping his hands together. "My turn."
Sebastian wrung his hands together, trying to think of the perfect question to ask. Truth be told, he wanted to see Kurt squirm a little, but maybe loosen him up in the process.
"Okay," he repeated when he thought up the perfect question. "Tell me what your last boyfriend was like."
Sebastian expected an exasperated sigh, maybe a dramatic eye roll. He didn't expect Kurt to drop his eyes to his folded hands and shift anxiously in his seat, with a look on his face as if he was trying to decide whether to answer the question or bolt from the apartment.
"I…I've never…" Kurt huffed in frustration. He peeked up to see Sebastian's gorgeous face staring at him, a mixture of patience and good-natured ribbing in his expression. It was that feeling of being made fun of when Kurt didn't share in the joke that made him snap. He looked up quickly, flashing steely eyes in Sebastian's direction. "I've never had a boyfriend, okay!"
"Okay, Kurt," Sebastian said, forced physically backward by Kurt's change in mood. "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't…"
"What was your first kiss like?" Kurt asked, angrily pursuing Sebastian down the length of the sofa. Sebastian had no idea what Kurt had in mind, but he let Kurt crowd him against the armrest at the opposite end.
Sebastian's slight frown morphed slowly into a mischievous smirk, and Kurt felt a subtle burn fill his chilled insides. There was so much more than friendly affection in that expression and Kurt was dying to know what Sebastian was really thinking when his lips curled into that alluring, cocky grin and his eyes glowed.
"How do you know there's even been one?"
Kurt laughed bitterly, a single sharp sound that conveyed all his anger.
"Well, have you seen yourself?" Kurt spoke first and thought after. He stopped, his mouth dropping, mortified by what he said, but Sebastian just smiled.
"Parts of myself, yes," he answered.
"I….Jesus fucking shit!"
Kurt stopped his pursuit in favor of hiding his face in his folded arms on his lap.
Sebastian wanted to laugh.
"Why are you so nervous, Kurt?" Sebastian soothed, but Kurt just groaned in response, finding it hard to speak with his foot lodged so firmly in his mouth.
Sebastian considered running a comforting hand over Kurt's back, even going so far as to raise a hand and let it hover an inch or so above Kurt's body, but he changed his mind, pulling the appendage back to his side.
"My first kiss…" Sebastian started, finding a spot on Kurt's t-shirt and fixing his eyes on it, "…was with a girl who worked for my dad."
Kurt slowly raised his head, confusion written in every line of his furrowed brow.
"Wait…are you…"
"No," Sebastian finished quickly. "100% gay, but at the time, being so isolated from the world, maybe I was a little unsure, and this girl…I think my dad hired her to work around the house, just in case I was interested."
Kurt absorbed the words for a moment, let them rattle around his brain until they made sense.
"Oh," Kurt said quietly, his lips lingering in a little 'o'-shape. Kurt didn't hide his face again as he waited for Sebastian to continue.
"Anyway," Sebastian drawled, "I guess she got tired of waiting…or maybe my dad threatened to fire her for not doing her job, because she cornered me one afternoon in the library and kissed me."
Kurt breathed in sharp and quick, horrified on Sebastian's behalf.
"And it was…"
"Awful," Sebastian chuckled. "It was hard and tight lipped with a lot of teeth and tongue." Sebastian made a face and shook his head as if he had just bitten into something sour. Kurt sat up quickly and laughed in spite of himself. "I was sixteen." Sebastian shrugged. "My dad found out and made a big deal out of it."
"How did you react?" Kurt asked, throwing tact under the bus for the sake of his intense curiosity. "I mean, what did you say to him?"
"Nothing. I never spoke to him again," Sebastian admitted without a hint of regret in his voice. "You know, it may sound stupid, but I had a fantasy about how that first kiss would go, and he pretty much paid somebody to take that dream away from me."
Kurt wanted to cry, out of anger, out frustration, out of sadness. He wanted to curse and scream. He suddenly felt restless, like he needed to pace or punch something or run. It was one thing to have people he didn't know dislike him and judge him. Kurt was used to having complete strangers tell him he'd never achieve his dreams. But it was entirely inconceivable to him to have someone who professed to love you and raise you, whose job it was to protect you, tear your dreams apart for you.
"Sebastian," Kurt said finally, "I didn't know. I shouldn't have asked. I kind of wanted to get back at you, but you didn't know either…" Kurt ran his hands through his hair, blowing out a deep breath. "I guess…it's your turn. If you want to keep going."
Sebastian nodded, biting his lip. He moved back to his original spot, closer to Kurt on the couch.
"I do, actually," Sebastian said, watching as Kurt's eyes tracked his movement. Kurt didn't look apprehensive, just surprised, and Sebastian noticed the moment Kurt's breath hitched in his throat as he correctly read Sebastian's intentions.
"Shoot," Kurt whispered, the focus of his gaze dropping from Sebastian's eyes to his lips and that tempting tongue that licked along the seam slowly. Sebastian stopped when he came so close that Kurt's eyes couldn't focus on him anymore, and a single 'yes' would be enough to close the distance of a shallow breath.
"Can I kiss you?"