Disclaimer NCIS is not mine

A New Normal

'I've been needing you lately,
When the sun goes down,
I don't know where to find you.'
-Sam Palladio and Clare Bowen, Lately

It was just under a week later when Jenny stepped back into NCIS. Marie and Ben were still staying with her, and they had agreed they would do so for the next three weeks before they returned home to Ireland. By then, Jenny had agreed that she would have an answer as to whether or not she would be joining them when the time came.

Jenny stood in the metal box of the lift, trying ever so hard not to remember the last time that she had been in the building. The day that she had found out about Mark, the day that she had thrown her phone across the rooftop of headquarters and cried more tears than she ever knew she had inside of her. Her hair had been cut back into the style it had originally been styled in, and today she had straightened it. Attempting to make herself seem to the outside world as if nothing had happened. The red head was now ten weeks pregnant, and if you looked at her side on, then you might just be able to see the swell of her stomach. Part of her just wanted people to be able to know. So that was why she was at NCIS, to tell Tom Marrow that she would soon be returning to work and to tell Decker and Stan that she was pregnant. It was something she had debated over. After all, once they knew she would not be allowed to do anything what so ever. They would be even more protective of her.

But there was only so long she could wait until everyone would find out for themselves.

So she stepped out of the lift and walked across the catwalk to the Director's office. She knew that people were looking at her. News would have spread by now about the fact that her fiancé had died, and there was no doubt plenty of scuttlebutt going around which carried her name. But dressed in a floral sundress that floated loosely over her figure and chunky brown sandals, none of them would know that she was carrying a child.

"Is the director free?" Jenny asked his assistant, the younger woman nodded, and told her to go on through. Jenny smiled at the sight of an obviously tired and frustrated Tom Marrow sat behind his desk - which held about a hundred and one case files. But he smiled none the less when he saw her come in and take a seat opposite her. "Is this a bad time?" She questioned, nodding towards the cases.

"No, no I could do with getting my mind off of this lot for a while." He stated, and the red head just smirked. Tom Marrow was more dedicated to NCIS than any one of his employees; he'd worked his way up and managed to play politics perfectly. He could smooth over every one of Team Gibbs' incidents which to most other Directors would be catastrophic – yet he didn't even break out in a sweat. But when it came to paperwork, he despised it almost as much as Jethro did.

"SecNav?" Jenny questioned, referencing the one who commanded them all. The Secretary of the Navy expected NCIS to run like a military operation, which was hard to do when it was impossible to look into the future and plan how a case would go. The SecNav was about the only person Jenny knew who could get the Director to break out in a sweat – and that was saying something.

"The man thinks that if you give me twenty minutes I can make the world!" Jenny just laughed at his response. They both knew that it didn't matter who held the position of Secretary of the Navy or what their position had been prior to them holding it. The SecNav would always be a pain in the ass for the Director of NCIS. And that was period. But the current one seemed to be the worst imaginable. "Anyway, what can I do for you Jenny?"

"I want to come back to work. I'm sick of sitting around at home with Ben and Marie talking about the past. I need to live my life." The Director just nodded. He would never argue with her simply because it would be as pointless as arguing with Gibbs would be. The pair were more than just alike in their coffee sense. The bull headed nature that Mike Franks had worn, had been passed down onto Gibbs and then Jenny. Tom did not doubt the fact that whoever the lucky agent was that she trained would have just the same nature engraved into them by the time she was finished with them.

"As long as you are ready." Tom said, and she just nodded. Whether she was ready or not; she didn't honestly know. But she wasn't sure how you ever would find out, it wasn't like a letter arrived telling you that your time for grief was over and suddenly it didn't hurt anymore. Things didn't work like that. The only way she would find out if she truly was ready would be by getting back into work, pushing the pain to the back of her mind and doing what she loved whilst she planned what her future was going to be shaped like.

"Yeah, yeah I am. But there is something else that you need to know before I come back." She said, looking at the head of the agency that she had considered a friend ever since the European undercover op which seemed so long ago these days. Almost a lifetime ago.

"Please don't tell me that you're going to leave me in a month for the FBI?"

"The FBI? Really? If I was leaving I'd at least ruffle some feathers and leave for Army CID." She promptly replied with a small smirk. Tom rolled his eyes at the comment, silently pleased that the grief had not taken away her sense of humour. "I'm pregnant, ten weeks along."

She could see the smile on his face visibly growing, the way that his gaze softened and he softly nodded. There was a comfortable silence as he considered what he was about to say. Jenny leaving to have her child, and the maternity leave would be a loss for the agency, and especially Jethro's team. Decker was already leaving for LA soon, leaving them one man down, and if Jenny was away for a year then he would have to give the former marine a probie to train – a conversation he was already not looking forward to. But then he thought about the red head sat in front of him. If he was honest, he couldn't think of a better mother. Maybe she had never thought of herself as being the sort to have a family, but he knew that there were strong maternal instincts within her; the way that she was strict but caring at the same time. One only had to look at her when a case involved a child and one of the team had to look after them. The child would always love Jenny, in the same way that every adult he knew liked.

"Congratulations." He said. That was one word that the red head knew she would hear a lot over the next few months, but coming from her boss she knew that it was sincere, she knew that he only wanted the best for her, whether that be advancing her career by sending her on and undercover op, or accepting that he career was no longer the most important thing in her life. "When are you due?"

"December 23rd, god help me in the future – Christmas is going to be damn expensive!"

"Next time you're in my office you'll be asking for my job so you can afford it!" He joked, "I'm really happy for you Jenny."

"Thank you. So I'll see you Monday morning?"

"Yeah, you will, but you'll be confined to your desk soon! No arguments."

"Yes sir!" she mock saluted, before smiling warmly at him and leaving the office. By the time she reached the bull pen, team Gibbs were sat there arguing over the latest care. Correction; Stan and will were arguing whilst Gibbs just glared at the pair as though if he did so hard enough they would just disappear in a puff of smoke.

It took a while for any of them to notice her, stood on the halfway landing of the stairs watching them. It was Jethro who saw her first, he smiled, then there was a chorus of 'alright red!' and 'what's up Shep' as she made her way down stairs.

When she told them the news, both Stan and Decker were more than pleased for her. They instantly decided that they would be called Uncle Stan and Uncle Will, even if they weren't family by blood. The names already made Jenny smile, knowing that she didn't just have Mark's family there for her but her own too – even if they weren't blood.

Gibbs watched the interaction, confident that the red head in front of him would cope. He didn't honestly know whether she would go to Ireland or not, but it wasn't his choice to make for her. Of course he wanted her to stay, but he also knew that she wanted to be with Ben and Marie because they were a part of Mark. They almost helped her grieve – and hell she was doing a better job at that than he ever had.

If she went, then he would deal with it, keeping her desk clear for her whenever she wanted to return. But if she stayed then he would make sure she was home every night at a decent hour – as often as he could. He'd look after not only Jenny, but her child too, because that child was his family. It wasn't by blood, and in some ways that comforted him. He could love the child – his godchild – like he should, without feeling he was betraying Kelly or Shannon. He'd still look after them both in Ireland as much as he could.

Jenny stayed a while longer, giving input into the case, making the whole team head slap themselves because she was pointing things out that they hadn't seen. Gibbs was desperate to have her back by the time she left, realising how slow they had been wading through their pile of cases in a Sheppard-less team. But when she told him she would be back on Monday he was both dubious and relieved.

But he did the sensible thing and kept his mouth shut.

As it turned out being back at work was just what Jenny needed, and although everyone was treating her like an invalid, she was still out in the field as much as she could – even if it was just talking to the grieving families. Every time she sat with a grieving girlfriend, widow, and fiancé though, it was like someone had literally punched her in the stomach. All the pain that she had felt on that day hit her in one go. But it faded, and Jenny got on with the case. Determined to get both their victim and the loved ones the justice they deserved. A justice she would never get.

The three weeks that Marie and Ben were staying with her for passed quickly. Jenny was at work most days, and they were glad to see that she had something to take her mind off of everything. Ben and Marie met the team she worked with, and both instantly took a liking to Ducky. They were relieved to see that she had people who cared about her. Jenny may never have made it to being their daughter-in-law, but they saw her in that sense never the less, and both cared a lot about her – not just because she was carrying their grandchild either.

The night before the couple boarded their flight to Dublin airport, Jenny sat in the darkened bull pen. It was a Sunday night and not many people were there, most had gone home for the evening. But she sat there, her desk light on as she stared into space. Stan and Will had both headed off home, Gibbs was in the director's office stopping off case files and she was just sat there. She was supposed to have been back half an hour ago to change before meeting Ben and Marie at a restaurant in the city centre for a meal. They had been to the ballet and would be at the table soon.

Still, Jenny didn't move. She'd had over three weeks to make her decision and yet she still hadn't. Part of her wanted to stay in DC, she wanted to stay because of Gibbs, because of Noemi and her work. But part of her also wanted to go to Ireland, to have a change to find who she was again, to raise her child in the countryside where they could run free without the fear of traffic. She wanted to be close to Marie and Ben because they were Mark's family.

"Thought you were off out?" Gibbs probed. Jenny shook her head out of the thoughts and looked up at him, standing over her desk; dressed in those perfect jeans, and that old USMC hoodie. The sight of him like that gave her a feeling of comfort, his soft voice that he very rarely used on anyone but her. Hey never had spoken anymore about what he said that night when he was drunk, and she doubted they ever would. But every now and again it would pop back into her head, only for her to hear Mark's voice asking her to marry him.

"Yeah I am, just thinking." She said, looking up and running a hand through her hair, the natural waves had occurred from the early call that morning telling her they had a case.

"You still not decided?" He questioned, as he went to sit behind his own desk, and pressed the standby button on his computer. His eyes looked over at the red head, her face furrowed in confusion. Lips red from biting them with worry. She looked gorgeous as always, and pregnancy was suiting her. Jenny wasn't the person who he had known as a probie though, nor was she the person who had returned home from the Moscow op bruised battered and bent. She was someone completely different, but he guessed that she would see him in the same manner too.

"No, I just, I don't know. You guys, you're my family, you know? And this city I my home – it is where I grew up!" She said, her voice cracking with emotion as she ran a hand down her face. "But Ireland is a fresh start and it isn't like it would be forever, but-"She cut herself off, sighing and turning to look at Gibbs.

"It's your choice Jenny."

"I almost wish someone would make it for me." She stated, laughing at her own words. She'd always hated being told what to do; she'd worked so hard to prove herself so no one told her what to do.

"You said it yourself; it wouldn't be forever, just a few months. Babies are hard Jen, hell Shannon asked her mum to come stay with her after two days!" The way he inserted Shannon into the conversation showed how he had changed. It was almost like no she had felt half his pain, he felt he could talk about it. Granted, he very rarely mentioned her name, and never when anyone else was around. But it made her feel like they had a new level in their relationship – she liked it.

"It wouldn't be. You think I should go?"

"I think you're scared that you're gonna lose this if you go. And you're desk will never be filled Jen." She looked down at her gingers, the engagement ring was still on, although she knew one of these days she would have to take it off. But not yet, it was too soon just yet. "You know what you want Jen, make your decision." He stood up, grabbed his coat and left after that.

Ten minutes later she did the same.

She knew what she had to do.