Disclaimer I don't own NCIS

note- I changed Shannon's surname pre-Gibbs

Jennifer Shepard's Decision

'She was my best friend,
And it broke my heart,
But I don't regret the day that she became,
One of those I've loved along the way.'
-Eric Church, Those I've Loved

October, and it was a cold one. The ground was covered in a thick layer of frost every morning. The roads were constantly being gritted because of the black ice which had caused so many accidents. The trees were bare, the beautiful colours having fallen back late September. The skies were thunderous, and storms raged just as the wind did more nights than not. But October was fast becoming November and the pumpkins were already lining doorsteps, paper bats on windows and shops garishly decorated in the festive spirit. Children raced around in fancy dress even though the day was not yet upon them – their excitement unable to be contained.

But for Jenny, the ending of October meant the ending of an era. She was seven months pregnant at this stage, and felt like the size of a house. She had decided not to know what she would have, and her list of names was ever growing. But it seemed that whether she was to have a little girl or a little boy, they would definitely be active if the rate at which they were kicking and doing somersaults was anything to go by.

It was evening outside in DC, and Gibbs was typically down in his basement sanding away at his boat. Constant changes in LA had meant that Will didn't leave until mid August, heading off for the sun and his own team. He had been excited, but at the same time a little disappointed, he'd been enjoying the torment Jenny's hormones played on her, and the repercussions they had on Stan who more often than not had some large, heavy, object thrown at him.

Gibbs had not escaped the wrath though, and had once or twice been found to be hiding down in autopsy with Ducky. As it turned out pregnancy had emphasised Jenny's dislike for the place, as they had discovered one day when she walked in and promptly ran out and empted her stomach. She had avoided the place ever since. Meaning Ducky had to make his journeys up to the bullpen more frequent.

Gibbs took a step back and admired his work. The boat was coming along well; he'd steamed the wood a couple of weeks ago and fitted it to the skeleton he had made. Now the whole outer shell was complete and he'd nearly finished sanding it. The next weekend they weren't working he planned on staining it for the first time.

The silence in the room was only interrupted by the whistling winds outside. He mentally hoped that all of his team were home and safe. The weather was not something he appreciated. Will was lucky to be in LA when the sun was apparently shining – as his constant post cards informed them all. Jenny was the only one who didn't look at him bitterly. The short burst of heat they had experienced in august had only made her even more agitated as her feet seamed to swell excessively.

Stan was already planning a holiday to join his friend in the sun.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of creaking floorboards. He looked up to the door in time to see Jenny walk in and began to make her way down. She had on a pair of jeans, a knitted jumper and a thick woollen coat meaning that her stomach was clearly visible as Gibbs looked at her from the side. Gibbs immediately moved to help her, and even though she was not happy about having to be helped, she appreciated his concern. The stairs were hard enough before she was pregnant and they were even worse now.

She smiled softly at him as she reached the bottom but he just glared at her. "I told you not to come down here!" He said, and it was true, the last time she had come down she had been four months pregnant and nearly fallen, since then he had banned her from his basement. But he knew it would not last forever. The silver haired agent poured himself a glass of bourbon and threw her a bottle of water from the mini fridge that Burly had forced him to install when they had had some drinks to celebrate Will's new job.

"Yeah well, I never did listen to you Jethro." She smirked, opening the bottle and taking a sip before moving to the old worn couch which sat in the corner. The smell of sawdust was familiar, and it made her relax after what had felt like a long day. Sitting there it felt like old times. Or it would if there wasn't a boxer kicking her from the inside. She moved her hand to her stomach and rubbed small soothing circles until junior calmed down.

Silence spread out for a while between them, neither knowing what to say. Tomorrow was the day that everything would change, tomorrow she would get on a plane to Ireland and she would be gone. Gibbs would be left alone with Stan, and she would have a fresh start. Tom Marrow had pulled god only knows how many strings to get her the job she would do. Instead of being on a team she work as liaison, it was perfect as she would be on calls most of the time instead of travelling, working on anti-terrorism with Mossad, Ireland, England, and any other country that they needed her to.

She would have to travel a little, but not a lot. The amount of time she was staying in Ireland for was still indefinite, but Tom told her that her position in DC was permanently safe. That was something she definitely appreciated. No matter what happened she wanted to return to her home city. Tomorrow was the day that she would have to say goodbye to the life she knew so well. The next time she was back she would not be alone; she'd have the son or daughter that she and Mark had made with her. Something she was more than a little excited about.

But for now, she just wanted one more night like all of those old ones they had shared. Nights when they didn't say much, but there was a mutual understanding. Tonight she just watched him, thinking of all those other times when he had stood there working on his boat and she had sat there watching him or occasionally helping. "You all packed?" He questioned, placing the sander down and looking at the red head.

She just nodded. "Yeah, Ducky is taking me to the airport."

"I'd have taken ya Jen." She just looked at him. Truth be told she had thought about asking him, but she knew that if he took her, then she wouldn't leave as dry eyed as she would if Ducky took her. She would cry – she cried at everything at the moment. But if Jethro took her, she wasn't sure that she would actually end up going. She'd back out. But she knew she had to go, it was the right thing for her, but more than that it was the right thing for her child.

"I know." She replied, a sad smile forming on her lips as her emerald orbs moved up to catch his. Gibbs just nodded, knowing it was her decision. He moved to a new section of the boat and started sanding it down meticulously – following the grain just as he had always taught her. "Your god child is not working on that boat until they are at least ten." Jenny declared, watching the silver haired agent work. He turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. She knew that as soon as her child was left alone with Gibbs they would have a sander in their hand.

"You're the boss." He replied, knowing that he would never keep to that rule. He'd told himself that no matter what he would respect any decision that Jenny made when I came to raising her child, after all it wasn't his. But there could be some exceptions. Working on the boat would most definitely be one of them. Looking at her sat there, he wondered how things would plan out when it came to the pair of them, whether having an ocean between them would tear apart the fragile relationship that they had been gradually repairing. He hoped that whenever it was that she would return, they would go back to being like this. That they would be able to have a relaxed friendship – but there was no guarantee.

"How did you choose Kelly's name?" Jenny asked, she had been wondering a lot about that lately. Wondering but scared to broach the subject, knowing that it was a sore sport for Gibbs. She watched him closely. His movements faltered a little but he continued, as he thought about the question.

"Shannon chose." He stated simply, before looking over and deciding to elaborate. "It was after her maiden name, she was an only child; name was practically going to die out so she decided to give it to Kel." Jenny nodded, thinking about her surname.

"Guess Shepard wouldn't really have the same effect." Gibbs smirked, shaking his head. "Maybe if the little one is a boy I'll name them Shepard Leroy."

"Really Jen? You want your kid to get bullied?" Jenny smirked at the look of disgust on Jethro's face.

"What about Tobias for a boy and Diane for a girl?" The red head questioned, laughing as the look of disgust on her partners face turned into a look of complete horror.

"Get out." The woman just laughed even harder, leaning back on the sofa until her head touched the wall behind her.

"I'm joking! I swear!" She confessed, raising her hands up in defeat. Gibbs just shook his head, despite the fact she was picking on him he was pleased to see her laughing. It felt like way too long since that sound had graced his ears. "If you don't like my suggestions then why none give me some of your own." She stated.

"Stan." Gibbs stated seriously.

"You want me to make his ego even bigger?"

"Good point." Gibbs stated, as he went back to work. For the rest of the evening they threw names across at each other, every now and again bursting into fits of laughter as one of them made reference to someone they knew. It was nearly midnight when Gibbs cast an eye over at Jenny who had been strangely quiet for the last twenty minutes. That was when he saw her eyes had closed and her head had fallen backwards. He smiled at the look of content that had made residence on her face. She looked so peaceful, but the position would only cause he more aches and pains when then morning came. So he walked over, and carefully woke her.

"Come on, you can sleep in my room." He whispered, before escorting her up the rickety basement stairs and up to the master bedroom her rarely even used. She didn't even bother to change; she simply placed her head on the pillow and zonked out again. Gibbs leant forward and pulled the covers up over her, before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Night Jenny." He whispered before walking out of the door and pulling it to. They might be just friends, but he still cared an awful lot about the woman who was sleeping in his bed.

The next morning Jenny returned to her house, changed and set about packing her hand luggage ready for the trip she was about to take. She'd told Ducky that she would take a taxi to NCIS and meet him there, so she could say goodbye to everyone without dragging them to the airport. Part of her also wanted to say goodbye to the place which had been more like a home that the townhouse for the past however many years.

Jenny stood in the hallway, her suitcases stood at the bottom of the stairs and she looked around. She didn't need furniture or anything so the house looked no different than it did when she left it every morning. She was literally taking clothes, makeup, jewellery and a few pictures to make the annex feel a little more like home. But standing there, memories flooded over her. The times she had run through these rooms as a child, the sound of a family filling the ancient house. Nights when her father would sit in his study, drinking whiskey and reading his files. The team coming over for holidays and celebrations. Noemi; the woman who had been like a mother to Jenny for so long. Memories of Mark and her, just the simple, small moments that meant so much. It had seen so many pivotal moments in her life. And now the most pivotal would take place in Ireland.

The sound of a car horn beeping outside told her that her taxi had arrived. The red head took one last looka round the house. All the lights were turned out, everything was unplugged. This really was goodbye for now. She picked up the shoulder bag and unlocked the door, before grabbing the first suitcase and attempting to pull it out the door. The sight of a pregnant woman with a massive suitcase was enough to get the taxi driver out of the car. He pulled the first one and then the second suitcase down to the car whilst she locked the front door for the last time.

By the time she reached NCIS, the whole situation still felt surreal. Jenny paid her fee, and the driver unloaded the suitcases before driving away and leaving the Navy Yard. Jenny was helped into headquarters by a young man in uniform whom Jenny realised she was old enough to practically be the mother of. The cases were left in a locked room whilst she made her way up to the bullpen. The whole journey took place while Junior jumped around. That sensation mixed with the butterflies in her stomach was almost dizzying. She reached the floor below the bullpen, and a few agents got on. They nodded, everyone knew that today she would leave – whether they knew her or not.

Orange walls, dividers, desks, the skylight, she all of it every day and yet today it all looked so different. Slowly she made her way over to the MCRT division. Inside it stood Ducky, Stan, Gibbs, Tom Marrow and the forensic scientist Abby who had started not that long ago. The woman was hyper, and although Jenny didn't know her all too well she seemed like she loved her job.

Abby hugged her first, she was a hugger. Jenny struggled to breath, but said nothing. Abby gave some rambling speech, of which Jenny understood about half. "Look after Jethro for me." Jenny whispered in Abby's ear, knowing that the young Goth had a soft spot for the special agent. Abby just nodded, before returning to her lab, not wanting to cry because Jenny had told her that it would make her cry.

"Good luck Jenny, we'll see you soon. I'll call you in a few days and tell you what I want you working on." Tom Marrow said, Jenny nodded and smiled. "Take care of yourself, and more than that, relish every moment." Jenny just smiled and nodded, she was only saying goodbye to her boss and she was already filling up.

"I'm a wreck!" Jenny laughed, and her boss gave her a quick hug before running up to MTAC ready for a meeting with the SecNav who apparently was on the line, waiting and complaining about the agency head's ability to keep time.

"So, you're actually leaving me with Gibbs? Alone!" Stan said, looking terrified as he looked at the silver haired agent out of the corner of his eye. Gibbs, as if on cue, gave the younger agent a head slap. The whole scene had Jenny and Ducky laughing. Stan just rubbed his head. "Please don't go Jenny! You tame him, without you he's gonna run wild!"

"Yeah, well she's leaving me with you, I drew the short straw!" Gibbs mumbled as he went to sit behind his desk. The old injury on his knee hurting.

"Share some wisdom Red; how do you tame him?" Stan asked, placing his hands together as if he was praying. Jenny just laughed, signalling for him to come closer.

"He just doesn't like you." She said, so that it sounded like a whisper but everyone else could hear. Stan looked hurt, Ducky chuckled and Gibbs laughed. Jenny smiled.

"That hurt Red!"

"Awh, sorry Burley. I like you." She stated, smirking.

"I knew there was a reason I'll miss ya." He said, before giving her a hug.

"Have his six." She whispered, and she felt Stan nod.

"Always do Jenny, always do."

Stan sat down at his desk, and Ducky started a conversation in order to give the two partners a moment. Gibbs sat there for a second, taking in the way she looked. Hair loose and wavy, wearing a green wrap dress, boots, and a jacket. She looked amazing, and he knew he would always have feelings for her. But to say anything now would be as wrong as it had been to say them the night he had been drunk. This time he would keep his mouth shut though.

He stood up, wincing at his knee before walking over to her. She smiled sadly. This was the goodbye she had been dreading. The man who had been there for her through everything, whether she knew it or not, whether she wanted it or not. He had been there. "You gonna be okay?" He asked, referring to nothing and everything at once.

"Yeah, I'm a big girl Jethro." She said, smiling sadly. "Ben and Marie are there, and you are only a phone call away." Inside, junior began to kick, and she took Jethro's hand, placing it on her stomach. Up until then she hadn't let anyone else feel the kicks, but in that moment it felt right. Gibbs smiled brightly, he'd only felt Kelly kick once. "Take care Jethro."

Gibbs moved his hand when the sensation stopped. He shook his head at her concern. "I mean it, I don't want to hear that you've got another hole in you!" She stated, and he laughed.

"I'll be careful. You too." Jenny nodded, and she cast her eyes down.

"I'll see you later Jethro." Goodbye was too much for Jenny to say, it was too final, too definite. So she'd see him later, whenever later may well be.

"See ya later Jen." Gibbs said, giving her a hug. Jenny buried her head in the crook of his shoulder, and let a few tears role down her cheek. For the last time she breathed in the scent of coffee, sawdust and his aftershave. Committing it to memory. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and pulled away, forcing herself to smile.

Jenny and Ducky left after that, never saying another word, until they were in the car. Small talk passed between them, meaningless things. "I won't let him do anything stupid, Jennifer." Ducky said, and she turned and looked at him. She knew that he was talking about Gibbs, and she appreciated it. No matter how many people she asked to look out for him, it was never enough. Jethro had a wild streak that sometimes needed to be tamed. He needed to be brought down to earth. And without her there, Ducky was the only one who had a hope of managing.

"Thank you Ducky."

By the time that Jenny said goodbye to Ducky, and had walked though security, she was surprised that she had shed so few tears. But on the flight that followed that would all change. Because, as she looked down from the plane as it took off, at the bustling streets of the city, she began to wonder just what she planned on doing next.

She was going to Ireland for a fresh start, but did she really want one? Or did she just want her old life back?

This is the end of Those I've Loved, thank you for all who have reviewed, and supported it!

Please keep an eye out for the sequel, 'who i am today' which should be posted within the next week.

-abs x