For a second time, due to request, I present you with a Rizzles Ficlets Sequel, this time for "Promises" (Ch. 33)
When she wakes up, she's disoriented; an unwelcome side-effect to taking pain meds. She looks around her room and frowns. There's definitely something missing, but she can't quite place her finger on it. She inspects herself first. Shoulder's screaming, but when you have a bullet shatter through you, that's to be expected. Her gun's probably been taken for analysis. Her badge is on the table beside her. So what's missing?
She can hear her Ma down the hall giving hell to a nurse who most likely doesn't deserve the tongue-lashing.
"How dare you let my baby receive her yesterday? She's in a hospital bed, for crying out loud, you think she needs divorce papers to top all that off?"
Oh, right. That. And that's when Jane realizes what's missing: Maura. She allows herself one snuffle, but won't let her hand press the pump again. She shouldn't go from one addiction to another, especially when the first turned out to be less healthy than she thought. Okay, she can give herself leave for another snuffle if she's going to badass her way through waves of pain.
She wants to roll onto her side, but with all the tubes hooked up to her and the intricate sling surrounding her arm, she pushes down on the desire. She tries to look everywhere but at the plastic seat beside her bed or the door she'd let the love of her life walk out through yesterday.
Shit, she's actually going to have to deal with this. And apparently her mind is dead set on 'right now'. Through eyes half-closed in anticipation of the hurt, she looks down at her left hand. Yeah, the ring is still there alright; mocking her, taunting her. How could she have been so foolish? How could she have been so naïve as to actually believe that that perfect goddess was meant for her? How could she have believed that she had anything to offer the woman who had it all or could get it all with just the snap of her fingers.
It wasn't anything new. She'd always known the doctor was slumming with her, even when they'd just been friends. It's amazing what your heart can talk you into when you want it so badly to be the truth. She was a broken, blue-collar, temperamental cop. She didn't belong in Maura's world. God, even her name could make her heart twist and ache.
She thought about taking the ring off, showing the world that this wouldn't break and define her as other events had. She'd lived without Maura before; she could do it again. But that was a half-life and you know it, the thought was an immediate response to a life without her doctor.
The gripping sensation in her chest intensified.
No, she'd leave the ring on. Marriage goes two ways, after all. She meant it when she said 'til death do us part' and Jane Rizzoli does not go back on her word.
Maura never went back on her word either. Until this, anyway. Idly, Jane wondered if her ex-wife was experiencing a good case of hives for the lies she'd told yesterday. She hoped she did, even hoped she'd experienced a vasovagal experience, despite the guilt she felt at the thoughts.
Part of her wished she'd never met the doctor, to spare herself the crushing pain of loss that was bubbling just under the surface of the waning morphine. But part of her wouldn't trade a single second of Maura Isles being in her life, not for all the pain in the world.
Eventually she'd have to go back. Back to the precinct, back to their house, back to her life which had Maura in every single aspect. She should embrace the respite while she can, before she has to face that woman every day and know that even though she had once been hers, she never would be again. After all, she knew Doctor Isles. She knew Maura wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
She glances down at her ring again and the memory of the day it was placed on her finger erupts behind her eyelids, crystalline in clarity. She doesn't notice the tears slipping out of the corners of her eyes.
Her phone beeps from the table beside her. The ID tells her it's someone she'd rather not hear anything from. It's probably just something about when the doctor will be away from the house, so she can pick up her things, her remnants of a former life, without disturbing the peace of the one left whole. She shudders at the thought. She stares at her phone in contemplation for several minutes. She shrugs. Why not drive the knife in a little deeper? Maybe if she shatters a little more, she won't ever have to try and put herself back together. Maybe she can just stay broken and no one will mind.
She opens the text message. Thank you for signing the papers, Detective Rizzoli.
Yeah, Maura may have believed she loved her, but any trace of that is gone. She smirks bitterly as she types out her reply. The smile fades as she appraises her pain pump. She checks the room, more out of habit than actual necessity as she knows there's no one there. She gives it a tap, knowing it won't hurt anyone but her in the long run.
You're welcome, Doctor Isles, but it's Detective Rizzoli-Isles.