The medical staff remained despite the overthrow of SHIELD. Tony didn't get to leave for another three days, but he was completely free of all tubes and wires for the first time in months so the delay wasn't all bad.
Learning to eat again was more complicated than Tony would've expected, with lots of digestive troubles and unpleasant excretory side effects. He'd never thought he'd long for the day when a simple piece of pizza would sit easily and not have him running to the bathroom an hour later.
Still, no tube and no little backpack. Subsisting on oatmeal and smoothies was worth it. Plus, this way he had no trouble getting back to his previous weight and fitting into the armor wasn't a problem in the least.
He'd been free for maybe eight weeks when both Agent Hill and Director Fury abruptly appeared in the Avengers living room. "Security breach," Tony said as soon as he walked in and saw them. He pointed at Hill. "Where did you come from?" He turned to Fury. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"Supposed to be," Fury agreed amiably. "There are many things that haven't worked out the way they were supposed to."
"Why are you here?"
"To remind you that the agreement remains in effect," Hill said evenly.
"SHIELD no longer exists. I'm not bound to that agreement anymore," Tony retorted, heading for the bar counter. "Anyone else want a drink?"
"SHIELD may not exist but the Avengers do, so your mission has not changed," Fury said, following him to the bar. "Check your records if you don't believe me. A whiskey for me, please."
"Jarvis?" Tony slid a glass to Fury, then began filling his own.
"The director is correct, sir," Jarvis said, sounding regretful. "The stipulations do not mention SHIELD as an entity, only the Avengers."
"I see," Tony said, pouring double the amount he'd originally intended into his glass, then gulping it down without pause, heedless of the potential digestive consequences.
"Do you?" Fury pressed, setting down his glass and taking a step away from the counter.
"Yes, I see that I am well and truly fucked," Tony snarled, slamming his glass down on the bar.
"See that you are," Hill said with a smirk.
"Banner or Barton. Your choice." Fury nodded to Tony as they stepped into the elevator.
When the doors closed behind them, Tony picked up his glass again and threw it at the elevator door. It shattered against the wall next to it and was quickly joined by the glass Fury had used.
Bruce came down the stairs from the lab as the second glass hit. "Whoa, what happened here?"
"Fury and Hill happened," Tony snapped. "I abhor being outmaneuvered."
Bruce got the whole story out of him piece by piece in between doses of alcohol or throwing things (or both), then persuaded him to come up to the lab so they could both think. "Have you had one of your lawyers look over the agreement?"
"And fess up to the mess I'm in? No. I'll be a laughingstock."
"You should. Pick someone discreet. There's got to be a loophole."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Tony said morosely.
"It's worth a try."
"And in the meantime? They'll be checking up on me."
"I doubt your doctors will want you trying again until you are eating more normally," Bruce said reasonably. "That will buy you some time. After that, if the lawyers still haven't figured something out, I'll volunteer to give it a go."
Tony considered this, then thought of a major flaw with Bruce volunteering. "But-"
"I know. And you know. But apparently they haven't realized it yet." Bruce shrugged. "And we need to finish working on Veronica anyway."
.
Tony waited until the next time he was summoned downstairs for a once-over to ask about the whole eating thing in relation to continuing his . . . obligation.
"Now that we know you respond well to supplemental nutrition, the eating isn't the problem, it's that you haven't started your cycle yet," the doctor said with a shrug.
"No," Tony said, then narrowed his eyes. "How do you know that?"
"There's a small capsule in your neck that monitors the level of certain hormones so we know when the, ah, mating will be most effective. It was administered with the first injection of lithium dioxide."
He was going to punch Widow the next time he saw her. Well, first he would ask if she'd known. She might have been played, too. "How soon will that happen?"
"Last time, your cycle resumed after eight weeks. So far it's been ten weeks, but since it was multiples, that makes some sense. From your current hormonal levels, you'll likely start the bleed in three to seven days, and the optimal fertilization time is eight to fourteen days after that."
He started on the fifth day and began a mental countdown. The lawyer he'd chosen, a circumspect older woman who specialized in contract law, was unable to find a plausible reason to protest the agreement as written, save the circumstances under which he'd signed it, and she wasn't sure they could make a strong enough case on those grounds alone to merit a hearing. She asked his permission to consult with a few people, though, which he gave once she assured him the subject of her inquiries would remain anonymous.
Natasha quietly reappeared at the tower one evening, her expression solemn. She folded herself into a corner of one of the couches, then announced, "The scepter is missing." She didn't need to explain to either of them what that could mean. "Steve is investigating a few leads, and we contacted Jane in hopes of reaching Thor. We're going to have to go find it."
"Right." Tony glanced toward Bruce. "Well, we're going to have to spend a bit of quality time together real soon, but we'll do whatever is needed after that."
Bruce nodded.
"Is it time for that already?" Natasha asked thoughtfully, not sounding like she wanted a response. "You have time, we don't have specific targets identified yet. We were hoping Jarvis might be able to find something we've missed."
"My mainframe is your mainframe," Tony said gallantly. "Jarvis, you know the drill."
While Natasha worked with Jarvis, Tony worked with Bruce to finalize Veronica and go through the motions of copulating. For appearances' sake, they actually did the deed a few times, but it was mostly an afterthought.
A week after Natasha appeared, Steve rejoined them. By then both he and Natasha had some solid intel on HYDRA bases that remained and the discussions focused on where and when to strike.
Clint returned to the tower a few days later, and Thor rounded out their number at the end of the week.
The next months were centered around raids and planning for more raids and Tony frequently 'forgot' about his other mission only for someone on the team to bring it up. He loved flying in the suit, contributing to the raids, inventing things to make them all more badass, but the rest . . . he had always resented his other role, and now he was coming to loathe it, especially since he was now also bankrolling the team, with the tower as the new headquarters. Why the hell was he expected to give so much for so little?