A/N: The second part to The Idea of You, that I wrote for Kurtbastian week. In the original story, Kurt finds an anonymous journal in the library and reads it, and when he does, he starts falling in love with its owner. The second part shows you what happens right after. There will be one more part to this story.

"Kurt! Kurt wait! Kurt stop!"

Kurt couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop, because stopping would mean facing whatever Sebastian had to say. What could he say? He wrote the journal. He couldn't lie it away. But there was another option, and that scared Kurt more than all the taunts and insults and jabs that Sebastian could sling.

So Kurt kept on running, but Sebastian was faster, being a touch more athletic, and he caught up to Kurt before he could escape to the senior commons.

"Leave me alone, Sebastian," Kurt cried when he felt Sebastian's hands curl into his blazer and drag him to a halt. "Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it."

"Well, too bad, princess," Sebastian said, pushing Kurt up against the nearest wall inside a small recess out of sight of the main hall. "You read my journal, so now you have to let me explain."

"Fine," Kurt said. He shook Sebastian's hand off his shoulder and crossed his arms over his chest. "You have five minutes. Explain."

Sebastian sighed, looking down at his feet to avoid gazing into Kurt's eyes because if he did, he'd tell him everything; all the feelings he kept locked inside, all the things he wasn't ready to admit to anyone, not even himself, which was why he started the journal in the first place. Kurt's eyes had a strange power over him. They definitely had the power to undo him completely.

He opened his mouth several times, finding different places to start, but he couldn't do it. Not an inch of truth would come out.

"Four minutes," Kurt counted down, and Sebastian scowled.

"God, you're such a fucking know-it-all bitch, aren't you?" Sebastian groused. Sebastian finally found strength enough to meet Kurt's glare eye to eye.

"Look, I don't know what you think you read in this book…" he started his lie, but Kurt stopped him.

"I think the boy who wrote that book is scared," Kurt said softly. "I think that book is the story of someone overwhelmed by his feelings, who doesn't know how to express them…"

Sebastian wanted to argue, wanted to cut Kurt down and leave no doubts that he was wrong, but he wasn't wrong. Sebastian had been holding onto the truth for so long, he was tired of hiding from it anymore.

His lie died on his lips and he sighed, bowing his head, pressing so close to Kurt it was almost uncomfortable.

"Did you finish it?" Sebastian asked, looking down at the book in his hands.

"No," Kurt said with a shake of his head.

Sebastian nodded. He put the book gently in Kurt's hand, and closed his fingers around it.

"All I ask is that you don't show it to anyone else," Sebastian said, his voice shaking a bit. "After that, just…pitch it…or burn it. I don't care. But I'm done talking about this."

Sebastian turned and left without looking back. Kurt heard his heavy footsteps ring down the marble hallway until they became fainter and fainter.

Kurt looked down at the book in his hand and for the first time saw it for what it was.

Self-preservation.

Sebastian should have felt lighter, a weight lifted by giving up that infernal book. In essence, by giving up that journal, he also gave up his obsession with Kurt Hummel.

So why did he feel sick to his stomach?

Giving up his journal was risky. It was the most private, most personal – most real thing he owned. It was literally his heart and soul scrawled over about a hundred or more pages, but he had a feeling that Kurt, for all of his flaws (whatever they may be) would not be the kind of asshole to show it around.

Over the next week, the damned thing haunted Sebastian. He saw it just as much now that Kurt had it as he did when it was in his possession. Everywhere Kurt went, he carried the journal with him. At first, it annoyed Sebastian to no end. He wanted to just snatch it away from him and throw the fucking thing out himself, but he couldn't, because as much as it was a reminder to him of his feelings, it also made him feel like Kurt was carrying a part of him around with him. Sebastian watched Kurt carefully. He saw how protective Kurt was of it, he watched Kurt's face when he read it – the way his lips lifted into a tiny smile, or dipped into a frown. A few times Kurt gasped, putting his hand up over his mouth, and Sebastian wished he could peek over Kurt's shoulder, wondering what in the world he had written that would elicit that kind of response.

Just then, Blaine came up behind him and tried to read over Kurt's shoulder. Sebastian had an urge to get up and shove him out of the way, tell him to mind his own business, but Kurt got to it first, slamming the book shut, and when he did, Sebastian got a glimpse of something new – a gold fabric bookmark that Kurt had wedged between the pages. Sebastian felt a warm tingle all over at the idea that Kurt got a special bookmark just for his pathetic journal. If Sebastian wasn't so totally head-over-heels (and he had to admit that he was head-over-heels at this point) it would have made him sick.

Sebastian couldn't tell what Kurt and Blaine were talking about, but Blaine reached a hand out to try and open the journal back up, and Kurt swiftly slapped him on the back of the hand, causing Blaine to pull his hand back with a cartoonish look of hurt on his face. Sebastian chortled, and when both faces turned toward him, he bolted from his seat and rushed away.

Sebastian used to write in the journal at nights in his room, when his homework was finished and he was alone with his thoughts. But now those thoughts just kept him awake, with no outlet to rid himself of them. He originally thought of buying another journal and starting up again, but the purpose of giving away the journal was to stop writing about Kurt.

Besides, his thoughts belonged with the original book…and its new owner.

"Well, shit," Sebastian muttered after his fifth night of insomnia. He pushed himself out of bed, ready to perform an act of unadulterated self-harm. He pulled out from his desk drawer an antiquated writing set his mother had bought him his freshman year, proving that she really didn't know much about her only son. It was a calligraphy set complete with faux parchment paper and a whole selection of pens with fancy silver writing nubs and multi-colored inks. It even came with a wax sealer, and a die with just his initial on it.

He could have just gotten out a pen and a regular sheet of notebook paper, but he thought that maybe Kurt would like this better.

"It's late…

And the school is dark and quiet and cold…

And I can't help thinking how much warmer it would be…

If you were with me…"

Sebastian folded the brief letter and stuck it into a parchment envelope. Then he dug out a lighter and melted the wax, waiting patiently until enough of the wax had collected on the paper. He pressed the die into the warm wax and when he pulled it away, he was pleased to see a perfect 'S'. He took the small letter and carried it down the quiet hall to Kurt's room and slipped it beneath the door, with a flip-floppy feeling in his stomach – equal parts elation and nausea.

Kurt never approached Sebastian to tell him that he received the note. Regardless, Sebastian sent him a new one every night.

"You always have to find a way to be you…

Stuck in this boring prison

of academia and tradition…

Today you wore a blue Lion's Head brooch on your blazer…

And even though it was small and relatively indistinguishable…

It was just another way of saying, "Fuck you, world! I'm Kurt Hummel"

As the days went by, Sebastian began to notice the journal growing, puffing up with the additional letters that Kurt glued onto empty pages in the back of the book, till Kurt was balancing his world history book and his calculus book on top of it to keep it from bursting open.

"Kurt, can we talk?"

Blaine fidgeted where he stood above his boyfriend, shifting from foot to foot. Kurt looked up at him from over his copy of Macbeth and smiled, but like most of his smiles lately, this one didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Sure," Kurt said, kicking a chair out from under the table and motioning for Blaine to sit. Blaine took the chair, and looked around, noticing the journal Kurt always carried around with him, the one he never let Blaine read, pressed beneath two of his text books.

"What's with that journal?" Blaine asked, taking a tangent from his original subject of discussion to address Kurt's latest obsession.

Kurt shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. He didn't like it when Blaine tried to get him to talk about the journal. In some ways he felt wrong carrying it around with him, with being in love with it so much…with the feelings he might be starting to have for Sebastian; feelings he refused to admit, though it was getting more and more difficult with every new letter that found its way underneath his door. On the other hand, Blaine was a little far from a perfect boyfriend himself lately. He hadn't asked Kurt out on a date for the past two weeks. Romance had been limited to late night sexting. But the worst part was the way Blaine had started treating Kurt in Warbler rehearsal. He was always so paranoid about how everyone would perceive him now that he was dating Kurt. He didn't want to seem like he was playing favorites, which Kurt definitely understood, but that meant Blaine either tore down all of Kurt's ideas when he came up with one, or he simply didn't acknowledge him at all.

"I told you, it's just something that gives me inspiration," Kurt said. It was a lie of omission. It did give him inspiration. Sebastian's words of love and devotion gave him inspiration.

"Then, why won't you let me read it," Blaine asked, staring at it as if Kurt would just turn it over to him if he looked at it long enough.

"Because it's private," Kurt said, like he had many times before. "And I don't feel comfortable with you reading it."

Blaine sighed, not ready to continue this argument here in the library.

"I wanted to ask if we could talk about what happened in Warbler practice earlier today," Blaine started slowly, "with that suggestion you made for a Sondheim medley."

"You mean the one you shot down without even putting it to a vote?" Kurt bit back. He had just managed to forget about that little piece of humiliation he had to suffer today, especially in front of the other Warblers…and Sebastian.

"Yeah…um…I was hoping that maybe…you'd stop doing that."

Kurt's eyes flicked up from his book and he glared at Blaine.

"What do you mean, 'stop doing that'?" Kurt asked, his voice flat but venomous. Blaine shifted in his seat, looking down at his folded hands, and then back up at Kurt.

"Yeah, Kurt. When you make suggestions like that, you kind of put me in a difficult position."

"What position is that, Blaine?" Kurt asked, an edge of irritation coloring his voice. "The one where you act like a mature, benevolent leader and let the Warblers decide if my idea is a good one, or the one where you treat me like I'm five and humiliate me?"

"Look," Blaine said, "I know you're upset, and I deserved that. But I think I found a compromise we can both live with."

"And what's that?" Kurt closed Macbeth and tossed it on the table, crossing one leg over the other and looking significantly into Blaine's eyes.

"Well, when you have an idea, discuss it with me outside of Warbler rehearsal, and if I think it's feasible, I'll present it to the Warblers myself."

"You'll present it?" Kurt asked incredulously. "As in, like your idea?"

Blaine scrubbed his hands over his head and sighed.

"Kurt, I just don't know what else to do."

"You could always try…oh, I don't know…treating me like everybody else!" Kurt started gathering up his books, ready to storm out of the library.

"But you're not like everybody else, Kurt."

Kurt stopped. For the past few weeks he had been waiting for a moment – like the one in the library when he first found the book and first started falling in love with its mysterious author. This was a moment. Blaine might still have it in him to be the romantic boy that Kurt fell in love with. They could pull through and make it, and that journal Kurt had been carrying around…maybe it was just a book. What Kurt had with Blaine was real. Somewhere deep inside he felt that it was a possibility.

"I'm not?" Kurt asked, watching Blaine's face change, morphing into a soft, boyish smile.

"Of course not," Blaine said. "You're my boyfriend, and because of that we have to be careful."

Kurt sighed. The moment disappeared, but Kurt owed it to Blaine to give him another chance.

"Blaine, can you do me a favor?" Kurt asked, eyes flicking down to the overflowing journal.

"Anything."

"I'll agree to your…compromise," Kurt said, the last word causing bile to rise to his mouth and sting his tongue, "if you do something for me."

"What is that?"

"Write me a poem?" Kurt beseeched, eyes pleading with Blaine for him to be a better boyfriend than he'd been for the past few weeks.

"Write you a poem?" Blaine asked, his nose scrunching.

"Or a story, or a song, or three sentences describing something you like about me. Just something that's yours…before next Warbler rehearsal."

"Sure," Blaine said, sounding a bit confused. "Anything for you, Kurt."

Kurt sighed, relaxing into the crook of his boyfriend's arm when he wrapped it around his waist and led him along.

That night, Kurt sat up in his bed in the dark and considered all the decisions he'd have to make in the next few days. He was sure his choice would be easy. Blaine would definitely come through for him. He'd have his poem or his song or his three sentences. Maybe they could turn it into a thing, start their own journal, writing back and forth little poems of love and devotion and it would only make their relationship stronger.

Kurt thought about the possibilities all day, about new beginnings and second chances. When he reached the rehearsal room, he saw Blaine talking with Thad and Trent. He bounced over to him and put out an expectant hand, grabbing at the air with his fingers. Blaine smiled, wide and warm, and slipped his hand into Kurt's, turning back to his conversation with the other two boys. Kurt frowned, shaking his hand from Blaine's grasp and repeating the motion again.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked. "What's the matter?"

"Isn't there something you want to give me?"

Blaine stared blankly at Kurt, and then his eyes went wide.

"Oh God! Kurt! I'm so sorry. I forgot."

Kurt's hand dropped from the air, his entire body shrinking as Blaine rambled off excuses about putting together set lists and modifying arrangements, but Kurt stopped listening. He looked around the room at the boys clustered in groups in corners, talking together and otherwise ignoring them except for one, standing by an armchair by the door, looking at him with sympathetic green eyes. Kurt turned away from Blaine, probably mid-sentence, and headed straight for Sebastian. Sebastian's eyes shifted left and right, his brow furrowing at Kurt's determined approach. Kurt reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a book – a journal, nowhere near as fancy or expensive as Sebastian's, but neat and clean and so completely Kurt. He handed the journal to Sebastian, waiting a moment for him to take it. Sebastian felt his heart in his chest, racing desperately to be free of its cage. He reached out carefully and took the book, taking a moment to flip through it and see page after page written in Kurt's delicate, flowing handwriting.

Sebastian said nothing, simply held the book to his chest, as if protecting it symbolically from the eyes of the world. Kurt smiled and nodded, leaving the rehearsal room without a single look at his stunned boyfriend.

Sebastian looked up at Blaine, watching his hazel eyes bounce frantically between him and Kurt. Sebastian slid the journal into his bag and away from Blaine's view. He didn't want Blaine looking at it, or anyone for that matter. The journal belonged to Kurt and Kurt gave it to him. Sebastian picked up his bag and followed suit, leaving the rehearsal room on his way to his own room.

For the first time, Blaine Anderson realized that if he didn't do something quick, he was going to lose his boyfriend.