Rae sat on the floor opposite Daryl. The bare wood had become uncomfortable after a time but neither of them moved or spoke, they barely even looked at each other. They simply existed, each waiting in their own silent world as a hazy winter sun beamed between broken roof tiles of the dilapidated building. It was Rick who told her to wait here, that from here she would get the best vantage point of Negan and his men but it didn't seem like enough. If she was going to believe the stories she was being told then she wanted to hear what he was saying and she wanted to look him in the eye when he took supplies from these people.

The rumble of vehicles was faint but they both heard it, her eyes locking with Daryl's as they scrambled to the window overlooking the road. Rae wanted to see Negan's face from the first possible moment and when she finally spotted him, his laugh was curling across his lips and she could almost hear the sound of it. Her heart ached as she pictured the way it had been when they'd spent the night in her apartment. She wanted to warn him, to tell him to turn around but she was powerless. All she could do was stand and watch.

The trucks rolled into Alexandria and more than twenty fully armed Saviors jumped out just like Rick said they would. She kept her rifle trained on Negan's vehicle, watching as he climbed from the cabin and swung Lucille onto his shoulder. He had a huge grin slapped across his face as he sauntered over to Rick and he pretty much looked as arrogant as she'd ever seen him but that was Negan and Rae was okay with that.

He began to walk with Rick, a small group of Saviors trailing behind while the others scattered like they knew exactly what they were supposed to be doing. After a while some of the Savior's returned to the trucks with boxes full of supplies and hard set faces that told her this wasn't exactly a happy visit. She had no idea where Negan had gone, he'd disappeared around a corner and for all she knew he could be making family dinner or playing a game of chess while the trucks were loaded.

She dropped the rifle to her side and turned to Daryl. It didn't look great but it didn't exactly look bad either. Yes, the Saviors were loading up the trucks with supplies but what was the arrangement? She had no idea how this had started, all she had was the word of strangers.

"What am I supposed to be seeing here? I can't hear what they're saying, how do I know that Negan doesn't pay you in kind? How do I know you're not trying to hurt the Saviors? I should be down there. I should ask him to his face." Rae was beginning to feel flustered, guilt made her stomach churn with uneasiness at ever doubting him as the proof of his misdeeds seemed to be hanging by a weakened thread. Who the hell were these Alexandrian's anyway?

Daryl stood in front of her, "If he see's ya down there then it's gonna be bad for everyone."

"Bad for you!" Rae spat, brushing past him, her temper flaring as her feet urged her to Negan.

He grabbed her before she made more than two steps, his arms locking around her arms and waist, the strength of them crushing her as he growled, "if he knows we brought ya 'ere then he'll know we're plannin' somethin'."

Rae's head whipped around to look at him, "what are you planning?"

Daryl kept his grip tight but he looked away, chewing his lip like he'd said too much.

"What do you want from me?" Rae demanded, struggling against him, even more desperate to leave this tower and find Negan.

He opened his mouth to answer but a clatter of wood caught their attention and suddenly she was free, Daryl released his grip in favour of unsheathing his knife as they both focused their attention on the door, their breaths held. A clunk of heavy boots on wooden stairs let them know their hiding place was no longer a secret.

Rae's heart began to pound, the sound of it filling her ears as she rested her empty rifle against the wall. She pulled her knife from her belt, it was the one Negan had given given her and she held it at a height with her chest, her stance matching Daryl's like she knew what it meant to fight a real person and not a halfer.

Could she kill someone right now? The footsteps were closer, turning the final bend of the four story staircase.

Should she give herself in and demand to be taken to Negan? Her palm was slick, the knife felt like it would slide from her hand if she actually tried to use it. She glanced at Daryl, he was ready, his eyes focused on the door, he looked like he could tear a man in half and she felt more unsure than ever.

The door banged open and two men rushed in.

Rae's heart was a lump in her throat, time moved in its own way and before she could decide to react the men held up their hands, their words almost muffled against the adrenaline that was pumping around her body. "It's us, it's us," they repeated as Daryl relaxed his stance and Rae's lungs filled back up with air.

She hardly recognised Mark. His face was melted on one side and the sight of it made her stomach turn over, the mere thought of the pain he would have endured with such an injury was unbearable. But then, the man besides him had the same melted face, the same size, the same location and suddenly she wondered if it was from an injury at all. She must have been staring and it must have been for a while because Mark didn't say anything more than, "it was Negan."

Her gaze flicked to meet his, her knife slipping back into its holder, "what?"

"Negan did this to me, to Dwight," he pointed to the man standing in the shadows.

"Why would he do something like that?"

Mark stepped closer, his voice low, "he did it because... I slept with his wife."

The words didn't quite register. Rae felt confusion furrow in her brow as she remembered Negan telling her that his wife had died before the world had ended. She was shaking head, trying to ignore the feeling that was sinking like ice into her bones.

"Negan's married," Mark confirmed.

Married, as in married right now, a living breathing wife. It couldn't be true.

All the men were looking at her, she felt like a rabbit in the headlights and had to look away. She focused her attention to where an old wasp nest had fallen from one of the beams. It was snagged on a piece of wood and everytime the wind blew through the hole in the roof it rustled like a paper bag.

"Ya didn't know?" Daryl asked, his gruff voice as delicate as she could imagine.

"He's married?" Rae wished she didn't sound so broken when the words spilled over but she only sounded how she felt.

"Jesus Christ," Daryl shifted from foot to foot, she could practically feel the way the men were looking at her and when she glanced over her shoulder it was just as she suspected, pity.

The only thing worse was that she could tell there was more, that there was something else wrong. None of them were speaking but they all looked like they had something to say. It reminded her of the time when her dog had died and Grandma had sat her down with Sarah and a plate of cookies as she tried to find the words.

"Tell me!" Rae demanded. She didn't want to be weak, she didn't want to be the kind of girl that let a boy break her heart when the world was falling apart. She focused on being angry. Angry they weren't speaking, angry Negan was a married man, angry at herself.

"He…" Mark cleared his throat, reconsidering his words before choosing them carefully, "he has more than one."

Dwight surged from his place in the shadows, "he has five!" he snarled. "He fucks five women! One of them is my wife and I got this as a thank you," he pointed to his scar before looking along Rae's body with disgust. "I guess he didn't think you were worth making into lucky number six."

If he'd have slapped her in the face with a brick it would have hurt less and stunned her just the same.

"Hey, don't be an asshole!" Mark shouted, shoving Dwight so hard that he half fell to the floor but Rae was too dazed to care about Dwight and what he might think about her.

Five wives, the words ran uneasy circles around her brain while her body tried to find a way to react. "Five. Wives." She was overwhelmed, anger would be a close word to what she was feeling but it burned hotter than that. It consumed her, she barely knew what she was doing only that within a heartbeat she was being restrained and three men could hardly contain her white hot fury.

A hand muffled her mouth as she kicked her legs, demanding, "let me go! let me go!" She clawed at them, fighting with every ounce of strength until unbidden tears began to spill down her cheeks and she crumpled to a messy pile on the floor.

Mark crouched besides her, "If you go out there then he'll kill us. You can't trust him Rae, when you start planting your crops then he'll want to take half of everything. If you disobey him then," he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him, "if you're lucky a messed up face is all you get for breaking Negan's rules."

"We should go," Dwight interrupted, his tone urgent as he glanced out the window.

Mark squeezed her shoulder as he stood, "I'm sorry Rae. I'm sorry I had to tell you like this and I'm sorry that Negan-"

"Just go," Rae hissed. Mark could have found a way to tell her the truth before she'd made such a fool out of herself. She didn't want him here to watch her grief, she didn't want anyone to see it.

Rae turned to face the wall as their footsteps receded. She could still feeling Daryl standing watch behind her but he had the good sense to not breath a word or try to comfort her as she sobbed in silence. The tears were painful, stinging as she tried to cut them off and wipe the evidence away with the back of her hand. She could hear the trucks rumbling back to life, the metal clatter of the gate grinding open and she didn't have the strength to watch them leave.

She had no idea how long she sat like that but when the sound of footfalls filled the stairs again she knew it would be Rick, she forced herself to her feet, turning to Daryl with a look she hoped conveyed, 'don't dare, don't you dare tell them how much I cried.'

He didn't.

Rae followed Rick and Michonne to where a group of people were waiting around a wooden table. One of them was Jesus, Rick told her the others were from a community called 'The Kingdom'. They all watched her take a seat and before anyone spoke she asked, her voice empty, "what do you want me to do?"

Rick sat a little straighter, a smile filling his eyes even if he tried to keep his face even. "Mark told me that Negan visits you for… um…" he narrowed his eyes, finding the words and she knew what he was trying to say.

"Sex." The room was silent and if she'd made these people uncomfortable then she was glad. If they were half as uncomfortable as she was feeling then she was happy enough to laugh and the sound of it was bitter.

"He visits with you," Rick reaffirmed glancing around the table, "we wanna know when, we wanna know how many men he brings and if there's a chance you can get him alone."

Negan was due to visit her in a couple of days yet she found herself saying, "he's not 'visiting' until next month."

"Will he be alone?" Rick asked.

Rae knew exactly what these people wanted to hear so she told them it, "I can make sure he is."

Rick looked at Michonne and chatter started around the table. Everyone making plans, everyone deciding the best way to hurt Negan as she focused on the door, wishing away the moments until she could leave this place and go home.

"When he's with her could be the smartest move, the easiest way to get him when he's vulnerable," somebody said and she suddenly felt like she might actually be sick. Even if Negan did have five wives and even if he was a monster to everyone but her, the idea of his vulnerability being exploited had her taking a deep breath to keep the nausea at bay. Could she really be the one to do that?

"Are you sure she's on board with this?" one of the Kingdom's men demanded, his finger pointing in her direction as a room filled with eyes began to scrutinise her as if they could break the truth with one look.

Rae had lied to Grandma Ellie a hundred times and if she could do it then she could do it now. She stood, her hands gripped against the edge of the table, her voice loud and even. "I'm not here to prove myself to you people. I've seen and I've done everything you've asked me to do. I'll give you a week to decide what you want from me and I'll be waiting for your answer at the daycare."

Nobody stopped her as she began to walk out the door, nobody stopped her as she walked out the front gate and when she was walking away she realised she was lost. She thought about turning around but something held her back, it might have been pride but she didn't feel proud. Maybe she just needed to be alone and as much as she wanted to go home, being lost seemed like a better option. She heard the rev of an engine and her solitude was short lived.

Daryl pulled up alongside her, his boots falling to the cracked tarmac, a motorcycle between his thighs. Rae had been a teenager the first and last time she'd been on the back of a motorcycle. One ride had been all that was needed for her to know she'd never go on one again. He handed her a helmet and lit himself a cigarette while he waited for her to put it on. He wasn't the kind of man that said much so despite the mode of transportation Rae was glad it was him out here and despite her reluctance she found herself doing exactly what he wanted without a single word of protest.

The ride home was just what she needed. It was thrilling to watch the world whip by, she couldn't really think about anything but leaning into the turns, the wind hitting her face as she became part of the road. There were no red lights to stop the journey, no cars to honk their horn or exhausts spilling out clouds of fumes. There was just freedom and even if she had her arms wrapped around Daryl, it felt like the solitude she craved.

He stopped after a while, climbing off the bike and disappearing into a crop of trees to relieve himself while Rae took off her helmet and shook out her hair. It was getting late. The sun was hanging low, the breeze of the ride was starting to cut like ice through her parka. She shivered, rubbing her hands together to bring the numbness back to life and when Daryl returned he offered her a cigarette before lighting his own.

"Ya wanna keep goin' or find somewhere to stop fer the night?"

Rae looked along the road, in the distance she could see a halfer ambling its way towards them. There were probably others creeping their way through the trees, triggered by the sound of the bike. "I just wanna go home."

Daryl raised his eyebrows but he didn't speak, he took a seat against his bike watching as she began to pace the road, trying to make sense of Negan in between puffs of her cigarette. She was in denial, the shock of five wives had worn off and all that was left was the idea that it was all a lie, a fabrication. But she wasn't that stupid, she wasn't that girl, the girl that clung onto false hope as all the evidence was laid in front of her face.

What did she really know about Negan? Did he have children? What were his wives like? Why did he do this to her? Daryl kept track of her every step making her feel like a caged animal but what annoyed her the most was that she couldn't read him. "You must think I'm pretty stupid."

"Nope," he took a long drag of his cigarette and ventured no more information.

Rae found herself striding towards him and maybe she wanted a fight, "well I think I'm pretty stupid."

He looked at her like she might be downright crazy and maybe she was. She didn't look away, she held his line of sight without blinking until relented and said, "I trusted someone, ended up gettin' a friend killed with my own damn bow. Now the son of a bitch says he wants to help us an' I'm trustin' him again. How's that for fuckin' stupid?"

All her fight was gone, she sagged, her voice quite, "so we're both stupid."

"Looks like it," he whispered, flicking the butt of his cigarette away.

Rae sighed, taking the helmet when he passed it to her and clicking the straps under her chin as she thought about how Daryl and Rick hadn't mentioned Negan's harem of women, how they'd thought she already knew about the arrangement. "I would have never been with Negan if I'd have known about his wives."

"It don't matter."

"It matters to me!" It bothered her that these people would think she was the kind of woman not to care, the kind of woman who was happy to be second best or in Negan's case, sixth best. She wasn't. She'd asked Negan not to hurt her and he had, more than he could have known, the lies, the humiliation. She wanted to hurt him back, she wanted to make him feel the way he'd made her feel. She thought about kissing Daryl, how easy it would be to press her lips to his and how well the revenge would satisfy her even if it was only for a moment.

"Are ya gettin' on the bike or not?" he said and she laughed, scolding herself for even thinking about kissing another man. That wasn't who she was, or was it? She hardly knew anymore. She felt like Negan, this whole situation, was killing a part of her and maybe it was the last part. The part that still tried to cling onto her old life, the part that still believe in honest people and a future where communities would come together.

"Take me home," she said to Daryl, climbing onto the back of his bike and tucking her hands into the sleeves of her coat. She might not have known what she was going to do about Negan, Alexandria or anything else but she knew she trusted no one. Not even herself.

A/N- As I'm sure you've noticed this story is reaching its climax and as much as I hope it can continue forever I know that one day it will end. With that in mind, I, along with some other incredible authors, have created a brand new story. It's set In a town called Darling and it follows the Saviors Outlaw Motorcycle Club. If you're interested in reading this new fic then you can follow the dedicated blog in-a-town-called-darling where you will find all the chapters as we start to post them. Or follow the story on AO3. Unfortunately, due to guidlines, this story will not be posted on