Marco is forcefully shoved down onto his bed, fear and worry in his eyes. His head twists quickly, trying to find a way to escape as his heart races. Before him stands Star Butterfly, a seductive look in her eyes and a pair of handcuffs dangling by her finger and thumb. She struts over, her walking cycle being eerily sexy and frightening at the same time. Marco continues to panic, hyperventilating to the most extreme of levels.

"Don't worry Marco, it won't hurt a bit..." She says, breath seething through her teeth.

"No! You can't make me! I won't! This has to stop Star!" he cries, tears beginning to form in his eyes. Star ignores his pleas and then puts the handcuffs on him, but not without resistance from the Latino, as he kicks and yells.

She then leans in next to his ear, her breath tickling Marco, as she licks her lips hungrily. "This is going to be fun..." she whispers playfully. "So let's get down to business Marco..."

Sliding her hand down Marco's body, he closes his eyes, tears still falling with a quivering lip. She puts her palm on his leg, grasping it firmly and reaching into his pocket. Marco yelps with fear, only to be hushed by Star, holding her finger to his lips. "Just let it happen Marco, this is what the people want..."

She pulls out his phone, revealing the review section for this fanfiction. "Now quit being a bitch, and let's reply to some comments."

Marco sighs with frustration, giving in to Star's wish. "Fine... But if this ever happens again, I swear on my life I'll end you."

Piano music then fills the air, soft and serene.

"And now... Random Comments, with Star Butterfly... Featuring Marco Diaz..."

"Can you see into the future?"

"No I cannot, my boy. I'm not sure Marco can either. Tell you what though, when I can, I'll be sure to tell you first."

Marco just shakes his head at the camera, "Sorry dude. I'd love to be able to see into the future, but right now, all I've got are these calzones that'll tell me how I die." He reveals the blueberry flavoured pastry, then takes a bite. After having a moment to enjoy the taste of the treat, the dessert speaks up.

"Star Butterfly is going to slit your throat, severe all of your limbs and burn the corpse."

Star then knocks the pastry out of his hand, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Must be defective."

Marco swallows hard. The calzone talks once more. "By the way, that's going to happen tomorrow."

"Is the piano music playing Billy Joel or Mozart?"

Marco pops his head out from behind a large grand piano, wearing a fashionable tuxedo and tie. "It's actually Michael Bublé. He makes some great stuff, really." He then plays 'Save the last dance' extreme elegance, something far beyond what a fourteen year old should be able to accomplish.

"Huh" Star scoffs, amazed. "Guess that solves the piano music mystery. Still gotta find out who the hell that voice is though."

"You ain't gonna find out anytime soon, I'll tell you that much, ya dumb bitch."

Star then gives the middle finger to the air.

"Before I ask my question, I would just like to clarify Red vs Blue isn't an anime, it's the longest running web series of all time, older than YouTube even. Basically, it's a bunch of morons on color divided teams fighting in a boxed canyon in the middle of nowhere, only to get wrapped up in several government conspiracies and villainous plots. As for my question, you seem prepared for bear attacks, and most people have a zombie plan, what's your and Marco's contingency plan for a kaiju attack (instead of using Godzilla for an example, I'll use one that isn't well known amongst non kaiju fans, Destroyah)"

"Quick reference for later" Marco pipes in, "Keep this shit short and to the point. Makes it all the more frustrating for people like us when we have to copy it down, since copy and paste likes to be a bitch in Microsoft Word."

Now it was Stars turn to talk. "Again, thanks for the recommendation, but I really don't care if it's an anime or not. Satire is satire, so you didn't need to go out of your way to explain what the show was like a Wikipedia article. It doesn't make me anymore interested in the show, and if I wanted to know more about it, I'd research it myself. Now to the question."

"That's right!" Marco chimed. "We do actually have a plan for a kaiju attack, and it nearly blew the budget for the show. No spoilers, but you'll get vibes from other shows like Power Rangers, Voltron or Attack on Titan. Too bad you'll have to wait for season 4 to see it though, huh?"

Suddenly, Stars wand started beeping. She looked into it and saw Alfonso, prepped in some spandex. "Star! Marco! We need you! The world's under attack from a generic bad guy with God like powers!"

Marco clenched a fist. "Time to go monster mode!" he then but into his thumb, drawing blood. With a massive explosion of lightening, his body started to morph, purple scales replacing his skin. His limbs grew and his fingers fused into a large tentacle, the morphing then spread to the rest of his body, where his teeth sharpened, his eyes faded to white and his tongue lengthened, drooling down the side of his face. He began to grow to an extraordinary size, breaking through the roof of his room. With the transformation complete, he looked out to the distance like a badass, only go have the world come rely destroyed because the transformation took so damn long.

"For Marco: Do you think it was a coincidence you and Star found eachother?"

With Marco back in his normal, human state, he sat down in a chair with his hands clasped.

"I'll be honest with you kid, I don't think it was a coincidence in the slightest. Stars a reckless kid, and without me, she wouldn't be able to develop as a character. All the other characters in this show are brain dead twats, except for Tom and Janna, but they're just as care free as Star is! Therefore, the gods summoned me to show her the ways of the world and to make sure she didn't destroy the earth on accident. Plus there's also that blood moon situation, where only soulmates are chosen to be bonded. You think that's a coincidence? Cos I sure as hell don't."

Piano music then filled the atmosphere once more, and Star spoke up.

"Alright, well that's all the comments for this chapter. We hope you enjoyed and that you'll keep leaving more comments in the future. And remember that if you want to be featured, just leave a review down below, and we'll see you next time!"

"This has been... Random Comments, with Star Butterfly... Featuring Marco Diaz..."

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Star is removing Marcos handcuffs, throwing them off to the side. "Try not to be such a wuss next time, we gotta do this shit to get paid, remember?"

Marco blinked a couple times. "You get paid?"