A/N: You guys are in luck. I couldn't wait to finish writing this chapter, it is my favorite so far, so I couldn't wait to post it. Just to let everyone know, I can only update on days that I don't have work, but I am writing a little every day.

It would make me feel so much better if I had a BETA who would help me out so I don't have to go through the chapters later and I actually have time to write forward and not review backwards, so if anyone wants to volunteer to BETA this story, please message me ASAP.

Other than that, read and review, I'd love to know what you guys think and if you have any ideas about what you want to see happen further into the series please don't be afraid to tell me. I am going in the direction the story takes me.

Just a warning, next chapter will be rated M, it starts with a little 'wet dream' so anyone who doesn't want to read that, move on. It will also change the Story's over all rating, just to let you guys know. Now, I believe that is it so, here you go. Read and enjoy and DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW, THEY MAKE ME WRITE FASTER!

Stiles The Teen Wolf
Episode Four: Magic Bullet

Stop being stupid. Derek wouldn't…he just wouldn't. Come on Stiles, you're being an idiot. Open your mouth, ask for an explanation. Come on, do it. Just open your mouth and-

"No."

And that was it. That was all it took. Stiles' felt his resolve strengthen, his certainty was locked in place and no matter what Derek had done, he wouldn't kill. Not someone innocent and sure as hell not someone already injured. "You didn't kill him. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't mine. Now sit down, stop looking at me like that and tell me what the hell happened."

Derek didn't respond at first, just continued to stare at him with that determined gaze, and then did sat down. Right there on the last step of the big staircase leading up to the second floor of the burnt down Hale house. And Derek told him. About how he went to see them man to get answers, about his question, about the man's answer and his apology. 'Hale. Hale, I'm sorry.' It was all weird and unfocused and choppy but Stiles was getting the hint. Derek had thought the stress of seeing a Hale had pushed the man over the edge and right through death's door.

Stiles spent most of the night reassuring Derek that he wasn't a fault, the man would have died had Derek went to see him or not, Grayson just wasn't strong enough.

And then he went home. One second of doubt, one tiny little second and he felt like he had betrayed Derek all over again.

Derek had been so broken by the thought that he had killed the man just by seeing him. So repulsed and dejected by himself that Stiles was ashamed for letting Scott's words get the best of him. Never again. I won't doubt Derek, ever again. It was a promise to himself and his pack mate. They needed to trust each other because really, no one else trusted them.

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Danger struck again a few nights later. Neither Derek nor Stiles had been expecting it.

Ever since the attack on the bus driver, Stiles had gotten a good whiff of the Alpha's scent. He had been helping Derek track the beast when it happened. Stiles had tracked the beast and stayed behind to flank the Alpha when the Argents descended like some self-proclaimed angel of vengeance. Shots rang out and Stiles almost swallowed his own tongue when he smelled Derek's blood.

Then he heard it. Her voice.

"Chris, there were two of them."

"The Alpha?"

"I don't know. But one of them tried to kill me."

Stiles didn't know if this was important, but he had to stay put. If he went to look for Derek now, he would be seen too and he would be in no shape to help Derek if the Argents saw him.

"Well one of them was going to lead us to the other. He can't do that if he's dead."

"Well I can't help kill either of them if one of them kills me first."

"How long will it take?"

"I give him forty eight hours. If that."

And just with that, Stiles felt his heart hit the pool of acid in his stomach. And then they were off, leaving Stiles behind to look for Derek, but Derek was gone, the scent of his blood was everywhere as well as something that almost seemed to…numb his nose. He knew exactly what it was. Wolf's bane. But how did it get here?

He went home that night with no idea where Derek was and no way of finding him because of the damned wolf's bane that seemed to be following him around.

So you can just guess his surprise when it was Derek who found him at School the next day, by walking right in front of his car.

"Derek!" he called as he got out of his car and ran to the taller wolf's side. Apparently Scott had seen them because he was right behind Stiles.

"What is he doing here?!" Scott almost yelled, and Stiles saw Derek's eyes shifting at Scott's voice. He was actually more surprised Derek kept his teeth in check.

"Shut up Scott." Stiles yelled back before he turned to Derek, "What happened?"

"I was shot." It was such a simple answer but it made Stiles swallow bile.

"This was what she meant." He realized. "When she said you had forty eight hours, this was what she meant."

"Who?" Derek asked, his eyes going back and forth almost frantically, it was scaring Scott and personally it was scaring Stiles too.

"The person who shot you, I saw her last night with Argent."

"Allison?!" Scott's voice was high now making both werewolves cringe as they turned to him. "It wasn't Allison was it?"

Stiles shook his head but he really wasn't sure. It hadn't smelled like Allison but it was the same gene pool. "Why aren't you healing?" He asked Derek, willing the man to do just that. Derek couldn't die, he needed Derek here, helping him, and both of them protecting each other, Derek couldn't die.

"It was a different kind of bullet?" Derek answered over the sound of the horns from the cars behind Stiles' blared almost insistently.

"A silver bullet?" Scott asked tentatively, only to have Derek's glare turn to him. Scott decided to be smart and stop talking.

"No you idiot." Derek growled as his face twisted in pain. He was so pale and Stiles was pretty sure he was just as pale, his skin felt clammy and out of place and he was almost sick with worry. "You have to find the bullet."

"But how!" Stiles roared in desperation. "I can't get into an Argent's-"

"Scott." Derek breathed, trying to force his way through the pain. "Scott has a date with Allison, she's an Argent she's with them." And suddenly all eyes were back on Scott.

"What?" Scott croaked, stepping back even further. "No. I can't- No dude, I can't just-"

"Scott please." Stiles didn't care that he was begging, didn't care that his voice broke and that his eyes were filling with tears, what mattered now was getting Scott to agree, getting Scott to help him save Derek. "I can't do it, they would kill me too, but you can. Please Scott."

Scott had never seen Stiles like this. Near tears and desperate, only once did Scott remember Stiles making that expression. The day he prayed to a god he didn't even believe in to not take his mother away. The day were Scott had held him, and allowed Stiles to use his chest as a Kleenex because there was no way to save his sweet and kind mother. So Scott gave in. "O-okay."

Stiles face showed such gratitude that Scott suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Let's get him in your car." Scott said before helping Stiles lift Derek who was breathing heavily and trying to hold onto sanity.

As they left, Stiles shot one more pleading look at Scott and hoped his best friend would do this for him. Even after everything, he hoped his best friend would do this one thing just for his sake and nothing else. Whether or not it was Derek that was injured, Stiles would feel the pain at the loss of his only pack mate, and he didn't want to feel that, not ever.

So he left, hoping to god Scott would keep to his word.

"Why do you smell like blood that isn't yours?" Stiles asked because he had nothing else to say, but also because he was curious. The blood smelled familiar, like someone he knew.

"Asked a kid- where you were. He didn't want to answer, insisted I sold drugs. Got too close and my wolf snapped." Derek struggled to answer but Stiles got a gist of it.

"Alright. Anyone I know?" Now he was just curious.

"Don't know. Pretty boy, smelled like the Argent girl, perfume, and Scott. Figured he would know." And Stiles realized it could only be Jackson. Unless it was Danny, but he doubted that. Danny was too nice to assume random strangers sold drugs. Although with how Derek was looking, he wouldn't put it past anyone to assume Derek took drugs.

"Hang on Derek." Stiles muttered, he felt so helpless really. So he texted Scott. Hoping from the bottom of his soul that Scott had found something. The only response he got was 'need more time.' God damn it, my only pack mate is going to die in my freakin car and all I can freakin do is sit here and drive. "We're almost there."

"Almost where?"

Wow he hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud, but it didn't matter. "Your house." He answered easily, and then he smelled Derek's concern.

"My house? No, you can't take me there."

Stiles was confused. "I can't take you to your own house?"

"Not while I can't protect myself." And now it made a little more sense, but now he had nowhere to take Derek. The sudden fear that filled him made his stop the car before he completely wolfed out.

"What happens if Scott doesn't find your little magic bullet?!" Stiles yelled, hating how his emotions were riding him. "Are you dying?" God please say no.

He almost breathed a sigh of relief when Derek shook his head. That is, until Derek spoke. "Not yet." Not yet? What the hell does 'not yet' even freaking mean?! "I have a last resort."

"What do you mean?! What last resort?!" He was getting more and more frustrated, more and more desperate, he couldn't let Derek die, even if he had to go and find the damn bullet himself. He couldn't let the only member of his pack die, he didn't want to be in a pack with the psychopathic Alpha. He needed Derek.

And that's when he realized that he really honestly did. He needed Derek. Not only to help him control his wolf, Derek had become more than a teacher over the past few months he'd known him. Ever since that bite that turned him, Derek became the only person Stiles could really turn to when he needed someone. He couldn't even turn to Scott anymore. But Derek's life is in Scott's hands. Oh god what had he done.

When Derek pulled his sleeve up, Stiles felt like he was going to be sick all over his precious car.

"Oh god Derek please tell me you aren't dying."

"I'm not dying."

But Derek didn't sound sure and both of them could hear it.

"Just turn on the car and find somewhere else to go." Derek ordered, and stiles felt himself bristle.

"Where the hell am I supposed to go?! I can't take you home Derek, my dad is home, I can't take you to a hospital! I can't take you to your house and god knows I'm not going to drag your little werewolf ass out of this car and leave you for dead, so please. Tell me where to go because I'm out of ideas." He was being snarky, he knew and it was unfair, the guy was hurt after all, but in a way, so was Stiles. He could feel his arm ache and burn where Derek got shot. Like another Pack connection or something.

"Stiles." Derek breathed. "Start the car, or I'm going to rip your throat out. With my teeth."

Stiles didn't believe him at all, that much was clear, but it didn't matter, they couldn't stay here on the side of the road. So Stiles conceded, throwing his head away from Derek is pure frustration. He was at a complete loss of what to do.

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'Derek's not looking so good.'

Stiles felt like he was about to die it had been hours since he had heard from Scott, hours since Derek had spoken. It almost looked as if Derek was asleep, if not for the smell of death and decay that was now seeping from the passenger's seat.

'Call me!'

Every text he sent had been ignored and they were now just hanging out on the side of the road again in the dead of night with no place to go. Stiles wanted to cry but he forced it all down. He couldn't do this, the pain in his own arm was getting worse and he was sure that so was Derek's. He regretted putting his trust on Scott, regretting giving his best friend the power to destroy his pack. He even went so far as to regret ever meeting Scott, but he felt bad the second he thought it.

This wasn't Scott's fault. He knew that, but his mind was impossible to subdue.

He almost jumped out of his skin when his phone started to ring, the caller ID letting him know that it was Scott.

"Did you find it?" They were the first words out of his mouth, he couldn't help it. The answer left him feeling worse though.

"Not yet."

Stiles wanted to scream but the only thing he did was clench his fist so hard he felt his claws dig into his palms almost piercing to the other side.

"I have nowhere to take him Scott." He sounded so weak and worn out and tired, and Scott picked up on it. "He's dying. He smells like death. I don't know what to do. Please man, you have to hurry."

"Okay." He heard Scott sigh on the other end of the line and he did the same until his friend spoke again. "Okay, take him to the animal clinic."

That actually helped bring some of Stiles back from despair as he shook his head in confusion. He knew Derek was awake now but it didn't matter.

"What about your boss?" Stiles asked, but suddenly he felt okay. Whether or not Deaton was there, he could get in either way. At least now they had an idea about where to go.

"He's probably gone by now. There's a spare key in a box behind the dumpster."

Stiles sighed so deep he felt a piece of his soul go with it.

"You won't believe where he wants me to take you." Stiles told Derek as he passed the phone over.

"Did you find it?" He heard Derek's voice waver and it made his gut tighten up to the point of pain.

"How am I supposed to find one bullet? They have a million! This house is like the freakin Wal-Mart of guns!" Stiles heard Scott's voice loud and clear even if he didn't have the phone. He noted how Scott's voice was harsher and more frustrated than it had been talking to Stiles. Scott seriously doesn't like Derek. Stiles laid his head on the steering wheel in exhaustion. He was almost to the point of just accepting that Derek was going to die. Almost.

"Look, if you don't find it, then I'm dead. Alright?" The way Derek said it, it made tears slip from Stiles' eyes. Unwarranted, unwanted, and so unappropriated, but he couldn't help it. It was true then, Derek's life really was in the hands of someone who hated him.

"I'm starting to think that wouldn't be such a bad thing." Scott's voice was so irritated and Stiles felt his heart breaking. Scott was going to do it again, betray him. He was going to let Derek die, Scott was going to take the only pack member he had and leave him all alone. How was this fair?

"Then think about this. The Alpha called Stiles out against his will. Next time, he'll either kill with him, or he will get killed. So if he wants to stay alive, he needs me. I don't think you want to see your best friend die or become a monster. Find the bullet."

Stiles listened as Derek ended the call. He couldn't bring himself to pick his head up off the steering wheel, he couldn't bring himself to look at Derek. Not that Derek gave him a choice.

"Stiles?" Derek's voice was careful, something it hadn't been when talking to Scott. When Stiles didn't answer, he laid a hand on the back of Stiles' neck, using the grip to turn his face towards Derek. "He's going to find the bullet. I am going to be okay."

"You say that, but we both know it's not for sure. Scott hates you, he doesn't trust you, and we are just sitting here waiting for your time to be up trusting Scott with your life. What if he lets you die Derek?" Stiles knew he sounded broken. This was like losing his mother all over again. Letting go of family, losing his heart or a limb. He felt it now and it was only Derek. God I never want to feel what Derek felt when he lost his whole pack. This shit is bad enough.

"We are trusting Scott because he cares about you." Saying that, Derek sounded so sure, but Stiles wasn't. Not since Allison. But Derek didn't give him time to argue. "No matter what goes on between you two, you guys are brothers. Brothers fight and make mistakes but he wouldn't want to see you dead or hurt. Come on pup, start the car." And there was that nickname again. 'pup'. Like he was a dog. Why did that stupid, idiotic nickname suddenly give him comfort? He was acting so weird since he realized Derek was dying but he didn't know why, didn't know what to do anymore.

So he did as he was told. He started the car and drove to the clinic.

They finally got a bit of good news when they got there, Scott had found the bullet. A rare kind of Wolf's bane had hit Derek's system when he was shot by one of the Argents. Derek needed the bullet, otherwise Derek wouldn't survive much longer.

When Stiles told Scott this, Scott said he'd be right over, but the hope that suddenly overtook Stiles' heart made the time tick so much slower.

He led Derek into the back of the clinic and helped the man take off his shirt. The veins in Derek's injured arm were black and Stiles actually felt like he would just throw up. Not to mention the smell that was coming off of Derek. In fact, he could hardly smell anything Derek anymore at all. It was all blood and wolf's bane and death, the last of which was the worst in Stiles' opinion.

"If the infection reaches my heart, it'll kill me."

And Stiles' heart shrank to about the size of a peanut in his chest. "P-positivity just isn't in your vocabulary is it?" Stiles asked a bit sarcastically. If he was going to lose control of his mouth, he figured sarcasm was the way to go, if not, it would be his lunch coming out, not words.

"If he doesn't get here with the bullet in time-" Derek pushed himself away from the exam table and went to search through Deaton's drawers, his hands stumbling and clumsy, Stiles had never seen Derek like this before and it was so unnerving. "Last resort."

Stiles had to take a deep breath before he asked. He had a feeling he really didn't want to know. "Which is?"

His feelings were proven oh so very correct when Derek pulled out a freaking bone saw!

He turned to face Stiles, his face stone cold sober. "You're going to cut off my arm."

Stiles honestly just didn't know what to say. Just the thought made his queasy, not adding in the fact that this was Derek! He picked up the saw that Derek had laid on the table and when it whirled to life in his hands he had to put it down. "oh my god." I can't do this. I so cannot do this. Derek isn't really going to make me do this, please god there has to be another way, not this. Please sweet holy Jesus lord not this.

Stiles watched as Derek tied the elastic band that cut off the blood flow to the shot arm with teeth and an unsteady right hand before he got frustrated and decided to do it for Derek, even though he was pretty sure he couldn't do this.

"What if you bleed to death?" He tried to argue, but his argument was shot down.

"It'll heal if it works."

"Look…" He started, pretty sure Derek wouldn't accept his protest or his reason but needing them to be heard. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Why not?" Derek growled at him, his eyes flashing blue and Stiles stomach sank to its knees.

"Well, because of the cutting through the flesh, the sawing through the bone, and especially the blood." Okay, there was more to it than that, but those sounded like the safe and clean cut –pardon the pun- reasons. There's also the fact that I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to lose your limb, I don't want to be responsible for your pain.

"You faint at the sight of a little blood." Derek rolled his eyes like he was some kind of really stupid child afraid of his own reflection. It sort of pissed Stiles off.

"No." He argued. "But I might at the sight of a chopped off arm!"

Derek sighed and Stiles thought he had gotten some sense through, but obviously he hadn't.

"Okay, how about this, either you cut off my arm, or I die. I really didn't think you wanted me to die Stiles."

Whoa dude! Low blow. And it was. That wasn't even below the belt, it was even lower. That was like getting an arrow to the knee.

"You can't even say that! You really think I want you to-" his argument was cut off when Derek grabbed him by the shirt collar and dragged Stiles face close to his almost violently. Derek almost never handled Stiles this way, not since they became pack mates. Suddenly Stiles knew how scared Derek really was. The scent of death and poison had masked it, but now, this close it was clear. Derek was afraid to die. "Okay. Okay. Alright. Sold, totally, I'll do it." Stiles conceded, not at all happy with this. But he was afraid of Derek dying just as much as Derek seemed to be.

Derek started to choke and Stiles was startled when Derek leaned on the side of the table and threw up black liquid, there was such a strong smell of poison that Stiles almost gagged himself. "Holy god what the hell is that?" god he wanted to cry. He wanted to just break down in tears then and there.

"My body." Derek gasped, not rising from the side of the table. "Is trying to heal itself."

"Well, it's not doing a very good job of it."

"Now Stiles." Derek said, raising his eyes to meet Stiles as his arm extended out on to table. "You have to do it now." Stiles saw everything Derek wasn't saying in his eyes. He saw the fear there so clearly that it marked him, deep in his heart he knew he would never get that look out of his memories every again. Derek was terrified. Well so was Stiles.

"Look, honestly, I don't think I can."

"Just DO IT!" The yell was an order, a command that Stiles couldn't deny. He found the bone saw in his hands before he realized he'd reached for it. Oh god no, he didn't want to do this. Please no no no no. Not this.

"Oh my god." He was panicking, his heart was like fireworks in his chest, exploding and burning and not in a good way at all. He was going to throw up. When he held the saw up to Derek's arm, he really started to let the inner freak out show. Oh god he was going to do it, he was going to cut Derek arm-

"Stiles!"

The voice broke through the panic and Stiles felt his heart jump in barely contained hope. Scott? Oh please god let it be Scott.

"Scott?"

And then there he was. His best friend was right there at the door, brown eyes wide when he looked to Stiles' hands wrapped around the electric bone saw held against Derek's arm.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

The sigh of relief nearly left him boneless as he dropped the saw like it had burned him. "Oh you just prevented a life time of nightmares." Stiles could breath now, his heart was calming down and his pale face was gaining color again, but it wasn't over yet.

"Did you get it?" Derek's voice brought Stiles attention back to the larger, almost dead werewolf, and he finally felt himself relax. Derek was going to be okay. Derek was going to live.

Apparently, he'd thought too soon.

When Scott handed the bullet to Derek, Stiles saw the second Derek's eyes wavered and the lights went out. When Derek dropped to the floor, the bullet went flying.

Scott went after the bullet just as Stiles went after Derek.

"Derek?" Oh god not yet. Please please please not yet. "Derek! Come on." Stiles laid a hand on Derek's face, the cold sweaty skin making his eyes sting with tears. He'd never begged or cursed god so much in his life. That thought almost made him want to laugh but the situation was so not right for laughter. "Derek, come on man, wake up. Please Derek. Don't die. Scott what the hell are we going to do?!" He called his friend and saw that Scott was reaching under one of tables. "Scott he's not waking up! I think he's dying. Scott I think he's dead!"

"Just hold on!" His friend called back. Stiles could hear the groans as Scott struggled to reach the bullet, and Stiles decided to focus on Derek.

"I'm so sorry for this." He whispered as started to slap a little harder. When it didn't work, he balled up his fist. "Please don't kill me for this." He said and he punched Derek square in the jaw. He heard his bones crack and cringed as his hand began to heal itself in seconds. When he looked at Derek, he saw that the bigger wolf was awake.

"I got it!" Scott yelled as he brought the bullet back to Derek.

Stiles helped Derek to his feet and watched as Derek used his teeth to pull the bullet open. Emptying the powder inside on the exam table before pulling out a lighter and setting it on fire. It sparked to life for a minute before it calmed and Derek gathered the ashes.

Oh god he's not going to-

But he was. With a deep breath, Derek brought the burned out powder to his arm, using his finger to stuff in inside the bullet wound. His scream was guttural and went straight to Stiles' heart. Derek would never scream unless the pain was really too much, and he wasn't just screaming, he was growling.

Derek pushed past Stiles and dropped to the floor, withering there in pure agony as he screamed and growled. Stiles had to put an arm out to stop Scott from getting close as Derek struggled to heal. Right before their eyes the black veins receded and the bullet hole closed.

"That…was…AWESOME!" Stiles called. Getting a very concerned very surprised look from Scott. But he couldn't help it. He was so relieved, so happy that he felt almost boneless. It took a lot of strength just to keep from falling on the floor with Derek and just staying there. He was so tried it wasn't even funny, but it had been awesome. Nothing had never happened in his life like that, not before or after the bite. "Yes!"

What really surprised everyone was that Scott was showing more concern for Derek than Stiles was. He even asked if Derek was okay.

"Except for the agonizing pain?" Derek asked, his voice a little edgy. Now that Derek was okay, Stiles really couldn't help his mouth as it opened.

"I'm guessing the ability to use sarcasm is a good sign of health." He was being an ass, hell he was probably being very very insensitive, but he couldn't help it. Derek was alright. Derek would be okay, and that was all Stiles cared about. Until Scott spoke and ruined everything.

"Alright, there. We saved your life which means you're going to leave us alone." Stiles almost swallowed his tongue in his surprise. "You got that? And if you don't, I'm gonna go back to Allison's dad and I'm going to tell him everything-" Derek cut Scott of before Stiles could.

"You're going to trust them? What, you think they can help Stiles?"

"Why not?" Scott yelled. "They're all freakin' nicer than you are."

Stiles was about ready to explode and Scott. This wasn't his friends business, this wasn't Scott's secret to tell anyone. He had no right to threaten Derek, having just saved his life or not. Stiles had thought that Scott had done it for him, but he was wrong. He'd wanted something to hold over Derek's head so Derek would leave. So Derek would walk out of Stiles' life and leave him alone.

"Scott, shut up! It's not your place to-" but even he was interrupted by Derek's disbelieving calm.

"Yeah, I can show you exactly how nice they are."

That night, Stiles and Scott learned about Derek's uncle Peter Hale. The only survivor from inside the Hale House Fire. Derek went as far as to bring both Scott and Stiles in to meet the man who was more or less, a vegetable.

Eleven people trapped inside and Peter had been the only one to get out alive, but not whole. The Argents were the only ones who knew what they were. There had been humans in the house, not just werewolves, but the Argents burnt down everyone with no mercy. It's what they did, what Allison would someday do.

Scott kept shaking his head, denying it, refusing to believe even when the proof was right in front of him. In the burn marks that covered the whole right side of this mindless man's face.

But Stiles believed. Stiles had Derek's heart to listen to, had Derek's emotions to read, the pain and helplessness that he was sure Derek had felt that day when him and his sister were called to identify the remains of what was left of his family, his pack.

He couldn't help it, he wrapped his hand around Derek's wrist. Feeling warmth clench his gut and his chest when Derek didn't pull away from the slight touch.

When he nurse came in an ushered them out, Scott didn't go with them, but that was fine. Derek needed to drive Stiles back to his jeep anyways.

"So that's what happened." Stiles said, more to himself then to Derek who sat quietly in the driver's seat. "For years my dad went searching for a reason for that fire, for anyone who might have done it, and all this time it had just been out of hate. One family that hated another."

"Not a family. One species' that hated another. They didn't even consider us humans. There were children in that house Stiles. My little sister, my cousins. There were humans who weren't born wolves and newly turned wolves learning control. And they didn't consider anyone of us human." Derek sounded so bitter that Stiles couldn't have stopped himself if he wanted to. He reached for Derek's hand on the gear shift and touched the top of it tentative but needing the contact, needing to show his pack mate comfort for his losses.

They didn't speak as Derek turned his hand over, intertwining his fingers with Stiles'.

He had never pictured holding hands with Derek. Yet now he couldn't picture holding anyone else's. Derek's hand was strong, the grip sure but not crushing. The way their fingers twined together and held there, it was perfect. It felt like coming home, like a comfortable weight had settled into his chest and he was okay with it there.

He knew he would freak out about it later, hell, he was sure he was freaking out now, but one thing kept it from showing. Derek's pain filled face as he drove.

It was so close to the fear he had seen as he held the bone saw against Derek's arm. So close but not quite. After losing so much in his life, Derek still wanted to live, feared death even though it would bring him together with his pack once more. Stiles could swear he almost felt like his heart was breaking. He didn't want Derek to be alone, didn't want the wolf to ever feel alone. He wanted to be there for Derek, wanted to be Derek's strength, his crutch when need be. For the life of him, Stiles couldn't clearly explain why, but he wanted to be the plaster that put Derek's heart back together, and all of those thoughts, all of these wants, they all scared him shit less.

"I'm just gonna…" He mumbled as they stopped on front of the animal clinic where his jeep was still parked. His hand was still in Derek's and he was fighting with himself on whether to pull away or to just stay.

"Yeah." Derek said, his voice unreadable.

Stiles was the first to let go and slide his hand away, opening the door of the car as he went. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Derek nodded in answer.

When Stiles shut the car door and then watched as Derek peeled out of the parking lot, he felt the hollow feeling that always follow a 'moment' with Derek returning to its place in his chest. He knew what this was, it wasn't the first time he'd felt this. It was though, the first time he'd felt it for another man.

"I'm going insane." Stiles breathed as he brought his arms up and behind his head, stretching there for a moment and kicking the gravel on the ground. He didn't even know why he was lingering, Derek was gone, but he didn't want to get into his Jeep just yet. He didn't want to let that small moment in the car go just yet. "Oh yeah, I really am going out of my mind."

Frustrated with himself he growled as he pulled the driver's door open and climbed into his jeep. When had he stopped having feelings for Lydia? Better question would be, when had he started having those feelings for Derek? Not that he was opposed to being gay, he always appreciated any attractive body after all male or female, and he'd had quite a few dreams about orgies whether or not he even wanted to actually participate in one – the answer of which was no by the way if anyone was wonder – but he had never actually thought about another man like that. Until now of course.

Curiously he looked at his left hand. The hand that had been intertwined with Derek's right. It was still warm and if he focused he could still feel Derek's palm against his.

Was he actually crushing on Derek?

What did he even really know about Derek? The guy lost his family six years ago, lost his sister not a few months ago, and he'd been helping Stiles out since his sister was found dead.

He also knew that Derek was a protector. Countless times Derek had proven that he actually cared for Stiles, even when Stiles went off and told his secrets to Scott who then promptly sold Derek out. He knows Derek is lonely. He'd become so good at reading Derek's silences that it was unreal, they'd spent quite a bit of time in the woods sparing and playing that dumb game that Stiles had started as a way of strengthening his sense. Thing is, Derek played along. It wasn't only about the game, anything Stiles did, Derek played along. He could joke with Derek just like he could joke with Scott, but Derek's sense of humor was darker, and dryer than Scott's and Derek always managed to get him in peals of laughter so belly deep it left his stomach with a pleasant ache by the time it was too late and he had to run home before his dad's shift was over.

Besides all of that, Derek had been there for him when Scott had not. But did that warrant enough connection for this kind of emotional attachment?

Stiles took a moment to think about Lydia Martin. He had known her for years, since second grade, and he'd been infatuated with her, but how much did he really know about her?

She was smart. Way smarter than she acted but she never showed anyone, especially not Jackson. And she was so shallow, giving herself to a boy who was dense and stupid, not to mention a total dick. She wasn't the nicest person either, Stiles knew that from experience, so why? Why had he been so enamored with her?

She was pretty. Mysterious, there was always more to her that I wanted to get to know. But that that warrant enough connection for emotional attachment? He guessed not, not any more than his connection with Derek. As it stood, he probably knew more about Derek than he did about Lydia.

And suddenly, just like that, Stiles felt better.

He could have feelings for Derek, it wasn't like he was ever going to tell his pack mate anything. Just like he had done with Lydia, he could admire from afar, it was such a usual thing for him that he figured it wouldn't matter. It was okay to like Derek.

Yeah. It's completely okay to love Derek Hale.