Usually I don't single out the requester, but you can thank noblegraces for this particular prompt.
Friday.
"Okay guys, funniest experience fuc- I mean, messing up with IKEA furniture; go!" Frost calls out to the group, sending an apologetic smile Maura's way.
"Thank you, Barry," Maura says as she sips from her wine.
"Easy, first apartment after moving out of my folks' home and I'm sitting on the floor in what was supposed to be the bedroom. There's like, half a forest worth of lumber in there with me and at least five different little plastic bags full of hardware scattered all over the floor," Frankie laughs and shakes his head. "I can't even read the instructions because they're all in Swedish and then Jane just walks in and starts cracking up; doesn't even offer to help a brother out!"
"Well, can you blame me? Big, bad Francesco Rizzoli couldn't even put together an IKEA bed!" She snorted. "Everything in my first place was from IKEA and I managed to put it all together, by myself no less," she tips her beer at him in a mock-salute. He simply purses his lips and glares at her.
They go around the table, sharing bad construction stories, but when they get to Maura and she just kind of looks at them with pure innocence, Crowe (who had previously been fairly quiet in regards to the females in the group) says, "Oh, come on, the Doc's never built IKEA crap before."
"Hey now, Crowe, you can't just assume that!" Jane levels a hardened glare at the ass. Sure, she'd been thinking basically the same thing, but it was the delivery that made all the difference.
"As unfortunate as assuming something is, Detective Crowe, you are right. I have not yet had the pleasure of building IKEA furniture," Maura admits. Then she shrugs, like she's watched Jane do after admitting something that's embarrassing, and Jane almost lets her jaw drop.
Sunday.
"Come on, Jane, your mother will be here in four hours to start dinner and we still have to buy groceries and clean up the house a bit!" Maura called from her entrance way, waiting for the procrastinating detective to join her.
A few rhythmic thuds indicated that Jane had just descended the stairs, "Yeah, yeah, Maur, I'm coming." She stops briefly in front of the doctor to pull on her black leather jacket and her trusty boots. Pointedly, she ignores Maura's fleeting look of disdain, directed at her chosen footwear.
Just as Maura reached for the keys, Jane's hand was there, beating her to the punch. "Jane!" Maura admonished, cocking a hip and holding her hand out.
Jane shook her head, "No way, Doctor Isles, I'm driving. Just accept it so we can avoid a five-minute banter-battle which you know I'll win."
Maura's eyes narrowed, but Jane's smirk didn't even flicker. "Oh, very well," Maura acquiesced, exiting the house rapidly, much to Jane's amusement.
Dr. Smartypants doesn't even have a clue, Jane thought to herself gleefully.
Her plan went off without a hitch, at least, that is, until she made a turn that put them in the complete opposite direction of the grocery store; something Maura did not fail to notice.
"Jane, where are you going? The store's back there!" Maura twisted around in her seat, watching their destination fade away in the distance. When the detective didn't answer, Maura turned her head to evaluate her only to find her smiling mischievously. "Seriously Jane, where are you taking me?"
"You'll see," Jane answered cryptically and not five minutes later, Maura can make out the outline of a huge, horizontal building, painted an unfortunate combination of blue and yellow.
"Where are we?" Maura asked, unable to see a sign anywhere.
Jane tossed her a sidelong look, "We're at IKEA. You're getting something and we're going to build it before dinner."
"But – Jane, the groceries!" Maura said, a small pit of anxiety taking up residence in her stomach.
"Ah, don't worry about that, Maur. I got Frankie to take care of it. We'll be in, out, and done in no time, just you wait," Jane assured her, confidence oozing from every pore.
One and a half hours later.
"Seriously, Maura, just pick something. Please. We've been here forever," Jane whined as she collapsed onto a display of throw pillows. They were in the bedroom section and Maura still had yet to decide on something. "Just pick a bookcase or something. You have lots of books, surely you'll be able to use another one at some point."
Maura tutted. "Jane, the colour scheme in my house is very particular. I can't just throw things in haphazardly. It has to match."
Jane snorted. "Fine, then it doesn't even have to go to your place. I'll buy a bookshelf and we can put it in my place once we're done building it. This is really more for the experience than anything, Maur."
"Look, Jane! It's perfect!" Maura cried, clapping happily and pointing. Jane rolled her eyes before getting up and walking over.
Jane paled quickly, swallowed hard, and raised her eyebrows at the doctor. "Maura Dorothea Isles, is there something you want to tell me? Because right now I'm looking at a crib..."
"The colouring is perfect! It'll match my other furniture!"
"But Maur, you don't have a kid!" Jane exclaimed loudly.
Maura frowned. "Okay, there is that, but it would fit so well," she sighed longingly. "Oh alright." She gestured vaguely to her left. "That one, in the darkest stain they have. It can go in the basement or your apartment."
Jane grinned, happily writing down the number for it.
Thirty minutes later.
"I really do believe we're missing some screws, Jane," Maura said again.
Jane waved her off, "Maura, it's fine. We're not missing any screws. I checked."
Maura pursed her lips but didn't repeat herself, opting instead to study the instruction booklet as Jane laid out the different cuts of wood. Her brow furrowed. "Jane, do you understand this at all?"
The detective rolled her eyes. "Of course, Maur. You literally just piece it together as it shows in the diagrams. Easy as pie, I promise."
The brief silence was shattered by Jane's phone ringing. Sighing, she shrugged her shoulders apologetically as she moved into the next room.
Left to her own devices, Maura was suddenly terrified of messing this project up. She could hear the muffled sounds of Jane arguing with her mother, the repeated "Ma!"s giving it away.
She took a deep breath. I can do this. It's following a set of instructions made for people with a lower IQ than me. I can conquer a little bedside table.
She picked up one of the pieces and started her puzzle.
Jane leaned against the door frame, the conversation with her mother long finished. She couldn't help the grin that crossed her face at the sight before her: Maura was kneeling on the floor, screws littering the carpet around her, while she twisted the instruction sheet to every angle, unable to make sense of them.
"Okay, okay, you can do this. A goes into E and F using the mortise and tenon joints, as well as the dowelling," Maura murmured to herself, scanning each piece of wood for the appropriate letters. She reached for the spot where the collection of dowelling had been... before Maura had started her attempt. "Oh fudge clusters, where've they all gone?" She huffed in a very Jane-like fashion, and then she pulled her legs out from underneath her and simply reclined on her floor.
As entertaining and hilarious as the scene may have been, Jane decided to ease Maura's suffering. Walking from her hiding place she asked, "Hey Maur, need any help?"
The blonde jumped up, smoothing her skirt as she rose fluidly to her feet. "Actually, some assistance would be greatly appreciated, Jane," and she smiled widely at the brunette.
Jane sinuously folded her legs to sit on the ground, prompting Maura to follow her lead. She picked up one of the pieces of the tenon pieces and swiped a few dowelling from where they'd rolled earlier. Quietly, she showed Maura how they went together and the doctor breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally able to fit some aspects together.
Fifteen minutes later, a brand new table was standing upright in a corner of the kitchen, ready to be shown off.
Maura beamed grandly when Jane pointed it out, once everyone had arrived. She glowed with a reddish tinge to her cheeks at the spontaneous applause that followed Jane's little introduction.
Jane had seen Maura deliver two hour lectures on the beauty of y-incisions. She'd been there for Maura's first successful joke, her first Rizzoli family dinner, and never before had she ever seen the pathologist look so proud.