Chapter Nineteen

Summer was rapidly coming to an end, and so was the time table Hershel had given Daryl for working on his farm and helping out to repay his debt to him. Beth had found that school was absorbing most of her free time, if she wasn't studying she was staying late to work on research papers with Sam and Jimmy for their English class. When she could she would squeeze in time at the clinic to make a little extra money for school supplies and gas. It didn't help that whenever she managed a little alone time with Daryl, he was either too tired from the work to stay awake long enough to carry on a conversation, or he was grumpy and picking fights with her. As she sat typing away at her computer she sighed and pushed the keyboard away, leaning back in her chair and blowing a lock of hair out of her face. She heard an engine roar to life and glanced at her clock, the bright blue numbers telling her it was almost ten at night.

She knew where he was headed. To the bar. Again. She frowned when she realized it was the third time this week, but she figured he missed his brother. She saved her paper and tossed her thumb-drive in her backpack before changing into her pajamas. After flopping down onto her bed she flipped off her lamp and closed her eyes as she listened to the fading of his motorcycle in the distance. She waited for sleep, but it never came. She rolled over trying to get comfortable but only managed to kick her blanket and sheets off of the bed. Sighing in defeat she sat up and flipped her light on, throwing her legs over the side of her bed and looking around her room. She stood and picked her camera up, looking out her window and setting it back down.

"Not good enough for night shots yet." she murmured and set it back on the glass desk next to her keyboard. She looked over at her guitar on it's stand in the corner by her closet but decided she'd probably wake someone up if she started playing now. Her brain was too tired to think about her research paper and she didn't feel the desire to log on to her Facebook account and have Sam messaging her to ask if she was okay. Arguments with Daryl were becoming more and more common since she had started school, and September was now quickly coming to an end. Two months of constant bickering, two months of throwing the blame back and forth at each other.

"You're always at that damn school doin' God knows what!"

"I'm workin' on my school work and doin' what I need to do to keep my grades up!"

"Yeah yeah, sure. Now that you're all friendly with Jimmy again all you wanna do is stay away!"

She laid back on her bed and looked up, watching the blades of her ceiling fan spin in a hypnotizing circle.

"Well you're always leavin' at night to go hang out with Merle, or goin' to the bar! I don't know what you do when you're gone, who you're with!"

"Ain't none of your damn business, girl!"

"You know my damn name!"

"Dammit." Beth said as she rolled over on her side and grabbed her pillow, curling up with it as she felt her heart twist and sink into her stomach. She knew they had started avoiding each other in order to avoid the fighting.

"You're here more often than usual." Carol said as she slid a bottle of beer across the wooden bar and into Daryl's hand.

"Yeah, and?" he asked as he took it, placing it to his lips and tilting the bottom up. The cold liquid ran down his throat and he pulled the bottle back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Trouble in paradise?" she asked as she leaned against the bar and saw him cut her a quick look, "Hey, I'm just taking a wild guess, but you haven't looked happy at all since you started comin' back here more frequently. What's goin' on, Hershel workin' you too hard?"

"No." he answered just as a hand smacked him on the back.

"Welcome back." Merle said as he sat down next to his younger brother, scooting his stool up close to the bar and ordering a beer, "Hey, sweet cheeks."

"Shut up, Merle." Andrea said with a smirk as she popped the lid off and handed him one, "I've told you to stop callin' me that. You and me, ain't never gonna happen."

"You're breakin' my heart, sugar." he said as he pat his chest with his palm, Andrea rolling her eyes and walking to another waiting customer, "What's wrong with you, Darlina?"

"Nuthin'." he snapped and picked his bottle back up, finishing it and sliding it back to the other side of the bar and waited for Carol to get him another.

"Somethin' wrong with you and that girl?" Merle asked and reached over the bar, grabbing a bowl of pretzels and placing it between the two, "It's almost the end of September, ya know."

"I know." Daryl mumbled and grabbed a few, shoving them in his mouth and nodding towards Carol in a gesture of thanks as she handed him another bottle, "I've been thinkin' 'bout it."

"You know what ya gonna do yet?" Merle asked with a mouthful of peanuts and almonds that Carol had set out for them too. Daryl shrugged and watched the condensation slide down the dark bottle and soak into the napkin under it.

"I haven't had to deal with a drunk in a long time, I'm not doing it now."

Daryl ran his hand through his hair. It had been almost two months since that argument, but all their arguments played through his head. He took a slow drink from his beer and folded his arms on the bar, laying his chin down on them.

"As much as I harass ya and give ya hell, I ain't gonna tell you what to do. It's all up to you, lil' brother." Merle said before draining his bottle and showing the empty bottle to Andrea. She took it from him, quick to replace it, and grabbed herself a cold water bottle out from under the counter.

"I know what I'm gonna do" Daryl mumbled before taking another handful of pretzels and dropping them into his mouth, "Ay, Carol. Let me get an order of those hot wings. I'm starvin'."

"Sure thing." she said and pulled out an order pad, "Order!" she called as she walked towards the kitchen window.

"Add in some potato skins with that!" Merle shouted and heard the chef confirm, "Damn I love bar food."

"It's unclear now, what we intend
We're alone in our own world
You don't wanna be my boyfriend
And I don't wanna be your girl
And that, that's a relief
We'll drink up our grief
And pine for summer
And we'll buy beer to shotgun
And we'll lay in the lawn
And we'll be good."

Daryl heard her singing from the front porch, and heard her playing her guitar softly too. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head, water droplets slinging off of his freshly washed hair. He walked slowly around to the front of the house, trying to figure out what he was going to say to Beth, how exactly he was going to word it. The closer he got, the louder her voice became and for a moment he stopped in his tracks and started to turn back but decided against it.

"Now I've got friendships to mend
I'm selfishly dispossessed
You don't wanna be my boyfriend
And that's probably for the best
Because that, that gets messy
And you will hurt me
Or I'll disappear.

So we will drink beer all day
And our guards will give way
And we'll be good."

When he came around to the front steps she had just finished her song and set the guitar to the side when she saw him walking on to the porch.

"Hey." she said from the front porch swing, "You wanna sit?" He looked over at the empty spot next to her but shook his head and leaned against the porch railing.

"The first day of fall is coming up fast, the harvest is all done." Daryl said and glanced over at Beth quickly. She was quiet, looking down at her hands in her lap, "Gotta help your dad take the cows he picked out to slaughter soon so he can sell the beef."

"Poor cows." Beth said softly and Daryl fought off the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"My debt to your dad will be paid off in full after that."

"I know." she said and played with a frayed thread from her cutoff shorts as the tension between them started to grow again. She had a feeling, a sickening feeling in her stomach that twisted and knotted and made the realization hit even harder. She looked up at him and swallowed hard, looking back down at her lap and trying to keep herself calm and collected, "You're gonna leave, aren't you?"

"Beth-."

"I figured. Blood's thicker than water, loyalty to the family, bros before hoes kinda thing, right?" she asked as she stood, straightening her shirt out, "I get it Daryl. You want to run with your brother."

"I'm no good for you, girl. All my life all I've done is get in trouble, and drag people with me into it. That's all I'm good at."

"If that's what you think, Daryl, you're a fool." she said and fought back the tears that stung in her eyes. She looked down at her guitar and scuffed her foot across the dark wood of the porch, "I guess this the part in all the movies where I'm supposed to cry and beg you to stay, and ask what I did wrong and what I did to make you want to break up with me."

"Beth-."

"Except we're not breaking up though, right? Because we never established what we were. We never got past the kissing and the sex to define what we were to each other." He could hear her voice start to waver and saw an escaped tear roll off the bridge of her nose and land on the porch. She immediately turned away from him and was quick to wipe a second tear off of her cheek.

"I'm sorry." he muttered and she shook her head, her hair swaying side to side.

"Don't ever apologize for how you feel, okay? No one should ever apologize for their feelings, you can't help it. When are you leaving?"

"Ain't sure yet. This is for the best, Beth. You deserve someone closer to your age, someone who can go out and do all the fun things you wanna do. That ain't me, really. You deserve to go live your life and enjoy your college years without havin' someone to answer to. Maybe you thought this was meant to be for us but I think we came across each other at the wrong time in our lives. It just wasn't a good time for us, Beth."

"Okay. I'm gonna go start dinner." she said quietly and grabbed her guitar, walking quickly into the house. She hurried up the stairs into her room, shutting her door and sliding to the floor against it as tears started to flow freely down her cheeks. She cursed herself for crying but couldn't find a way to make the tears stop. She looked over at her desk where the camera sat and felt her stomach twist as the memories of the day he gave it to her came flooding back.

"This is for the best, Beth."

"You don't wanna be my boyfriend and that's probably for the best." she whispered and brought her knees up to her chest, "Because that, that gets messy. And you will hurt me, or I'll disappear."