I own Riku Uchiha. I own nothing else.

Chapter 3 - Thoughtless Meddling Has Consequences

After Minato introduced himself, the teachers filed us inside, so we didn't get much chance to mingle. We came to what I assume is the main classroom. We shuffled around to claim our seats; I elected to sit next to Minato, he being the one I was most familiar with by virtue of having actually exchanged words with him. One of the teachers, a scruffy-looking man with one arm missing from the elbow stepped to the desk and cleared his throat loudly.

"Welcome, young ones," the guy rasped out, sounding like he had swallowed a handful of steel wool. "I am Kosura Mochimaru. If you are here, then that means that you are seeking to learn about the noble art of the shinobi."

Shinobi, noble? Bull-fucking-shit. There ain't a goddamn thing that's noble about training pre-teens to be soldiers-slash-assassins and then sending them off to fight and die before their hormones have kicked in.

"Though our village is and has always been strong," Stumpy – sorry, Kosura-sensei – rattled on, "these are dark and difficult times that we are currently living in. I used to serve on the front lines, until a mission gone south led to…" he finished with a gesture to his missing arm. "Pay attention to what I and my colleagues have to teach you, and hopefully you will not suffer the same fate, or worse." He then grabbed a piece of paper from his desk and began taking roll.

I recognized a few clan names, but the only ones that stood out besides Minato's were Tsume Inuzuka, who looked a lot like how I imagine a gender-bent Kiba would look; Kizashi Haruno, who I remembered from Road to Ninja as Sakura's father – I'd recognize that starburst hairstyle anywhere; and Hozu Sarutobi, who I'm pretty sure is – was? Will be? – Konohamaru's dad.

Stumpy-sensei informed us that our first subject would be Shinobi History, which elicited a groan from the entire class. Though I didn't verbally express my opinion, I echoed their sentiment. History was always my weakest and most reviled subject all the way up till college. I still didn't like history then, but at least I was somewhat good at it, unlike some other subjects I had taken.

But I digress.

Pulling out a notebook and pencil, I waited with rapt attention to record the information that would soon be pouring forth. One of the reasons why I'm being so diligent is that I was told to do my best, and I don't want to find out the consequences of failure. The second reason is that if I'm too busy taking notes, I can't fall asleep – in theory, at least.

The rest of the day passed by more-or-less painlessly. After History was Math – boring as shit, but easy enough to answer. I briefly considered deliberately answering some of the questions wrong so as not to appear too smart, but I remembered that I was four years younger than 99 percent of my peers, any chance of flying under the radar went poof the moment I stepped foot on the premises. After that was chakra control exercises, joy of joys. We spent an hour trying to stick leaves onto our foreheads; not exactly riveting stuff. Minato and I were sort-of tied for being the first to get the hang of it. He had a few false starts, but managed to get it his leaf to stick for about 20 minutes before slipping; I got it on the first try due to my previous experience with this exercise, but at about the 15-minute mark my mind began to wander and my concentration slipped. Some couldn't even do it at all. After that action-packed lesson, we broke for lunch. Minato and I sat together and got to know each other better. Though his thoughts and articulation was a bit…not exactly childish, but simplistic…he was surprisingly easy to engage a dialogue with.

Heh, me, a guy who should be nearly 30 by now, bonding with an eight-year-old. I don't know if that speaks well of his maturity, or poorly of mine.

I asked him about himself, which he was happy to answer. They were simple, small talk questions: What's your favorite color? Favorite food? What do you want to do when you grow up? Stuff like that. In that order, his answers were red, a home-cooked meal from Chizuru-san (whoever that was), and to become Hokage, each with a long, winding elaboration. He preferred the warmer, more orangey reds, but derided the shades that leaned closer to "pink" as too girly, despite my assertion that pink was merely a synonym for "light-ish red". There were particular dishes that Chizuru-san made that he preferred more than others, and like every kid, he balked when vegetables were on the menu. As for being Hokage…well, to be honest, I just kind of tuned him out at that point.

"What do your parents think of you becoming a ninja?" I asked, and the blond kid immediately froze up. Well, that answered that question.

"It's okay," he said when I tried to change the subject. "You told me about your parents, so it's only fair I tell you about mine." He took a deep, bracing breath and said, "Truth is, I'm an orphan too. I never knew my parents."

Now, I thought that he was lucky, it was better have never had parents than to have them for a little while then lose them like I did, but it seemed rather…insensitive to say that out loud, so I just said, "Sorry." He waved it off and asked me the same questions I asked him. Unlike his long-winded answers, my responses were considerably briefer.

Favorite color: "Dark."

Favorite food: "Meat and sweets."

What do I want to be when I grow up: "Taller." Minato seemed to be getting annoyed by my taciturn responses, so I asked him how he managed to get into the Academy two years early. According to him, there's some sort of test and a physical that you have to pass if you want to get in early. I never had to go through that crap; one of the perks of being part of a major clan, I guess.

"Didn't you go through the same thing?" he asked after explaining it to me.

With a grimace, I ground out, "My clan head put me in." Minato seemed confused by my agitation, but the ring of the bell spared me from further elaboration. We students were led outside where we were arranged into wide rows. This was taijutsu class as it turned out; after stretches, the teacher ran us through a simple three-move kata: Right arm to punch, left arm to block, right arm to punch again. As a lefty, this was a bit awkward for me, but the alternative was potentially knocking into one of my neighbors, so I complied. An hour-and-a-half of that crap later, and my arms felt like my legs do after one of Sunshine's workout runs.

After a cooldown period where my hands went down from a seizure-like shudder to a faint quivering, we started learning hand seals. Everyone had a bitch of a time quickly switching from one seal to another, an issue that our teacher assured us would resolve itself with practice. A problem more particular to me was that I seemed to be making the seals in their reverse form. I have no idea what this means, but apparently it's not good if the fact that the teacher nearly constantly hovered by me to correct my finger positions was any indication. More annoyingly, I seemed to be the only one having this problem since I was the only left-handed kid in class!

After an hour of learning field strategy followed by an hour-and-a-half of PE, which consisted of boot camp classics like sit-ups, push-ups, and running, we were sent finally home. I was tired mentally and physically, but I'd still take this over a session with Sunshine any day. I shuffled into my house and saw Mikoto sitting on the floor of the living room, jangling a toy over Obito, who seemed to be having the time of his life.

"How was your first day at the Academy?" she asked brightly as she set the toy down. Obito immediately snatched it up and tried to stuff it in his mouth.

"I survived," I grunted as I plopped down on the couch and scooped up my baby brother. Of course at that moment he decided that my hair was much more interesting than the toy he was just trying to devour and grabbed two big handfuls of my stringy locks. Ow, ow, ow, ow! Seeing my plight, Mikoto took Obito from my arms, disentangling his fingers from my hair. He immediately grabbed some of her hair, but instead of trying to yank it out like he did to mine, he seemed content to gum on the ends. I glared at the infant as I rubbed my abused scalp, annoyed at the unfairness of it all.

"So dramatic," she sighed with a roll of her eyes, the cheeky girl. Sitting down next to me, she said, "By the way, Fugaku-chan wanted to see you as soon as you got home." Oh, so Sunshine demands my presence? Well fuck him, I don't feel like dealing with him right now.

"He can wait," I said dismissively as I took Obito and laid him down across my lap, keeping his grabby hands far away from my head. "I've had a long day and I haven't spent much time with my brother." Mikoto sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Riku-kun, why do you hate Fugaku-chan so much?" she asked me.

"Because he's an a…bsolute donkey," I immediately began, but seeing the baby laying on my lap, I changed my last word. Mikoto seemed unimpressed by my last-second word swap. "And I don't hate him, not really." His dad, on the other hand….

"I've seen how you react whenever he gets brought up," Mikoto argued with a disbelieving stare. When I raised a questioning eyebrow at her, she continued, "You never refer to him by name, and whenever I mention him, you make a face like…" she scrunched up her face in what I think was an angry scowl. Or maybe it was constipation, it's hard to tell.

"Okay, one, I don't make a face like that," I retorted. "Two, I don't really hate the guy. He's a jerk, and annoys me like you wouldn't believe, but saying I hate him implies that I want him dead, which I don't. I just don't want to ever have to deal with him again." The guy was an asshole, but it wasn't his fault I was forced into becoming a ninja. That's on his father, who again I have no problems admitting I do hate.

"…If you say so," she finally said, clearly not believing me. "He still wants to see you at your usual spot ASAP."

"Fine," I groaned in frustration. "I'll go see him…" I said as I stood up and passed Obito back to her, "…as soon as I finish my haircut and shower." I ran into the kitchen to grab a pair of scissors before going into the bathroom to trim my hair to a more reasonable length. After I had cut my hair to about half its former length, I swept the clippings into a trash can and jumped into the shower to wash away the scraps that remained. Cleaned and refreshed, I made my way over to the field that Sunshine and I normally trained at, where he was waiting, bag at his feet and looking more pissed off than usual.

"You're late," he said tersely. I gave an unapologetic shrug.

"I wasn't aware we had an appointment," I replied coolly. He narrowed his eyes at me, and for a moment I thought I saw them flash red.

"My time is precious, student," he said with venom in his voice, "and I have little of it to waste on tardy children." Okay, that's it. Three months I've put up with this asshole and his shit. I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!

"Then why not just leave?" I snapped back. "You clearly don't want to be here, and I don't want you here, so why don't you just do us both a favor and leave?!" I shouted angrily. Sunshine seemed momentarily shocked at my outburst before his face became still and hard as stone.

"Unfortunately for the both of us, it is not that simple," he said evenly, "and it seems that you are due a lesson in respect." Me respect you? Fat chance. He reached into his bag and pulled out two wooden sticks, one of which he tossed to me. It was slightly curved and I'd guess its length at about 18 inches. "Now that you are in the Academy, I will no longer be teaching you the basics. Instead, I will focus on training your Sharingan. Activate it now." I gulped nervously and channeled chakra to my eyes, making the world sharper. I had a feeling that I would be paying for my rant soon enough. "I will also be training you in some weapons that the Academy does not teach. For now you will be learning the wakizashi; later, I will teach you the bō and the tonfa. Now, defend yourself!"

Okay, now I'm starting to hate Sunshine.

After two hours of getting my ass beaten twelve ways from Sunday, I dragged my broken, sorry ass home. When Mikoto saw me, she immediately ordered me to sit on a stool and take my shirt off, an order I was too sore to argue with. Grabbing another jar of her miracle balm, she began to gently massage the medicine into my back, the achiness melting away into a numb tingling sensation.

"What happened out there?" she asked as she spread more of the goop across my back.

"I said something he didn't like hearing," I grunted in response. With how much that bastard beat my ass, I should get at least the next two or three arguments for free. Christ, I understand getting your pound of flesh, but this is just ridiculous.

Mikoto sighed as she moved around to face my front and began slathering balm on my chest. "I'll talk to Fugaku-chan, try to convince him to ease up on the training. But," she added, pointing an accusatory finger at me, "you have to promise to not antagonize him."

"What! I only egged him on this once!" I protested.

"And if you decide to keep doing it, I can't help you," she retorted as she started pushing a little harder than strictly necessary to apply the goop. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Fine, if it'll get him to stop being such a jerk to me, I promise to behave like a good little minion," I said dully. Mikoto glared at me for my sarcasm, but rolled her eyes with a suffering sigh.

"It'll have to do, I suppose," she muttered. She capped the balm jar and wiped her hands on a towel. "Let that sit for at least an hour before bathing. I'll be back tomorrow to reapply the medicine before you head to school. In the meantime, you should rest."

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver, Mikoto," I said as I gingerly stood up. I had bruises on my legs still, but those could wait until I had some privacy.

"…Call me nee-san," she said. When I looked at her in confusion, she continued, "With as much as I've been taking care of you and Obito-chan, you're starting to feel like the little brothers I never had."

"I can take care of myself," I huffed. Still, I've never had a big sister; it could be an interesting experience. "Good night, Miko-nee," I bid her, bringing a bright smile to her face.

"Good night, Riku-kun!" she replied. She gave her final cutesy goodbyes to Obito before leaving for the night. I scooped him up and he immediately started grasping for my hair.

"I cut it you little twerp," I told the baby, who started to whimper when he couldn't get to his favorite plaything, "what are you going to do now?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Me and my big mouth….

"What happened to you?" Minato asked in shock when he saw me the next day. While Mikoto's balm helped with the pain, it did little to prevent the bruising. Thus, I came to school looking like I had taken a bath in ink; most of my body below my neck was covered in bruises.

"Training mishap," I answered simply.

"What kind of training, wrestling with a bear?" he asked incredulously.

"More like sparring with an ass," I replied as I prepared for another day of listening to Stumpy ramble on about more dead people.

Thus was my life for the foreseeable future: Show up to school, try not to fall asleep, go home and report to Sunshine for my daily ass-whooping, and repeat. To my surprise, Mikoto pulled through; Sunshine was acting less like a dick. He was still grumpy and short with me, but he actually took the time to explain things to me as opposed to that disastrous first day when he just mercilessly wailed on me. I kept to my end of the deal and was on my best behavior for him – out loud, at least. Obito was learning to crawl, and was quite the speedy little bugger to boot. Unfortunately he was also starting to teeth, which caused no end of headaches. If he wasn't eating or sleeping, there was barely a quiet moment to be had. I don't remember it hurting that much when I teethed!

Between his genuine genius and my advanced knowledge, Minato and I vied for the Rookie of the Year position; as it turns out, most kids don't like it when they're shown up by someone two years their junior, and even less so by one four years younger, so Minato and I kind of drifted together for lack of other options. We developed a dynamic, one where he prattled on while I smiled and made the occasional comment. It was a system that worked out nicely for us. That's not to say it was completely smooth sailing: About a month after we met, I noticed that Minato was looking at me oddly, like he wanted to say something but was afraid to say it, so I confronted him at lunch.

"Okay Minato, something's clearly bugging you, so spill it," I said as we sat down.

"Well…" he began uncertainly, "the thing is, I know how much clans like to keep internal matters private…"

"Out with it."

"When we first met, and you said that your clan head enrolled you early, you didn't seem too happy about that," he said. I resisted the urge to drop my face into my hands. It was about that. "So I was wondering what was up with that." I thought about what I should say. Should I give it to him straight? Should I evade? Should I lie? I decided to just tell him the truth; he's my friend, so I owe him some measure of trust.

"The truth is…" I began before giving a heavy sigh. "The truth is, I was forced to come here by my clan. I never wanted to be a ninja at all."

"What?" he exclaimed loudly, bringing the attention of several nearby students to us. He winced under my withering glare and, after waiting several minutes for the observers to go back to their own business, said more quietly, "What? Why wouldn't you want to be a ninja? It's like the coolest job ever!" I sighed and rubbed my forehead. How does one explain the immorality of child soldiers to a kid who was raised in a culture that encouraged them? Hell, how do you explain it to an adult?

"I have my reasons," I eventually said. Minato blinked at me in confusion.

"What reasons?" he asked.

"Minato, let it go," I told him as I focused my attention to my lunch.

"But—"

"Minato, I answered your question, now drop it."

"…Okay, Riku-kun, I will." For the next few days, Minato walked on eggshells around me, but eventually the confrontation was forgotten and we went back to how we were before, which suited me just fine.

Around two months in, Kosura-sensei was replaced by an average-looking guy wearing a bandana, Chimoru-sensei. I don't know why ol' Stumpy was replaced, but I wasn't about to complain. A few weeks later, before class started, he came in with a girl about Minato's age with a yellow sleeveless blouse and very familiar bloody-red hair.

"All right, we have a new transfer student in today who'll be attending our academy," Chimoru-sensei said as the girl fidgeted shyly under the stares she was getting.

Her nerves reaching a peak, she shouted out, "I'm Uzumaki Kushina, dattebane!" She gasped when she realized what she said and covered her mouth in embarrassment. The room began buzzing with the kids either laughing at her verbal tic or making fun of her crimson hair, which I noticed she was playing with self-consciously. Rolling my eyes in irritation, I stood up and gave her a friendly wave.

"Nice to meet you, Kushina!" I cried out. She gave a hesitant wave back.

Mustering up her courage, she declared, "I'm going to become the first female Hokage!" This shocked the room into stupefied silence. The only response was Minato standing up and hitting his chest with a proud smile.

"I'm going to become a great Hokage too, one that'll be admired by the entire village!" he said. I'm sure he meant to be encouraging with that, but if the reddening face and puffed cheeks were any indication, it didn't have quite the effect he was going for.

"Are you making fun of me?" she snapped at the blond, who blinked in surprise.

"N-no, I was just saying that we both want to be Hokage," he tried to placate the angry girl. "I'm sure you'll be a great Godaime Hokage!" This only seemed to set her off further.

"Not if I get there first, 'ttebane!" she shouted.

"What? I'm going to be the Yondaime!" Minato retorted.

"No, I am!"

"I am!"

"No, I—" Before the argument could descend any further, I grabbed the back of Minato's jacket and roughly pulled him back into his seat. Standing up, I gave a bright smile and said:

"You'll be a great Hokage, Kushina." A big fat lie of course, but she looked like she needed the encouragement. After that little kerfuffle had been defused, Kushina took a seat in the back, and everything was fine, for the moment.

After Chakra Control class had ended and we were about to head to lunch, a bunch of kids ganged up around Kushina and began to make fun of her, mostly her hair and her dreams. I looked to Minato who seemed content to just watch the confrontation unfurl. Groaning in irritation, I stood up and stalked over to one of the boys pointing at Kushina's hair and pulled it back, making him cry out in pain.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that it was rude to point?" I tossed him aside and barely dodged a punch from another boy. I responded with a punch to the stomach followed by an elbow to the back, in the general area of where the kidneys were. Kushina took advantage of the distraction by grabbing one kid's arm and spinning around, knocking aside everyone within range. Unfortunately, that included me. "Hey, I'm on your side!" I cried out in annoyance. She didn't seem to hear me though as she straddled one of the bullies and began wailing on his head. I tried to pull her off, but she was a lot stronger than she looked and easily resisted my attempts. The teacher came and pulled us all apart before sending me and Kushina to the principal's office. Since it was the first offense for the both of us, we were basically warned that if we really needed to beat the crap out of somebody, to save it for the sparring lessons before letting us go to lunch.

"I didn't need your help, you know!" she lit into me as we navigated the hallways to the cafeteria.

"I know," I said nonchalantly, which seemed to throw her off. "But it wasn't about you needing help, it was about my wanting to help. You're welcome, by the way." From the corner of my eye, I saw her face flush and heard her mumble a barely audible thanks. Eh, good enough. "I'm Riku," I introduced myself with a hand extended outward. She looked at me in confusion before slowly shaking it.

"Hi, Riku-san," she said. Nodding in satisfaction, I began to pick up the pace.

"Let's go, I'm starving and I still need to lay into Minato for not helping me," I grumbled.

"Minato?" Kushina asked as she matched pace with me, not a difficult feat considering she was about three inches taller than me. "That blond boy you were sitting next to?" At my nod, she said flatly, "I can't believe you're friends with that twit."

"He's fine once you get to know him," I defended as we strode into the cafeteria. After quickly introducing the future husband and wife to each other, I took my customary seat across from Minato. "So, Minato, care to tell me why you saw fit not to assist me during my time of need?" I asked faux-pleasantly as I began to dig into my lunch.

"You seemed to have everything under control," Minato answered with a shrug. Not the answer I would have preferred, but it was in the past, no point in getting worked up over it. Kushina seemed to think differently however as she stared coolly at the blond across from her.

"You know, you won't make a very good Hokage if you won't even help your friend out in a fight," she sniped as she broke apart her chopsticks. Minato seemed to catch onto her tone and gave a haughty sniff.

"And you won't make a very good Hokage if you start flinging people around just because they make fun of you," he shot back. "And besides, I already said Riku-kun looked like he had it under control. He shouldn't have had that much trouble dealing with one girl." Hoo boy, things were going to get ugly soon. Kushina very slowly and deliberately set her chopsticks down and stood up. Her hair began to waft in the wind in a very Kurama-like fashion. Didn't she get him after this though?

"So what are you saying, Minato-kun?" she asked, stressing the honorific sarcastically. "Are you saying that girls are weak, or that girls can't become Hokage?"

"I-I'm not saying that at all!" Minato tried to backpedal. "I'm just trying to—"

"Trying to what?" Kushina challenged. By now we had begun to draw an audience.

"Guys, I really think you should—" I tried to say, but was interrupted by Minato.

"I'm not trying to say anything, you…you meanie!" he shouted. I fought down a snort at this. Meanie, really? That's the best you could come up with?

"Meanie? What are you, five?" Apparently, Kushina wasn't impressed by the lackluster insult either.

"I'm eight!" Minato replied as he jumped up in outrage.

"Oh? I'm nine, so from where I stand, you're just a little snot-nosed brat!" she declared with her arms crossed.

"Oh yeah? Well from where I stand, you're just a wrinkly old hag!" came the retort, eliciting shocked gasps from the crowd, a jaw dropped in outrage from Kushina, and an embarrassed groan from me. Looks like Minato was about to learn the hard way why you never take potshots at a girl's age.

"You…you take that back!" she sputtered, her face reddening with rage.

"No, I won't!" Minato countered stubbornly.

"Brat!"

"Hag!"

"Ugh…" I groaned as the two kept volleying insults at each other. One little change in canon on my part, and now I'm stuck playing the beleaguered middleman between the future Fourth Hokage and future container of the Nine-Tailed Fox, who would later get married and spawn the guy that would save the world.

"TOMATO!"

"LEMON-HEAD!"

…Assuming they don't kill each other before then. God help me, what the fuck did I just get myself into?

And that's chapter three. I hope you liked it, and don't forget to leave a review.

The cover image is my concept for Riku's Mangekyō Sharingan, in case you were wondering.