A/N: Okay, so here's the fifth and final part of this 'What…?' series, and I hope you guys like it. Things come to a breaking point between Kurt and Blaine, and Kurt has a very important decision to make that could affect the rest of his life… (Warning for mention of Klaine and Blaine, Glee Spoilers and speculation of further episodes, blink and you'll miss it mention of Finn.)
Kurt sits on his bed with books open and scattered around him, searching for some subject that will take his mind off of his sparring match with Sebastian. He thumbs through his homework, first reading about the history of the Old Globe Theater, then about the works of Aleksandr Pushkin, finally pulling out the big guns and re-reading a few choice chapters of Patti LuPone: A Memoir. He barely reads past Ms. LuPone's mention of the murder of her grandfather when he gives up, shutting the book and abandoning it on the bed amidst the company of his textbooks and a few sheets of music – audition pieces for a few upcoming student produced musicals he wants to try out for.
Kurt shuts his eyes and groans, picturing the scene in the combat classroom, Sebastian shoved up against the wall with Kurt's bo staff pressed beneath his chin, trapped, his chest heaving with every labored breath, beads of sweat dotting his brow, the darkness in his eyes that overwhelmed the green irises and blazed with a softly simmering fire.
The rough edge of repressed desire in his voice when he said he wanted to kiss Kurt.
That one sentence will echo in his head from now till kingdom come, Kurt is sure of it.
Kurt shakes his head, desperate to take these images and feelings and hide them away. This isn't love, he reminds himself. He's not falling for Sebastian Smythe. It's simply infatuation. He's feeling neglected and a bit rejected by his fiancé and now he's projecting his need for physical intimacy onto Sebastian. Yes. That has to be it, Kurt thinks, trying to find relief in his epiphany. Any high school student that's taken psych as an elective can see that this is a text book case of misplaced affection.
Kurt comes to a difficult but necessary conclusion; one that makes sense to his rational brain as it steps back and examines the big picture; but which makes his heart stop in its tracks, and then start again, limping along sluggishly as it tries to hold itself together and not shatter. He throws himself back onto his pillow and breathes out, hard and fast till his entire body feels flat and deflated, devoid and empty.
He's going to have to stop seeing Sebastian.
Inside Kurt's head, his brain nods approvingly, crossing its smug arms and feeling proud of itself for making such a mature decision. After all, he has a fiancé and a future with him to consider, and in the long run this is probably the best thing if he's going to nurture his foundling relationship; the relationship he sacrificed so much to keep together, even when the pieces fall faster than he can pick them up.
So how come he wants to crawl under his covers and cry ugly, angry sobs for the rest of the week?
He plays out how he intends on telling Sebastian, what he's going to say exactly, and his chest tightens, the pain wrapping around his body, threatening to split him in two.
Did he really have feelings for Sebastian Smythe; something other than 'I think I'm lonely because my fiancé has problems and I need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on' feelings?
The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes the answer might be yes.
Oh, great fucking spaghetti monster in the sky…what the hell did he do?
Kurt feels the bed dip and opens his eyes as Blaine drops down opposite him, a half-eaten bowl of microwave theater popcorn in his hands.
"Hey," Blaine says, "can I talk to you for a minute?"
Kurt frowns at the offending snack, which he can only assume is the hapless victim of another bout of stress eating.
"Blaine," Kurt says firmly, sitting up and pulling the bowl away, "I thought we talked about this."
"I know," Blaine says, sounding meek and distant. Blaine runs his hand down the leg of his jeans and Kurt cringes, reaching on his bedside table for a wet wipe.
"So, do you want to tell me what's up?" Kurt says. "Because the Blaine Anderson I know wouldn't butter a pair of $300 retro distressed jeans."
Blaine wrings the wet wipe in his hands, and then runs it over his leg, trying ineffectively to wipe up the greasy trail. He balls the wipe up and pitches it in the trash, and Kurt knows Blaine is thinking, buying himself time.
"Blaine?"
Blaine settles his hands on his knees and takes a deep breath.
"I want you to end your relationship with Sebastian," he says bluntly.
Kurt sits up straighter, setting the bowl of popcorn down on the floor beside him and turning his body to face his fiancé full-on.
"Excuse me?" Kurt says, not sure he heard Blaine right, because Blaine would not have the gall to tell Kurt to dump another friend…not now…not this time.
"I don't want you spending so much time with Sebastian anymore," Blaine says again, more confidently than he did the first time.
Kurt stares dumbly, mouth hanging slightly open, stunned into silence, trying to find a way to put into words the exasperation rising within him.
Grasping for his thoughts he comes up with the only thing that needs to be said.
"No."
Blaine drops his head in frustration.
"I don't believe you, Blaine!" Kurt says, whispering hoarsely so as not to announce to the whole loft that they are once again fighting. "What gives you the right to tell me to get rid of a friend, a good friend, who used to be your friend if you remember!"
"Yeah, and if I remember correctly you didn't like the friendship I had with him either," Blaine bites back.
"You're right," Kurt agrees with a vehement nod. "I didn't. But I didn't ask you to stop being friends with him, and no amount of me being upset over it or telling you I felt uncomfortable about it made you stop. So why do you get to do this to me?"
Blaine's mouth is tight, his entire face locked down around words he's fighting with himself to say.
"Because I wasn't dating him!" Blaine blurts out, no longer concerned with who in the loft hears.
Kurt's mouth drops open wider. From the living room Kurt can hear an audible dual gasp from Rachel and Mercedes who have been quietly sitting on the sofa watching Mamma Mia!.
"Okay, psycho!" Kurt says, putting his arms up in front of him as if he can physically block himself from Blaine's remark. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about him walking you to school every morning. I'm talking about you sharing cronuts and coffee, and all your laughing and flirting in the hallways at school, not to mention your little display during combat class."
Kurt shakes his head in disbelief, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to look at the now insufferable, ridiculously enraged glower on Blaine's face.
"What?" Blaine retorts when a shocked Kurt doesn't deny his accusations. "You think I wouldn't find out? Are you forgetting about the gossip chain at NYADA, Kurt? I didn't have to see you with my own eyes. Everyone's talking about it."
Kurt's face inflames as he gears up to defend himself even though he recognizes the sliver of hypocrisy in doing so. There is the teeny-tiniest nugget of truth to what Blaine said. Kurt did flirt with Sebastian, but that's all – harmless flirting. No more or less than what Blaine does when Sam gives him piggy-back rides around the city, or when he twerked with Tina, or when he eye-fucked some rando during Coach Sylvester's aerobics class at 23 Hour Fitness, if the rumor mill can be believed.
Well, if second-hand information is good enough for Blaine, it's good enough for Kurt.
"Blaine," Kurt says, attempting to stay calm while on the verge of a Defcon 1 level meltdown, "I have given up so many friends for you. Every time you lapse into crazy possessive Blainezilla mode, a member of my social circle heads for the hills. By the time we get married, I won't have a single friend left."
"That's not true," Blaine grouses, counting off on his fingers. "You have Rachel and Santana and…"
"Well, if I trade in Rachel and Santana, can I keep Sebastian?" Kurt jeers petulantly. From the living room, a disgruntled Rachel yells, "Hey!"
Kurt rolls his eyes. Nothing in his life is private or sacred.
"Now you're being childish," Blaine argues, "and unoriginal. Wasn't that from Friends?"
Kurt hides his head in his hands, searching out comfort in the meager dark.
"You're not getting it." Kurt laughs at the absurdity, because a minute ago Kurt was thinking of stopping his friendship with Sebastian for the good of his relationship with Blaine, but having Blaine come in and demand it, demand that Kurt stop being friends with the one person who seems to understand him and accepts him for who he is, is an entirely different story.
It's a story Kurt's not sure he wants to hear the end of.
"I can't talk to you when you're like this," Kurt says finally, getting off the bed and grabbing his jacket from the hanging rack of clothes.
"Where are you going?" Blaine asks, following him as he cuts through the living room. Eyes trail him from the sofa, the volume of the television conspicuously mute, as he heads for the door.
"I'm going for a walk," Kurt snaps. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure I won't make any new friends this late at night."
Kurt throws open the sliding door and storms out of the loft without turning around to slam it shut.
He needs out, and he needs out now; dark, deserted New York City be damned.
Kurt takes off down the street and lets his feet lead him, giving him one less thing to think about as he tries to clear his head.
His phone buzzes over and over in his pocket but he ignores it, knowing it's Blaine with one of two agendas in mind – to continue the fight, or get Kurt to feel guilty and back down. When it buzzes for the tenth time Kurt gives in, determined to send a venomous reply to whatever Blaine has the nerve to text him and then shut off his phone for good.
But the most recent text isn't from Blaine. It's from Rachel.
To Kurt:
Don't you think you're being selfish and immature about this? I mean, what is Sebastian to you really that you can't give him up for the sake of your soul mate?
Kurt stops walking in order to read the message again; to make sure he understands it perfectly before he unleashes his fury on Rachel Berry.
How dare she? She's supposed to be Kurt's friend, his best friend. Besides, what the hell does any of this have to do with her? Kurt has to wonder also where Rachel is getting her information – from tonight's unsolicited performance, from a sanctimonious Blaine, or from the overly-efficient grapevine that branches out through the NYADA halls.
He starts composing a message, several messages, but erases them.
He doesn't want to do anything out of anger, no matter how much she deserves it.
Instead he composes a different message and hits send.
Meet me at the coffee shop asap…please.
Then, without waiting for an answer, he shuts off his phone.
Sebastian arrives miraculously before Kurt does, waiting outside, wearing his signature cashmere coat, his hands shoved in the pockets. Kurt sees him peering down the street, squinting against the street lights that fan out above him, bathing him in their copper-colored glow. He spots Kurt walking up from the subway and smiles - a crooked grin that's a touch more sympathetic than usual.
"How the hell did you get here so fast?" Kurt launches in with a laugh, not in the mood to be pitied.
"I have my ways," Sebastian says, being purposefully vague.
"Ahh, so would that would be the broomstick then?" Kurt walks through the door that Sebastian holds open for him.
"A level twelve warlock never reveals the true identity of his teleportation skills."
Kurt turns in the doorway and scowls.
"Oh dear Lord," Kurt groans in disgust. "I'm going to forget you said any of that."
Sebastian laughs, stepping inside and letting the door shut behind him.
"Probably for the best," he agrees. "I'm not ready to reveal that part of myself yet."
"Oh, no!" Kurt gasps. "This is actually a thing?"
"Well, with that attitude you won't find out anytime soon."
Sebastian leads Kurt to the table by the window where they sat the first time they had coffee there.
"That might be a good thing." Kurt falls into the chair and sinks in, letting it soak him up and engulf him with its worn paisley fabric.
Sebastian saunters up to the counter. The pudgy woman behind the register wearing a floral 1970s style magenta kaftan beneath an equally floral apron, sugar-and-cinnamon hair pulled into a sloppy bun on top of her head, smiles at his approach.
"The usual?" she says, already ringing up their order.
"You're too good, Eileen," Sebastian coos. He leans over the counter, making sultry bedroom eyes at the older woman who takes two cronuts out of the pastry case and sets them on a thick, red plate with napkins underneath.
"Oh, stop, you naughty boy," she says, swatting at Sebastian with the back of her hand and laughing. The sound is warm, a bit raspy, and reminds Kurt of the way Carole laughs - not from just her mouth and throat, but with her whole body.
"Ow!" Sebastian stands up to avoid another swat aimed his way. "You wound me, m'lady."
Sebastian reaches into his coat for his wallet, pulls out a twenty and sets it down on the counter.
"Yeah, right." Eileen pulls out a tray from beneath the counter and sets it down, moving the plate on it, adding two full coffee cups and several small packets of sugar and creamer. She fishes out the twenty from beneath the tray and rings up the total on the register. "Go back to your sexy boyfriend, why don't you?"
Kurt, sitting silently at the table by the window, listens to their banter, his stomach twisting as he waits for Sebastian to set her straight.
"What, him?" Sebastian throws a quick glance over his shoulder at Kurt sinking deeper into his chair. "Actually he's my martial arts instructor."
"Really?" Eileen drawls, handing Sebastian his change. Kurt can tell by the way her glimmering eyes look him over that she's completely unconvinced.
"Yup," Sebastian insists. "You should see him in action." Sebastian leans further over the counter as he slips a dollar into the tip jar. "He enjoys kicking my ass."
"I'll bet." Eileen turns her eyes toward Kurt and grinning for all she's worth, throwing her head back and guffawing heartily when Kurt turns bright pink.
Sebastian laughs, too, and the pink in Kurt's cheeks transforms into a pulsating fire engine red. Sebastian carries the tray over to Kurt, arranging the coffee cups and condiments next to the plate on the table and then slipping the tray beneath his chair. Kurt watches him with an amused smile on his lips. He snatches his coffee cup, popping off the plastic lid and taking a sniff, letting the aroma of Arabica beans fill his senses and work its way through his body, relaxing his muscles and repairing his fractured sanity. He reaches blindly for a packet of sugar, his fingers brushing Sebastian's as the other man grabs a cup of creamer.
Kurt's heart skips, but he overlooks it. So much has happened to him tonight; too many mixed emotions spinning off in every direction while Kurt tries to find one to latch on to, one that will lead him in the right direction.
"So, were you in the mood for a late night coffee run, or is there something you want to talk about?" Sebastian settles back into his chair, holding his cup and inhaling before he takes his first sip. Kurt takes a long look at Sebastian and notices how drawn his face is, how his eyes droop with exhaustion – all signs that Sebastian must have had a long day, too. Suddenly Kurt feels like a heel for dragging him out at this late hour. Kurt sees Sebastian's eyebrows knit together as their eyes meet over his coffee cup.
"Look, Hummel," he says after another sip. "You got me out here so there's no turning back now. You might as well spill."
Kurt shakes his head.
"I'm really sorry about this. Did I take you away from something important?"
Sebastian shrugs.
"Watching porn," he says. He sounds rather indifferent, but Kurt huffs a bitter laugh.
"You too, huh," Kurt says. "It must be going around."
"I am an adult human of the male species," Sebastian says, sitting up and putting his cup on the table. "Is that what this is all about? Did you catch teen angel Blaine watching a porno?"
Kurt bounces his head back and forth in a pseudo nod.
"No…well, yes, I did. But that's not what this is all about."
Sebastian waits patiently. Kurt wants to tell him everything – every gritty, blasphemous detail; but much of his tale belongs to Blaine, and Kurt doesn't feel right betraying his confidence…even if he is acting like a jackass.
"This is harder than I thought," Kurt begins.
"What is?" Sebastian asks, talking softly, not wanting to pry.
"This…this thing I have with Blaine," Kurt stammers.
"Thing?" Sebastian says with an uncomfortable chuckle. "You guys are engaged."
"I know." Kurt sighs. "It's just so complicated…and it's becoming more and more sordid every day."
Sebastian waits again, drumming his fingers on the table. He gestures in frustration when Kurt doesn't continue.
"You're not giving me much to work with here," Sebastian says. Kurt crosses his arms on the table and rests his chin on them, tracing the path of the fake wood grain with his eyes.
"Blaine has issues…" Kurt figures that's a safe way to put it without divulging too much. "And I try to help, but everything I do seems to backfire."
Kurt pauses for a moment, choosing his words carefully.
"He's jealous of me," Kurt says with a dry, mirthless laugh. "Of my successes, of my body…of my friends…"
Kurt's eyes flick up to find Sebastian's staring at him, and Sebastian understands, frowning at the thought that he managed to come between Kurt and Blaine the one time he didn't mean to.
"Instead of being happy for me, of being proud to be with me, he wants me to give it all up." Kurt's gaze drifts back down to the tabletop. "I didn't think that if Blaine loved me the way he says he loves me, that if we're actually soul mates, that he would expect me to give up everything I've worked for to make him feel like he's enough."
Sebastian chews on the inside of his cheek, but he doesn't say a word. He watches Kurt, taking in everything he says while at the same time half lost in his own thoughts.
"I know this sounds horrible," Kurt says, wiping at his eyes, drying a few stray tears born of confusion and frustration, "but I think I need a break. I think we maybe rushed into this."
"Are you considering breaking up with him?" Sebastian asks too quickly, but Kurt lets it slide.
"No," Kurt says, "I don't think so. I don't know. But right now if I stay in that loft, I'm going to end up hating and resenting him. I know relationships are hard, and I know people change, but he didn't just change. He metamorphosed into some strange alien creature I don't recognize anymore."
Kurt expects Sebastian to laugh, maybe join in on the Blaine bashing a bit, but he's eying the table with such intense concentration that Kurt doesn't know if he heard his comment or not.
"I might be able to help you," Sebastian says slowly, looking up from the spot that's been helping him think.
"How?" Kurt asks, discouraged at the thought of taking relationship advice from Sebastian.
"I have a place," Sebastian says, "in my building. I bought it when the apartments went condo. I thought it could turn into an additional source of income, but I've never actually rented it out."
"What are you saying?" Kurt asks, sitting up again, all at once excited and terrified.
"If you need out that badly, I'll rent it to you," Sebastian offers. "Shit, you can just…you can have it, rent free, for as long as you need a place to stay."
Kurt is speechless. It sounds like an opportunity, a plan even; but he's already shaking his head.
"I…I can't," Kurt says though his brain is screaming at him to reconsider.
"Why can't you?" Sebastian says irritated, and Kurt thinks rightfully so. Here Kurt drags Sebastian out in the middle of the night and bitches about not wanting to go back home and now he's turning down the perfect opportunity to get the break he needs.
"Because I'm angry right now," Kurt reasons, "but tomorrow when I wake up, I might not be. I might want my life back. I don't want to do anything rash."
Sebastian rolls his head on his neck and sighs.
"Okay," Sebastian says, staring at the ceiling, "I get that."
"You do?" Kurt asks, hoping he didn't offhandedly offend Sebastian by turning down his offer.
"Yeah. I do." Sebastian looks back at Kurt, his eyes compelling. "But the offer's always open. Don't forget it."
Like so many of the things that Kurt feels selfish for wanting, he learns to push Sebastian's offer aside. For weeks he manages not to think about it, and Sebastian doesn't mention it again. Kurt convinces himself that he made the best decision. Working on his relationship with Blaine is more important than running away. Kurt made promises. He has responsibilities. He needs to stand by his word, because when it comes down to it, if he strips away everything he has and everything he is, his word is all he really has.
But to prove that no selfless deed ever goes unpunished, the universe steps in and says, "Fuck you, Kurt Hummel."
Blaine finally gets his big break; an opportunity to have his talent backed by a generous benefactor…an opportunity that should have been Kurt's.
Blaine's constantly fluctuating despondency reaches meteoric proportions and Kurt wants so much to show his support and solidarity, so when his chance at stardom finally comes knocking, Kurt relents.
He relents.
He is beginning to think that phrase will be chiseled on his tombstone.
Instead of taking the spotlight for himself, he decides to share it with Blaine.
Kurt always said that Blaine would find the spotlight; but this time Kurt wraps it up in a bright shiny bow and gives it to him.
Kurt makes it easy for him, too. He picks out a musical score that showcases their talents equally, schedules their practice sessions, he even designs and makes special complimenting suits. But after seeing the couple perform together, the eccentric rich socialite who wants so much to promote fresh new talent doesn't want both of them…and she doesn't want Kurt.
She only wants Blaine.
Kurt smiles through clenched teeth when she rudely rejects him right to his face. He smiles when she hugs and raves over Blaine, introducing him to the press as her newest protégé. He smiles when they get home and Blaine boasts about his newest success, seeming to forget that Kurt is the reason he got it in the first place. Kurt even goes so far as to make love to Blaine that night, to celebrate this momentous occasion, but his heart isn't in it, and his head is definitely somewhere else. It isn't even in the apartment. It is somewhere uptown, moving into his own place, staring out of a large picture window at a new view of Manhattan. After Blaine falls asleep, Kurt crawls out from beneath his body. He creeps into the shower, turns the water on hot, and sits beneath the spray, washing away his tears and watching them swirl down the drain, along with all his hopes.
Kurt tries to find a bright side to all of this; something he can identify in the future as some kind of great turning point. The only thing he can see is that at least with Blaine's self-esteem out of the gutter maybe it will make Kurt's future successes easier for him to swallow, but on that front nothing changes.
The cherry on the shit cupcake – larval Blaine metamorphoses again into a diva of Rachel Berry proportions.
Kurt sits at the dinner table, picking through the grains of his risotto with the tines of his fork, trying to find a way to cut the cheese sauce enough so that he's not ingesting 3,000 calories with this one bowl alone.
Blaine's most subtle form of sabotage – 10,000 calorie infused meals, full of cheese and whole milk cream, guaranteed to pack on the pounds; but not for Blaine, who's indulging in a spinach salad with lean grilled chicken and a balsamic vinaigrette.
Kurt sets his fork down and pushes his bowl away, laying his head on the table, the Formica cooling his cheek. To his right, Blaine rattles on about the pressures of overnight celebrity, and the bizarre, often times questionable demands of his benefactor, June Dolloway. Rachel interjects endlessly with her own magnified tales of woe; problems that aren't really problems in the life of an actress on Broadway.
Problems Kurt would kill to have.
Neither one is really listening to the other. They wait for a gap in the conversation and then dive in, talking over each other when a suitable lull doesn't come fast enough. It's all a show for Kurt's benefit, and he feels trapped between them.
If he doesn't cut free now, he may not get another chance.
Kurt sits up and clears his throat, not waiting for the conversation to die down for him.
"I've got to go," he announces simply. He pushes away from the table and stands, heading to his bedroom with long, purposeful strides.
The conversation stops dead. Both Blaine and Rachel stare at Kurt who disappears behind the curtain to his room.
"Wh-where are you going?" Blaine asks, sharing a significant look with a bemused Rachel before getting up to follow him.
"I'm leaving," Kurt says, grabbing a small piece of luggage and packing up a few of his belongings.
Blaine feels his legs wobble, and afraid that they won't hold him much longer, he sits on the edge of their bed and watches Kurt fold his things.
"But…but why?" Blaine says, unable to believe that Kurt would pick up and leave without any reason.
"I just can't stay here anymore." Kurt doesn't want to be cryptic, but he also doesn't want to fight, and telling Blaine how he feels about his life and their relationship is the tinder that would fuel an all-night firestorm of arguing and debating with a chance that Blaine might talk Kurt out of his plan; a plan he had thought of off and on for weeks, and which feels right the more he thinks about it.
Blaine watches silently, forming theories and conclusions in his mind until one sticks.
"This is about Sebastian, isn't it?"
Kurt sighs. He saw this coming.
"No," Kurt says. "It isn't." He looks into Blaine's eyes and sees skepticism there. "It really, really isn't. And even if it was, maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing."
"How can you say that, Kurt?" Blaine cries, standing off the bed and confronting Kurt head on. "I'm in love with you. Only you. I have been forever. I don't have any doubts about that. In fact, it's the one thing I don't have a single reservation about."
Kurt raises an eyebrow, tilting his head and crossing his arms over his chest.
"Blaine, you sang a love song to another guy."
Blaine steps back with a jolt.
"What are you talking about? I didn't…"
"Against All Odds, Blaine? You sang it for Sam."
Blaine's eyes shift from side to side, searching for a way to defend himself.
"But…how did you…"
"Do you know nothing about Tina Cohen-Chang and her pernicious cell phone videos? How do you think I saw that clip of you twerking in the choir room?"
"I…Kurt, you don't think…"
Kurt puts a hand on Blaine's arm to quiet him.
"The point is you're attracted to other people. We both have been. I don't think we've given ourselves enough time to explore those possibilities. I think it's actually a disservice if we don't."
Blaine lets a long breath out between pursed lips.
"So, you've made your mind up then?" Blaine asks.
"Yeah," Kurt says firmly, leaving no room for debate, but not trying to be cruel. "My mind's made up."
Blaine starts to panic, desperate to find a way to make Kurt stay.
"Well, you need time to find a place," Blaine rationalizes, unable to hide the dread in his voice. "That'll take a few days. That gives me time to talk you out of it."
Blaine sees the resolve in Kurt's face, and his shred of hope fades.
"You already have a place…don't you?" Blaine asks.
"Look," Kurt says, putting both hands on his shoulders, squeezing gently. "You left for the sake of our relationship, and even though I didn't want you to, I think we were on the right track."
"I came back after you got out of the hospital!" Blaine argues. "I came back for you!"
"I know you did," Kurt says quietly. "But I think that, in retrospect, was a step back."
Blaine wrenches out of Kurt's grasp and flops down on the bed, staring at the comforter instead of looking at Kurt.
"I know it sounds banal, but if we're meant to be together, Blaine, then we'll be together. But right now, I think it's better if we're not."
Blaine doesn't look up, his shoulders slumping, his entire body trembling. Kurt bites his lip. He doesn't want to hurt Blaine any more than he already has, but he feels a need to cut all ties. He slides his engagement ring off his finger, setting it delicately on the dresser beside Blaine's favorite bowtie. He zips up his bag and sets it down, tugging up the handle and rolling it across the floor. He takes two steps when Blaine speaks, his voice quivering and thick with the beginning of tears.
"I thought you said you'd always love me."
Kurt doesn't turn around. He doesn't want to risk breaking down and falling into Blaine's arms.
"I do," Kurt answers with no reservations. "And I always will. But that doesn't necessarily mean we belong together."
Kurt walks through the curtain and makes his way to the kitchen where a shocked and shaking Rachel wrings her hands in front of her, tears and liquid black liner streaking down her cheeks, the picture of a 1920s movie siren in a bittersweet black and white movie.
Kurt knows she heard every word, and that some of her tears are for him. The rest of them are for Finn.
"Oh, Rachel," Kurt says, wrapping her in his arms and hugging her tight. "I'm so sorry I didn't talk to you about this earlier, but it's something I have to do."
He can feel her nod against his shoulder.
"I understand," she whispers brokenly into his shirt, keeping a little distance so as not to stain the fabric. "Call me when you get where you're going. Okay? Let me know you're safe."
"I promise." He kisses her forehead, lingering with his lips pressed against her skin. Blaine's tears he was prepared to deal with. Rachel's are a bit more than he can bear.
She hugs him once harder and lets him go, fingers trailing down his sleeves as he steps away.
"Do you really think this is going to help anything?" Blaine cries as Kurt heads for the door. "Do you really think you leaving is what's best for us?"
Kurt shrugs on his coat, slipping the buttons through the holes, taking this moment to breathe and collect himself. He gathers the strength to look up into Blaine's pleading hazel eyes.
"No," Kurt answers honestly. "It's what's best for me."
Kurt sits on his bed and listens to the quiet in his new bedroom; emotionally drained but blissfully content for the first time in ages. Moving out of the loft was an experience Kurt never wants to repeat again no matter how long he lives. Luckily he had Elliot there to help him. Sebastian offered, but Kurt thought it better not to stir the pot too much, particularly with Sebastian being such a hot button issue lately.
Kurt had rented a U-Haul for his furniture, and a couple of students from his combat class offered to help, so they handled the large, bulky items while he and Elliot focused on what was left of his clothes and toiletries. He felt bad taking the bed, but he left the couch he and Blaine bought together, so he hoped Blaine could make due for a while until he bought a replacement.
Rachel fussed and busied herself making sandwiches and lemonade for everyone, even going so far as to pack up a few meals for Kurt's first few nights in his new place.
Blaine sat on the sofa, staring at his shoes, hands gripping his knees, with Sam beside him, rubbing a hand up and down his back in an attempt to ease his pain. Every so often Sam would look up at Kurt with an unreadable expression on his face – a mixture of sadness and sympathy and understanding, with a little bit of anger on behalf his heartbroken friend.
It didn't take long to remove all his stuff from the loft, and before he left Rachel gave him a huge hug full of sorrow for the time she was going to spend missing her best friend. Sam gave him a hug, too – more of a bro pat, but the sentiment was much the same.
Kurt wanted to give Blaine a hug goodbye. He did love him, and he would miss him, but as soon as he started walking toward the sofa where his ex-fiancé sat, he stood quietly and walked off behind the curtain.
It took less time to move his things into the apartment than it did to move them out, and before long everybody was leaving. Elliot offered to stay the night if Kurt needed, but he politely refused.
Now he is alone. For the first time in a long, long time, alone, and he would have regretted not taking Elliot up on his offer if he hadn't already made other plans.
The knock on the door jars him from his thoughts, but it's not unexpected, and Kurt smiles, standing up and nearly racing for the door.
"Who is it?" he calls out loudly in a sing-song voice even though he knows exactly.
"Fucking FedEx," a sardonic voice calls back. "Please open the damned door."
Kurt snickers as he unbolts three locks and removes the chain, opening the door for the tall, handsome man with the megawatt smile darkening his door. In his hands he holds a potted plant with a yellow ribbon tied around the base. Kurt looks at the dark green leafy philodendron with a giddy grin.
"Would you and your well-dressed friend like to come in?" Kurt asks, moving aside to let Sebastian in.
Sebastian hands the plant to Kurt as he steps inside.
"It's an apartment-warming gift," he says. "His name is Harvey."
"That's very sweet." Kurt shuts and locks the door behind them. "Thank you."
"Think nothing of it." Sebastian slips of his coat and sets it over the only chair in the place. "I stole it off my neighbor's balcony. She has tons. She'll never miss this one."
Kurt walks to a window a sets the plant down on the ledge while Sebastian gives the apartment a once over, investigating each room as if he had been invited.
"What do you think?" Kurt asks, watching as Sebastian blatantly invades his privacy.
"I wish you would have taken me up on my offer and moved into my place," Sebastian says with a grimace of disapproval. "This place is so small, and I actually feared for my life coming here."
"Well, the neighborhood's not the greatest," Kurt agrees with a shrug.
"This coming from a man whose first apartment was in Bushwick," Sebastian teases.
Kurt rolls his eyes.
"I needed to do this on my own," Kurt says, knowing that on some level Sebastian will understand.
They circle the living room, traveling in different directions, but somehow they meet in the middle. Kurt looks at Sebastian, and Sebastian looks back at Kurt with a smile that is sweet and boyish; the secret smile of the new Sebastian that Kurt has grown so fond of.
"So, are you ready for this?" Sebastian whispers, and for the first time during their lazily growing friendship, Sebastian takes Kurt's hand in his.
Kurt swallows hard at the look in Sebastian's eyes; not the raw, unbridled heat from the combat classroom at NYADA, but something more innocent, romantic and tender, willing to take chances and move slow.
"Can I…"
The words tumble from Kurt's lips, but he never finishes, leaning in and pressing his lips to Sebastian's, a startled gasp from Sebastian stealing all the breath from Kurt's body. It starts out hesitant and chaste, asking a question Kurt has been waiting to answer for a while. All at once Sebastian wraps his arms around Kurt's body and pulls them close, and Kurt melts against him, happy to let Sebastian overwhelm him. It's easy; easier than Kurt ever thought it would be. They seem to fit, from the way their lips slide together, to the way Sebastian's arms hold him against his body, the way their hips flush together and Kurt's leg twines around Sebastian's, and Kurt can't help but wonder if Sebastian isn't the puzzle piece Kurt's been looking for so long.
"You know, we can skip the movie," Kurt mumbles along the seam of Sebastian's mouth, "and hang out here."
"Kurt…" Sebastian moves along Kurt's skin, kissing a line along Kurt's jaw, "you don't have any furniture."
"I have a bed," Kurt says, a whisper against Sebastian's cheek. Kurt doesn't open his eyes to look at Sebastian's reaction, but he can feel his smile against his mouth.
"Well then," Sebastian says, pulling Kurt along, "an evening in it is."
"Okay," Kurt says, zipping up the fourth piece of luggage and setting it by the door. "So, Cooper's going to meet you at the airport. Are you absolutely sure? You remember last time when you were waiting around for an hour because he hooked up with that chic Celia in the sky lounge."
"That's why I told him I'm arriving an hour earlier than I am," Blaine calls back from the bathroom. He shoves his toothbrush and gel into his toiletry bag and does a quick scan of the shelves to make sure he isn't leaving anything behind. Confident he has everything he needs, he joins Kurt back in the bedroom and tosses the small black bag into his carry on. Kurt catches him and groans, moving the toiletry bag into position between his socks and his loafers.
"You know, I still can't believe it," Kurt sighs, zipping up the luggage and setting it with the rest, Blaine following close behind him. "Your first movie." Kurt turns to Blaine, straightening his collar and buttoning up the second button of his shirt. "You're really doing it. You're going to be a big star. I can feel it."
Blaine smiles, wide and relaxed, excitement bubbling beneath the surface.
"Who knew when I met crazy June Dolloway a year ago that I would actually be starring in a movie?"
"I did," Kurt says, ducking his head, absentmindedly twirling the ring on his left ring finger. Blaine catches the movement and smiles wistfully. Kurt looks backs at Blaine, his own smile fighting to stay fixed in place, but slipping every now and then.
"Kurt," Blaine says, staring deep into Kurt's watery blue eyes, "don't think for one second that I didn't realize that without you none of this would have happened."
Kurt gasps. He had always wanted to hear Blaine admit that. Why did it have to be now, after all the fights and the months of not speaking to one another? Why when he was on his way to California for the next two years?
Blaine pulls Kurt into his arms and hugs him tight.
"I'm going to miss you," Kurt says, resting his head against Blaine's shoulder as he holds him.
"Yeah, well, don't worry," Blaine says, patting Kurt on the back and squeezing him one last time. "I promised I'd be back in time for…"
"Blaine!" Sebastian calls from the door as he races in and starts grabbing bags. "Hands off my fiancé! Your cab's downstairs."
Blaine rolls his eyes, releasing Kurt and picking up what's left of the bags.
"I'll be back in time for the wedding," Blaine finishes over his shoulder as he hurries after Sebastian.
Kurt shuts the loft door behind them, following the two men down the stairs and out to the curb. He meets them at the taxi, Sebastian taking a bag from Blaine and fitting it into the trunk alongside the rest.
"Call us when you get to California," Kurt says.
"I will," Blaine promises.
Sebastian closes the trunk, and then catches Blaine up in an affectionate hug.
"Stay safe," he says, letting Blaine step away, knowing time is short and he's cutting it close. Kurt leans forward and kisses Blaine on the cheek, a single short peck that means so much more than a simple good-bye. Blaine climbs into the back seat of the taxi and shuts the door, turning in his seat to wave at Sebastian and Kurt. They stand by the curb and wave back, watching as his cab pulls away.
Kurt leans back against Sebastian, and Sebastian loops his arms around him.
"Penny for your thoughts," Sebastian says, resting his chin in Kurt's hair.
"I don't know," Kurt says with a melancholy sigh. "I think I'm a little sad."
"Why?" Sebastian asks. "This is a great opportunity for him."
"I know," Kurt agrees. "It's just…the city suddenly seems so much smaller now that he's leaving."
Sebastian bites his lip, not exactly thrilled with Kurt's momentary pining, but he understands. Kurt belongs to Sebastian; without a doubt Kurt is unequivocally his. But deep in Kurt's heart is a tiny spot that belongs to Blaine – a single corner stone amid a huge estate that Sebastian can claim as his own. Sebastian holds Kurt closer and he can already feel the tide turning again, Kurt weaving his arms through Sebastian's, rolling his head so he can place delicate kisses along his stubbly chin.
"Come on, babe," Sebastian says, tugging Kurt away from the curb. "Why don't we head home?"
In the light of Kurt's eyes the remains of sadness bleed into a new expression of blithe joy.
"Yes." Kurt takes Sebastian's hand, lacing their fingers together, rubbing his thumb over the matching, smooth ring on his finger. He looks into his fiance's green eyes and smiles. "Let's go home."