A/N: This is a one-shot from the 'What…?' series. A little peek into the day Kurt moves into Sebastian's penthouse. Sebastian is helping Kurt escape his apartment after the roach/rat infestation when Sebastian (literally) stumbles upon a piece of Kurt's past that Kurt dreads having to explain. (Warning for extremely brief mention of Blaine/Klaine)
"Please tell me this is the last one," Sebastian groans loudly, pushing the last of Kurt's things through the penthouse door and kicking it closed behind him with his foot. "I'm too young and handsome to have a hernia."
"Weren't you on the Lacrosse team at Dalton?" Kurt calls from the bedroom where he's busily relocating the bulk of Sebastian's wardrobe to one side of the walk-in closet so he can start hanging up his own belongings on the other side. "What happened to that strong, strapping man?"
"He met a gorgeous prima donna and nearly strained a nut moving all his fucking clothes."
Kurt chuckles; the light, airy sound of his laughter carrying into the living room where Sebastian stands beside Kurt's heavy antique trunk, and in spite of himself he sighs like a lovesick school boy. Sebastian shakes his head to clear his stupor, but still smiling, goes back to the task of relocating the cumbersome trunk.
"Holy fucking shit," Sebastian murmurs under his breath as he shoves the trunk across the throw rug that covers the bulk of the hardwood floor, "what the fuck do you got in here? A body?"
The trunk catches on the fringe of the rug, stopping it from going any farther. Sebastian stumbles over the top, collapsing on the floor in front of it. He knocks it with his leg as he lands causing the monstrous thing to tumble onto its front, the lid swinging open in the process. Lying on his stomach he can only hear the contents of the trunk spill to the floor. He lies still, hoping that Kurt didn't hear the commotion, but the walls in the penthouse are thick and nearly soundproof; one of the many structural features that influenced Sebastian to purchase his penthouse to begin with. When Kurt doesn't peek his head out after a few seconds or call from the closet to ask Sebastian if he's okay, Sebastian figures he's safe to get up, clean up Kurt's things, and carry on as if he didn't just get defeated by an inanimate object.
Sebastian rises to his knees, rolling his sore wrists to make sure he didn't sprain anything important to boot, and turns, his eyes landing on something that looks suspiciously like a human arm trapped beneath the trunk, gorged and swollen, wearing men's pajamas.
"Jesus H. Christ!" Sebastian screams, scooting backward across the floor on his hands, pushing with his heels, eyes glued to the dismembered arm.
Again Kurt doesn't seem to hear Sebastian's distress, which gives him a moment to rationalize finding a severed human arm in his boyfriend's trunk. Sebastian squints at the limb, assessing it from a distance, and once his heart stops racing and his senses slip slowly back into place, he sees the object for what it is…and starts to howl like mad.
"What?" a worried Kurt calls out, running into the living room and gasping when he sees Sebastian hysterical on the floor. "What is it? What happened? Are you hurt?" Kurt fusses, but Sebastian keeps laughing, his face turning several different shades of red as he fights to breathe.
"Did you fall? Did you break something? Goddamnit, Sebastian! Would you just answer me?"
Sebastian starts to cough, not able to get a word out, so he points to where the trunk lies overturned on the rug with the arm sticking out. Kurt turns and looks, then his face goes white as a sheet.
"Kurt," Sebastian chokes out when he finds his voice, "what the hell is that?"
"Uh…" Kurt stammers, standing and rushing over to the trunk, trying to right it and reload its contents quickly to avoid answering Sebastian's questions, but Sebastian is on his feet as well, stopping Kurt before he can hide the incriminating object away. Sebastian tugs it out of Kurt's grasp and holds onto it, not letting Kurt grab it back.
"Kurt," Sebastian says, more in control of his voice and attempting to sound serious, "who is this?"
"That's just…uh, that's…" Kurt sighs, lowering his gaze so he doesn't have to see Sebastian's expression when he says, "it's Bruce."
"Bruce?" Sebastian's eyes open wide. "OhmyGod! It's got a name?"
"Yes, it's got a name, alright?" Kurt says, ripping it from Sebastian's arms. "He's my boyfriend pillow." Kurt hugs it tight to his chest before carefully packing it back into the trunk.
"You know that's really creepy," Sebastian comments. "Why on earth would you have a boyfriend pillow?"
Kurt closes the lid of the trunk, sticking his hands into the pockets of the NYU hoodie he borrowed from Sebastian and staring at his feet.
"When Blaine and I broke up, I got really lonely," Kurt confesses. "I don't like to sleep alone. It's hard when you're used to sleeping with someone else."
Sebastian's laughter and smile fade, replaced instead by the feeling that he is undoubtedly and undeniably an incredible ass.
"Kurt, I'm sorry." Sebastian walks over to Kurt and wraps his arms around him. "I didn't know. I thought maybe it was a bad bridal shower gift or something."
Kurt rolls his eyes, wrenching an arm out of Sebastian's embrace and slugging him on the soft upper arm.
"Ow!" Sebastian yelps. "Okay, I deserved that."
Sebastian looks down at Kurt, eyes still downcast, and kisses him on the top of the head.
"Well, I know I'm no stylishly dressed fiberfill pillow, but you have me to sleep with now if that's any consolation."
Kurt chuckles once and looks up with a smile.
"I guess it'll have to do."
Sebastian starts walking backwards, tugging Kurt with him towards the bedroom.
"Why don't we try that out then, huh?"
Kurt frowns, but he follows Sebastian anyway.
"But it's early," Kurt complains.
"I know," Sebastian says. "We're going to have tons of moving in sex before we officially call it a night."
Kurt turns his head towards the abandoned chest still sitting on the living room floor.
"What about my trunk?" he says, trying to pull Sebastian back to get it.
"Nuh-uh," Sebastian says, yanking Kurt harder, practically picking Kurt up to move him along. "That stays out here."
"But…" Kurt argues. Sebastian cuts him off.
"Nope. As long as Bruce lives in that trunk, it stays anywhere but the bedroom. That motherfucking arm pillow creeps me out."