A/N: Anon prompted 'Seb with a self-esteem issue' paired with anon prompt 'Kurt catches Seb reading poetry'. Dalton AU. Angst. Warnings for symptoms of anxiety.
"I don't understand why Mr. Pimmins hates me," Kurt mumbles. "I mean, I'm a straight A-student, I'm head of the literary magazine, and just last week I advised him against wearing that heinous puce tie…"
"What the fuck are you mumbling about, princess?"
Sebastian drops his books down on the desk beside Kurt's with a loud slam.
Kurt barely acknowledges Sebastian's presence, scooting his chair an inch or so to the left to avoid his intrusion.
"I'm just trying to figure out what terrible crime I've committed that would prompt our teacher to pair me up with you." Kurt pulls out their assigned reading book and opens to the first page, hoping to ignore the interloper peering uncomfortably over his shoulder.
"You mean besides your face and your hair, and phew…" Sebastian waves a hand in front of his nose, leaning away dramatically, "whatever drugstore cologne you're wearing?"
Kurt doesn't bother wasting his time thinking up a comeback, too tired and too annoyed to match wits with Sebastian Smythe when he has 100 pages of Balzac to translate from the original French and write a paper outlining the author's subtle nuances and how they compare to the popular writers of the time, due by the end of the week.
"If my cologne bothers you so much, why were you in such a rush to sit over here?" Kurt asks, not lifting his eyes from the yellowed pages of his novel. "I mean, we still have to read the book first. Can't you do that at your desk on the other side of the room? Or Switzerland?"
"Oh, I've read the book already." Sebastian leans over in his chair and puts his elbows on Kurt's desk, resting his chin in his hands and staring at Kurt with an amused half-smirk.
"Then why don't you start on your part of the essay?" Kurt asks, his voice tight as he re-reads the same sentence for the seventh time.
"What? And miss this scintillating conversation?" Sebastian teases.
Kurt sighs.
"Are you going to be this worthless for the whole project?"
Sebastian sits up straight and his cocky smirk slides quickly into a sneer.
"I'm not worthless," he says, his tone flat and angry.
The change in his attitude is remarkable enough to make Kurt abandon his failed reading attempt for the time being.
"Are you helping?"
"I just don't see why we have to read this common-man bullshit," Sebastian says, pulling himself out of his slip-up and prodding Kurt once more. "I mean, do I really care about a soldier, a factory worker, and some guy's stupid mistress? I mean, send them to a bar and it would be a bad joke."
Kurt rolls his eyes and returns to his book.
"Well, his characters were vulgar and morally ambiguous," Kurt responds, jotting down a few sentences in his notebook. "I would think that would appeal to you."
"You're vulgar and ambiguous, and that doesn't appeal to me at all."
Kurt's head snaps up from his book and he glares at Sebastian's self-satisfied expression.
"Fuck you," Kurt hisses quietly to make sure their teacher doesn't overhear. "I was right to begin with. You are worthless."
Kurt starts shoving his books into his messenger bag, but Sebastian grabs his wrist to stop him.
"I told you," Sebastian says, his eyes menacing, but his hand and voice shaking, "I'm not worthless."
Kurt stares down with a blank expression at the trembling hand clamped around his wrist, then brings his eyes back up to Sebastian's face and notices for the first time how clouded they are with hurt and determination. Kurt feels like he should say something, offer him some comfort, but the words 'vulgar' and 'ambiguous' suddenly leap to mind and the urge to offer Sebastian anything other than a right hook to the chin completely fades away.
"Whatever." Kurt wrenches his hand out of Sebastian's grasp. "I'll write the paper myself." Sliding his bag onto his shoulder, he turns and walks out of the classroom, leaving Sebastian with his hand still hovering where Kurt's wrist had been.
Kurt can't find his Balzac book anywhere. He checks the Warbler practice room. He checks the commons. He quadruple checks his bag. By the time he figures out that he probably left it in the French Lit classroom after his confrontation with Sebastian, the teacher is gone and the classroom locked. He can't start his essay without it, and as he is now responsible for the whole damn thing he heads off to the library to get another copy.
At this hour of the afternoon most students are in their rooms or down at dinner, so when he hears mumbling coming from behind one of the stacks, curiosity compels him to peek. Last time he did he caught Nick and Jeff making out so he bites his lip, preparing to jump out and scare the pants off of Nick Duval.
He doesn't expect to find Sebastian pacing back and forth, reading aloud to himself from a book of poetry of all things. Kurt watches quietly, surprise morphing slowly into concern. Sebastian seems extremely agitated for a boy who never loses his cool. He stamps the floor when he walks. He stutters over simple words like 'in' and 'the'. One hand thrums against his thigh keeping the beat of his steps, then occasionally raises and runs through his hair, pulling it out of sorts.
Kurt feels like he's invading Sebastian's privacy watching him like this, but before he can slink away, Sebastian glances his way and jumps when he sees a pair of blue-grey eyes staring at him.
"Jesus, Hummel," Sebastian barks in surprise, "would you stop fucking stalking me? You're only embarrassing yourself."
"Poetry?" Kurt says, relieved when Sebastian starts looking more like himself. "Really? I took you as more of the board book type. You know, something with a lot of pictures and very few words."
Sebastian closes the book and tosses it on a table to his right and that hurt look returns, but this time he looks slightly defeated as well.
Kurt could chalk that up as a victory if it didn't feel so hollow.
"There it is," Sebastian says with a shrug. "My big secret is out. I like poetry, alright. Now that you know you have my permission to leave now."
Kurt watches Sebastian wander off to the table where the book of poetry lies and drop into a waiting chair. Kurt doesn't know why but he feels the need to follow, to make whatever this is going on with Sebastian right however he can.
Kurt pulls out a chair and sits down across from Sebastian, setting his messenger bag on the floor beside him. Kurt's not sure how to fix things, but he has an idea of a good place to start.
"I'm sorry I called you worthless," Kurt says. "I didn't mean it."
Sebastian doesn't look at him, his eyes trained on the book in front of him, but he nods which Kurt has come to realize is the closest thing to a 'thank you' that he's going to get.
"I'm…" Sebastian starts, trying to look Kurt in the eyes while he speaks, but his gaze drifts off instead to the stack of books behind him to make saying the next few words bearable, "I'm sorry I called you those names in class."
"Thank you," Kurt says.
"I'm not saying I didn't mean them," Sebastian fills in. Kurt shakes his head and laughs; knowing a sincere apology from Sebastian is a little too good to be true. "I just shouldn't have said them out loud. You know, where you could hear."
"Fair enough," Kurt says, picking up his bag and preparing to leave.
"Maybe," Sebastian starts after him, "you could explain to me what you see in these asshat characters, and then I can understand Balzac the way you do."
"I could do that," Kurt agrees, "if you could help me understand something."
Sebastian tuts.
"And here I thought you were the patron saint of fucking French literature. What do you need me to help you understand?"
Kurt shakes his head again and re-takes his seat, fixing Sebastian with worried eyes.
"Why don't you tell me about this other person who calls you worthless?"