Some have asked when this story was set. I humbly admit that I don't play too close attention to the seasons beyond a general sense of when things happened. In the show I know that Sam was a L-Colonel when she and Pete were together and in my story she is a Major. So - I'll call this an AU - but it's sort of early season 7-ish. Hope that helps and my apologies for my lack of accuracy.

She was relieved to see that Pete's car wasn't in her driveway when she got home, and then felt an instant twinge of guilt for that thought. When had her life gotten so complicated? When aliens kidnapped you, stole your eggs, and decided to make babies from you and your superior, the little voice in the back of her head told her.

She sat staring blankly out of the window of her car, not moving, not wanting to make any decisions about anything. She didn't know what to do anymore. She'd thought her life was set – she'd met a good man, had fallen in love with him and was going to settle into a life of normal, everyday, Earth happiness.

Now - now she was restless and unsure. She'd known where she was going - was walking determinedly down the path she'd chosen - and suddenly had reached a curve she hadn't been expecting. She had to keep moving ahead - she had to think of Pete and their life together.

So why the hell did she keep thinking of tiny babies with the Colonel's eyes instead of her fiance? Why did she keep thinking about him and worrying about him? He'd looked so – lost, so alone, so hurt – that she'd wanted to hold him and try and comfort him. Not something one is supposed to do with one's commanding officer. Then again, she felt lost and alone and hurt - and wanted him to comfort her. Really not something she should be looking for from the Colonel.

Ah hell! It's not like he'd want that with her anyway. All she was to him was his subordinate, a member of his team. No, that wasn't fair, that little voice said. They meant more to one another than simply team members – at least they had before she'd met Pete.

And she was back to Pete again. She sighed and finally reached for the handle of her car. She'd better do what the Colonel said and get some rest. Maybe she'd get her head on straight if she slept. And anyway, the next few days and weeks were going to be stressful.

"Hey Sam?"

Sam blinked awake at the sound of her fiance's voice. She looked at the clock and swore. She'd only been asleep for a little over an hour. She'd hoped that he had headed back to Denver for the day.

"Sam?" he called again. A few seconds later he appeared in the doorway to her bedroom. "Hey babe! Oh sorry, did I wake you?" He walked over and sat on the side of the bed next to her and leaned forward and kissed her. "It's only 5:30 – how come you're sleeping?"

Was sleeping, she thought resentfully. Why had she given Pete the keys to her house? Because he's your fiancé. She really had to do something about that damned voice. Maybe Janet had a pill to cure an irritating conscience. "I told you Pete", she pulled herself up so that she was leaning against the back of the bed, "I was on a long mission and I'm still tired. The General sent me home to get some rest."

"Oh. Sorry then – but since I have a couple of days off I thought we could go out and grab dinner somewhere and then maybe go to a movie or out dancing. Whatcha say?"

"Pete – I'm exhausted. That's why I'm sleeping in the middle of the day."

"Yeah, but you'll feel better when you get up and move around. Come on, I heard about a really great new Mexican restaurant in town. Get up and get dressed and we'll go try it out.

She wondered briefly if it was the one the Colonel had spoken about before their last mission. She'd overheard him talking to Daniel and Teal'c, suggesting they go out and try this new Mexican restaurant. She remembered the incident because she'd felt hurt that he hadn't invited her – which was ridiculous because she'd already told the guys that she was going to Denver to see Pete for that weekend.

"Hey- come on sleepyhead, get up!" Pete grabbed her hand and attempted to pull her out of bed.

She resisted for a bit but then decided it was easier to give in. It wasn't as if she was sick – and maybe he was right, going out and getting her mind off of things might help. "Let me get dressed and I'll be right out", she told him.

"Can't I stay and watch?" he grinned.

She felt another bolt of irritation and wanted to yell at him to go away, which was completely ridiculous. She wasn't shy and they were sleeping together, for god's sake. What difference did it make if he saw her get dressed?

Shut up, she told the voice before it had a chance to comment. She pushed off the covers and kicked her legs over the side of the bed. As she stood up she couldn't help but remember back to that brief flash she'd had of the Colonel's butt. She'd quite enjoyed the peek.

"There see, you're happier already", Pete commented upon seeing her smile.

There was no way in hell she was going to tell him it was because she was thinking of her commander's ass rather than going out with the man she was going to marry!

As she got in the passenger side of Pete's car she thought again of Colonel O'Neill and hoped he was doing okay. She hoped he was getting some rest tonight.

In actual fact, Jack was, at that moment, playing poker with Daniel and Teal'c and Major Joe Tigarian from Sg7. It's not that he really wanted to play cards – and in fact he was exhausted – but he was more terrified of going to sleep and having another nightmare than he was of losing his money to Teal'c.

He knew the others – at least Daniel and Teal'c – could tell that he wasn't in any shape to be playing cards, but fortunately they didn't say anything. Joe had looked at him strangely a few times, but he'd always make some quip to distract the Major. He was a good guy and since Pete he'd often made up a forth on their poker nights.

Jack didn't want to think about Pete – or about Carter – or about embryos – or about lying strapped to a table, used like some kind of a –

"O'Neill?"

He glanced up to see Teal'c looking at him with worry in his dark eyes. "Uh – sorry?"

"It is your hand", his friend told him gently. "Do you wish to finish the game now? It is getting late."

Since it was barely eight o'clock Jack responded with a simple eyebrow lift. Still, he knew the guys were doing this to humor him and that they really weren't having much fun. He sighed and set down his hand. "Yeah, I guess we should call it a night. Thanks guys", he told them as they picked up their cards and chips off the end of Jack's bed. (toothpicks from the commissary).

Joe said goodnight and left Jack and his two teammates in the room. Teal'c and Daniel continued to watch him with concern, but he simply ignored them and leaned back on his bed, his head on the pillow and his eyes looking at the ceiling.

"You gonna be okay Jack?" Daniel approached him and peered down at his friend, his whole body screaming worry.

"I'm fine Daniel – just not in the mood for cards I guess."

"Maybe you should try and get some sleep. You're looking pretty tired."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Will you be alright O'Neill? Shall I call Dr. Frasier?"

"No – I mean yes, I'll be alright and no, don't call the Doc. She's probably gone home by now anyway. Look guys, I appreciate the company tonight but I think Daniel's right and I need to get some sleep. Thanks for coming." He faced the two men, although he didn't lift his head. He was just so damned tired he could barely move.

"Okay– if you need anything, you know you can call."

"And I am close by O'Neill. Do not hesitate to contact me if I can be of assistance."

"Thanks guys." He watched at the two men, who were as close as brothers to him, left the room. He knew they worried about him and he appreciated their concern, but didn't want them wasting their time trying to babysit him. No – he had to do this on his own.

He woke up in a deep sweat, shaking and cold. It took him a few minutes before he realized that he was in the Infirmary and that it was dark and quiet. He glanced at his watch, surprised to see it was only just past ten. He'd only been asleep for a couple of hours when the nightmare had forced its way into his mind.

He sat up then, trying to get the images and – feelings – out of his mind and pushed the sheets off again, hating to have anything on top of him. He hadn't told Janet, or anyone for that matter, but he was terrified of having anyone or anything touch him. He could remember so clearly the cold hands reaching out and holding him and making his body respond in spite of all he did to stop it. He felt sick and horrified when he thought of what they'd done – what his body had done.

He was shaking with cold but couldn't bear to put the blankets over top of himself so instead he got up to see if he could reset the thermostat. When he couldn't find it he decided he had to get out of his room. Claustrophobia and panic started to set in and without letting another moment go by he headed out of him room to walk the darkened hallways of the SGC.

There really was no way of telling night from day down in the mountain, he thought with a corner of his mind. It was Hammond who'd had the smart idea of trying to keep things as normal as possible by putting the lights on a normal day rhythm. At night they were dimmed and there was a smaller staff on duty, leaving the halls dark and quiet. He padded quietly down one of the long, stark and quiet halls, not going anywhere, but needing to get away. He laughed softly – since it was his mind that he was fleeing, he knew he wasn't going to be terribly successful.

"Could use a little Goa'uld decoration", he said quietly, noticing how bare the halls were. He immediately winced as his voice seemed to echo from the cement walls. After a moment he shrugged and spoke again. "How about some pictures at least?" Hey, maybe he'd bring it up to Hammond. They could get the teams to start taking pictures off world and then blow them up – uh, enlarge them. If he suggested blowing them up to the marines Hammond would kill him. He could just picture the explosions running through the SGC. On the other hand, they could get pictures of all the Goa'uld they'd defeated and hang them on the walls. Wouldn't that be an interesting gallery?

Yup! He stopped and looked around. They'd start with Ra, right there. He looked at a likely spot. Maybe they'd do guy-Goa'uld, girl-Goa'uld all the way down. Of course there were probably more guys than women - egotistical, maniacal, evil aliens - in the universe so it might be hard to be consistent with that. How about two men, one woman?

Another alternative was to consider putting up pictures of all the aliens they'd encountered in the galaxy. He wasn't sure he really wanted a picture of an Unas though. They were butt-ugly aliens, even if Daniel had made friends with some of them. And then there was fish-guy – he was pretty ugly as well.

On the other hand there was Kynthia – he could handle having her picture up. And there were some other pretty good looking aliens out there. He scowled when he thought of some of the males – Martoug, Narim, Orlin – oh yeah, he guessed they were okay looking if you were a woman – although they were all creepy. Nope – better stay with pictures of Goa'uld. At least everyone knew they were creepy – and they didn't go and fall in love with – He switched back to the Goa'uld.

Hathor was pretty good looking, in an evil-bitch kind of way. Nirrti had been very exotic looking but he couldn't think of her without thinking about what she'd done to Carter and to Cassie's planet so no – no picture of Nirrti.

That got him thinking about which of the Goa'uld was his favorite – and which his least favorite. Well, the least was no question. His little holiday chez Ba'al would always live up there as one of the worst times of his life. He couldn't help the shudder that ran through him when he thought of that smooth, evil bastard. He'd never let on to a soul – in fact had worked hard to pretend otherwise – but he was terrified of Bocce – and of ever falling into his clutches again. He knew he'd go insane real fast if he ever ended up there again.

So – let's change the subject Jack and think about your favorite Goa'uld. Again – it wasn't really a contest. Yu was his most favorite. He'd been the one who'd saved him from Ba'al, even if unintentionally. Yup, good old Yu. He'd have to ask Thor if he had any pictures of Yu – and some of the rest of the Goa'uld. He frowned slightly. It might be kind of tricky if they changed bodies regularly. Then again, he'd love the opportunity of having all their pictures up and putting big X's through the ones they'd gotten rid of. Yup – he'd definitely ask Thor.

He'd reached the end of the hallway by this point and had to decide whether to turn the corner or head back the way he'd come. He let out a sharp laugh, thinking that that statement could be used to describe where he was in life – stuck down a long, dreary, empty hallway with a choice to make – to go forward and turn a new corner in his life or go back to the same old place he'd come from.

Maybe it was time to turn that corner. What did he have to gain by continuing on the path he was on? Here he was, a middle aged man, a soldier with no family and no life outside of work (okay – so his work was regularly travelling to other worlds and saving his planet which was pretty neat) but was that really enough to show for all he'd gone through over the years. He glanced down the long hallway and suddenly saw how stuck he'd become.

No – after this was all over – after he'd retrieved those embryos, he'd consider taking a new turn in his life. Carter was getting married and didn't need him anymore – he refused to acknowledge the sharp pain that produced. Daniel had turned from a helpless geek to a competent scientist and soldier and he'd do just fine on his own. And Teal'c – well he kind of figured that Teal'c stayed out of loyalty to him. With him gone, would Teal'c have an opportunity to move on with his life? Probably. It could be that he would do the Jaffa a favor by leaving himself.

"Okay – that's settled Jack", he murmured. "A new life it is." He lifted his eyes once more and looked down the long hall back to the Infirmary. It seemed like forever away and he wondered if he'd be able to make it. He was tired and dizzy and more than a little out of it. He took the first step back – and shaky as it was – at least it moved him towards the Infirmary.

"Sir?"

He'd almost made it back to his room and could have cursed when he looked up into the face of one of the nurses – what was her name? He glanced at her chest (only to look at her name badge – honest) but didn't see it there.

"Sir, you should be in bed. Dr. Frasier isn't going to be happy when she finds out you were up and around."

"And how is she going to find that out – Lieutenant?" Normally Jack disdained officers who used their rank to blackmail other, junior officers – but hell, right now he didn't care.

"I – well – why don't you get back into bed Sir", she ended by ignoring his question. "I can bring you something to help you sleep."

"No – no that's okay." He slowly made his way towards his room, the young nurse trailing behind him. He wanted to ask her if she was going to tuck him in but refrained. She was probably already freaked out by having to tell a Colonel to go to bed like a recalcitrant child.

She helped him as he sat down and then helped lift his legs up onto the bed. She lifted the blankets over him and he almost shouted at her to stop and to go away. He bit his lip instead, and tried to settle the panic that was rising in his throat.

God dammit – leave, he wanted to yell. She was fiddling around with a hundred things while he lay there, thinking about straps and aliens and Viagra and embryos and Carter and – hell – just get the hell out!

"If you need anything Colonel, just ring the buzzer – it's pinned to the top of your mattress."

As if he didn't know! God – he'd spent half his life here. Please nurse – just leave. He could feel himself break into a sweat and the muscle twitches start again. If she didn't go now, he was afraid –

"I'll just leave you to sleep now Colonel. No wandering around", she looked at him sternly, as if that could stop a man who'd stared down some of the most frightening villains in the universe.

"Kay", he murmured. It was about all he could get out and he prayed it would be enough.

He was able to breathe a bit better after she'd gone, although the panic still remained. Throwing off the covers he discovered he was shaking. He briefly closed his eyes but that just brought on the pictures that didn't want to leave his mind.

He couldn't take this – couldn't stay here. The windowless rooms, the stark feeling of an institution, the reminder of medical devices and tests all converged to send him towards madness. Ignoring the words of the nurse, he kicked his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself up until he was standing. He had to get out of here.

Of course, he didn't have any clothes handy but at least he had changed into scrubs so wasn't walking around parading his bare butt. He thought briefly of Carter but shook that off. He had to stop doing that. Carter was taken, she was forbidden even in his thoughts.

As he headed out of the Infirmary he decided that all he needed to do was to go get his keys and wallet – which had to still be in his locker. With a quick look to make sure the nurse wasn't lurking he escaped, as quickly and quietly as he could.

Another walk down a long, empty corridor, but this time with an actual destination in mind get him going no matter how tired he was. He made it to the locker room in less than five minutes flat which wasn't bad, considering he'd make it in three on a good day. He had his locker open in under thirty seconds, gathered his wallet, truck keys and jacket in another ninety seconds – and was back out in the hallway in two minutes. It had only been about eight minutes since he'd left the Infirmary – again, not bad. No telling however, when the nurse would check on him, but he figured she'd at least give him some time to fall asleep before poking her nose – ur – head back in. At least he hoped so.

On the way up the second bank of elevators he remembered the guards at the front. Hammond or Doc Frasier wouldn't have warned them about him trying to escape, would they? It was a distinct possibility and could result in his being hauled back down just like a disobedient kid. Oh well, the best way was to simply brazen his way out if they wanted to do that.

In the end the guard at the surface couldn't have cared less about him leaving. Fortunately, he knew him – not well, but enough to say hi and merry Christmas. But he didn't know Jack enough to be suspicious that he was leaving the base at midnight.

"Goodnight Sir", the guard said, handing back Jack's ID card. "Have a good night."

"You too Airman", Jack nodded, trying his damn-dest to look innocent. It was only when he got inside his truck that he breathed a sigh of relief, although technically he still had the gate to get through before his escape was complete. He was pretty sure he was going to make it and soon he'd be home.

Janet was going to be pissed!