Okay – mostly an interlude, fluff-filled chapter. I'll return to more angst and action in the succeeding chapters. I wanted to spend a bit more time developing the relationship and exploring their feelings as they move to a new place. I hope you are all still enjoying.
Jack couldn't go back to bed or to sleep. His thoughts were all over the place. One minute he was thinking about losing a child, the next about what Sam had said to him.
But she's engaged to Pete, a small voice in his head told him. He knew that – knew she must have simply meant she loved him as a friend. That's right – that's all it was. Don't get your hopes up O'Neill. She probably won't even remember she said that when she wakes up.
Wait! Pete! Oh God – he hadn't even thought of the man. Surely Sam would want to see him, to have him with her. But – maybe not. I mean, she'd just miscarried another man's child, even if she hadn't exactly been with that man. That must make for some confused feelings. Shit! What should he do? Should he call Pete and tell him? He'd want to come over and make sure she was okay.
He hated the thought. In fact, he couldn't think of anything he'd like to do less than call Pete, but he did have a right to know. He sighed. Should he ask Sam if she wanted him to call the guy? Yeah, probably.
Crap – this was getting way too confusing and he didn't want to deal with any of it. Still – if he didn't, who would?
It was almost 7 o'clock and he decided to go and wake Sam up. She needed something to eat – he knew from experience that she wouldn't even think of it, not when she was suffering. Still, he had a responsibility to look after her.
"Sam?" he sat down beside her and gently touched her shoulder. It took a few seconds, but finally her eyes opened and she looked at him. He could see the moment she remembered everything, but this time she didn't cry.
"Sir?"
"Jack, remember", he smiled. "I thought I'd wake you up to have some dinner. I know you're probably not very hungry, but you do need to eat."
She blinked a couple of times and then nodded. She knew he was right and for the baby's sake she would force herself to have something, even if the thought made her vaguely sick. "First I need to take a trip", she nodded towards the ensuite. "Help me up?"
He did just that and even walked her to the bathroom. She was wobbly on her feet after having been in bed for so many hours. While she was there he ran downstairs and grabbed the tray he'd prepared. By the time he got back to her room she was just lying down again.
"That was good, thank you – Jack." She handed him the tray after finishing the small amount of food he'd prepared and leaned back against the pillows. "I'm sorry to put you to so much work."
"Oh yeah – like making soup from a can and toast is so much work! Don't worry about it." He looked at her carefully. "How are you feeling? Any pain or fever?"
"No, I feel pretty good actually – I'm still tired and sore, but other than that I'm good."
"Good. You'll tell me if anything starts to bother you?"
"Of course. Uh Jack – what did you say to Janet? She looked upset."
He grimaced, wishing that whole incident hadn't happened. "Oh, she was mad at me because I didn't want her to examine you. I figured you'd been through enough and you didn't need to be poked and prodded again – at least not so soon."
She stared at him for a moment and then gave a single nod. "Thank you. I didn't think I could bear it when she suggested it. So she was mad was she?" she gave a small smile. "She doesn't like to have her decisions questioned."
"Yeah, I kind of gathered that."
"And – I appreciate you coming to my defense. I found her visit – hard."
"I know", he told her gently. "One of the things you'll find is that some people don't know what to say in these situations – and so they'll say the wrong things. Janet hasn't had much experience dealing with parents who've lost children. I think she was trying to be well-meaning but – it hurts."
"Did you get a lot of that when -?"
"When I lost Charlie?" He normally didn't talk about his son's death, or the aftermath, but in this case he thought it might help her so he was willing to open up a bit.
"Yes", she nodded.
"Oh yeah. Lot's of people said really stupid things. They told me I should be happy I had him as long as I did, or that 'God wanted another angel'. There were those people who told me to get a hobby and try and get over it or the ones that said he was happier now, because he was with Jesus. Then there was the person who told me I was making her feel uncomfortable by referring to Charlie by name. I should 'keep it private' and not force other people to deal with my pain by talking about my son. There was more, and Sara got her fair share of it too."
"Oh God – that's awful. Why do people do that?"
"Usually because they don't know what to do. Death makes people feel uncomfortable and they'd rather not have to face it. And, unless you've been through it, you don't really know that it's not something you ever get over – that it's with you all the time. It's not something you can put aside while you 'get a hobby'."
She shook her head, wanting to reach out to him, but unsure whether or not he'd accept her sympathy. She realized at that moment that she was one of those people who didn't know what to say or do. "I'm so sorry", she finally said. "You must miss him."
He gave a crooked smile. "Every moment of every day", he said softly. But then he straightened up and looked at her seriously. "But that doesn't mean that life doesn't go on. It does – it has to – and you go on with it. If there was anything I could do to bring Charlie back – or our baby – I would. But I can't so – I just have to go on living and never forget either of them or that I loved them."
"Did you really love our baby?" she asked, blinking furiously.
"Of course I did. I may not have known him or her but I loved what that child would be – the future possibilities, the fact that it was part of me – the fact that it had a brilliant gorgeous mother – that it would hopefully take after", he smiled. "I didn't know this child like I knew Charlie, but that doesn't mean I didn't love it."
She smiled at him then and leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Thank you – thank you for being the kind and wonderful man you are. I'm so glad you're the father of this child."
Okay – so losing it here. He was not going to cry – he was not going to grab her and tell her how much he loved her and how thankful he was that she was having his child. God – he had turned into a blubbering fool.
"Uh", he cleared his throat – and immediately put his foot in his mouth. "What about Pete?"
She looked at him in shock. "Pete?"
"Yeah – you know – your fiancé? I thought – did you want me to contact him?"
She continued to stare at him so long that he started to feel weird. Maybe he shouldn't have asked her that, especially not after she'd said what she had. To be fair to himself, however, his comment was more of a reminder to him – that she was taken and he had no right to declare his undying love for her. It would have made her uncomfortable and screwed things up even more than they already were.
"No – that's okay", she answered softly.
"He might be worried Carter." God – was that really him pushing her to call tater boy? What an idiot he was.
"I don't think so Sir", she stated calmly – although he could tell she'd already retreated a bit from him. He cursed himself for being every kind of fool. "You see – we broke up."
"You – what? When? How come you -?" He glanced at her hand, only then realizing that she wasn't wearing a ring. "It wasn't because of the pregnancy was it?"
"No – not really. I mean, that was the catalyst I guess but not the main reason."
He looked at her and swallowed, wanting to shake the answer out of her but knowing it was really none of his business. "Oh."
Her lips quirked up at that. Damn it – she knew he was dying of curiosity and was simply drawing this out to torment him. He narrowed his eyes at her, waiting for her answer.
"It wouldn't have worked", she finally told him. "I realized that we didn't really suit. He needed a woman who didn't travel around the galaxy, getting kidnapped by aliens, having her eggs stolen and then being implanted with the fetus. He needs – normal and that's not me."
"And what about you?" he asked, deciding to be brave and ask.
"Me?" she smiled more widely. "I realized I don't need normal. I thought I did but – I don't."
Now what the hell did that mean, he wondered. Still – even though he didn't understand what she was trying to say, he did understand one thing. Petey Au Gratin was gone, gone, gone. He wondered if it would be in bad taste to do a Tarzan yell?
"I'm sorry", he said instead. "I hope - I mean – I'm sorry." Crap – what did one say in this situation?
"Thank you. Uh, if it's okay with you, I think I'm going to lie down again. I'm still so tired." She yawned and he helped remove the pillows behind her. "Thanks Jack and – if I haven't said it before, I'm so sorry about Charlie."
"Thanks Sam – now go to sleep. I'll check in on you in a little while. Call if you need anything."
"I will." She gave him a small smile, although her eyes were still unbearably sad. He watched her for a few seconds and then headed out into the hallway.
He stopped and leaned against the wall, even more confused than before. He knew he couldn't deal with it all right then – but he did need to make a couple of calls before bed. He pushed himself up, surprised at how difficult it was, and made his way downstairs.
He sat on his couch and picked up the phone. After a few seconds he dialed.
"General? Hi, it's O'Neill. She's fine Sir – I just wanted to talk to you about something."
Once that call was completed he picked up the phone again. "Teal'c? Hi, it's O'Neill."
He woke up the next morning, surprised that he'd actually slept pretty well. He must have been so exhausted that his body simply gave out. He glanced at the clock to see that it was just after 7:30. With a yawn he stretched and got out of bed. The first thing – after a quick stop in the bathroom – was to check on Sam.
He peeked into her room and was glad to see that she was still asleep. He'd checked on her once in the night and she'd been fine. She hadn't called him – and he prayed that meant she'd had a good sleep.
He made his way downstairs and fixed himself a cup of coffee. He wasn't hungry, but forced himself to eat a bowl of cereal anyway. He then went and collected the newspaper and read that while nursing a second cup of coffee.
It was almost 8:30 when there was a soft knock on the door. Wondering who that could be, he got up and made his way to the front hall and opened it.
"Teal'c! Daniel? What are you two doing here?" He gestured for them to enter and almost laughed. Daniel was carrying a wrapped present – and Teal'c was carrying a huge bouquet of flowers.
"Teal'c, for me?" He went to reach for them. "You shouldn't have."
"I did not, O'Neill", Teal'c held the flowers away from him. "They are for Samantha."
"I know", he grinned, "Just pulling your leg."
"There is no reason to pull my leg O'Neill. It is long enough to suit me."
This time Jack did laugh. "Touché Teal'c. Let me just put them in water for now. You can take them up when she's awake." He glanced over at Daniel. "I suppose that's for Sam as well", he motioned towards the present Daniel carried.
"Yup", his friend said, "although I did get you something." Just then Jack noticed that Daniel was carrying a bag, which he tossed over.
"Donuts! Wow – thanks Daniel!" He quickly opened the bag and grabbed one. Although he still wasn't hungry, he didn't want to let on to his friends.
"I insisted on purchasing the powdered ones", Teal'c told him. "I knew you liked those the best."
"Thanks!" he held up his donut in a salute.
"I am very sorry for your loss O'Neill", Teal'c spoke softly. "Losing a child is a difficult thing. If there is anything I can do – please know that I am here for both of you."
"Thanks Buddy – thanks to both of you. Uh – let me run up and see if Sam is awake yet. I'm sure she'll want to see you."
When he knocked softly on her door he heard a quiet 'come in'. He pushed open the door.
"Morning. How are you feeling?"
"Okay", she told him, sounding subdued. "I slept pretty well. How about you?"
"Hmm? Oh, fine. Uh – there are a couple of guys downstairs who'd like to see you. Can I send them up?"
"Daniel and Teal'c?" she asked, brightening up a bit.
"Yeah."
"Just give me ten minutes. I want to freshen up."
"Okay – but don't be up long – you know you have to stay in bed. They won't care how you look."
"Spoken like a true man", she rolled her eyes.
He grinned and left the room, closing the door behind him. In the meantime, he'd fix her some breakfast. He'd have to go shopping today – he was down to his last few things. He wondered if Sam felt like a donut."
"Hey Sam", Daniel entered the room first and gave his friend a smile. "How are you doing?"
"Okay Daniel – thanks for coming. Teal'c! It's nice to see you."
"And you Samantha. Here", he held out the bouquet of flowers. "I apologize for the milk container. O'Neill says he does not own a vase."
"Thank you", she giggled. "Actually – they're better like this." She took the flowers and arranged them on the night stand.
"I am sorry for your loss Major Carter", Teal'c told her solemnly. "It is very sad. I am however, happy to see that you are looking well."
"Thank you Teal'c. It's – hard – but I'm coping. The Colonel has helped." Since Jack wasn't in the room yet she felt free to complement him. She knew it made him uncomfortable when she said nice things to his face.
"Indeed – O'Neill would do anything for those he loves. He is also grieving."
"I know", she nodded, refusing to even think about Jack and love. "I feel terrible he has to go through something like this." She bit her lip and then looked up at the two men – two of her closest friends. "I know it's selfish of me, but I'm glad he's – with me. He's been wonderful."
Teal'c and Daniel glanced at one another and then at Sam. "He cares a lot for you Sam", Daniel said. He winced when he saw the tears gather in her eyes. "I'm sorry – I shouldn't –"
"No – it's okay. "I'm afraid I'm a bit of a watering pot."
"But a gorgeous one", Jack announced as he pushed the door open with his hip. He was carrying a tray with herbal tea, orange juice (he had some frozen), toast and two donuts. "Here – breakfast."
"Jack –that's not healthy!" Daniel exclaimed, looking at the tray.
"Hey – orange juice is good for you and so is the herbal tea."
"I know but – donuts and toast?"
"Hey – I haven't been shopping. In fact, if you guys stay here with Carter, I'll run out to the store and get some supplies."
"You don't need to get stuff for me Sir", Sam interjected. "In fact, I should probably get going. You'll want your house back."
Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at her, all of them looking as if she'd lost her mind. It was Jack who spoke first. "You're not going anywhere Carter. Didn't you hear the doctor? You're on bed rest for the next few weeks."
"I know – but that doesn't mean you have to look after me."
"Yes it does", he said directly. "I want to. And besides that – if I don't – who will?"
"I don't need anyone. I'll be okay on my own."
"Don't be ridiculous Sam", Daniel told her. "You're on bed rest. That means no getting up to get food, do chores, etc. How can you possibly be on your own?"
Sam began to look stubborn – although they could all see that she really didn't have an alternative.
"Janet offered her place", Jack said gently. "But I don't think you'd find it particularly comfortable with Saeena there."
"And with Janet being a pain", Sam murmured. The men pretended not to hear her, although both Daniel and Teal'c looked somewhat taken aback. "But Sir – you know I can't stay here. The Air Force won't allow something like that. You – both of us – could get in trouble."
"All taken care of Carter", Jack said smugly. "I already spoke with General Hammond and he's fixed everything. The fact that you're pregnant – with my child – puts us in a whole different category."
"What category?" Daniel asked with a frown.
"Okay – so they don't exactly have a category yet for this – but the thing is, we won't get into trouble."
"But Sir -"
"Jack."
"Okay – Jack – how can you – I mean, you're working and I'm going to be a terrible burden. I can't do that to you."
"You're not doing anything to me Carter -"
"Sam – fair is fair."
"Sam", he grinned. "And as for work – I've taken a leave. And before you say anything – Hammond actually told me I had to, even without you being on bed rest. Look – it's been a wild few months so just relax. And don't feel bad – except maybe for yourself. You will have to put up with my cooking – and that will be penance enough."
In the end she agreed, although she felt rather strange – hell really strange knowing that she was going to be living at the Colonel's for the next few weeks. She was almost positive this was going to be a really bad idea. So why then did she feel so damn good about it?
The next day Cassie came by for a visit – without Janet, which made Sam feel bad – although relieved at the same time. The young girl chatted away about her friends and school and anything and everything. She mentioned Saeena a few times, but always looked guilty afterward so Sam suspected someone had told her not to talk about the alien woman. As Sam listened to her she decided she needed to deal with the other woman – she couldn't ignore her existence. But she'd worry about that later. Right now she didn't want to deal with anything.
While Cassie was with her Jack popped in and told her he was heading out shopping. "Cassie – you call me if anything comes up okay? Look after Sam for me."
"I will Uncle Jack, don't worry."
With a smile at his two favorite ladies he left the house. He knew very well that it wouldn't be very long before Sam was climbing the walls with boredom. So – he had to plot this out very carefully.
"I'm ho – ome", he called up the stairs, his hands full of bags.
Cassie came out of Sam's room and ran to the top of the stairs. "Hi Uncle Jack – did you bring something to eat?"
Aah teenagers! "Yes, I did. I'll be up in a minute with some snacks."
When he walked into the bedroom it was to see Sam smiling – the first real smile he'd seen since the miscarriage. She turned and looked at him and he was positive that her smile grew even wider.
"Hi – have any luck shopping?"
"Any luck? I'll have you know I cleared out almost every store in Colorado Springs. There's nothing left for anyone else."
"You bought that much food?" she asked, laughing.
"Oh, I bought a lot more than food. Just wait and see."
The first thing he did was bring the two girls – okay women – a tray with fruit, sparkling water, healthy muffins and veggie sticks. Sam looked pleased – Cassie groaned.
"This is healthy stuff Uncle Jack."
"Yes, it is."
"Yuck! You always have great snacks. How come you bought this stuff?"
Jack grinned at Carter – "Just practicing for parenthood", he told the young girl. "Parents are required to provide healthy snacks. It's in the parents rule book. Rule #4. Isn't that right Carter?"
"Definitely", she replied, eyes twinkling. As much as his words had given her a jolt of sadness – they'd produced another one of happiness. She wanted to scream at the conflicted feelings inside of her – but then made the conscious decision that for the next few minutes she was going to try to think of the child still living – and to look forward to the future.
"So what are numbers 1 through 3?" asked Cassie suspiciously.
"Uh Carter – you tell her. I'm gonna bring up some more stuff."
A few minutes later Jack appeared, a large flat box in his arms.
"What in the world?" Sam asked.
"TV", he replied. "I've been meaning to get one for the bedroom, so now is a good time. I'll set it up this afternoon. I'll be back."
A few minutes later he appeared with a small CD player which he plunked on the dresser. "There's more."
He made a number of trips up and down the stairs. He brought boxes of magazines, books, CD's, DVD's and– with a 'Ta Da' – he pulled out Sam's laptop. "Still not finished", he panted. Cassie and Sam laughed and looked in amazement at all the things in the room.
"Does he expect me to do all of this?" Sam asked Cassie.
"It's his way of helping you Auntie Sam. He wants to make you feel better."
Oh God – out of the mouths of babes. Sam could feel the tears start – again- and grew frustrated at herself. That's exactly what the idiot was doing. Didn't he get it that just his presence and support were enough? She sniffed – but it was so darned sweet!
"There – I got a big cushion for you to lean back against, an intercom to call me – I'll hook it up this afternoon – and this tray." He set it down and started to fiddle with it. "It has legs so you can work on it or eat on it while in bed. If there's anything else you think you need, just let me know."
Sam looked around at the piles of stuff. "I – uh – don't see how there could be anything else. This looks great – thank you Jack. Just let me know how much -"
"La la la la", Jack plugged his ears. "My gift Carter. Just enjoy." He grinned then. "And anyway, I stole lots of this stuff from Daniel and some of the people at work. Or actually – I put out the word that you had to stay in bed and would need something to keep occupied. Walter collected a lot of these things. He even marked who they belong to so we can return them. There are some really great classic movies here." He frowned. "And some chick flicks. I'll let you watch those by yourself – or with Cassie or Teal'c. They'll enjoy them. Actually, Daniel might like them too."
For the next couple of hours Jack wandered in and out of her room, hooking up the TV and the cable, fixing the CD player and organizing all the movies and CD's. He brought in another small table for some of the things and finally wired up the intercom. "That way you can call me and don't have to shout."
"But what if I want to shout at you Jack?" she asked.
"That's Colonel to you Major", he said with a scowl.
"Oh – I see – I can only call you Jack when I'm being good?"
"Of course Carter."
She regarded everything in the now crowded room. "I really appreciate this, thank you", she said softly. "And please tell Walter and all the others how much this means."
"Well, none of us wanted to see you go insane – which we figured would happen if you were forced to stay down for long. Siler has even offered to send you some work if you get too bored."
She laughed softly. "For now I'll probably stick to daytime TV and books. You realize that I could get very used to this lifestyle? Lying here with all these toys and books – having a handsome man bring me my meals. So – what's there not to like?"
"Well – I hate to tell you this but -"
"But?"
"But you'll be stuck with me." He leaned over as if to tell her a secret and whispered, "I can be a real pain."
She grinned – for the first time ever she let her mind wander and imagine what Jack would be like to live with. Well, she was now going to find out – and she admitted only to herself, she was looking forward to it.