Chapter 20: Breaking Point
"Aventus!" Deesei hissed as she shook my shoulder. I groggily opened my eyes.
"What time is it?" I asked, my tongue thick and my eyes heavy. I had stayed up way too late the night before drinking with Garnag. Say what you would about the old orc slowing down with his advanced years, he could still pack away ale better than most people half his age.
Honestly, I had been doing too much of that sort of thing lately. I didn't enjoy the taste of mead or ale that much, but after the first couple, you didn't care so much about the taste anymore. I mostly was just bored out of my mind waiting for a new contract to come in, and sick and tired of worrying constantly about women. The Night Mother had been silent since Hecate had come home, leading to a gradual drying-up of the remaining work, even though spring and summer were usually our busiest seasons.
In the time-honored tradition of young professionals since the beginning of time, I had turned to drink to carry me through the boredom and frustration. This was the first time I had drunk enough to have a hangover, though. Given how bad I felt, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be drinking as much in the future.
My stomach heaved painfully and I amended my prediction to "not drinking again, ever."
"Almost dinner time," the Argonian said as she crossed her arms and swished her tail back and forth in annoyance. I groaned and tried to sit up.
"Sweet mother," I cursed as I blinked in the too-bright candlelight.
"You know better than to drink yourself sick," Deesei chided. "At least, I thought you did."
"It certainly wasn't my intention," I muttered as I swung my legs off the bed and groped around for a clean shirt. I was only wearing shortpants, but I didn't feel as self-conscious about being mostly naked in front of Deesei as I would have with Babette or Eiruki. I was pretty sure that the lizard-woman wasn't attracted to humans or elves, which somehow made it less awkward.
"Well, far be it from me to awaken a drunkard from his stupor," she replied with mock-haughtiness, "but Hecate wants to see you after dinner. Given your recent schedule, I wasn't sure if you would be at dinner, so…"
"Thanks, Deesei," I said with a wan smile. I felt like the Void warmed over, but it comforted me to have someone watching out for me. Deesei and I weren't as close as I was with Garnag—or as close as I had been with Babette—but we had a shared interest in woodcraft and tracking, and I got along with Argonians better than most humans. "I appreciate it."
"No problem, landstrider," she said with a lizard grin. I smiled back, more genuinely this time. She paused for a moment, as though torn about something.
"Something going on?" I jibed.
"Meena's making her move," Deesei whispered. "I'm just letting you know so you can make the right choice."
With that cryptic utterance, she turned and quickly left the common sleeping room. I didn't know if I was stupider than usual from drinking too much or if she just hadn't made any sense at all, but I simply couldn't figure out what in Oblivion she was talking about. Working through the complexities of getting dressed was difficult enough for me at the moment.
When I finally managed to get into my clothes and stumble out into Sanctuary, I saw a gathering crowd of assassins out in the main hall. Scanning the group, I could see everyone but Hecate, Meena and Babette. Were we so out of work that everyone was actually home for once? Thinking about it, I recalled that Hecate hadn't given us any new missions in the week and a half she had been home from High Hrothgar. Doing some basic math told me that Vedave and Anaril had been the last two out, and I could see them standing together and speaking in low tones on the far side of the room.
As I stumbled in, probably looking the worse for wear from my night of debauchery, everyone glanced over at me and then went back to their private conversations. I looked around, seeing Nazir and Elbent standing together near Cicero, who was juggling plates and humming as Garnag watched. Eiruki was sitting next to the fireplace, her head down and her hair in her face as usual, with Geldii sitting across from her in full armor. Deesei had gone to stand with the two mer. Nazir and Elbent kept shooting suspicious glances at the two male mer and the Argonian, who in turn would whisper among themselves and look back nervously.
What in Sithis' name was going on?
"What's going on, Nazir?" I asked in low tones as I approached them. I looked over at Deesei, who looked at me and shook her head sadly, as though I had made some sort of disappointing decision.
"Meena's making her move," he said cryptically.
"Okay…" I said, rolling one hand to indicate that he should keep going. Nazir looked at me and quirked an eyebrow.
"By Sithis, you're serious," he cursed.
"I usually am," I responded, perhaps a little sharper than I meant to. I was getting tired of no one making any sense. Nazir pulled me a little ways off from Cicero and Garnag, then leaned in to whisper to me conspiratorially.
"Meena plans to challenge Hecate for leadership of the Dark Brotherhood," he said as quietly as he could.
"What?!" I shouted, leading everyone to turn to stare at me. Cicero dropped a plate, barely catching it on his extended foot, and shot me a dirty look. "What?" I asked, quieter. "What are you talking about?"
"Meena's been plotting to overthrow Hecate and take her place as the Listener," Nazir continued. "Garnag and I found out a couple of weeks ago when Elbent told us about it. Apparently, she's been trying to recruit the newer members to support her."
"And you didn't think I needed to know about this before now?" I asked angrily.
"Your loyalty's never been in question," Nazir said simply. I was taken aback by the statement. I had been all ready to be offended at being left out because of my age again. I hadn't even considered that the others would just consider me so dependable that they didn't need to bring me in to oppose a conspiracy.
"Does Cicero know?" I asked.
"Meena's alive, isn't she?" Nazir asked in response. I nodded my understanding. If Cicero had heard that Meena was planning to move against Hecate, the Khajiit wouldn't have lived through the night.
After I had broken my promise to Hecate and told Cicero where she had gone, I thought that I might have earned some goodwill from the jester. Getting my ass handed to me when I covered for Eiruki's stupid prank showed me how futile a hope that had been. Cicero's madness was a serious danger to the people around him, regardless of my respect for his abilities.
"I'd say that I can't believe she would do this," I said bitterly, "but that would be a lie. Meena's always been too gods-damned ambitious for her own good."
"I tried to reason with her," Nazir said, shaking his head, "but she said that she had the Night Mother's blessing to try."
I whistled a low note. I doubted that Meena actually had any sort of sanction from the Night Mother, but the Unholy Matron's recent silence would certainly look that way to the more impressionable members of our family.
At that moment, Meena came striding into the main hall, decked out head to toe in the red and black leather armor of the Dark Brotherhood. She cut a striking figure wearing the colors of our bloody family, though I knew that it was purely for show. In the nearly two years I had known Meena, she had never once worn what I thought of as our "dress uniform." Sure enough, I could see Vedave, Anaril and Deesei stand up a little straighter when she came into the room, looking like a furry angel of death.
My stomach churned again, and it wasn't entirely from my hangover. I felt genuinely disappointed in Deesei for backing Meena over Hecate. I didn't know either Vedave or Anaril well enough to feel one way or the other about it, but I had thought that Deesei was my friend as well as my sister-in-arms. My face burned in anger, and Nazir clapped a hand on my shoulder to keep me from doing anything foolish.
Meena walked toward the private rooms as though taking a casual stroll, just in time for Hecate to walk out of Babette's room. Babette stood behind her in the doorway, her hair lank and unbrushed. I felt a serious twinge of guilt at seeing the vampire girl. We had been best friends for most of the last two years, and I had broken her heart when I turned down her offer of immortality. Between her anger at me and Eiruki's bizarre affections, it was no wonder that I had started drinking more.
Hecate was wearing her usual casual outfit, a light and sleeveless shirt with loose woolen pants and soft-soled shoes. Meena was in full armor, including fingerless gloves to let her natural claws out. True to form, she had made certain to have every possible advantage when she confronted her foe.
"Hecate," Meena said as she walked into the Listener's path, her voice a little too loud for it to not be a performance. "Has the Night Mother spoken to you yet?"
"You know she hasn't," Hecate responded immediately. She looked around, seeming to notice the gathered crowd for the first time. The Khajiit smiled her most vicious smile, her tail swishing in anticipation.
"It seems to Meena that the Listener is a position no longer being filled," Meena sneered. She put her paws on her hips and tilted her chin up arrogantly. "Meena prayed to the Night Mother, and the Night Mother answered with her silence. Meena challenges for Hecate for leadership of the Dark Brotherhood!"
I was pleased to hear Cicero's indignant shriek at Meena's challenge. It warmed my heart to know that I wasn't the only one out of the loop in this particular matter. Nazir and Elbent moved to hold Cicero back so that he couldn't interfere with the showdown, while Garnag's fingertips glowed with the unmistakable glint of magic. I could only guess that he was ready to use his sorcery to paralyze Cicero if raw muscle couldn't hold the Keeper back.
"Don't do this, Meena," Hecate warned. I smiled at her confidence, even when at a disadvantage. Babette stepped forward to show her support for the Listener, and Hecate waved her back.
"What can you possibly do?" Meena smirked, crossing her arms. "Surrender."
"Never," Hecate replied. She tossed her long black hair to get it out of her line of sight and took a broad fighting stance. "If you want the Brotherhood, it's going to be over my dead body."
It was time.
Meena glanced nervously around the room, her confidence shaken by Hecate's stern refusal. My smile became broader at the sight of the Khajiit's sudden confusion. I don't know what was running through Meena's head when she decided to do this, but she had clearly thought that intimidation or threat of force would be enough to carry the day. She didn't know Hecate half as well as she thought she did. If Meena had ever bothered to notice anything beyond the tips of her whiskers, she might have remembered that Hecate wasn't just the Listener of the Dark Brotherhood.
She was also Diana, Dragonborn. In the old tongue, the language of dragons, she was Dovahkiin. The stories said that when the dragons had ravaged Skyrim, she was the one they feared. When Alduin the World-Eater threatened all of Nirn, she had walked between the borders of life and death to protect the world from destruction.
Meena was small change—and she didn't even know it.
"So be it!" Meena screamed, apparently unwilling to step down and lose face in front of the others. She yowled a battle cry and leapt for Hecate, claws extended. She was fast, I had to give her that.
Hecate was faster.
It occurred to me as Hecate ducked and weaved between Meena's fierce strikes that I had never gotten the opportunity to watch our Listener fight before. She never seemed to train like the rest of us, and she only went on contract with Cicero, so I had been slightly worried that her skills in hand to hand combat had become rusty. I should have realized that it was a futile worry. Meena looked like a drunken brawler next to Hecate's grace and speed. The Khajiit never landed a single blow on the Listener.
"I thought we were going to fight, cat," Hecate laughed, her black hair flowing behind her like a dark river. She almost seemed to be dancing with her opponent, her footwork consistently giving her the advantage over Meena's lurching, overextended blows.
"Don't laugh at me!" Meena screamed, her voice jagged and desperate. If her swings had been wide and powerful before, her growing anger made them become wild and predictable. The fight was already over. It only remained for Hecate to finish it, but I knew that after being challenged publicly Hecate couldn't simply beat Meena—she would have to destroy her, to defeat her so completely that nothing like this could ever happen again.
Strangely, despite not liking Meena very much and being genuinely angry that she had turned on Hecate like this, I found myself hoping that her defeat didn't entail death. Killing Meena would make Hecate look bad, no matter how justified, and… Well, Meena was my sister. She was a bizarre, possibly insane sister, but she was no crazier than Cicero in most ways—and less dangerous in most, if only because she was about as subtle as a bag full of rocks.
I thought about that a moment and wondered what it said about me, since her little coup had managed to happen right under my nose.
Meena and Hecate traded quiet barbs as they fought, low enough that only the other could hear what was said. I wasn't yet good enough at lip-reading to know what was being exchanged, but Meena kept growing angrier and angrier with each passing moment. As Meena lashed out with her claws one last time, Hecate grabbed the Khajiit by the wrists, shifted her weight off-center, and kicked her in the midriff. Meena gasped for breath and doubled over, to which Hecate responded by fiercely head-butting the rebellious cat-kin. Meena reeled with pain and Hecate twisted her wrists, flipping the Khajiit to the ground and putting a foot on her neck.
From the position she was in—hands grasped together and Hecate's weight resting mostly on her collarbone—Meena had to have known that Hecate could snap her neck with a second's effort. Instead, Hecate let go of Meena's hands, though she didn't remove her foot from the subdued assassin's throat.
"I would never have surrendered," she declared, obviously talking not just to Meena but to all of the Brotherhood, "but that doesn't mean you can't. I obey the Tenets, sister. Do you yield?"
Meena nodded slowly, spreading her arms and laying very flat. I wasn't sure what the gesture meant, but it was apparently enough for Hecate. The Listener took her foot off Meena's throat and leaned down to offer her a hand up, a magnanimous show of acceptance. I lifted my hands to applaud, but stopped when I heard Eiruki shouting.
"She did it! She did it!" came a high-pitched cry that I could only vaguely associate with the meek, almost-silent Nord girl. I turned to look at her, along with almost everyone else present; she was jumping up and down, pumping one fist in the air as she cheered. She stopped when she noticed us all staring, pulling up one hand in front of her mouth sheepishly as her face began to turn bright red.
Hecate coughed to draw everyone's attention away from the embarrassed Eiruki.
"Just because I left for three months does not mean I am weak or not dedicated to this group," she said in a firm, clear voice. "It also will not happen again. I am here and I am the Listener!" She pointed towards the Night Mother's shrine. "I would also remind everyone that the Night Mother is our Matron. She speaks when she wills it! The Lady does not bend to our will or our schedule. We bend to hers as loyal children." She cast her sapphire-blue eyes across the gathered assassins, stern but forgiving. "Dismissed!"
Deesei was sitting on the edge of her bed, polishing a dagger with a sour look on her face when I got back to the common sleeping room.
I knew that Hecate was in the Night Mother's shrine, so I could only guess that the Matron's silence had been broken with the Listener's victory. Meena was skulking somewhere in the deeper parts of Sanctuary, while most everyone else had gone out for the night. The disruption to our usual routines had made it impossible for Nazir to put together a real dinner, so I had just grabbed a bite out of the kitchen before deciding that I was too grungy for human company and getting a bath.
Part of me was grateful that Eiruki hadn't tried throwing herself at me while I was bathing. The rest of me was wondering why she hadn't. I tried my best to not think about her warm lips, her soft curves… That line of thought made me even more grateful that baths in Sanctuary were inevitably cold.
After I dried off and headed back to change clothes, I caught sight of the Argonian. At first, I wasn't going to say anything to her. I intended to just change clothes and slip back out, hopefully without her ever even seeing me. Once I was in fresh clothes, though, I found myself drifting over toward where she was sitting, almost in spite of myself. Deesei pointedly ignored me, even after I was close enough that I could nearly touch her. Long moments of silence passed, punctuated only by the dull rasp of whetstone meeting steel.
"Why?" I finally asked. She looked up at me with narrowed eyes. I took a breath and tried again. "Why support Meena?"
Deesei shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but only seeming more bitter for it. "She said that Hecate had abandoned us over a lover's spat with Cicero. It hardly seemed professional to me. Even after she came back, who knew if she was just going to take off again the next time she quarreled with the Keeper?"
"That's it?" I pressed. It didn't sound like enough to turn against the leader of the Dark Brotherhood—but maybe I was too close to the problem.
"Not all," Deesei sighed. She sheathed the dagger she was sharpening and tossed it into her trunk. "Meena promised to give more responsibility and position to us, something I suppose you don't understand."
"I don't," I admitted. "You and Anaril and Vedave are still really new, and-"
"It's not how new we are," she interrupted. "Don't tell me you think it's a coincidence that all three of the important positions in the Dark Brotherhood are filled with humans?"
I was taken aback by the statement. It was simply something that had never mattered to me.
"You really think that's the case?" I asked, sitting down on the bed opposite Deesei's.
"Of course you wouldn't see it," Deesei said, shaking her head almost sadly. "You're human too."
"Deesei…" I started, trying to think of a polite way to say what I was thinking. In the end, I couldn't think of any nicer way to put it, so I just said, "That's the most racist thing I've heard in years." She looked at me with shock and I pressed on before she tried to interrupt me again. "You've only been here a few months. You can't expect position right away, no matter what race you are. Everyone here is equal under the Night Mother."
"I guess time will tell," was all she would say before getting up and leaving.
I sighed as I watched her walk out of the room. I couldn't be mad at her anymore; I was too used to racism myself to not understand where she was coming from. Still, I hoped that it was something she could overcome in time. Trust was hard to build with people who had seen it frequently betrayed.
Rather than sit around in Sanctuary alone and bored, or practice my mandolin some more, I decided to go see if Hecate had any work for me.
As it turned out, I had to wait around for a while anyway outside of Nazir's office while he and Hecate discussed the contracts that she had received from the Night Mother. I was relieved to hear that our Unholy Matron wasn't angry at Hecate any longer—if she even had been in the first place—and that things could start getting back to normal.
"Eavesdropping?" Hecate teased as she walked out of the office. I had been leaning up against the wall, arms crossed, and had actually started to drift off a little. Hecate startled me enough that I went off-balance and had to pinwheel my arms to catch myself.
"Not at all, oh mighty Listener," I said sarcastically as I stood back up and stretched to pop my back and knees. "Just waiting for some work." As I stood there in the hallway with her, I couldn't help but notice that I was at eye-level with Hecate, and I didn't think I had finished growing yet. The Listener wasn't all that tall—Imperials usually weren't, and she was short even for an Imperial woman—but it made me wonder how tall I was going to wind up being.
"That will have to wait," she told me. "I was hoping to sit down and talk to you a little while after dinner, before everything happened. Did Deesei not tell you?"
I mentally groaned and barely kept from slapping myself in the forehead. After finding out about Meena's attempted coup, I had just assumed that she had made up Hecate wanting to see me as an excuse to have me present for the fight. Had Deesei not believed in Meena's ability to win the fight after all? Or was doing our superiors' bidding just second nature for us? I didn't feel like trying to figure it out, so I just followed Hecate to one of the tables in the common room.
"Good work with Meena," I said to break the silence.
"I just hope it will stick," Hecate replied. "What I'm more worried about is that people sided with her. I recruited all of them personally, so seeing them side against me is a little disheartening."
"I talked a little about it with Deesei," I told her. Hecate leaned forward to indicate that I should go on. "Well, Meena got them on their side by appealing to their fear. You and Nazir have always told me that the unknown breeds fear—it's one of our best tools, after all—but the fact is that while you might have recruited them, it's Meena that they know. You're so distant most of the time that it's hard for the new people to get to know you. Deesei was worried that you would never promote her because she's not human."
"That's…" Hecate trailed off, then bit her knuckle thoughtfully. "Given how we recruited her, I can see her point, actually."
"Divines only know what she told Vedave and Anaril to win them over," I continued, "but it worked because they don't know you as well as I do." She cocked an eyebrow at me and I quickly added, "I mean, as well as us older recruits. The ones who were here at the beginning."
"What do you think I should do?" Hecate asked. I was shocked that she actually seemed to want my opinion.
"Get to know Deesei better," I said. "Go hunting with her or something. She likes hunting." I shrugged. "I don't know Vedave or Anaril that well, so I can't give any advice there."
"I'll keep it in mind," she said with forced cheer. Her eyes flicked nervously away from me. Clearly, there was something more she wanted to talk to me about.
"So what else did you want to tell me?" I asked, preferring to get right to the point instead of worrying about whatever it might be.
"I heard that Babette finally told you," Hecate finally said. I nodded; it wasn't really surprising that this was what she wanted to talk about. She and Babette were friends, on top of Hecate being the Listener.
"She asked me if I wanted to be a vampire," I said simply. "I said no. She… didn't take it very well." I cleared my throat and looked around for something to drink. "Is she going to be, you know… okay?"
"Eventually," Hecate replied. "She's strong, and she's been around a long time. I don't even think she's mad at you so much as she's mad at herself. But it's going to be… awkward… around here for a while. For both of you." She paused again, as though working herself up to something unpleasant or unwelcome. "Which is why I think it might be best for you to be separated for a while. That's why I'm sending you to Solitude-"
"You're sending me away?" I said in shock. I stood up from the table and looked at Hecate with a sense of betrayal. "She lied to me for two years, and I'm the one being punished?"
"Sit down," she commanded in a stern voice. I did as the Listener said, though I kept my sullen look. "It's not a punishment, Aventus. It's an opportunity. It will give both of you the chance to get some distance and time from all of this. And you'll be getting useful training."
"What kind of training?" I asked suspiciously.
"We've made arrangements for you to attend the Bard's College at Solitude," Hecate said. "You'll be trained in music, history, stories—all things you're already interested in."
"As a hobby," I emphasized. "How is this useful for me as an assassin?"
"Aventus," she said, steepling her hands, "being a good assassin isn't just about being a good killer. You have a real talent with people. Everyone in the Brotherhood likes you—and that's saying something, given this bunch."
I sat back, stunned by her assertion. I hadn't thought of myself as someone who was likeable, let alone someone who was widely liked. I supposed that I got along with everyone well enough, though I wasn't as close to all of them as I would have liked.
"People skills are important to our work," she continued, oblivious to my confusion. "Not every assassin has them, but the best assassins do. It's something the current Brotherhood is sorely lacking too, I'm afraid. Information gathering, social mingling, counter-intelligence—all of this is vital to what we do. The Night Mother gives us our most important contracts, but we get just as many from Nazir's spy networks. If the Brotherhood is going to regain its former prestige and power, the kind of training you'll get from the college is vital."
"I'm not being sent away forever?" I asked in a voice that was much smaller than I wanted it to be.
I could feel tears forming in my eyes, and I rubbed them away the back of my hand. I had a moment of vertigo; for just a second I couldn't remember if I was fourteen and an assassin of the Dark Brotherhood, or ten and begging a killer to end the life of a monster in human skin. The moment passed, and Hecate reached across the table to take my hand.
"No, sweety," she whispered. "It would just be for a couple of years."
"I don't want to leave my family," I said, hating how my voice cracked.
"I know," she said. "It's going to be hard for all of us. But it's just for a little while. Hopefully, Babette will calm down by the time you come home, and you'll have gotten important skills." She squeezed my hand. "We'll still be here when you come back, Aventus."
"You can't know that," I said bitterly. "I'm not stupid. I know what we do. Any of you could die while I'm gone!"
"Any of us could die while you're here," she retorted. "But if you go, there's a good chance that you'll have the skills we need to make that less likely in the future."
"When would I leave?" I asked, realizing that I wasn't going to argue my way out of it.
"Soon," Hecate said. "The new semester begins in Hearthfire, so we would want to get you up there and settled in before it starts. We're working on building you a cover story now. You're being enrolled under your real name, so we're going to keep it as close to the truth as possible. You'll just have to remember not to mention the whole hotshot assassin thing." She smirked to let me know she was teasing, and I smiled back a little.
"I'd like to go on contract again before that," I said hopefully. "I don't imagine I'll be killing a lot of people as a bard in training, so I'd appreciate the chance to show my devotion to the Night Mother at least once more before I go."
"I certainly hope that you won't have to wield a blade in Solitude," she chuckled, "though I expect you to keep up with your physical training too." She rummaged in her pocked for a moment before passing me a fancy-looking iron key. "I own a house in Solitude called Proudspire Manor. I'm giving you a key so you can use it as a safe house. You can keep your weapons and armor there, and I've got a little money stashed in the basement for emergencies."
"Thank you," I said sincerely as I took the key. It meant a lot to me that Hecate would trust me with something like this.
"You're welcome," she replied. "Just don't throw any wild parties there, okay?" She winked at me, and I burst out laughing, though the laughter had a jagged edge to it.
Hecate patted my hand again, then stood and walked away, leaving me alone in the common room. I had worked so hard, sacrificed so much, for a family to call my own. Now, to be sent away like this… It was all too much to take in at once.
I suddenly burst out crying, tears running down my face as I wrapped my arms around my chest. I couldn't seem to control the sobs. They threatened to consume me, strangling out my breath and making my stomach clench tighter than a giant's fist. I was distantly grateful that everyone was out of Sanctuary. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone seeing me like this. The crying went on for long minutes, until only dry sobs and heaves wracked my body. Finally, even that was done.
I stared at the cold fireplace, numb and emotionally exhausted. I supposed that I had been right before. Something had to give. I just hadn't expected that it would be me.
…to be continued…